Excessive baby rocking and bouncing?

[yellowbird]

Back at cha

fair enough!

PS. What does ETA mean? I’m wracking my brain and just can’t figure it out. It’s probably something so obvious… ?

 

[redrosetea]

I wouldn’t object to seeing a tot rocked to sooth them

We have a nice family in our church that no one wants to set behind…The reason is they are so distracting…Their children have all made their first communions ,but the parents treat them like babies…They give them back massages and hold them…They are big kids and their legs dangle down…They are stood on the back of the pew in front of them

I don’t think they realize how much it distracts others …it is such a busy constant production they engage in…don’t tell me to set elsewhere…they come in at the last minute and pile in where ever they can find a spot…

 

[NancyBlue]

Seriously, how great is your life if your biggest irritation is a mother rocking her baby?

I double dog dare you to post this in the parenting forum. You will be ripped to shreds my friend.

Others may/ can/ will be distracted by excessive rocking?
Not everyone has to love children and wants to put up with, listen too, or wants to be distracted by noisy or jumping kids, moms or dads.
Why do you think your “parenting forum friends” have more rights in church than those their with out their kids or families with no kids?
How is that fair?

It is distracting,simple, why tip toe around it and lie?

P.S.
I am talking about **excessive **rocking hard and bouncing.
Nothing more.

ETA= edited to add

 

[Belle10]

Last Sunday at Mass there was a youngish mother a few pews ahead of us, and while we were standing, she began to sway back and forth and bounce her baby in arms. It got a little distracting, I thought.

I’ve seen this kind of over-zealous baby or child rocking before (it generally seems to be done up in the front pews) and wonder if it wouldn’t be better to just take the baby to the back of the church or to the crying room.

First, how do you know it takes place mostly in the front pews? Surely there are people behind you also rocking their babies.

I can understand how it might be distracting to you, but what is worse, a mother (or father) rocking their baby to soothe them and keep them quiet, or a crying baby?

There’s a woman who sits in the front row at our church and rocks – and her kids are standing next to her in the pew! I noticed it once and thought it was a little strange, but realized she probably didn’t even know she was doing it. Then I realized I should stop watching her and focus on why I’m really there. It’s our human nature to look at others and notice things, but we should try our best to keep our focus on God during Mass. As the mother of a toddler who has a tough time sitting still during Mass, I try my best to do what will keep her quiet. I know she doesn’t have to be there yet at her age, but she’s been going since she was in the womb, and going together and it being part of her life as long as she can remember is important. (Note: when I’ve taken her to the cry room, her behavior has been worse, so we stay in the main church now.)

Like someone else said, we don’t criticize the men who jingle change in their pockets (very distracting to me!), or those who sing off-key (I try to remember that their voices are beautiful to God even if they’re not to mine), or the cantor whose singing is nice but w-a-y t-o-o s-l-o-w for what the song should be (a major annoying distraction to me!), or to those who do a number of things that can be deemed distracting. I just try to remember that I should be there, so should my daughter, and when I get distracted I just do my best to return my focus to God. He’s glad ALL of us are there.

 

[Ruthie]

Ooh… now I feel all controversial!

When I saw the hand-over-mouth thing done, it *seemed *very gentle. The baby was being snuggled at the same time. And tots that got whiny were just touched on their lips, and got quiet, without any signs of fear.

But I am no expert on babies. So I’ll take y’all’s word on it.

Oh, and I don’t mind the crying babies at all. It used to drive me crazy, but Our Lady intervened for me, and now I smile because I am hearing a precious gift from God. Even the “obnoxious” toddlers get smiles from me.

It’s some of the *parents *I can’t stand… Like the ones who reacted to their little boy’s various toddler antics by:

Giving him food
Slapping his hand
Picking him up, standing up and rocking him (looked like liturgical dance!)
Ignoring him
Telling him “No!”

Yes, both parents. Yes, at one Mass, not over the course of time. How’s that poor kid supposed to learn how to behave without any consistency? (And let’s not talk about the sippy cup full of juice that got all over our antique maple pew and our new carpet…)

P.s. The kid was as cute as a button. I loved him - even though he distracted me!

I wonder how “cute” he’ll be in his teens?

Ruthie

 

[marytk]

So is the cry room! Well, not child abuse… but parent abuse. It’s noisy, smelly and hot.

At least mine is.

You said: ETA: At our sunday mass “families with children are supposed to sit on the left side of the church” but it dont always happen.

How rude that they aren’t following directions!!! Perhaps if people bonked them on the head with missals they’d get a clue?

Does your parish make people who sing off key sit in a designated area? How about grown men who jingle their change in the their pockets… do they have their own pew? How about scantly clad teenagers…they can be very distracting… I’d like to be able to sit seperate from them. Oh, and people who forget to turn off their cell phones… I think they should be forced to sit in perhaps the last row of the cry room? Or maybe the parking lot? They really bug me. In fact, there are all sorts of people who bug me… and it IS all about MY comfort, right?

How about a place for all those who are looking and quietly “huffing” in disdain.

 

[GreenGumby]

How about a place for all those who are looking and quietly “huffing” in disdain.

I say we put all the kids in the church where they belong and make a sound-proof room for those who want the silence.

I corresponded with a man who said he cussed out a fellow parishioner and threatened physical harm when she asked his son if he was alright in the middle of a screaming fit in the middle of Mass. I was so appaled at the dad’s behavior that I didn’t know what to say. I do understand that there are very bad parents out there and children who act out. The dad should have shown consideration to others and removed the child. He obviously wasn’t the type to be worried about others’ feelings. He still didn’t have an obligation to take him to the cry room. Its presence doesn’t insist on its use. The overwhelming majority of people would say a non-consolable tantruming toddler should be removed. They wouldn’t say that a bouncing mother should.

I do understand the frustration that the coddling, doting, rocking, bouncing, fidgeting, fussing, obsessive, exuberant, outlandish parent can display. I know one woman who couldn’t tell you a word that was said in Mass because she’s so obsessed with her baby. She has 30 feet of fabric which she throws this way and that as she leans forward and bounces the baby onto her back, then 2 minutes later she’s unwrapping all the fabric and throwing it all over to move the baby to the front, then she’s having an animated whispered conversation with her husband. The one I heard when sitting behind her and dodging fabric was about a book she read saying they had to hold the missal and hymnal up to the baby when the baby jabbers in Mass so the baby connects the idea of vocalizing with the idea of reading. She had some scientific explanation about how it affects the child’s brain. I rolled my eyes, not at their doing it, but at the conviction, importance, and emotion behind her correction of her husband’s parenting. Other mothers with slings and wraps and other carrying contraptions are able to move their children around without the flamboyance. Their fussy babies distract me far less than this mother does. I never notice her quiet and happy baby when she’s around. When I see this mom, I let out a long sigh, shake my head and go sit on the other side of the church where I thank God that her children are at church and pray that the church’s presence will be a positive influence in both their lives. I would never dream of thinking that she and her child should be kicked out of church or stuck in a sound-proof room or that they belonged out there or didn’t deserve to sit in the same area as me. I would be far more angry to see a bulletin announcement that women with fabric baby wraps need to sit in the last three pews and unwrap outside. So much for a culture of life!

 

[yellowbird]

I When I see this mom, I let out a long sigh, shake my head and go sit on the other side of the church where I thank God that her children are at church and pray that the church’s presence will be a positive influence in both their lives. I would never dream of thinking that she and her child should be kicked out of church or stuck in a sound-proof room or that they belonged out there or didn’t deserve to sit in the same area as me. I would be far more angry to see a bulletin announcement that women with fabric baby wraps need to sit in the last three pews and unwrap outside. So much for a culture of life!

What a wonderful loving attitude you have. And this is the thing, when people huff and pitch fits over things like other people’s kids, the offending parents aren’t bothered in the least. Neither are the kids. The only people totally bothered are those huffing & puffing. So what’s the point of that? Rather than being miserable, they should just pray for the “bratty” kid and his inept parents. It’s very difficult to remain irritated with someone you’ve just prayed for. At least I think so.

 

[Ruthie]

Rather than being miserable, they should just pray for the “bratty” kid and his inept parents. It’s very difficult to remain irritated with someone you’ve just prayed for. At least I think so.

Good point.

Ruthie

 

[Solomon_Wisdom]

I think perhaps a clear sign outside specific churches would help; something along the lines of** “this Church believes that babies are not welcome at the centre of our community”**?

That, I feel, should ensure that people get a clear message on what Christ would have done. Whether it is correct or not I’ll leave to you, but at least it would be clear.

 

[redrosetea]

Decades ago we had one mother who strolled her child up and down the aisle during mass…no one said anything to her as far as I know…But one day she took her antics a bit too far and placed her child on the floor in front of the altar…Fr wasted no time at all telling her to pick that baby up and get if off the floor

Why she was such a dimwit amazed us all…

 

[Brenda_V]

with out their kids

or families with no kids?
How is that fair?

It was a joke, to be taken lightly although many who frequent the Parenting Forum in Family Life here on the Catholic Answers Forums are very pro-families attending Mass together whenever possible.

Many will agree that there are a few parents who don’t know when to take their children out of Mass but then again, there is that little peep from an infant and the crank gets all bent out of shape because a baby is at Mass! Trust me, it goes both ways.

As far as cry rooms go, the majority of them are like sheds with a big window where heating and cooling don’t work, the speaker system is horrendous so even if you are in there trying to teach your child how to behave they can’t hear a word nor can they see because they tend to be in the back of the church. There was one Parish I went to on occasion where the cry room was right up front at the side of the Altar. I had no children at the time so I don’t know if it was too hot/cold or whether the speaker worked but at least the children could see what was going on and, I think more importantly, the parents were more or less on view from the rest of the Congregation so they had to behave (nothing like positive peer pressure ). See that is part of the problem with cry rooms, parents end up in there and it becomes a gab fest and the children just play. I know for the new Parish in my town it has been suggested by Father that our cry room should be up front so the children could see what was going on!

Brenda V.

 

[EasterJoy]

As far as cry rooms go, the majority of them are like sheds with a big window where heating and cooling don’t work, the speaker system is horrendous so even if you are in there trying to teach your child how to behave they can’t hear a word nor can they see because they tend to be in the back of the church. There was one Parish I went to on occasion where the cry room was right up front at the side of the Altar. I had no children at the time so I don’t know if it was too hot/cold or whether the speaker worked but at least the children could see what was going on and, I think more importantly, the parents were more or less on view from the rest of the Congregation so they had to behave (nothing like positive peer pressure ). See that is part of the problem with cry rooms, parents end up in there and it becomes a gab fest and the children just play. I know for the new Parish in my town it has been suggested by Father that our cry room should be up front so the children could see what was going on!

Brenda V.

Our cry room is up front. There is a partial screen to keep from making it a circus display, excepting the big window that looks toward the altar. It is much better than putting the room in back. The only drawback is that this is where the children’s “Liturgy of the Word” takes place on Sundays…the adult homily isn’t piped in except during the summer, on Saturday nights, and on major feast days such as Easter and Christmas.

The problem I had with the cry room was that most of the parents in there just let their kids run around. Our twins started to think church was a place to run around. I finally decided to leave them home with their grandma for a time, and then brought them back into the main church when they were older. (I’ll not get into why “making them behave” wasn’t an immediate option. Just trust me on that one.)

Everyone has suggested putting the kids in the front pews, which is a good idea. Another group that should sit there, though, are the easily distracted. If you’re distracted easily and don’t know the parents in the parish well enough to say something to them, then you might try to get to church early and find a seat in the *very *front. At least the visual distractions will be fewer.

Of course, “bouncing Mom” will sit right behind you and her kids will grab your hair during the epistle and make personal comments about you in a 50 decibel stage whisper, but that’s life.
It is a vale of tears.

 

[Hesychios]

The kids can see better up front

**And when they can see better, they are better behaved!

This is one advantage to a pewless church (as is common in Eastern Churches). The little ones aren’t confined to one spot in a forest of furniture and are free to move around, look at icons, and such. Since they are not pinned to the pew, they don’t disturb others.**

This is exactly what I was thinking.

In this situation, people are usually blaming babies for being babies and parents for being parents, when the problem is not there at all.

Catholics can thank their Protestant and Catholic ancestors and predecessors for inventing the pew and keeping it. That is not how the Latin Rite was celebrated for 1500 years.

It may be hard to imagine because most of the discussion about historical worship focuses on the rubrics of the clergy, and the composition of prayers, but the role of the laity went through something of a revolution in the sixteenth century that never reversed.

It has made the introduction of tiny tots to religion a difficult, and sometimes embittering experience for young children. There has not been a good solution to this yet: the introduction of “crying rooms” to isolate the young ones, taking the child outside for a good spanking, putting up with the noise of toys banging on a pew like a drum, etc. All of this is unnecessary, because pews are unnecessary and not really Catholic.

Michael

 

[whatevergirl]

Jesus said…‘bring the children to Me.’ They weren’t in cry rooms, or in some far off corners. He explained to His followers…that they were to have faith like little children. (and so are we) I think seeing the innocence of children all around me at mass, is a humbling moment. When Jesus preached, I’m sure there were moms bouncing babies, and trying to keep their kids under control.

Just sayin.’

I have seen unruly kids at mass. MOST of the time, parents take kids who are fussing out of mass…but, not everyone has a cry room at their parish, not everyone has the money for a sitter…and if Christ wanted the kids to ‘come to Him,’ who are we to complain?

 

[tjfitz]

It’s not just the rocking and rolling mother with baby that can annoy, but also the husband who feels the need to massage his wife’s shoulders and neck the moment they sit during Mass. And the man who leans back and stretches an arm along the back of his pew as soon as he sits during Mass.

 

[leonie]

I think it’s a cultural thing. In some cultures, there is a lot more physical motion during Mass. Kids wander around more. People are more physical with their gestures.

Really, the most important thing is our interior disposition. And, learning to be recollected during distractions is a great skill to practice. If you learn to be pray and be close to God no matter what is going on around you, you will be able to pray in all circumstances.

We were at my children’s Confirmation Mass last week. We had to sit behind a very large family with several very young kids who were very distracting. If I didn’t know the family, I would have been very annoyed. But, because I know the family, I know that they are very close to God. Their kids have a very beautiful faith from a very young age. I’m very sure that the family is more virtuous and faithful than myself. Because I know this, I have much more patience for the distractions.

Maybe if we try to see the people who annoy us as God sees them, we will also be more patient.

But…if you aren’t there yet (I’m not), then it’s a good thing to make accommodations to suit your sensibilities. Go to Masses that have fewer children. Our 7:30 am Mass has few kids. Sit in the front row. Keep your eyes down.

Etc.

 

[KathleenElsie]

I’m almost a senior, my kids are all grown now, and I still catch myself swaying in church:blush:

I find that when I am even next to someone with a small child I will sway. Must be a woman thing.

 

[KathleenElsie]

Sorry to annoy the rockers and swayers, but I would prefer to see a little child walking in the aisle or sitting on the altar steps (I’ve seen it often) than see a grown woman swaying like a metronone or frantically rocking a child. It just seems overdone and over-mommy-ed to me.

(An aside: why don’t I ever see a daddy rocking and swaying?)

Granted, it is hard to get out of a pew and go to the back of the church or to the crying room if you are stuck in the middle, but a small bit of planning ahead for the inevitable disturbance by picking a convenient escape route could make things much easier. I also know it is annoying to have people without children take up all the back pews or insist in the aisle spot in the other pews.

Seems that the kids and the kneelers banging tend to annoy. Remember that there is no such thing as a private space at the Mass. Instead of you wanting others to not distract you maybe you can sit in the first pew so no one is within your view except the Priest and Our Lord.

 

[KathleenElsie]

I think mama should have moved out to the cry room.
I agree it is very distracting and not our place to “move”. The cry room is “for” that purpose.
DISTRACTION is not good!

One sunday a mama was practically bouncing / jumping up and down to keep baby quite. It was VERY distracting.
I did mention it to my priest and the next week it was mentioned in our weekly. That “Mothers who try to keep their infants quiet by bouncing and making large motions should sit in the last 3 pews or the cry room to avoid distractions to others”

I was not the only one who complained.

ETA: At our sunday mass “families with children are supposed to sit on the left side of the church” but it dont always happen.

Please tell me that your were kidding when you said there were designated areas for families to sit. Do you also segregate men from women as there stand next to one another might be a distraction to others?

Even at my age I would find this segregation insulting and find another parish.