I don’t think so. I was never really what you would call a faithful Catholic. I was indoctrinated by my family, but somehow, even from a very young age, I was never really convinced of all the things in the faith I was being taught. When I was a teenager I started dabbling with my mates in various things, but it was a laugh. I realised there was nothing behind any of this occult stuff except the mind of the person. It was all in the head. I think when that happened, I started to question if there was nothing in this occult stuff, then perhaps there’s nothing in this religious stuff either. But because I was so indoctrinated, I found it very hard to stop praying, and stop going to mass altogether. It was a part of me, and habitual, like brushing my teeth. Questions I asked were dismissed, or the answers weren’t really answers. It boiled down to shut up and say your prayers. That’s not what was actually said, but it might as well have been. When I had my first real crush, then relationship, it was with a girl two years older than me. I won’t go into it here but my family went mental. My mother had a priest call in on me, without telling me, which he did while I was still in bed. He sat on the edge of the bed and lectured me for an hour. I was mortified. My mother was convinced the devil must be at work in me for me to one, be in a sexual relationship, and two, have that relationship with another female. I’m sure if you asked her, she’d say I was possessed. I know otherwise. My drifting away from the faith is based on my experiences, betrayals, embarrassments, disappointments, and lack of any sensible answers, than anything to do with any teenage dabblings, because my faith was lost I think long before then, or at least seriously damaged. Subsequent events just confirmed what I was already thinking and feeling. But the funny thing is, I still can’t say I’m not a Catholic, and I still occasionally say a prayer, the indoctrination is that deep.
