Ex-Homosexuality?

[LemonAndLime]

No, you don’t “know” that. Unless you are God or equal with God, and if so, God has not disclosed this wonderful news to us yet.

And I will add that even God does not close the door. His mercy, and our ability to change, continues until our death. His mercy makes possible our perpetual opportunity to change.

History, including very contemporary history, is filled with examples of people who believed they “couldn’t change,” and/or were “believed” (by others) or “known” (by supposedly omniscient other perons) to be “unable to change” or “definitely couldn’t” change.

Do you think you could ever change to having SSA?

No?

Then why can’t it be the other way round?

I still stand by this fact - some people have SSA and it’s permenant. Some like me have it as more of a phase during their teenager years. It’s people like me who give encouragement to people like you who believe it can be “cured”, and that’s not right. It’s like comparing a social smoker quitting to a 20 a day for 50 years smoker, saying they have the same chance and the same ability to quit.

 

[michelleds]

Do you think you could ever change to having SSA?

No?

Then why can’t it be the other way round?

I still stand by this fact - some people have SSA and it’s permenant. Some like me have it as more of a phase during their teenager years. It’s people like me who give encouragement to people like you who believe it can be “cured”, and that’s not right. It’s like comparing a social smoker quitting to a 20 a day for 50 years smoker, saying they have the same chance and the same ability to quit.

I’m 43 years old. I started experiencing SSA between 14 and 16. I acted on my SSA when I was 18. until a year ago, I was nothing but SSA and all that went with that, including multiple partners, pride parades, etc etc ad nauseum.

and yes, the Grace of God has brought me out of that lifestyle. I don’t know what “cured” means but I’m as “cured” as God wants me to be. Before you ask, I no longer allow myself to be identified by my sexuality. I am a Child of God.

I will put my 24 years of active lifestyle against anyone’s whiny “but they/I/we caaaannn’ttt change”. It’s about God’s Grace, and accepting God’s Grace. Period.

(I apologize in advance for any readers who are currently struggling with SSA. I’m more than willing to talk in PM where I will be kind and supportive. But this kind of thing is getting under my skin. )

 

[LemonAndLime]

I’m 43 years old. I started experiencing SSA between 14 and 16. I acted on my SSA when I was 18. until a year ago, I was nothing but SSA and all that went with that, including multiple partners, pride parades, etc etc ad nauseum.

and yes, the Grace of God has brought me out of that lifestyle. I don’t know what “cured” means but I’m as “cured” as God wants me to be. Before you ask, I no longer allow myself to be identified by my sexuality. I am a Child of God.

I will put my 24 years of active lifestyle against anyone’s whiny “but they/I/we caaaannn’ttt change”. It’s about God’s Grace, and accepting God’s Grace. Period.

(I apologize in advance for any readers who are currently struggling with SSA. I’m more than willing to talk in PM where I will be kind and supportive. But this kind of thing is getting under my skin. )

So are you saying you are now “heterosexual” or are you just having no sexual attractions/urges at all? Sorry to be blunt but it needs to be asked.

I’m not doubting what you’re saying. I do however think you need to realise that not everyone is the same, and for some, the only option is a life of chastity.

 

[michelleds]

So are you saying you are now “heterosexual” or are you just having no sexual attractions/urges at all? Sorry to be blunt but it needs to be asked.

I’m not doubting what you’re saying. I do however think you need to realise that not everyone is the same, and for some, the only option is a life of chastity.

Choosing a life of Chastity is what we are all called to do. It is what I am currently living. I do have attractions towards men. I am not, however, interested in a relationship. At 43, with a career and A LOT to learn about Catholicism, I am accepting and embracing this call to Chastity. If God wants something else in my life, I’m sure He’ll let me know.

And yes, the cross of SSA can be difficult, more so for some than others. but quite frankly, there is NOTHING SPECIAL about SSA as a cross. As I posted somewhere else (my blog? here?) what is the difference between the 43 year old unmarried straight woman and the 43 year old SSA woman? If neither has joined a religious order, then nothing. They are both called the same…to Chastity. Can the straight woman end her calling to Chastity by getting married? yes, but she might never meet the right man. She might die a virgin. and Glory to God for her fortitude and tenacity and the Grace God gave her.

Do you see what I’m saying?

 

[Elizabeth502]

quite frankly, there is NOTHING SPECIAL about SSA as a cross. As I posted somewhere else (my blog? here?) what is the difference between the 43 year old unmarried straight woman and the 43 year old SSA woman? If neither has joined a religious order, then nothing. They are both called the same…to Chastity. Can the straight woman end her calling to Chastity by getting married? yes, but she might never meet the right man. She might die a virgin. and Glory to God for her fortitude and tenacity and the Grace God gave her.

Do you see what I’m saying?

Well I do see what you’re saying, because I have posted similar comments on CAF, and no one has ever been able to challenge your/my contention that there is zero difference between the objective situation of a heterosexual never being blessed with a relationship that will culminate in marriage, with sexual unity, and that of a Catholic with SSA who also will never be doing that, if they want to live in communion with their Catholic Church, that is. It will be as much of a lifelong cross for example 1 as for example 2. To assert otherwise is to claim some unique hyper-sexuality about those with SSA that supposedly is not true of heterosexually attracted persons, which would be a stereotype, and disproven by case studies. There are plenty of DSA (different sex-attracted) people who are nymphomaniacs, and plenty of SSA-people with a moderate or even low sex drive.

Everyone, of any orientation, feels a need to belong, as it’s part of the human condition. Some people do not yearn for a marital relationship, but most do, at least at some time in their lives, and many do yearn for this for their entire lives, and never see that yearning satisfied. That is what is called a Cross. Hardly unique or more pronounced for those with SSA. In fact, anyone who perceives, subjectively, that he or she cannot overcome something – whatever that “something” is – a forbidden attraction, an unhealthy habit, a healthy desire that is not satisfied, a craving for something (no matter the object or category of the craving), experiences The Cross.

There are also married heterosexual couples, of which one member later becomes sexually dysfunctional for some unexpected reason, such as injury, illness, or mental impairment. And this is not a profound suffering for those who have experienced no loss of passion for each other? It is indeed profound. It’s just that most of the time they don’t call public attention to themselves and assert that their suffering is unique.

 

[LemonAndLime]

Choosing a life of Chastity is what we are all called to do. It is what I am currently living. I do have attractions towards men. I am not, however, interested in a relationship. At 43, with a career and A LOT to learn about Catholicism, I am accepting and embracing this call to Chastity. If God wants something else in my life, I’m sure He’ll let me know.

And yes, the cross of SSA can be difficult, more so for some than others. but quite frankly, there is NOTHING SPECIAL about SSA as a cross. As I posted somewhere else (my blog? here?) what is the difference between the 43 year old unmarried straight woman and the 43 year old SSA woman? If neither has joined a religious order, then nothing. They are both called the same…to Chastity. Can the straight woman end her calling to Chastity by getting married? yes, but she might never meet the right man. She might die a virgin. and Glory to God for her fortitude and tenacity and the Grace God gave her.

Do you see what I’m saying?

Yes I completely agree.

Therefore you have not been cured of your SSA urges, and you are unfortunately one of those who must carry this Cross for life.

I do admire you for that, well done and I am happy for you.

 

[michelleds]

Yes I completely agree.

Therefore you have not been cured of your SSA urges, and you are unfortunately one of those who must carry this Cross for life.

I do admire you for that, well done and I am happy for you.

Because you said that i’m not cured, I’m not sure you got what I’m saying.

I’m not experiencing SSA thru the Grace of God.
I’m not so arrogant as to say that I will never experience such a temptation.
I have attractions for men.
But because of my station in life, I’m not interested in nor looking for a relationship.

I am called, as is everyone else, to chastity in accordance with my station in life. if married, chastity is defined differently than if someone is religious, but it’s still chastity.

I am reluctant to use the word “cured” for this reason: I believe that SSA is from Satan. There, I said it. Flat out and in black and white. I believe that Satan is using SSA to pull/push/tempt/lure people away from God and is using it with spectacular success. So I don’t think of it as “cured”, I think of it as “coming home to God” or “returning to God” or even “winning a battle” but not cured.

edit to add: and I don’t use “cured” because I wasn’t sick, i was living in sin or under temptation or choosing the path to hell or whatever…but not sick, which implies a lack of choice on my part. i wasn’t without choices. i CHOSE to live as i was living.

 

[LemonAndLime]

Because you said that i’m not cured, I’m not sure you got what I’m saying.

I’m not experiencing SSA thru the Grace of God.
I’m not so arrogant as to say that I will never experience such a temptation.
I have attractions for men.
But because of my station in life, I’m not interested in nor looking for a relationship.

I am called, as is everyone else, to chastity in accordance with my station in life. if married, chastity is defined differently than if someone is religious, but it’s still chastity.

I am reluctant to use the word “cured” for this reason: I believe that SSA is from Satan. There, I said it. Flat out and in black and white. I believe that Satan is using SSA to pull/push/tempt/lure people away from God and is using it with spectacular success. So I don’t think of it as “cured”, I think of it as “coming home to God” or “returning to God” or even “winning a battle” but not cured.

edit to add: and I don’t use “cured” because I wasn’t sick, i was living in sin or under temptation or choosing the path to hell or whatever…but not sick, which implies a lack of choice on my part. i wasn’t without choices. i CHOSE to live as i was living.

You said you’re no longer experiencing same-sex attraction, and then you said you still have attraction towards women. That’s contradictionary and that’s why I’m confused. If you are no longer having SSA, then you are no longer attracted to same-sex. But still, kudos to you though for what you’ve achieved.

As for me, I still find some women attractive but it’s not in a SSA way. Not like how I used to be. Therefore, while I wouldn’t say I’ve been cured of SSA, it was more of a phase.

 

[michelleds]

I’m female.

 

[LemonAndLime]

I’m female.

Apologies. I read your username as Michael as I’m dyslexic.

 

[michelleds]

Apologies. I read your username as Michael as I’m dyslexic.

I just figured that since you’re a Brit, you thought it was the French Michelle rather than the American Michelle.

I hope you’ll re-read our last interchange and re-comment now that you know my gender.

 

[LemonAndLime]

I just figured that since you’re a Brit, you thought it was the French Michelle rather than the American Michelle.

I hope you’ll re-read our last interchange and re-comment now that you know my gender.

I’m not sure how it would change much, how do you mean?

 

[Robertanthony]

I’m not sure how it would change much, how do you mean?

First there’s no possible way to think Michelle would be a male, as even in French Michelle or Michèle are female names and Michel is a male name. Michelleds says she had SSA and acted on it for years, repented and through God’s grace no longer feels attracted to women, although she states that she can’t say with complete confidence that it won’t ever come back. You wrongly assumed she was male and was still struggling with SSA but now that you know that she’s female and experiences heterosexual attraction, how can you say it wouldn’t change much? Michelleds, what are some of the remarks that please you most from people when you tell them about your conversion and leaving the gay lifestyle behind?

 

[LemonAndLime]

First there’s no possible way to think Michelle would be a male, as even in French Michelle or Michèle are female names and Michel is a male name. Michelleds says she had SSA and acted on it for years, repented and through God’s grace no longer feels attracted to women, although she states that she can’t say with complete confidence that it won’t ever come back. You wrongly assumed she was male and was still struggling with SSA but now that you know that she’s female and experiences heterosexual attraction, how can you say it wouldn’t change much? Michelleds, what are some of the remarks that please you most from people when you tell them about your conversion and leaving the gay lifestyle behind?

Has she said she experienced heterosexual attraction?

Also, I believe I have explained why I thought she was male. Please read the thread.

Oh and secondly, this is between me and herself. I don’t see why you had to jump in and explain what she meant for her.

No offence to michelle, I think she is capable of speaking for herself.

 

[Robertanthony]

Has she said she experienced heterosexual attraction?

Also, I believe I have explained why I thought she was male. Please read the thread.

Oh and secondly, this is between me and herself. I don’t see why you had to jump in and explain what she meant for her.

No offence to michelle, I think she is capable of speaking for herself.

Look up the word “forum”. If it’s strictly between you and her, call her up or PM her.

You must’ve missed post #24 then.

Oh and I didn’t need to explain what she meant for her, I had to spell it out for you.

 

[LemonAndLime]

Look up the word “forum”. If it’s strictly between you and her, call her up or PM her.

If you apply that logic to the real world, that would mean you had a right to enter my conversation while I was in a crowded place.

You missed post 30, so how are you better than me?

 

[Robertanthony]

If you apply that logic to the real world, that would mean you had a right to enter my conversation while I was in a crowded place.

You missed post 30, so how are you better than me?

I know you’re dyslexic, I just didn’t get how you could say that the newfound knowledge that michelleds is female didn’t change much. Just from the tone of your replies to me, I sense an explosive temper.

 

[LemonAndLime]

I know you’re dyslexic, I just didn’t get how you could say that the newfound knowledge that michelleds is female didn’t change much. Just from the tone of your replies to me, I sense an explosive temper.

Not at all. I don’t see how whether you’re male or female should alter the questions I asked and my responses. Read through my posts, do they make sense whether I’m talking to a male or a female? I think so. I believe male and female SSA are similar and just as difficult to deal with, and one is just as likely to be cured as the other.

Just from the tone of your replies to me, I sense a temper also. You’ve been argumentative, accusatory, and all of this entirely unprovoked.

 

[JHow]

I don’t understand the utility of using a term like “SSA”, if it isn’t acted upon.

If both my grandfathers died of alcoholism (so I believe there is a disposition to drink in my genetic makeup), and I like liquor, and I know that I have a weakness for it, but still I don’t drink, how useful would it be to call me an alcoholic?

Or, if I was tempted to commit homosexual acts, but I never did…and I never told anyone about my temptation, how would you know, and how could you ever classify me as homosexual?

Or, if I did act on it in my youth, but then put it aside for the rest of my life, what proof would there be that I didn’t really change?

I ask this because I think it is very difficult to try and assess some inner attraction or preference - but a behavior or act can be measured. The claim of eternal SSA is certainly used as leverage in policy debates - and also as a stick to distract or silence opponents (vice how often the “latent homosexual” card gets played). I also think it underestimates the power of human will*, to say nothing of God’s grace.

• My alcoholic grandfather eventually decided that smoking was bad and he quit, throwing the pack of cigarettes on the coffee table, saying “I’m quitting smoking.” There they stayed for the next twenty years because my grandmother didn’t know if he meant it or not. He died from cirrhosis of the liver, but he didn’t lack will power.

 

[Robertanthony]

Not at all. I don’t see how whether you’re male or female should alter the questions I asked and my responses. Read through my posts, do they make sense whether I’m talking to a male or a female? I think so. I believe male and female SSA are similar and just as difficult to deal with, and one is just as likely to be cured as the other.

Just from the tone of your replies to me, I sense a temper also. You’ve been argumentative, accusatory, and all of this entirely unprovoked.

You know LemonAndLime I was going to ask you to be the 1st honorary member of my special CAF troll police…now I’m having second thoughts

I’m bowing out of this but wish to congratulate michelleds for turning her life around and thank God for the grace he gave her (and still does) to do so. FWIW you have my admiration.