JoeFreedom
New member
I struggle with scruples. I’ve also held a very sinful life. I’ve amended my ways, turned to God, and repented. My past life still haunts me in my thoughts non-stop. I’ve been scarred by it. I cannot get away from evil tempting thoughts. Everywhere I go, everything I do, seems to trigger those thoughts. I feel as if my my true self and my heart somehow believe who I used to be because those are the thoughts that seemingly come into mind first, almost like a Pavlovian response to some trigger. I know they are wrong. I hate them, but some part of me says I like them. I know I should hate them, and I want to hate them, but so many years and decades of being a bad person has a scrupulous confused man out of me. I never know if what I am thinking is a remnant of my past, part of my true heart, temptation, or full blown mortal sin. I want to follow God and do His will and not have these thoughts, but since He knows my true heart, what if it is my heart that is believing these things? I’m trying to do works of mercy and charity, even though I often times don’t want to. Sure, sometimes I enjoy it, but many times I decline, and feel as though my evil heart has won out. I feel as though I should do these works even though I may not want to, almost as if I am doing it until I believe it, not the other way around; and that scares me.
I have a difficult time examining my conscience because all of this and I know I need Jesus as my Savior and I know I sin, and need his forgiveness, but how do I go to a priest to confess my sins when I can’t even figure out when or how I’m sinning? Like I said, I know I am. Just yesterday, I was in a store and they had a jar there to put money in to provide milk to those who couldn’t afford it. I didn’t want to put in $5, which is the lowest bill I had, so I chose not to. But it’s not like I don’t give. We give at church and to a lot of other charities (but I feel like it’s not enough) and I do volunteer work (although I feel like it’s never enough). So I feel like I’ve sinned and need to confess, but I don’t know if I even did anything wrong.
I do have links to some good Catholic examination of conscience documents, but since I have confessed all of my mortal sins (probably more than once each), it becomes harder for me to identify venial sins and list them out, because I wasn’t raised Catholic and really still have a bad understanding of it and of course, well, the scruples.
I need some help. Do I just say this to the priest in confession? I know confession is supposed to be more of a "I did 'a ‘x’ many times, and “I did ‘b’ ‘x’ many times”, etc. I feel like I just want to go in there and say “I did everything wrong”… and ask for forgiveness.
I have a difficult time examining my conscience because all of this and I know I need Jesus as my Savior and I know I sin, and need his forgiveness, but how do I go to a priest to confess my sins when I can’t even figure out when or how I’m sinning? Like I said, I know I am. Just yesterday, I was in a store and they had a jar there to put money in to provide milk to those who couldn’t afford it. I didn’t want to put in $5, which is the lowest bill I had, so I chose not to. But it’s not like I don’t give. We give at church and to a lot of other charities (but I feel like it’s not enough) and I do volunteer work (although I feel like it’s never enough). So I feel like I’ve sinned and need to confess, but I don’t know if I even did anything wrong.
I do have links to some good Catholic examination of conscience documents, but since I have confessed all of my mortal sins (probably more than once each), it becomes harder for me to identify venial sins and list them out, because I wasn’t raised Catholic and really still have a bad understanding of it and of course, well, the scruples.
I need some help. Do I just say this to the priest in confession? I know confession is supposed to be more of a "I did 'a ‘x’ many times, and “I did ‘b’ ‘x’ many times”, etc. I feel like I just want to go in there and say “I did everything wrong”… and ask for forgiveness.
