Experience at WWME good, but the Mass, not so much

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sarahraegraham

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Well, we’re back from a WWME weekend, and we were pleasantly surprised by what we came out of it with. Other than the Mass…

Now, some of these may be licit, but to me, they were just unsettling, the 4th one was just plain goofy and irreverent, and the last one was downright repulsive (although not the presenters’ or the priest’s faults):
  1. one large host broken up for everyone (the size of a dinner plate, maybe a little smaller)… I can get past that, as it seems not that big a deal
  2. couples doing the readings (I don’t care for lay lectors either, but that’s another story)
  3. I’m used to red wine, and this looked white
  4. encouraging couples to come up and receive communion together side-by-side at that time and also when they returned home to their own parishes (come ON!)
  5. and opening the floor for petitions during the prayers of the faithful, which one woman took as an opportunity to ask God to bless his sister’s IN VITRO FERTILIZATION procedures with her husband “so that they could have the joy of being parents that we do” :eek::eek:
You don’t know how badly I wanted to (but didn’t) insert my own prayer immediately after hers asking that all Catholic men and women would become knowledgable of the Church’s condemnation of IVF as gravely sinful and evil, and that they would not use it themselves nor encourage others to sin so gravely. I just could not believe what I heard and stood there shaking my head.

Much as this bothered me because it felt very kumbaya-Protestant-like, and like WWME is trying to stamp itself on top of the Mass. To me, this is the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and it should be treated with the utmost respect and reverence. I believe it could have and should have been handled much more carefully.

Overall, the weekend was great. But I wish that I did not have this stamped on my memory as the last part of it.
 
(4) encouraging couples to come up and receive communion together side-by-side at that time and also when they returned home to their own parishes (come ON!)
Actually, the fourth one that you named is ilicit. The reception of Holy Communion is an individual act, not a “couple” event. This is one of those bad practices that should not be happening.

Here is what the GIRM notes about how Holy Communion should be distrbuted:
  1. The priest then takes the paten or ciborium and goes to the communicants, who, as a rule, approach in a procession.
The faithful are not permitted to take the consecrated bread or the sacred chalice by themselves and, still less, to hand them from one to another. The norm for reception of Holy Communion in the dioceses of the United States is standing. Communicants should not be denied Holy Communion because they kneel. Rather, such instances should be addressed pastorally, by providing the faithful with proper catechesis on the reasons for this norm.
When receiving Holy Communion, the communicant bows his or her head before the Sacrament as a gesture of reverence and receives the Body of the Lord from the minister. The consecrated host may be received either on the tongue or in the hand, at the discretion of each communicant. When Holy Communion is received under both kinds, the sign of reverence is also made before receiving the Precious Blood.
Furthermore, the priest (let alone the movement) does not have the right to introduce novelties into the Mass. According to Redemptionis Sacramentum:
[7.] Not infrequently, abuses are rooted in a false understanding of liberty. Yet God has not granted us in Christ an illusory liberty by which we may do what we wish, but a liberty by which we may do that which is fitting and right.18 This is true not only of precepts coming directly from God, but also of laws promulgated by the Church, with appropriate regard for the nature of each norm. For this reason, all should conform to the ordinances set forth by legitimate ecclesiastical authority.
[8.] It is therefore to be noted with great sadness that “ecumenical initiatives which are well-intentioned, nevertheless indulge at times in Eucharistic practices contrary to the discipline by which the Church expresses her faith”. Yet the Eucharist “is too great a gift to tolerate ambiguity or depreciation”. It is therefore necessary that some things be corrected or more clearly delineated so that in this respect as well “the Eucharist will continue to shine forth in all its radiant mystery”.19
[9.] Finally, abuses are often based on ignorance, in that they involve a rejection of those elements whose deeper meaning is not understood and whose antiquity is not recognized. For “the liturgical prayers, orations and songs are pervaded by the inspiration and impulse” of the Sacred Scriptures themselves, “and it is from these that the actions and signs receive their meaning”.20 …
…[11.] The Mystery of the Eucharist “is too great for anyone to permit himself to treat it according to his own whim, so that its sacredness and its universal ordering would be obscured”.27 On the contrary, anyone who acts thus by giving free rein to his own inclinations, even if he is a Priest, injures the substantial unity of the Roman Rite, which ought to be vigorously preserved,28 and becomes responsible for actions that are in no way consistent with the hunger and thirst for the living God that is experienced by the people today. Nor do such actions serve authentic pastoral care or proper liturgical renewal; instead, they deprive Christ’s faithful of their patrimony and their heritage. For arbitrary actions are not conducive to true renewal,29 but are detrimental to the right of Christ’s faithful to a liturgical celebration that is an expression of the Church’s life in accordance with her tradition and discipline. In the end, they introduce elements of distortion and disharmony into the very celebration of the Eucharist, which is oriented in its own lofty way and by its very nature to signifying and wondrously bringing about the communion of divine life and the unity of the People of God.30 The result is uncertainty in matters of doctrine, perplexity and scandal on the part of the People of God, and, almost as a necessary consequence, vigorous opposition, all of which greatly confuse and sadden many of Christ’s faithful in this age of ours when Christian life is often particularly difficult on account of the inroads of “secularization” as well.31
Sadly, this is how bad liturgy gets spread. We worry about the swine flu virus, but, incidents like this are just as harmful because they do a lot of damage to the integrity of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.
 
Don’t you ever compare the Mass to WWME! You have NO IDEA how awesome Jesus’ Sacrifice is! :mad:

Everything except the fourth is okay. As the above poster noted, it is illegal in the Church.
 
  1. one large host broken up for everyone (the size of a dinner plate, maybe a little smaller)… I can get past that, as it seems not that big a deal
I don’t think there is anything *illicit *about this, but I think those big hosts look pretty rediculous. I also prefer to receive round hosts for some reason.
  1. couples doing the readings (I don’t care for lay lectors either, but that’s another story)
If it is a husband doing one reading, and the wife doing another one, I don’t have a big problem with that- but I don’t think it’s right for them to be standing up there together to read it.
  1. I’m used to red wine, and this looked white
White wine may not be the best symbol, but it works just fine.
  1. encouraging couples to come up and receive communion together side-by-side at that time and also when they returned home to their own parishes (come ON!)
Yuck! Mass is not something you do just with your spouse- it’s something you do with the whole Church.
  1. and opening the floor for petitions during the prayers of the faithful, which one woman took as an opportunity to ask God to bless his sister’s IN VITRO FERTILIZATION procedures with her husband “so that they could have the joy of being parents that we do”
Part of me likes it when the congregation is asked to include petitions, because I can include things that are important that I doubt would be included if the priest or reader did the petitions themselves. I’m not sure this way of doing things is licit though- and I can see how, as in this case, this practice can get out of hand. I think it would be better to have a parish book of intentions (or a book of intentions for the retreat, or whatever the Mass is part of) and have something like “for all the petitions in the intention book” mentioned in the petitions.
 
Well, we’re back from a WWME weekend, and we were pleasantly surprised by what we came out of it with. Other than the Mass…

Now, some of these may be licit, but to me, they were just unsettling, the 4th one was just plain goofy and irreverent, and the last one was downright repulsive (although not the presenters’ or the priest’s faults):
  1. one large host broken up for everyone (the size of a dinner plate, maybe a little smaller)… I can get past that, as it seems not that big a deal
Nothing wrong with that. We use concelebration hosts like that at all Sunday & Feast Day Masses. It’s a better symbol of ‘breaking and sharing’.
  1. couples doing the readings (I don’t care for lay lectors either, but that’s another story)
Each doing a reading or sharing one reading? No reading is supposed to be divided between people except the Passion. The GIRM is clear on that.
  1. I’m used to red wine, and this looked white
As long as it’s made from grapes, the color of the wine is irrelevant, though red is a better symbol of the blood of Christ shed for us.
  1. encouraging couples to come up and receive communion together side-by-side at that time and also when they returned home to their own parishes (come ON!)
Completely illicit, receiving Communion is a personal not a communal action even if we do it as a community. What if one wasn’t properly disposed to receive? Would he/she feel obligated because the other was receiving?
  1. and opening the floor for petitions during the prayers of the faithful, which one woman took as an opportunity to ask God to bless his sister’s IN VITRO FERTILIZATION procedures with her husband “so that they could have the joy of being parents that we do” :eek::eek:
That one is just plain wrong, wrong, wrong. We have a Prayer Intentions binder at the back of the church and the last intercession is always “For our own personal intentions (pause) and for all the intentions entered in our book, we pray to the Lord.”
 
My wife and I were involved in WWME for quite a long time.

Great organization that does a lot for marriage.

As far as the Mass, that does vary. None of what you described is mandated by WWME or the retreat format. If you get a priest who likes to do that kind of stuff, and he is the only priest WWME can get… it tends to make a mark on the local group.

One of the advatages of a WWME marriage retreat is that, as you know, it involves a priest at every talk. There is a priest there for the entire weekend, and it has to be a priest who had developed talks for the retreat.

Getting a priest for a full weekend is pretty hard, and in many cases, it’s the 70’s retired priests who are the one who are available.

In our case, we had a priest who taught at the seminary, which was MUCH better ( he is now actually rector of the seminary 🙂 )
 
In our case, we had a priest who taught at the seminary, which was MUCH better ( he is now actually rector of the seminary 🙂 )
Although, based on my experiences, that’s no guarantee – depends on which seminary. It was a former seminary professor who yelled at me that we had never paid attention to Roman documents on EMHCs and that we weren’t about to start now! Explained our pastor’s behaviour: he was one of this priest’s former students.
 
Well, we’re back from a WWME weekend, and we were pleasantly surprised by what we came out of it with. Other than the Mass…

Now, some of these may be licit, but to me, they were just unsettling, the 4th one was just plain goofy and irreverent, and the last one was downright repulsive (although not the presenters’ or the priest’s faults):
  1. one large host broken up for everyone (the size of a dinner plate, maybe a little smaller)… I can get past that, as it seems not that big a deal
  2. couples doing the readings (I don’t care for lay lectors either, but that’s another story)
  3. I’m used to red wine, and this looked white
  4. encouraging couples to come up and receive communion together side-by-side at that time and also when they returned home to their own parishes (come ON!)
  5. and opening the floor for petitions during the prayers of the faithful, which one woman took as an opportunity to ask God to bless his sister’s IN VITRO FERTILIZATION procedures with her husband “so that they could have the joy of being parents that we do” :eek::eek:
You don’t know how badly I wanted to (but didn’t) insert my own prayer immediately after hers asking that all Catholic men and women would become knowledgable of the Church’s condemnation of IVF as gravely sinful and evil, and that they would not use it themselves nor encourage others to sin so gravely. I just could not believe what I heard and stood there shaking my head.

Much as this bothered me because it felt very kumbaya-Protestant-like, and like WWME is trying to stamp itself on top of the Mass. To me, this is the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and it should be treated with the utmost respect and reverence. I believe it could have and should have been handled much more carefully.

Overall, the weekend was great. But I wish that I did not have this stamped on my memory as the last part of it.
I would be careful if I were you.

I know that couples attend WWME because their marriages are strong, not weak. WWME is not an activity for troubled marriages, but good marriages. So I assume your marriage is strong and happy.

However, keeping a list of faults is a personality flaw that should not be given in to. Keeping lists of faults will weaken a marriage.

The purpose of WWME is not to attend Mass, but to strengthen your marriage. Brendan nailed it when he said that the Mass you experience at WWME depends on what priest is available and willing. (Same for Protestant WWME, BTW–the pastor could be anyone from a free-will Baptist to a pre-destination Calvinist to a feminist woman who addresses “Father-Mother God” in her prayers!)

It’s not right and it’s certainly not comfortable to attend a Mass like this, but the positives of WWME far outweigh the negatives. Offer up the bad Mass, be grateful that such things don’t happen in your own parish, and take all the good things home from WWME.

I’m not sure if the Bishop has any jurisdiction over the WWME in his diocese. It might be worth checking it out. But I doubt anything will come of it except an expenditure of your time and energy. WWME has been working successfully for decades, so I doubt the Bishop is going to rock the boat too much, especially when there aren’t that many priests to go around. It’s too bad, but like I said, take all the good out of WWME, and try to forget about the bad.
 
Actually, the fourth one that you named is ilicit… Furthermore, the priest (let alone the movement) does not have the right to introduce novelties into the Mass… Sadly, this is how bad liturgy gets spread.
I thought it would be illicit, too… That is EXACTLY what my husband and I said. I said, “It felt like WWME was trying to stamp themselves onto the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.”
I would be careful if I were you.

I know that couples attend WWME because their marriages are strong, not weak. WWME is not an activity for troubled marriages, but good marriages. So I assume your marriage is strong and happy.

However, keeping a list of faults is a personality flaw that should not be given in to. Keeping lists of faults will weaken a marriage.

The purpose of WWME is not to attend Mass, but to strengthen your marriage. Brendan nailed it when he said that the Mass you experience at WWME depends on what priest is available and willing. (Same for Protestant WWME, BTW–the pastor could be anyone from a free-will Baptist to a pre-destination Calvinist to a feminist woman who addresses “Father-Mother God” in her prayers!)

It’s not right and it’s certainly not comfortable to attend a Mass like this, but the positives of WWME far outweigh the negatives. Offer up the bad Mass, be grateful that such things don’t happen in your own parish, and take all the good things home from WWME.

I’m not sure if the Bishop has any jurisdiction over the WWME in his diocese. It might be worth checking it out. But I doubt anything will come of it except an expenditure of your time and energy. WWME has been working successfully for decades, so I doubt the Bishop is going to rock the boat too much, especially when there aren’t that many priests to go around. It’s too bad, but like I said, take all the good out of WWME, and try to forget about the bad.
Yes, that is exactly what we planned to do. We’re both very strong in our faith, and we noticed these things as being “off” immediately, while the others may have not. Our marriage is good, we just had some communication issues (who doesn’t?) and we thought WWME could give us some ideas to run with, and they did. We had the discussion on the way home that we would attend a weekend again in the future if we wanted to, however, we would make it clear to the teams that we would NOT be participating in their Mass. We would go ourselves on Sunday to a local parish, and if they don’t like it they can lump it. I’m more concerned about the salvation of my soul then this group’s concern for my earthly marriage, you know? And we agreed that we would mention this to any other couple we might here saying that they’re going to attend/thinking about it, or any other time the subject comes up.

And that was what really bothered me about the couple-receiving-together thing: marriage is only a symbolization of what our union with Christ will be in heaven, and the Mass is a foreshadowing of heaven on earth. I will always receive Christ individually, as will my husband.

And I thought about whether or not I should bring these issues to the attention of the priest and the teams there, as well as the bishop of the diocese we were in (it was not our own), but like you said, I don’t know if it would do any good. They’re not funded by the Church, so it seems like it would just be running in circles. I don’t want to get anyone upset here, but one of the first things that popped into my head was, “This is exactly why I do not care for the O.F. Mass and why I believe the E.F. is preferable”. You just can’t abuse the E.F., but the O.F. is a completely different story. Otherwise, I do like the O.F. I wish this problem of abuses (small as they may be/seem) could be taken care of, but…

Thanks all for the replies so far. I’d love to see more discussion on it, so if you want to post, keep it going! 👍
 
Well, we’re back from a WWME weekend, and we were pleasantly surprised by what we came out of it with. Other than the Mass…

Now, some of these may be licit, but to me, they were just unsettling, the 4th one was just plain goofy and irreverent, and the last one was downright repulsive (although not the presenters’ or the priest’s faults):
  1. one large host broken up for everyone (the size of a dinner plate, maybe a little smaller)… I can get past that, as it seems not that big a deal
  2. couples doing the readings (I don’t care for lay lectors either, but that’s another story)
  3. I’m used to red wine, and this looked white
  4. encouraging couples to come up and receive communion together side-by-side at that time and also when they returned home to their own parishes (come ON!)
  5. and opening the floor for petitions during the prayers of the faithful, which one woman took as an opportunity to ask God to bless his sister’s IN VITRO FERTILIZATION procedures with her husband “so that they could have the joy of being parents that we do” :eek::eek:
You don’t know how badly I wanted to (but didn’t) insert my own prayer immediately after hers asking that all Catholic men and women would become knowledgable of the Church’s condemnation of IVF as gravely sinful and evil, and that they would not use it themselves nor encourage others to sin so gravely. I just could not believe what I heard and stood there shaking my head.

Much as this bothered me because it felt very kumbaya-Protestant-like, and like WWME is trying to stamp itself on top of the Mass. To me, this is the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and it should be treated with the utmost respect and reverence. I believe it could have and should have been handled much more carefully.

Overall, the weekend was great. But I wish that I did not have this stamped on my memory as the last part of it.
  1. This is not only permitted, but to an extent encouraged by GIRM 321 and Redemptionis Sacramentum 48. Now, having said that, we also need to put that into perspective. If the one host is so large as to look silly, or if it’s broken into so many pieces that the fraction rite takes too long, or there are too many crumbs of Eucharist, or it detracts from the dignity of the Mass in any other way, then it should not be done. This one could go either way.
  2. That depends upon what you mean. Example: a husband reads the Epistle, sits down again, the wife stands up, and then reads the Psalm is fine. But if they’re doing anything other than one reader doing one reading at a time, then it’s not licit. If they’re standing there “as a couple” then it’s certainly illicit.
  3. The color of the wine makes no difference. As long as it’s true grape wine, that’s all that matters. Some (and I happen to be one of them) see a legitimate sign value in red wine; while that may be true, the color of the wine makes no difference at all.
  4. This is a matter of adding something downright silly to the Mass. It has no place in the Mass. Couples should not be told to do this, and most certainly should not be told to do so at their home parishes. There is simply no excuse for adding nonsense like this which detracts from the dignity and solemnity of the Mass.
  5. The petition itself aside (which is inappropriate) people should not be announcing petitions during the General Intercessions. The GIRM describes how the intercessions are announced, and so doing anything other than what is described is de facto forbidden. The petition you mentioned is a fine example of precisely why this liturgical abuse is such a problem.
The abuses of the Mass aside, congratulations on a good weekend!
 
I thought it would be illicit, too… That is EXACTLY what my husband and I said. I said, “It felt like WWME was trying to stamp themselves onto the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.”

Yes, that is exactly what we planned to do. We’re both very strong in our faith, and we noticed these things as being “off” immediately, while the others may have not. Our marriage is good, we just had some communication issues (who doesn’t?) and we thought WWME could give us some ideas to run with, and they did. We had the discussion on the way home that we would attend a weekend again in the future if we wanted to, however, we would make it clear to the teams that we would NOT be participating in their Mass. We would go ourselves on Sunday to a local parish, and if they don’t like it they can lump it. I’m more concerned about the salvation of my soul then this group’s concern for my earthly marriage, you know? And we agreed that we would mention this to any other couple we might here saying that they’re going to attend/thinking about it, or any other time the subject comes up.

And that was what really bothered me about the couple-receiving-together thing: marriage is only a symbolization of what our union with Christ will be in heaven, and the Mass is a foreshadowing of heaven on earth. I will always receive Christ individually, as will my husband.

And I thought about whether or not I should bring these issues to the attention of the priest and the teams there, as well as the bishop of the diocese we were in (it was not our own), but like you said, I don’t know if it would do any good. They’re not funded by the Church, so it seems like it would just be running in circles. I don’t want to get anyone upset here, but one of the first things that popped into my head was, “This is exactly why I do not care for the O.F. Mass and why I believe the E.F. is preferable”. You just can’t abuse the E.F., but the O.F. is a completely different story. Otherwise, I do like the O.F. I wish this problem of abuses (small as they may be/seem) could be taken care of, but…

Thanks all for the replies so far. I’d love to see more discussion on it, so if you want to post, keep it going! 👍
I agree that it would be a wise idea to attend a Mass of your choice rather than taking a chance. I’ve only been to a few Catholic retreats, but I attended plenty of Protestant retreats (when I was Protestant), and I never felt obligated to attend every activity, service, and study. Now you are “in the know” about WWME, and next time, you’ll have an even better experience because you’ll go to a different Mass! Who knows?–maybe other couples will join you!
 
While it is disturbing that the peition in question was even brought up (let alone desired by a Mass attending Catholic or any Catholic at all), I find it more disturbing that the priest didn’t do exactly what the OP wanted to do - clarify the immoral nature of that petition. Although during this part of the mass it certainly wouldn’t be within the realm of the GIRM’s rubrics, I would think that the necessity of correcting a serious moral issue would take precedence, given that it was through non-compliance with the GIRM that the incorrect petition originated in the first place.

AGH! :crying:
 
  1. This is not only permitted, but to an extent encouraged by GIRM 321 and Redemptionis Sacramentum 48. Now, having said that, we also need to put that into perspective. If the one host is so large as to look silly, or if it’s broken into so many pieces that the fraction rite takes too long, or there are too many crumbs of Eucharist, or it detracts from the dignity of the Mass in any other way, then it should not be done. This one could go either way.
  2. That depends upon what you mean. Example: a husband reads the Epistle, sits down again, the wife stands up, and then reads the Psalm is fine. But if they’re doing anything other than one reader doing one reading at a time, then it’s not licit. If they’re standing there “as a couple” then it’s certainly illicit.
  3. The color of the wine makes no difference. As long as it’s true grape wine, that’s all that matters. Some (and I happen to be one of them) see a legitimate sign value in red wine; while that may be true, the color of the wine makes no difference at all.
  4. This is a matter of adding something downright silly to the Mass. It has no place in the Mass. Couples should not be told to do this, and most certainly should not be told to do so at their home parishes. There is simply no excuse for adding nonsense like this which detracts from the dignity and solemnity of the Mass.
  5. The petition itself aside (which is inappropriate) people should not be announcing petitions during the General Intercessions. The GIRM describes how the intercessions are announced, and so doing anything other than what is described is de facto forbidden. The petition you mentioned is a fine example of precisely why this liturgical abuse is such a problem.
The abuses of the Mass aside, congratulations on a good weekend!
Thank you Fr. I appreciate a cleryman’s perspective and responses. On the readings issue, one of the couples did “split” the reading, where he read one half and she read the other. So now I am aware that that is wrong.
While it is disturbing that the peition in question was even brought up (let alone desired by a Mass attending Catholic or any Catholic at all), I find it more disturbing that the priest didn’t do exactly what the OP wanted to do - clarify the immoral nature of that petition. Although during this part of the mass it certainly wouldn’t be within the realm of the GIRM’s rubrics, I would think that the necessity of correcting a serious moral issue would take precedence, given that it was through non-compliance with the GIRM that the incorrect petition originated in the first place.

AGH! :crying:
We thought that he should have said something as well. But my speculation is that if he was willing to allow the other abuses, why not let that slip as well? Or, perhaps he did not want to “spoil” the weekend for the couple and have a negative imprint on them. Who knows really? But I think he shoud have.

I am still up in the air about whether or not I should perhaps write a letter to the priest and the teams advising them (gently) that x, y and z were not in line with Church law on the rite of the Mass, and that the next time could they please correct those actions so that I can joyfully support their ministry and send other couples to their weekends after us?

Thoughts?
 
I am still up in the air about whether or not I should perhaps write a letter to the priest and the teams advising them (gently) that x, y and z were not in line with Church law on the rite of the Mass, and that the next time could they please correct those actions so that I can joyfully support their ministry and send other couples to their weekends after us?

Thoughts?
You may want to write the priest expressing your thoughts and giving the pertinent documentation. I don’t know if there is a bishop who is in charge (although I can’t imagine there being NO authority with jurisdictional control over retreats) - I would imagine the local bishop would have to allow/sanction it, regardless of whether he oversees all the retreats everywhere.

As a previous poster said, you might not get a response, or maybe a response that isn’t quite what you would like, but prehaps writing will help you feel that you at least have “done” something. I wrote a letter to a priest within the past few months actually and did get a response back from him. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, nor was it what I think it should have been (they’re the same in my mind :p), but I know I at least voiced my concerns - the rest is up to God, who will fix everything in His own time.
 
Here is the prohibition against dividing up the same reading between two people:
  1. If there are several persons present who are able to exercise the same ministry, nothing forbids their distributing among themselves and performing different parts of the same ministry or duty. For example, one deacon may be assigned to take the sung parts, another to serve at the altar; if there are several readings, it is well to distribute them among a number of lectors. The same applies for the other ministries. **But it is not at all appropriate that several persons divide a single element of the celebration among themselves, e.g., that the same reading be proclaimed by two lectors, one after the other, except as far as the Passion of the Lord is concerned. **
Thus, on top of the ilicit manner of distributing Holy Communion, the matter is further compounded by the ilicit manner in which the readings were proclaimed.
 
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