Ex-boyfriend situation!

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lenni

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Hi All!

I have a bit of a difficult situation at hand at the moment.

Recently (3 weeks ago), I broke up with my boyfriend since I was going to be overseas studying for 6 months and wanted to whole heartedly give myself to the experience. Then earlier this week, I started to miss him, so I called and chatted. Slowly overtime, we kinda came to the conclusion that we are broken up but at the same time ‘unofficially bf/gf’ as I felt like when I get back home - that is when I could make the decision whether to pursue the relationship or not. However, at the same time, i feel that he is waiting for me.

However, yesterday. I went out to a party and I started talking to one of the guys who was super good friends with all the friends I came with. He became interested and I guess I kinda went along with it. Nothing bad - just talking flirtatiously and just country dancing. He bought me a drink and got my number. But because I’m new to this country, I didn’t realise buying me a drink and getting my number could mean more than friends (since back home, it doesn’t mean too much). Then after, I was starving so he offered to take me to get some food. Then, after he asked whether I wanted a tour. I thought he meant of the city not his apartment. So yeah… and we ended up in his bedroom. (i was kinda scared at this point - but knew at the same time he wouldn’t do anything because all of my friends knew him). He did show interest and then I stopped him. I said - that I didnt want to do anything as I broke up with my boyfriend only recently (well period - i wouldn’t want to do anything). Then after, we just chatted and he dropped me home.

So bottom line. Do I tell my ex boyfriend since I’m in a wierd kinda complicated situation with him? Or do I not tell him what happened?

I feel like I wouldn’t need to as nothing did happen anyways since I didnt let anything happen. Except that I flirted, he got my number and bought me a drink.
 
It was a learning experience that could have gone very wrong.
I personally don’t see the need to tell your boyfriend who is not officially your boyfriend at this time.
You’ve learned how careful you need to be, and in valuing the gift of yourself and the regard you have for your friend, and love for God, you won’t make such a mistake again.

**This man is likely to get in touch again as you gave your number. Things went too far too quickly. That he got you to his bedroom on a ‘first date’ tells you to avoid him, therefore to break contact immediately. **

I thank God you escaped further misjudgment.
I thank God for the lesson and your protection. May God continue to protect you, and to guide you.
 
I don’t think you need to disclose it to your ex boyfriend. You’re not officially a couple, so you are both free to have your own friends, do your own flirting, etc.

I agree with Trishie, see it as a learning experience. Getting you into the bedroom was a VERY forward move for a first date, and chances are this guy will be looking to pursue you again in the near future. Hold strong to your values and keep your wits about you.
 
No, you have no obligation to tell your former boyfriend, and if you think you might want to get back together with him, please don’t! Put it behind you, but LEARN from that mistake, which could have ended in a very ugly way. Be careful, because it sounds as though you are not familiar with the culture and perhaps don’t speak the language or know all the idioms of the language.

I would not answer this man’s calls from now on. If you see him, with your friends, just be very nonchalant and stay well away from him. If he asks you out again, tell him you are very busy just now and still getting over your breakup.

DO NOT agree to go to a man’s apartment by yourself!!!

:eek:
 
I am a little concerned for you. You need to understand how you keep yourself safe.

First, be careful with drinks. Predators will sometimes slip drugs in them and then take advantage of you. Never leave your drink unattended and never take a drink from a man you do not know. Even if he is a friend of a friend.

You ended up safe with this man but you both knowing the same friends does not guarantee your safety. Never go into a man’s home alone that you do not know. It is very dangerous.

I wouldn’t tell your boyfriend.
 
Since you are a little bit out of your familiar environment, why don’t you take a girl friend with you from now on? You can each watch out for each other.

cviolette is right, NEVER leave your drink unattended at a party or a bar. Always take it with you to the bathroom, or pour it out after you return. Even water - some drugs have no taste but will incapacitate you to the point where you don’t know where you are or what you are doing.
 
Why would you tell him? To make him jealous? So that he sees you as desirable to other guys? Did you break it off with him so that you could do exactly as you did that night? There are some hard questions you need to ask yourself if you don’t want to end up in a very unfortunate situation.
 
Watch Hostel. :cool:

Get your own beverages ALWAYS. This is college safety 101, even more so in foreign countries.
 
Thankyou all!

At the moment, I do feel slightly guilty because my former boyfriend and I were talking about getting back together this whole week.

And then this other guy comes in and yeah, I got tempted by the situation and atmosphere. I don’t know, all I can do is think of the situation and how far it went, but then again. It has only been one day.
 
cviolette;8859514 said:
Never leave your drink unattended and never take a drink from a man you do not know.
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Even if he is a friend of a friend.

Or even from someone that you do know. Sometimes, you wouldn’t believe the tricks that girls will play on their friends “in good fun.” Yes, sometimes girls help slip drugs into their friends’ drinks. I’m not saying that this is the case with your friends, but people who have had it happen to them have felt very betrayed and did not ever think their friends capable of playing such a trick.

Take your drink from the bartender/waiter/waitress only. Or, if you’re at a friend’s gathering, open your own drink.
 
lenni said:
Hi All!

I have a bit of a difficult situation at hand at the moment.

Recently (3 weeks ago), I broke up with my boyfriend since I was going to be overseas studying for 6 months and wanted to whole heartedly give myself to the experience. Then earlier this week, I started to miss him, so I called and chatted. Slowly overtime, we kinda came to the conclusion that we are broken up but at the same time ‘unofficially bf/gf’ as I felt like when I get back home - that is when I could make the decision whether to pursue the relationship or not. However, at the same time, i feel that he is waiting for me.

However, yesterday. I went out to a party and I started talking to one of the guys who was super good friends with all the friends I came with. He became interested and I guess I kinda went along with it. Nothing bad - just talking flirtatiously and just country dancing. He bought me a drink and got my number. But because I’m new to this country, I didn’t realise buying me a drink and getting my number could mean more than friends (since back home, it doesn’t mean too much). Then after, I was starving so he offered to take me to get some food. Then, after he asked whether I wanted a tour. I thought he meant of the city not his apartment. So yeah… and we ended up in his bedroom. (i was kinda scared at this point - but knew at the same time he wouldn’t do anything because all of my friends knew him). He did show interest and then I stopped him. I said - that I didnt want to do anything as I broke up with my boyfriend only recently (well period - i wouldn’t want to do anything). Then after, we just chatted and he dropped me home.

So bottom line. Do I tell my ex boyfriend since I’m in a wierd kinda complicated situation with him? Or do I not tell him what happened?

I feel like I wouldn’t need to as nothing did happen anyways since I didnt let anything happen. Except that I flirted, he got my number and bought me a drink.
Click to expand...
Good heavens. What a mess! Somehow you are going to have to let this guy know that you never intended to be on a romantic date with him. No matter what you say, I can’t help but feel that he’s going to think you were leading him on and toying with his emotions.

I have no idea in which culture giving one’s phone number is not a direct invitation to call any time (especially after accepting a drink) but as far as I can tell, you got yourself a man, my girl. Letting him down without hurting his feelings is really going to be a challenge, I think.

Next time, be more careful - and don’t accept drinks from strangers! 😉
 
Maureen_Brilla said:
Why would you tell him? To make him jealous? So that he sees you as desirable to other guys? Did you break it off with him so that you could do exactly as you did that night? There are some hard questions you need to ask yourself if you don’t want to end up in a very unfortunate situation.
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No, probably just simple guilt.
 
Don’t tell your on again/off again boyfriend about this. If you can manage to do so, get caller ID, and do not take calls from the man who managed to lure you into his bedroom.

Go say a prayer of thanksgiving to your guardian angel right now: This situation could have ended up tragically for you. Read the papers: This is how students abroad end up assaulted, or worse.
 
odile53 said:
Don’t tell your on again/off again boyfriend about this. If you can manage to do so, get caller ID, and do not take calls from the man who managed to lure you into his bedroom.

Go say a prayer of thanksgiving to your guardian angel right now: This situation could have ended up tragically for you. Read the papers: This is how students abroad end up assaulted, or worse.
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Yep. Like I said, watch “Hostel”.
 
You were very, very fortunate. Do not tell your boyfriend and do not take calls from this other man. You were lucky he stopped. The fact he invited you to his apartment after just meeting you it’s pretty clear what he was/is after. I also highly doubt you are the first, last or only girl he’s done this with. Run far and fast.
 
Lenni, I’d suggest you take some quiet time and exercise caution. Chances are you’re at that age and stage when hormones are making themselves known and sensuality is a bit of a problem. It is no wonder that teenagers and young tweeners have a tendency toward flighty, turbulent relationships, sometimes in a quick succession from each other. Realise that, and don’t let it rule you (it’s easy to start a relationship on a fit of passion but without much reason).

Don’t get yourself tangled up in multiple romantic engagements. Do stay on a clear footing with people. Having an unofficial relationship with someone while pursuing (or just giving a chance to) other people is what I’d believe to be a poor idea (while getting to know many people as friends and keeping it just friends is a good idea, it’s just the romance part that should be held back).

As for the guy who got your number and invited you etc., you can explain to him that there was a cultural difference between you and that going out or exchanging phone numbers doesn’t have the same significance where you live (and also where I live, btw) as where he lives (and you currently are). Don’t get too apologetic but apologise if you feel you really gave him a false impression that could rally have led him into error (as opposed to setting his hopes big just because he got a number, like some men do).

Also, if you quit one relationship because you don’t want to be held down, don’t get held down by a different relationship. You have the power to say no, and you should act rationally! 🙂
 
Hey Guys,

I just need another opinion. But we were unofficially boyfriend/girlfriend during that time but were still broken up. After this whole incidence, I didn’t have the heart to talk to my ex boyfriend. So I didn’t text or call for about 3 days. He thought something was obviously up. So he called but I behaved strangely because I didn’t know what to do with my feelings. But now we are officially broken up as of 3 days ago. Did I owe him an explanation of what happened or not? (because I do feel slightly guilty and kept going around me drinking/flirting with this other guy) Should I have really said something even though, nothing bad happened?
 
Catholic90 said:
Watch Hostel. :cool:
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:eek: Whew! I laughed and then remembered exactly what went on in the film.

Seriously, OP, be VERY careful with booze, especially when combined with boys… even young men you think you know well.

I am so glad to hear you didn’t wind up getting harmed, but it could have happened very easily in this situation. never go to a man’s apartment alone… especially one you don’t know well at all!

:hug1: Enjoy your study abroad - but be very careful with yourself and put safety above all else!

And no, I don’t think you should tell your boyfriend.
 
lenni said:
Hey Guys,

I just need another opinion. But we were unofficially boyfriend/girlfriend during that time but were still broken up. After this whole incidence, I didn’t have the heart to talk to my ex boyfriend. So I didn’t text or call for about 3 days. He thought something was obviously up. So he called but I behaved strangely because I didn’t know what to do with my feelings. But now we are officially broken up as of 3 days ago. Did I owe him an explanation of what happened or not? (because I do feel slightly guilty and kept going around me drinking/flirting with this other guy) Should I have really said something even though, nothing bad happened?
Click to expand...
NO! Your guilt needs to be taken to confession. Your ex boyfriend cannot absolve your guilt. There is no reason to burden him with this.
 
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