ex Mormons LDS

[andrewstx]

Threads about the LDS church attract a large a lot of interest here.

I wonder how many ex Mormons are here. And did they take the trouble to be excommunicated, have their names removed.

Or did they just walk and are still claimed to be Mormons?

 

[andrewstx]

I will start. I am an ex-Mormon and was only a Mormon for a few months. I was not excommunicated and my name never removed from the records.

I just walked, reverted and that was that.

It was a crisis time of my life, and I needed friends. I got an instant circle of friends but all abandoned me when I left.

 

[RebeccaJ]

When I left, name removal wasn’t around as far as I knew. It wasn’t until the arrival of the internet, and many years after that, when I discovered people were having their names removed. It brings closure to some, for myself, I’ve never viewed it as necessary.

As for excommunication, if the LDS church wanted to do that with me, fine for them. It’s meaningless to me.

 

[Marie5890]

Your poll doesnt really cover all the bases.

I am a former Mormon that chose to have her name formally removed. I was not ex-communicated and don’t, therefore, use the term “ex-Mormon” as a description.

Not all former Mormons have been excommunicated. Infact most these days are not. They formally resign if they want their names removed from the rolls

Link of explanation

mormonnomore.com

 

[andrewstx]

Your poll doesnt really cover all the bases.

I am a former Mormon that chose to have her name formally removed. I was not ex-communicated and don’t, therefore, use the term “ex-Mormon” as a description.

Not all former Mormons have been excommunicated. Infact most these days are not. They formally resign if they want their names removed from the rolls

Link of explanation

mormonnomore.com

Sorry, this is my first poll and I should have made ex-com and name retmoved in separate questions.

I was re-baptized Mormon over 30 years ago and I did not know of the name removal option and I was not about to go through a humiliating bishops court. So I just left and reverted.

 

[Becca3]

I am an ex-Mormon who had not her name removed but was never excommunicated. I just walked away.

 

[Marie5890]

Sorry, this is my first poll and I should have made ex-com and name retmoved in separate questions.

I was re-baptized Mormon over 30 years ago and I did not know of the name removal option and I was not about to go through a humiliating bishops court. So I just left and reverted.

You dont need to go thru a court to get your name removed. The link I provided will give you the steps to formally have your name legally removed.

It’s technically a resignation. Once they have it in hand, your resignation is legally in effect, even if they try to push back.

It goes back to an actual court case having to do with the rights that we have as Americans to associate, or not associate, with any organization.

 

[TexanKnight]

I asked to have my name removed. When they got my letter, they excommunicated me

 

[Marie5890]

I asked to have my name removed. When they got my letter, they excommunicated me

In the eyes of the law, the moment they received your resignation in hand, you were no longer a member of the LDS church so the excommunication is moot.

But your experience is not unique. That happens often. Most of bishops/stake presidents dont realize that legal fact.

When I resigned, I sent it straight to SLC headquaters and the man who is the head of membership. That was back in the late '90s. They have since tried to do this “your request is being sent to the local bishop of your area” yada yada yada.

Doesnt matter if they do that or not. Legally, once they have a resignation in hand, that person is no longer LDS

Again, as Americans we the the right of association (or not associating) with an organization and this has been upheld by the courts.

 

[NeuroTypical]

I have a question for folks,

I often hear complaints that we mormons won’t leave folks alone who want to be left alone.

For those who formally left (either through excommunication or name removal), did we then proceed to leave you alone?

I’ve occasionally gone with the Bishopric to visit people who remain on our rolls, but are not active. It’s always interesting - we always get yelled at by angry people. Maybe five or six specific instances over half a dozen years for me. We always told them how to get their names off the rolls of the church. They always angrilly told us they were going to go do it right then. None of them ever did.

 

[RebeccaJ]

I have a question for folks,

I often hear complaints that we mormons won’t leave folks alone who want to be left alone.

For those who formally left (either through excommunication or name removal), did we then proceed to leave you alone?

I’ve occasionally gone with the Bishopric to visit people who remain on our rolls, but are not active. It’s always interesting - we always get yelled at by angry people. Maybe five or six specific instances over half a dozen years for me. We always told them how to get their names off the rolls of the church. They always angrilly told us they were going to go do it right then. None of them ever did.

You’d think that those of us who haven’t set foot in a Mormon church, or participated in a Mormon activity, for over 30 years would be the “clue” we’re not interested.

I don’t mind people from the ward stopping by, actually. I know their neighbors and if their excuse to come say hello is that it’s a church assignment, fine. No need to beat them up over it.

The missionaries now, that’s a different story. You’d think “not interested”, said 100000 times over 30 years would be the “clue”. I guess not.

 

[Marie5890]

I have a question for folks,

I often hear complaints that we mormons won’t leave folks alone who want to be left alone.

For those who formally left (either through excommunication or name removal), did we then proceed to leave you alone?

I’ve occasionally gone with the Bishopric to visit people who remain on our rolls, but are not active. It’s always interesting - we always get yelled at by angry people. Maybe five or six specific instances over half a dozen years for me. We always told them how to get their names off the rolls of the church. They always angrilly told us they were going to go do it right then. None of them ever did.

Depends on the local leadership to be honest. Some honor the requests of those who wished to be left alone. Others still try to make contact, either the bishops, home teachers or VT’s

From the former Mormons who have been asked not to be contacted but still are that I am aware of, I would say it’s a 50/50 split

Some bishoprics of late have taken the inititive of asking the inactive if they would prefer not being contacted and have honored those requests, but they seem to be in the minority.

I agree with Rebecca. If these people haven’t been part of the ward, why not just leave them alone?

 

[lax16]

I have a question for folks,

I often hear complaints that we mormons won’t leave folks alone who want to be left alone.

For those who formally left (either through excommunication or name removal), did we then proceed to leave you alone?

I’ve occasionally gone with the Bishopric to visit people who remain on our rolls, but are not active. It’s always interesting - we always get yelled at by angry people. Maybe five or six specific instances over half a dozen years for me. We always told them how to get their names off the rolls of the church. They always angrilly told us they were going to go do it right then. None of them ever did.

NeuroTypical - I am not a former Mormon but can only relay what has happened to people I know.

1. One guy grew up in Utah then moved to another state for college. He married, bought a house, and started a family in his new state. The Mormons came knocking on his door to talk to him several times, despite his requests that they leave him alone.
2. Another guy lives here in Utah with his Catholic wife and kids. He has not attended church in almost 30 years. The Mormons come often to their home despite the fact they are told that he is not interested.
3. I worked for a Mormon who worked evenings and weekends. He did not attend church on Sunday. During the week, I would take numerous phone calls for him. The detailed message was always “Why isn’t Brother ______ in church?” He hasn’t attended in a long time, but still claims the church is true.

Anyway, I don’t know why anyone would track someone down…If they wanted to be in church, they would be there.

 

[TheIrishman]

I’m personally not an “Ex-mormon” but my 2 brothers are.

As for the constant visitations. My one brother has been inactive for 12 years now and my other brother for 8. During family gatherings in such they never complain or even mention people coming over or stopping by to say hi. I’m sure it’s different in other places but that has been the experience of my brothers. They haven’t been bothered.

 

[Marie5890]

NeuroTypical - I am not a former Mormon but can only relay what has happened to people I know.

1. One guy grew up in Utah then moved to another state for college. He married, bought a house, and started a family in his new state. The Mormons came knocking on his door to talk to him several times, despite his requests that they leave him alone.
2. Another guy lives here in Utah with his Catholic wife and kids. He has not attended church in almost 30 years. The Mormons come often to their home despite the fact they are told that he is not interested.
3. I worked for a Mormon who worked evenings and weekends. He did not attend church on Sunday. During the week, I would take numerous phone calls for him. The detailed message was always “Why isn’t Brother ______ in church?” He hasn’t attended in a long time, but still claims the church is true.

Anyway, I don’t know why anyone would track someone down…If they wanted to be in church, they would be there.

This is a quite common experience.
It’s another reason the LDS church is seen as a cult. People feel harassed, or hounded, insert word the describes boundries being violated.

If people wanted to be in their local ward on Sundays, or every once in a while, they would be. No need to hassle them.

 

[Rose74]

My husband is a former mormon. He has not gone through name removal, but does not self-identify as a Mormon despite his pioneer heritage. We get ward members at the door a few times a year. My husband is polite, but firm. It has been 13 years since he was an active, believing mormon.

 

[lax16]

This is a quite common experience.
It’s another reason the LDS church is seen as a cult. People feel harassed, or hounded, insert word the describes boundries being violated.

Yes, the first guy I mentioned feels extremely harassed and says he HATES the church and advised us not to move to Utah because “they would get us.”

Sadly, the guy married to the Catholic felt so much pressure he tells his wife not to make their kids go to church because his parents forced him. He has a very negative view about going to church, any church.

If people wanted to be in their local ward on Sundays, or every once in a while, they would be. No need to hassle them.

You are so right. I don’t know why the Mormons don’t see it that way.

 

[RebeccaJ]

I’m personally not an “Ex-mormon” but my 2 brothers are.

As for the constant visitations. My one brother has been inactive for 12 years now and my other brother for 8. During family gatherings in such they never complain or even mention people coming over or stopping by to say hi. I’m sure it’s different in other places but that has been the experience of my brothers. They haven’t been bothered.

My family are active LDS, I don’t tell them about the visits. I think the missionaries are spurred to our house because of them! Our membership records have followed us through several moves, which I’m sure, is one of my family members making sure that happens.

They all have good intentions, family and the strangers who come from “the ward”. They’re doing what they believe and what they are instructed to do by their church leaders. The one’s that really amuse me were the last set of ward visitors, who came from a singles ward looking to talk to my daughter who is NOT LDS. She has never has been baptized, yet she has an LDS membership record that is now at a singles ward? When I told them she wasn’t LDS they looked at me like I was making stuff up! LDS records aren’t always so accurate, is what I think.

 

[TheIrishman]

My family are active LDS, I don’t tell them about the visits. I think the missionaries are spurred to our house because of them! Our membership records have followed us through several moves, which I’m sure, is one of my family members making sure that happens.

They all have good intentions, family and the strangers who come from “the ward”. They’re doing what they believe and what they are instructed to do by their church leaders. The one’s that really amuse me were the last set of ward visitors, who came from a singles ward looking to talk to my daughter who is NOT LDS. She has never has been baptized, yet she has an LDS membership record that is now at a singles ward? When I told them she wasn’t LDS they looked at me like I was making stuff up! LDS records aren’t always so accurate, is what I think.

Don’t get me wrong, my brothers had heavy harrassment within the first couple years of going inactive. And they let my parents know that lol we’re irish so we tell it how it is to the people we love. But it hasn’t even come up in a while so either my brothers intimidated them through their irish nature or the church gave up. Either one, they aren’t bothered anymore.

That being said, When we all gather for this next thanksgiving, it might come up and the church might have resurrected their endeavors. Who knows, but at the end of the day, our whole family loves each other and thats all that matters.

As for your daughter, to be honest, its a typical trick used by members and missionaries alike. Try to appeal to the children. I hate it admit it, but I used that tactic a few times while on my mission. Don’t judge me, i’ve since repented

 

[lax16]

Don’t get me wrong, **my brothers had heavy harrassment **]within the first couple years of going inactive. And they let my parents know that lol we’re irish so we tell it how it is to the people we love. But it hasn’t even come up in a while so either my brothers intimidated them through their irish nature or the church gave up. Either one, they aren’t bothered anymore.

I’m beginning to see a pattern here…