Warning this is going to be long, but my heart is heavy…
I was raised in a Roman Catholic Family. I attended a Catholic school from grades 1-12. I loved my educational experience and have non of the “Catholic School” horror stories you hear of. I continued to go to mass as a young adult.
I married in a Catholic Church and went to mass and loved my experience. When others would look down on my faith I was proud to say I was a Catholic. My husband did not practice the faith even though he too was raised Catholic and went to Catholic School. His experience with the Church were very different from mine. Once we began to have children my husband did begin to worship with us.
Around 1994, I began to see a change in the church ( the same Catholic Church I was raised in and went to school through). It was becoming very apparent that every sermon followed with another sermon about donating more money. There never was enough money. We had a huge church in our city and I knew for a fact we were not hurting for money. However, as the months past I could see the sermons and tone had change in my church. I began to see myself doubting everything the church stood for.
I guess the final straw for my husband came when at my sons first grade All Saints Mass. The sermon to the children was not about the saints or even the gospel. The sermon was about how Mommy and Daddy are giving money so they can attend a Catholic School, and how Mommy and Daddy need to give to the church just as much as they give to the school. It was followed by “when you see mommy and daddy put their envelope in the collection, as them is my future catholic faith worth the amount you have set aside?”
My husband fumed and walked out, along with many of the other fathers. My husband never returned to that Catholic Church again. We tried other churchs, but at the time the theme was all the same. It was the in the height of the Priest Molestation cases that were everywhere. And to be honest I was disgusted with the whole faith… We no longer felt we were being feed the word. At the end of my sons first grade year we put him in public school.
While I still attended a Catholic Church my husband attended a Lutheran Church. I began to attend his studies to convert to Lutheran with him. I figured if the children were going to be raised in a two faith household, I may as well know a little bit about his faith. I guess you can see where this story is going…In the end I converted as well.
While I enjoy being Lutheran and am very active in my church I feel something is missing inside of me. When my children made their Holy Communions they just walked up in their church clothes took communion and carried on. They didn’t have the excitement I did as a child. They do not hold it as dear as I did as a child. My heart cried when my daughter made her communion one sunday in a basic fall dress, not the white communion dress, with the rosary beads and bible as I did.
While I try to tell my children about my love of Mary and the Rosery I had at one time. I am reminded that we are only to pray to Jesus alone. No middle man is needed. I understand that, but as a Mother who else would one pray to over her children, but to another mother?
My children have no idea what the stations of the cross are. In Bible study there is always some form of Catholic Bashing ( since most of my class are ex Catholics). My older children in Sr. High Sunday School are taught about the Catholic Church and its corruption through out history. Unfortunatly, what is being taught to them is true. I tried to take my Children about 5 years ago to a Catholic Church. It was Mothers Day ( in the Lutheran faith, on mothers day no mention of Mary the Mother of God is ever mentioned)…anyway, I wanted my children to see the faith I was raised in. When we left Church they thought it was just horrible. I felt like I was back home.
I have been away from the Catholic Faith for over 14 years now, and I can honestly say there is something missing and has been missing inside of me faith wise for many years. Is it only the traditions that I miss? Or, is this the Lord calling me back to the faith I held so precious for so many years?
Has the Catholic Church changed at all in the past 14 years? Has it become the Church that I no longer wanted to attend all those years ago? I have many questions and would love to speak to someone about them.
