Ex-Fiancee using pregnancy against me, prayers please!

[Superdude18]

So i have messed up. I was having a time in my
Life where i stopped going to church and regularly praying
Because i had premarital sex with a girl and for that year
And a half of my life i thought i loved her and i thought she
Loved me. It wasnt until after she had cheated on me for the third time
That i realized she wasnt good for me and i was so blind but
Im not with her anymore and she wasnt a catholic. She turned out to
Be lying to me and cheating on me for a couple of times an i tried to make
It work out of my love for her but after we got engaged she told
Me she was pregnant and that the baby wasnt mine because
She woke up after a party with someone else. I broke up with her
And i was hurt but i am over it now, and i even found an amazing
Young woman who i had know for a while and she is Catholic and
We have so much in common and she is literally the girl of my
Dreams. About two months later we go on a few dates but the girl
I was talking to was curious as to why my ex treated me so poorly
So she asked her, and my ex got very defensive and started
Name calling at her and called her a stuck up Catholic and other
Names and rubbed it in her face that she took my virginty
Which i felt guitly about and went to confession for. And during the heated
Conversation she also said that the baby she was carrying really is mine
I think she sounds like a jealous ex that doesnt want me to move on,
But if the baby really is mine i really dont know what to do. I am pro life
And against abortion but i know there is no way i could marry a person like
Her, and im scared that she will raise the baby, as i feel the way she treated
Me she probably wont have a good household to raise her baby in.
She also told me she recently got married to someone else… I have
Been praying for my ex, hoping she could tell me the
Truth, and for her baby that whoever the real father is
That it will have a good home with good parents to raise it, and
Ive been praying for the girl of my dreams, because she really liked me
Alot and considered me to be worthy of marrying someday
And i was looking forward to a life with her as well.

My ex and i are 20 years old and the girl i was dating is 18
I know we are very young but i was hoping i could get prayers for some guidance
I have realized my ex was not the right person for me to marry
But i think i figured it out too late and she is trying to get child
Support out of me and im very bewildered by all of this

 

[Superdude18]

We only saw each other for a few weekends out of the year but
Im not sure how much cheating on me she has done and
Id rather not know

 

[Irishmom2]

I am glad to see that you have changed your thinking and returned to the church. Have you considered making an appointment to speak with a priest?

The one thing you have not mentioned is how your new girl reacted to what your ex told her. She would have to be a very strong 18 year old to be able to deal with this.

While you are pro-life, that does not mean that you must marry your ex. Unfortunately, you will need until the baby is born to have a paternity test. Until that time, pray for the situation and take the high road by not bad mouthing your ex. If your new girl leaves because of this, it may all be for the best. You sound a bit young.

May God bless you and guide you.

 

[Superdude18]

Yes i plan in talking with one when i go to my next
Confession. I am glad to be back in the Church i just wish
I never would have wandered so far away from it

Yes she reacted pretty shakily, she isnt comfortable with the situation
And if i was in her place i would probably feel the same way. She said
We should just be friends for now and i totally understand.

Yes i realize i dont have to marry her, and i dont think i could,
She has hurt me too much in the past. I stayed with her after she
Cheated on me twice and told me many lies but she hasnt changed
And i cant deal with her anymore, she isnt the person i thought she was.
Yes i realize i have to wait until i have a paternity test and yeah it might
Be for the best. I will take the high road and not bad mouth her
But her actions torwards me while we were together have been noticed
By family and friends and they already know what she is like. I was just asking
For prayers for the whole situation and for all the parties involved.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

My view may appear harsh, but it is merciful.

Someone said you don’t have to marry her. I say, you already married her when you had the act of conjugal love. Someone said, you sound young … But our youth is our future, So we must tell Gods truth and show them how to lead as Catholic men & women.

St Joseph had the right to have Mary stoned for being pregnant. He chose to walk away without punishing her. Angels told him to accept Mary with joy. He obeyed. Thanks be to God.

Sure you have the right to not marry her. Sure she cheated on you, and you probably thought stoning a good punishment. God says to forgive 77 x 77 … Sure you may not be ready for a life long walk with this woman (marriage) but that does not absolve you from taking up the burden and walking an extra ten miles (as Jesus asks us to do for anyone: Roman soildgers, tax collectors, and adulteriors).

Right here, right now, you are responsable for this woman’s physical, mental, and spiritual needs. Forsaking this just strengthens the mentality of “it’s a woman’s body, and woman’s choice”. When Catholic men follow through on their duties and responsabilities, this weakes this abortion mentality. Regardless of this child’s fate, your reaction to duty, responsability, leadership, mercy, and forgivness will be a winning battle for the direction you choose.

 

[Cricket2]

1. Get a paternity test to be sure the child is yours before agreeing to any child support.
2. This sounds like a troubled relationship that should not move into marriage, especially if she was cheating on you. If the child is yours you will need to take responsibility in terms of child support, but you will also have rights to see that child. If this becomes the case take care of all of this via the courts only. Document everything and avoid arguments of any kind with your ex.
3. Take your time with this new girl, make sure you grow in faith and maturity and demonstrate that you can be responsible. You are very young and jumping into one relationship after a bad one needs to be done very cautiously. Seek regular advise from your Priest and if you see marriage as a possibility take full advantage of marriage preparation classes with your Priest or hers.

Please take your time, pray and seek the advise of sound spiritual leaders or your pastor. If you find out the child is yours, and you think that you would be a better parent you need to be prepared to fight for custody. Otherwise do your best to maintain a mature relationship with the child’s mother that is focused on the needs of the child over all else, not her needs and not yours. Make the child come first no matter what.

 

[PietroPaolo]

My view may appear harsh, but it is merciful.

Someone said you don’t have to marry her. I say, you already married her when you had the act of conjugal love.

You might say whatever you like, but The Church does not say that. Marriage requires freely given vows and must be ordered to permanence and fruitfulness. A Catholic, such as the OP, also must marry in the Church or receive dispensation from his bishop to marry outside the Church. He is most assuredly not married to this woman.

 

[Irishmom2]

My view may appear harsh, but it is merciful.

Someone said you don’t have to marry her. I say, you already married her when you had the act of conjugal love. Someone said, you sound young … But our youth is our future, So we must tell Gods truth and show them how to lead as Catholic men & women.

St Joseph had the right to have Mary stoned for being pregnant. He chose to walk away without punishing her. Angels told him to accept Mary with joy. He obeyed. Thanks be to God.

Sure you have the right to not marry her. Sure she cheated on you, and you probably thought stoning a good punishment. God says to forgive 77 x 77 … Sure you may not be ready for a life long walk with this woman (marriage) but that does not absolve you from taking up the burden and walking an extra ten miles (as Jesus asks us to do for anyone: Roman soildgers, tax collectors, and adulteriors).

Right here, right now, you are responsable for this woman’s physical, mental, and spiritual needs. Forsaking this just strengthens the mentality of “it’s a woman’s body, and woman’s choice”. When Catholic men follow through on their duties and responsabilities, this weakes this abortion mentality. Regardless of this child’s fate, your reaction to duty, responsability, leadership, mercy, and forgivness will be a winning battle for the direction you choose.

Someone didn’t say it, I said it. Giggly giraffe, who are you to say they are already married? He doesn’t even know if the baby is his. And if they went to church and the priest asked them if she was currently pregnant, he would not marry them.

If it turns out to be his child after all, he can be responsible for her and the child without marrying her. No one is saying to leave her on her own, but to expect them to marry is harsh, in your own words.

And the comment about stoning her was just uncalled for.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

You might say whatever you like, but The Church does not say that. Marriage requires freely given vows and must be ordered to permanence and fruitfulness. A Catholic, such as the OP, also must marry in the Church or receive dispensation from his bishop to marry outside the Church. He is most assuredly not married to this woman.

Should the church lead men how to repair instead of walk away and avoid responsability, we would not have ha as many abortions as we did.

I did NOT say to marry , but to take responsability, forgive, lead. How can women expect to submit to men who cannot do these things?

I have to say, I am tired of men acting like the victim. My prayers will be here for men to take a stand against the culture of life; and all the sacrifices it entails.

 

[robwar]

op, along with the suggestions of dna testing, you also need to be tested (probably more than once) for std’s since this ex girlfriend was sleeping with other guys. i also think you need to take a brake from dating and getting involved with others especially someone 2 years younger than you and get you life together, see if this really is your child. Maybe you think the 18 year old is the girl of your dreams but both of you are pretty young and you have already demonstrated some pretty immature and immoral behavior and might be the father of this baby. Likewise you need to stablize yourself spiritually and emotionally and settle this relationship with the ex. sorry to say this but if my daughter wanted to date some guy two years older than her, has an es hanging around who may be pregnant with his child , I would tell her to dump him and find someone else. You are not being fair to the other girl and you need to grow up.

 

[Kelfa28]

I agree with most of the above posters. Especially robwar’s post.
OP definitely needs to do some maturing and growing up before he enters into another relationship. He seems to be on the right track though.

He shouldn’t marry this girl if he cannot consent to the marriage freely. That is grounds for an annulment and is not a healthy start for any marriage.
He absolutely must insist on a paternity test. He needs to know whether he is the father to this child or not.
If he is…he needs to make serious plans to be a part of this child’s life. This is why he shouldn’t become involved with anyone until he finds out the results of this paternity test.

That is an unfair thing to drop on a budding relationship…BTW, I just found out I’m the father to a child my ex-girlfriend just had.
Not cool.

And if they went to church and the priest asked them if she was currently pregnant, he would not marry them.

This isn’t exactly true. I was about 10 weeks pregnant when my husband and I sat down for our first pre-cana consult with the priest.
He took his time with us and asked us a ton of questions about us, our relationship and what our future plans were.
We had been together for 3 years at that point and had made a mistake. But we were already talking about marriage before I became pregnant.
Plus, we were in RCIA together and had become serious about the Church and it’s teachings.

I got married, in the Church, when my daughter was only 6 weeks old.

Granted, this priest wasn’t the most Orthodox or priests…but our parish priest (who is very Orthodox) told us he would have married us as well…given our particular situation.

 

[vsedriver]

Frankly until you get a DNA test you won’t know if there is anything for you to do at all.

First question you should ask yourself is why are you dating? The purpose of dating is to find a marriage partner and until you are ready for marriage you shouldn’t be dating one on one. Go out with friends in groups. Yeah, a radical idea I know but it will save you so much pain and agony.

Remember in today’s society the woman has all the power. She can kill your baby, or not. If she chooses to have the baby, there is a very great chance that you will not be raising your own child. You’ll be paying for that child but have little or no say in forming their values and future. And more than likely the mother will find another man and then your child will be the odd kid out when the new kids come along.

So take a deep breath, talk to your priest, and put your life in God’s hands. Trust that he will take care of you.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

This song is a prayer that I think may help you:

Love Rescue Me Lyrics
Love rescue me
Come forth and speak to me
Raise me up and don’t let me fall
No man is my enemy
My own hands imprison me
Love rescue me

Many strangers have I met
On the road to my regret
Many lost who seek to find themselves in me
They ask me to reveal
The very thoughts they would conceal
Love rescue me

And the sun in the sky
Makes a shadow of you and I
Stretching out as the sun sinks in the sea
I’m here without a name
In the palace of my shame
Said, love rescue me

In the cold mirror of a glass
I see my reflection pass
See the dark shades of what I used to be
See the purple of her eyes
The scarlet of my lies
Love rescue me

Yeah, though I walk
In the valley of shadow
Yeah, I will fear no evil
I have cursed thy rod and staff
They no longer comfort me
Love rescue me

Sha la la… sha la la la
Sha la la la… ha la la…
Sha la la la… sha la la la
Sha la la la… sha la la
Sha la la la… sha la la la
Sha la la…
I said love, love rescue me

I said love
Climb up the mountains, said love
I said love, oh my love
On the hill of the son
I’m on the eve of a storm
And my word you must believe in
Oh, I said love, rescue me
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah…

Yeah I’m here without a name
In the palace of my shame
I said love rescue me

I’ve conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance
To a new world I can see
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me
Love rescue me

( From: elyrics.net )
-Bono