Ex Catholic in need of guidence

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mtjoycol

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Warning this is going to be long, but my heart is heavy…
I was raised in a Roman Catholic Family. I attended a Catholic school from grades 1-12. I loved my educational experience and have non of the “Catholic School” horror stories you hear of. I continued to go to mass as a young adult.

I married in a Catholic Church and went to mass and loved my experience. When others would look down on my faith I was proud to say I was a Catholic. My husband did not practice the faith even though he too was raised Catholic and went to Catholic School. His experience with the Church were very different from mine. Once we began to have children my husband did begin to worship with us.

Around 1994, I began to see a change in the church ( the same Catholic Church I was raised in and went to school through). It was becoming very apparent that every sermon followed with another sermon about donating more money. There never was enough money. We had a huge church in our city and I knew for a fact we were not hurting for money. However, as the months past I could see the sermons and tone had change in my church. I began to see myself doubting everything the church stood for.

I guess the final straw for my husband came when at my sons first grade All Saints Mass. The sermon to the children was not about the saints or even the gospel. The sermon was about how Mommy and Daddy are giving money so they can attend a Catholic School, and how Mommy and Daddy need to give to the church just as much as they give to the school. It was followed by “when you see mommy and daddy put their envelope in the collection, as them is my future catholic faith worth the amount you have set aside?”

My husband fumed and walked out, along with many of the other fathers. My husband never returned to that Catholic Church again. We tried other churchs, but at the time the theme was all the same. It was the in the height of the Priest Molestation cases that were everywhere. And to be honest I was disgusted with the whole faith… We no longer felt we were being feed the word. At the end of my sons first grade year we put him in public school.

While I still attended a Catholic Church my husband attended a Lutheran Church. I began to attend his studies to convert to Lutheran with him. I figured if the children were going to be raised in a two faith household, I may as well know a little bit about his faith. I guess you can see where this story is going…In the end I converted as well.

While I enjoy being Lutheran and am very active in my church I feel something is missing inside of me. When my children made their Holy Communions they just walked up in their church clothes took communion and carried on. They didn’t have the excitement I did as a child. They do not hold it as dear as I did as a child. My heart cried when my daughter made her communion one sunday in a basic fall dress, not the white communion dress, with the rosary beads and bible as I did.

While I try to tell my children about my love of Mary and the Rosery I had at one time. I am reminded that we are only to pray to Jesus alone. No middle man is needed. I understand that, but as a Mother who else would one pray to over her children, but to another mother?

My children have no idea what the stations of the cross are. In Bible study there is always some form of Catholic Bashing ( since most of my class are ex Catholics). My older children in Sr. High Sunday School are taught about the Catholic Church and its corruption through out history. Unfortunatly, what is being taught to them is true. I tried to take my Children about 5 years ago to a Catholic Church. It was Mothers Day ( in the Lutheran faith, on mothers day no mention of Mary the Mother of God is ever mentioned)…anyway, I wanted my children to see the faith I was raised in. When we left Church they thought it was just horrible. I felt like I was back home.

I have been away from the Catholic Faith for over 14 years now, and I can honestly say there is something missing and has been missing inside of me faith wise for many years. Is it only the traditions that I miss? Or, is this the Lord calling me back to the faith I held so precious for so many years?

Has the Catholic Church changed at all in the past 14 years? Has it become the Church that I no longer wanted to attend all those years ago? I have many questions and would love to speak to someone about them.
 
during the time you have been away from the Catholic Church, have other churches you attended asked for donations? have they had building fund drives? asked for money for charity and the poor and other good works? had fundraisers? Have the schools your children have attended had fundraisers, pressured parents to donate to boosters or other school-related events and organizations? PTA ask for dues? asked to pay taxes for public schools? Yes, this is the real world. Schools and churches are institutions that run in the real world and require money for that purpose. There is not sin in asking for it from those who benefit from their activities.

This is your excuse, not your real reason, for leaving the Church. Since you asked for (name removed by moderator)ut (otherwise I would not dream of commenting on your choice) I advise you to look deep in your heart and search for the truth, the true teaching, for Jesus who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and stop making excuses.

I doubt very much if every homily during the year dealt with money issues. I do know my brother makes that same excuse. He gets to Mass about once a year, and invariable hits a “money” weekend, but never bothers to listen for any other message.
 
Remember that there is a difference between the Church itself and those who are running it. It sounds to me like you did not like the way your parish was being run, and from what information you have given I can see why you no longer go there.

I once struggled with being Catholic because I did not like the way the church I went to was run. After a while, I began to miss the faith I grew up in. Actually, I would have to say that the rosary was what brought me back because at the beginning of Lent last year I just suddenly felt the urge to begin praying it again. As I allowed myself to express a Catholic faith again, I realized that sometimes there are issues in the Church, but that is because the Church is run by humans. We all make mistakes, even priests, so I was being unreasonable when I expected an institution run by humans to be perfect.

I hope you can find my experiences helpful.
 
Yes, in my faith we have one Sunday set aside where we pledge our tith.
Yes, the church I attended did every week have a homily and then a second side lecture. This went on for a full year. The All Saints Mass did it in for my husband.
I was not going to go into all my details as to why I chose to leave but maybe it will enlighten you some.
I was on the the church finance commity. I knew exactly how much $$ we had on had. A young woman with five children all in the Catholic School lost her husband. He was a roofer and unfortunatly did not have much life insurance. Her daughter was due to graduate that May from the High School. ( this accident happened in April). I knew this woman well. She taught C.C.D. for many years and had already put two of her children through the Church’s School from 1 to grade 12. She still had three left in the school.
She was a month behind in tuition payments as she was awaiting her husbands life insurance policy to pay. She also gave her life to raising her children and lived quite modestly. When I found out she was a month behind in tuition and knew her daughter, who just lost a father would not be allowed to graduate until ALL children in the family tuition was brought up to date, I had a suggestion. I proposed to the commity that we take funds we had more than available and pay for the tuitions. The finance commity all agreed upon it. We just need our monsignor to sign off.
When he came into the meeting we presented our proposal to him… He knew this woman and her children well. His reply was…and I quote…" This school is not a charity. It is a business. I understand Mrs. XXX problem, but we are not here to provide free education. If we offer Mrs. XXX free tuition for her children for the month, everyone would want it."
I left that meeting with a heavy heart…we the finance commity pulled out our own wallets and paid for those childrens last month tuition and the oldest daughter was able to walk at graduation.
This happened in May…I did not leave the church until the following July. I tried many other Catholic Churchs and at the time in the Philadelphia Suburb area the message was all the same.
Yes, maybe I lost faith and wasn’t seeing clearly, maybe the taste in my mouth was so bitter during this time. After witnessing how a family was treated in my own church, trying to find another and still hearing the same lecture week after week about $$ and yes, finally watching on the news all the molestation charges ect… Yes… I lost faith.
 
Thank you Lily Rose! I really want to start looking back into the faith I held so dear at one time. While the Lutheran Church is very similiar to the Catholic Faith, there is still something missing. Something is just not right for me.

Also, please excuse all the typos. My computer is being serviced and I’m on my sons laptop and am having problems i suppose hitting the keys! ha! Like you said Lily Rose, we are all only human!

Also, when I speak of leaving the church the following July… I meant to say after a year had pasted that May it was following July. For over a full year I searched for another Catholic Church, but at that time I just was not being feed the word.
 
When I was an altar boy 45 years ago my parish priest gave me very wise counsel.He told me that the Church is a supernatural institution being managed by finite,limited sinners and not to visit the sins of its members upon the institution itself .A number of years ago Pope Paul VI stated that the smoke of satan had entered the Church.In retrospect i believe he was referring to the admission into the priesthood of predatory homosexuals who were protected by a confused and perhaps complicit hierarchy.The fact that these scandals have seen light of day is something that we should thank God for.It is no longer whispered about .These sins shout out to heaven for justice and the Church must do penance in order to be renewed.Don’t blame this Divine Construct of Christ’s for the sins of its members.
 
Jesus Christ didn’t say he founded a perfect church. In fact he sais that it would face the devil attacks, but it would never been beated. Oranges have a bitter peel, so do pineaples. Don’t expect 100% perfection from the church, split the oranges from the peels. If you rememmber even when Christ was alive there were problems. Just remember Peter who denied Him and Judas who betrayed him. Trust in God who is perfect, but human. Would you leave your family if they had problems or behave the way you don’t like? Of course not. So don’t leave the church Jesus pesonaly founded just because there are problems. You better pray and ask God to help.

God blesses you
 
albsaa, I have already left the church 14 years ago. I am thinking of coming back and have prayed on it many times over the past few years. I suppose I may already have my answers in my heart. I just wanted to make sure I was coming back for the right reasons and not for the reasons of missing traditions.
 
My heart goes out to you. I have been where you are and I can understand what you are saying. But let me just say that there will always be that small little voice, we now know it is our conscience, that will tell you that you know where you belong. I know that individual churches often disappoint, but Jesus Himself never disappoints. I go to a church that is old and very small and the weekly collection never meets the budget. The only thing that is ever said by the priest is to thank us for our offerings and please be as generous as you can. If that is truly the only thing bothering you, try another parish. Is that possible?
 
Mary Bo, no asking for an offering never bothered me. I tithed as a child, a young adult and after I was married.

My choice to leave the church was I guess you could say, my whole disgust at one point with the Catholic Church. Starting with the woman who’s husband had died ( see above ) to the homily at the first grade All Saints Mass. When I left the church I had been raised in and attended for over 32 years it was hard, but I did not leave for another faith. I left to search for another Catholic Church. Maybe it was times during the mid to late 90’s, but every church I went into had the same message. Also, each church I went into I felt like a number. I gave each church a little over a month to get a feel for it. I was never welcomed. Maybe because the congregations were so large, as they are in the Philadelphia area.

Finally, when I felt like i had lost all faith I did call and counsel with a Priest. I told him how strong at one time my faith was, and how I could feel myself wanting to leave the church. I told him ow I was going to my husbands classes to become a Lutheran and I could feel the pull to also join. His advise to me was…“You were born a Catholic, but you may have never been a true Catholic. ( My name),maybe the Catholic faith is not for you.”
Here I was reaching out and I was turned away.
 
God bless you!

There are many components to this. First, yes, you are missing the traditions. Traditions form a connection to the past. Second, yes, God is calling you back to the true faith. He is using the past that you long for, that you remmember so well. Third, sometimes when something bothers us, we begin to seek it out. Is it possible that the begging that drove you from the Church was something that, without you even knowing it, you amplified in your mind? None of us like to be told to give more. It is human nature, especially when we already give.

Find a new parrish. Talk to another priest.

You have my prayers.
 
I am saddened by the fact that you left the Church, but I do not judge you for doing so. All Catholics experience a crisis of faith at some point in their lives, and you are no exception.

The Church has experienced many problems in the last forty years, culminating in the sexual abuse scandals which shook the Church to her core. You aren’t the only person who has had bad experiences within the Church, and sadly, you will not be the last. You must remember that the Church is an institution for sinners run by sinners. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Even St. Peter, the Prince of the Apostles, abandoned the Lord in his moment of doubt and pain. Only Christ, and his Mother by virtue of the grace and power of God, remained sinless throughout their lives. The rest of us have sinned and will continue to sin for the rest of our lives. We need forgiveness; and we must forgive others so that we may be forgiven ourselves. Even if you do not return, I ask you to forgive the Church in the realisation that we are all sinners before God.

You left the Church because of the pain caused by the sins of our pastors. You had a right to be scandalised by the behaviour you experienced, but I can’t help but feel that you threw the baby out with the bathwater. From your posts I can see that you believed wholeheartedly in the Catholic faith, and it is a shame that the behaviour of our clergy caused you to abandon it. While you have embraced Lutheranism, you feel a sense of spiritual emptiness because you know deep down that you are not receiving the fullness of truth. You are deprived of grace because you can no longer receive the Sacraments.

I am sorry that your heart cried when your daughter received her Communion for the first time. The Lutheran Church does not have a valid Eurcharist; the Catholic Church has the Real Presence. The Lutheran Communion service is not a solemn occasion because Christ is not present in the bread or the wine. You felt excitement when you made your First Holy Communion because you were receiving the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of your Lord for the first time. The reason you felt sad during your daughter’s Communion service is because God is calling you and your daughter home; he desperately wants to be united with you and your daughter through the Eucharist.

You know and believe in the true and complete Christian faith. You know that the Catholic Church was founded by Christ and that the Catholic Church alone possess the Apostolic faith in it’s fullness. This is why you still have an attachment to Our Blessed Mother. She is not a “middle man;” she is simply the humble servant of her Son and Lord. Everything Mary does points to the Lord; she exists only to love and serve her Lord and Saviour.

You don’t need us to tell you that God is calling you back to the Catholic Church because you already know the answer. The Holy Spirit has caused you to come to this site, and he was the one who gave you the feelings of emptiness; it was his way of letting you know that something is missing. He wants you to share fully in his divine life.

I advise you to move slowly. Let the Holy Spirit guide you. If God wills for you to re-enter the Catholic Church, he will surely let you know; all you have to do is trust in his providence. Before you make any decision, I would advise you to make a thorough study of the Catholic faith; take nothing for granted, and begin studying. This will be the only way you can decide for yourself whether you REALLY believe in the Catholic faith.

Concentrate only on what the Church teaches, and not on the sinful actions of her members.

I will pray for you.
 
mtjoycol, your heartfelt story really touched me. If you feel something missing, it’s because the Holy Spirit is telling you there’s something missing. The Lutheran Church may share a number of truths and customs with the Catholic Church, but it is not the Church founded by Christ. There are a number of things that I have seen in Catholic churches that I don’t like and let’s not even talk about the sex abuse scandal. While the Church is Holy, this doea not mean all of her members are holy or live up to her teachings. I don’t focus on the failings of bishops, priests, or lay people. Ultimately, they will have to answer to God. I focus on the marvelous truths taught by the Church and that helps me whenever I am experiencing a crisis of faith due to the failings of other Catholics. I will keep you abd your family in my prayers. I really hope that your husband and your children reconsider their opinion of Catholicism.

God Bless,
Michael
 
I would also like to mention that Pope Benedict XVI is a brilliant leader. The Holy Father is fixing many of the problems that the Church has experienced for many years. Many Catholics are pleased with the progress his Holiness has made, and I speak for us all when I say that the I can now see rays of light through the dark clouds. The Church is improving, and if you come back you will notice the changes.
 
ralphinal said:
God bless you!

There are many components to this. First, yes, you are missing the traditions. Traditions form a connection to the past. Second, yes, God is calling you back to the true faith. He is using the past that you long for, that you remmember so well. Third, sometimes when something bothers us, we begin to seek it out. Is it possible that the begging that drove you from the Church was something that, without you even knowing it, you amplified in your mind? None of us like to be told to give more. It is human nature, especially when we already give.

Find a new parrish. Talk to another priest.

You have my prayers.
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I have to credit you with something. You are obviously Catholic and I am an ex-Catholic (Anglican for the last few years) but we can have a very civil conversation in almost any given topic. You are one of the most charitable and sensible people here and it gives you the opportunity to respond very effectively to threads like this one and truly help someone who is looking for it. Many times we disagree but still there is always respect. I wish that it could be this way with everyone here.🙂
 
SIA said:
I have to credit you with something. You are obviously Catholic and I am an ex-Catholic (Anglican for the last few years) but we can have a very civil conversation in almost any given topic. You are one of the most charitable and sensible people here and it gives you the opportunity to respond very effectively to threads like this one and truly help someone who is looking for it. Many times we disagree but still there is always respect. I wish that it could be this way with everyone here.🙂
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As do I. There is no reason to be a donkey.
 
Sometimes I wonder how many of the posters on here would act this way if they were face to face and not on the other side of the internet.
 
lilly_rose said:
Remember that there is a difference between the Church itself and those who are running it. It sounds to me like you did not like the way your parish was being run, and from what information you have given I can see why you no longer go there.

I once struggled with being Catholic because I did not like the way the church I went to was run. After a while, I began to miss the faith I grew up in. Actually, I would have to say that the rosary was what brought me back because at the beginning of Lent last year I just suddenly felt the urge to begin praying it again. As I allowed myself to express a Catholic faith again, I realized that sometimes there are issues in the Church, but that is because the Church is run by humans. We all make mistakes, even priests, so I was being unreasonable when I expected an institution run by humans to be perfect.

I hope you can find my experiences helpful.
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Man, it’s almost like reading about my own life. I know exactly what you mean!!! :o
 
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