Experiences with Positively Choosing Catholicism

[njlisa]

Hello, friend:

I am an RCIA Catholic. I was received into the church in 1989 at age 28.

I was raised as a Southern Baptist in Oklahoma. Despite the anti-Catholic atmosphere, I felt myself drawn to the R.C. Church. Whenever I saw a Catholic Church, I wanted to go in and just see what it was all about.

After many years of reading, I set aside my fears and attended Mass. When I left Oklahoma, I decided to give the Catholic Church a shot. I got an ad for the local RCIA program. I called the director of the program, and, within minutes, she called back. I eagerly signed up.

My months in RCIA were tricky. I was ready to pull out. I tried to make everything intellectual – as a defense mechanism. But the RCIA director urged me to stay around. So I did.

Years later, I’m still a Catholic. Early on, it’s hard sometimes to be a “solo” Catholic. But it’s more than worthwhile. The more you pray with the Church, the more you’ll find you are in the Church that Christ founded. I got away from the intellectual and gave myself over to the spiritual. God bless you. I hope I have answered your questions.

P.S. Read “The Story of a Soul” by St. Thérèse of St. Lisieux. Start saying the Rosary every day if you can. And go to Mass!

 

[carefullytread]

Thank you njilsa!

My months in RCIA were tricky. I was ready to pull out. I tried to make everything intellectual – as a defense mechanism. But the RCIA director urged me to stay around. So I did.

Did your director help you to stop being intellectual about it? Did that just eventually come with enough time as you struggled with the mysteries?

It is very inspiring that you made the journey as “solo catholic” as you put it.

 

[njlisa]

Thank you njilsa!

Did your director help you to stop being intellectual about it? Did that just eventually come with enough time as you struggled with the mysteries?

It is very inspiring that you made the journey as “solo catholic” as you put it.

I told her my director I felt phony about joining the Church – because I didn’t agree with all its teachings. She told me to follow my conscience but thoroughly educate myself as to the church’s teaching. Eventually, I found myself less interested in my intellect, and more interested in really having faith in Jesus. Over the years, there were many ups and downs. But as of late, doing spiritual and praying the Rosary have helped me to connect with Our Lord.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie Yentl, which is about a young Jewish woman who wants to do religious study. So, she sings, “The more I live, the more I learn. The more I learn the more I realize the less I know.”

Anyway, don’t give up!!

 

[carefullytread]

Yours is a beautiful story Usige. How great that you found God and your family.

One of the ways I have grown is to put my trust in God and listen to the wisdom of His Church. When I don’t understand something I simply ask God to help me with my failed understanding. In the past I would say show me how you are right, now I ask to be shown where I am wrong.

How did you manage to get to that place? This is a deep point. It is a huge step and at some level, I find it against to the whole project of modernity. I see the chasm and to step into it is to abandon one’s identity as modern free thinking person.

Personally, I see the step from atheism to theism to be much easier than the step to Catholicism which tells you in such specificity the Will of God on so many things. Many Protestant churches leave you with substantially room to develop your own ideas. In a way, I guess, that’s imposing your will on God. Pride may be another name for it. But the Church’s teachings are much more flushed out and demand a docility that frightens me.

 

[njlisa]

This is a deep point. It is a huge step and at some level, I find it against to the whole project of modernity. I see the chasm and to step into it is to abandon one’s identity as modern free thinking person.

I flirted a lot with being a modern free-thinking person when I was in my 20s. Oh, first I was a Marxist, then I was a radical this and a radical that. I had new slogan every day. I judged people who believed as in Christianity as weak.

Well, you know what? I got tired of trying to make up my world-view on the fly. I don’t want every anything I want to do. It may sound stupid. I need structure, faith, and tradition – not free thinking.

 

[carefullytread]

I flirted a lot with being a modern free-thinking person when I was in my 20s. Oh, first I was a Marxist, then I was a radical this and a radical that. I had new slogan every day. I judged people who believed as in Christianity as weak.

Well, you know what? I got tired of trying to make up my world-view on the fly. I don’t want every anything I want to do. It may sound stupid. I need structure, faith, and tradition – not free thinking.

Hi Njlisa,

Rereading the way I had worded it, I realize my point sounds very judgmental. That’s not how I meant it. Rather, something like for a person raised in a modern, secular society, the Catholic principle of “intellectual docility” is foreign and adopting it is hard.

Everyone knows that the Church has a large set of teachings that conflict with the modern world. No one comes to the Church and is surprised to find the extent to which they have to shed certain opinions and return to those held by tradition.

But the Church asks more than acceptance of a set of beliefs, which it also demands certain ways of thinking, the docility towards the doctrines. And so a secular convert needs to not only give up a certain set beliefs, he has to give up his entire way for forming beliefs, and that’s a scary thing to do.

At the moment, I find it too scary.

 

[Della]

Hi Njlisa,

Rereading the way I had worded it, I realize my point sounds very judgmental. That’s not how I meant it. Rather, something like for a person raised in a modern, secular society, the Catholic principle of “intellectual docility” is foreign and adopting it is hard.

Everyone knows that the Church has a large set of teachings that conflict with the modern world. No one comes to the Church and is surprised to find the extent to which they have to shed certain opinions and return to those held by tradition.

But the Church asks more than acceptance of a set of beliefs, which it also demands certain ways of thinking, the docility towards the doctrines. And so a secular convert needs to not only give up a certain set beliefs, he has to give up his entire way for forming beliefs, and that’s a scary thing to do.

At the moment, I find it too scary.

I went through a period of wanting to be in complete control like that too–because that’s what it really is–not merely wanting to be able to think freely–no one is expected to leave his brains at the door when he is reconciled with the Church. Rather we simply want to hang onto the idea that we control our destiny and that our minds are as good as God’s mind. Yes?

When one gives consent to the teachings of the Church one is, in reality, consenting to obey Christ. And why do we obey Christ? For two reasons.

Firstly because he is God. He knows our human condition from both inside and out. Out because he created us (although that’s really inside too since who ever made something he doesn’t know intimately?). And inside because he became one of us. The one who brings us back from disobedience, which is actually slavery to sin, to the fullness of life in God.

And secondly, and just as importantly if not more importantly, because we love Jesus Christ who loved his Father who loved us so much he sent him to us. It’s all about love, you see. When we fall in love we wish to be one with that person. We wish to make him/her happy and be all they want us to be because of our love for them. It’s the same with Christ and his Church. We love Christ because he first loved us and become one of us. And we love Christ’s Church because it is his body.

When St. Paul had his great epiphany on the road to Damascus. Jesus demanded he answer one question, and it wasn’t what Saul believed. He asked, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” Jesus meant his Church whom Saul had been ravaging. Jesus loves his Church because it is composed of you and me–those whom he came into the world to love and save. When you come to love Christ you will also come to love his Church and realize that she doesn’t want to take anything away from us, but rather give us the life Christ wants us to have–that of being holy as he is holy and to do good, in charity and truth, as he did for us.

 

[Usige]

Yours is a beautiful story Usige. How great that you found God and your family.
Usige;13709724:

One of the ways I have grown is to put my trust in God and listen to the wisdom of His Church. When I don’t understand something I simply ask God to help me with my failed understanding. In the past I would say show me how you are right, now I ask to be shown where I am wrong.

How did you manage to get to that place? This is a deep point. It is a huge step and at some level, I find it against to the whole project of modernity. I see the chasm and to step into it is to abandon one’s identity as modern free thinking person.

Personally, I see the step from atheism to theism to be much easier than the step to Catholicism which tells you in such specificity the Will of God on so many things. Many Protestant churches leave you with substantially room to develop your own ideas. In a way, I guess, that’s imposing your will on God. Pride may be another name for it. But the Church’s teachings are much more flushed out and demand a docility that frightens me.

Ah, that’s the kicker, huh?

The underlined above was exactly the issue for me. By my late 20s I was highly successful by secular measures (not Mark Zuckerberg, but still better off than many people). In my mind, success was almost an extension of my will. I’m embarrassed to say it, but I felt like my intelligence was a gift I should share with the world. If only people could understand things the way I did we would be so much better off. The world reinforced that arrogance with promotions and raises. This wasn’t simply pride, but hubris.

When my wife started her conversion, I saw her growing in dimensions I had never considered. She would read or pray and I could see this inner peace settle over her. While I wasn’t unhappy, neither my intelligence nor my will could give me a sense of peace. So despite all my “success”, I still didn’t have everything I wanted. That is part of what changed over the next couple years as I came to understand that success in worldly terms did not make me successful as a person.

The key for me was to try to cultivate humility. It is something that certainly is at odds with modern thought. The whole of western society is based on the individual and by extension pride. It is still something I struggle with, but when I converted I told God that He let me drive for the first 35 years and now I would simply put my trust in Him. I don’t see it so much as giving up my identity, but rather asking God to point the direction that I might follow. Since I haven’t talked to a burning bush on Mt Horeb, I look to the Church to provide that guidance.

I wish there was a magic formula to gain humility. I think it’s important to remember that humility is one of the Fruits of the Holy Spirit so it’s not something to be gained by force of will. One of the things that helps me it reading ,The Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis. This and The Litany of Humility are two things I use to remind myself that this world is but a brief moment of our lives. We are here to perfect ourselves (as much as possible) for life with God.

You are correct that there is a bit of stepping into the abyss when placing our trust in God and His Church. What’s funny is that where many see Church teaching as restricting freedom, I actually find it liberating in many ways. Before placing my trust in God, I felt like I lived my life with blinders on. My “freedom” was really limited to the narrow field where I happened to be looking. I could only see to the next hill. By studying and following Church teaching I fell like I’m not constantly questioning if I should turn left or right; maybe even turn back.

 

[njlisa]

Hi Njlisa,

Rereading the way I had worded it, I realize my point sounds very judgmental. That’s not how I meant it. Rather, something like for a person raised in a modern, secular society, the Catholic principle of “intellectual docility” is foreign and adopting it is hard.

Everyone knows that the Church has a large set of teachings that conflict with the modern world. No one comes to the Church and is surprised to find the extent to which they have to shed certain opinions and return to those held by tradition.

But the Church asks more than acceptance of a set of beliefs, which it also demands certain ways of thinking, the docility towards the doctrines. And so a secular convert needs to not only give up a certain set beliefs, he has to give up his entire way for forming beliefs, and that’s a scary thing to do.

At the moment, I find it too scary.

Honestly, I didn’t feel insulted at all. And I wouldn’t consider myself docile. I put things through the intellectual shaker and find out where my faith and feelings land. I do have my struggles. But I try not to be governed by my intellect. I try to cultivate humility and see how things work out. Spiritual reading, biblical study, and prayer keep me in the ballpark. I don’t want to lose that tether. I think I may be over-complicating my story. My journey began decades ago. And I’m glad that I’m not “fighting” with God anymore – at least for now. I can have a very contentious personality.

I hope I’ve helped you. God bless you!

 

[Della]

Honestly, I didn’t feel insulted at all. And I wouldn’t consider myself docile. I put things through the intellectual shaker and find out where my faith and feelings land. I do have my struggles. But I try not to be governed by my intellect. I try to cultivate humility and see how things work out. Spiritual reading, biblical study, and prayer keep me in the ballpark. I don’t want to loose that tether. I think I may be over-complicating my story. My journey began decades ago. And I’m glad that I’m not “fighting” with God anymore – at least for now. I can have a very contentious personality.

I hope I’ve helped you. God bless you!

Of course faith without reason can be mere wishful thinking, as it is for far too many in our world today. The Church has fostered hundreds of great minds from St. Paul through Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, Teresa of Avila to several modern day persons, such as Fulton Sheen, G. K. Chesterton, Benedict XVI, just to name a few. Not many people can outthink any of these people. Knowledge alone and faith alone do not impart wisdom–that takes both faith and reason to come to full flower.

 

[mommakate]

So short story of my conversion. Raised in the LDS church. Left in my early 20s. Drifted for a few years without really believing in anything. First Mass I attended was a funeral Mass for a co-worker. Felt a little pull but ignored it. Two years later couldn’t ignore it anymore and decided to explore Catholicism. Hated some of the teachings, on gay marriage, women priests, birth control, abortion, I was a pretty typical liberal. I’d also become so skeptical that I had problems believing in things like the Eucharist and miracles and things like that. Something kept pulling me back anyway. Met some very knowledgeable Catholics who were very patient and kind on explaining what the Catholic church really taught and why. Still wasn’t convinced. In my heart I wanted to convert but after my experiences in the LDS church I refused to do so on the basis of feelings. So I started reading and researching and asking more questions and was finally convinced that the Catholic church was right, even if I didn’t always like what was taught. I was baptized three years ago and haven’t looked back since.

 

[carefullytread]

So short story of my conversion. Raised in the LDS church. Left in my early 20s. Drifted for a few years without really believing in anything. First Mass I attended was a funeral Mass for a co-worker. Felt a little pull but ignored it. Two years later couldn’t ignore it anymore and decided to explore Catholicism. Hated some of the teachings, on gay marriage, women priests, birth control, abortion, I was a pretty typical liberal. I’d also become so skeptical that I had problems believing in things like the Eucharist and miracles and things like that. Something kept pulling me back anyway. Met some very knowledgeable Catholics who were very patient and kind on explaining what the Catholic church really taught and why. Still wasn’t convinced. In my heart I wanted to convert but after my experiences in the LDS church I refused to do so on the basis of feelings. So I started reading and researching and asking more questions and was finally convinced that the Catholic church was right, even if I didn’t always like what was taught. I was baptized three years ago and haven’t looked back since.

What happened on those issues where you disagree with Church teachings? Did you mostly change your mind? Do you silently disagree? Pray for understanding? Did you come to feel that the teachings of the Church that modern society would say are cruel, e.g. it’s stance on gay marriage, are genuinely kind or just correct, but harsh? It sounds like you were fairly liberal. Did Catholicism change that?

 

[Della]

carefullytread, you asked for our personal experience of deciding to be Catholic. Mine was published through The Coming Home Network. Here is my story, if you wish to read it: chnetwork.org/story/truth-will-set-free-reconciled-catholic-church-conversion-story-kathleen-m-gavlas/.

 

[casslean]

I’m happy to share my story with you.

I was raised in a wholly secular home - I may have been told, on an intellectual level, who God was, but He had no place in our daily life. I began flirting with Christianity as a young teen, testing out the various evangelical faiths near my home (I grew up in a quite Baptist area), but kept falling away because I didn’t feel any connection to those churches and those faiths.

When I entered university, I was introduced to Catholicism, ironically enough, as an academic subject - my senior thesis was on the history of the Catholic Church in our local region. I started attending Mass as a way to try to better understand my subject, and found myself drawn in. It was an enriching experience, without knowing anything else.

For the next ten years (yes, ten!) I struggled with how to reconcile my difficulties with the church’s teachings - which seemed to run counter to what I had been raised to believe in a very secular world - with the fact that when times got hard, I found a sense of peace and solace and belonging in the four walls of a Catholic church. I finally started to look more closely into the “why” behind the teachings, and quickly came to understand that I didn’t actually disagree with the teachings - I may not always like them because they are difficult to follow, but at the heart of those teachings is God’s love for us which I cannot disagree with and which I was desperately seeking. Having grown up in a world where love always came with strings attached, it was much easier to accept the teachings of a Father who loved me unconditionally, no matter what. It also became clear to me that at no time was God asking for my blind obedience - there were lots of answers to be found if I just asked and looked.

I came into the Church (was baptized, actually) last Easter, and it has been a wholly positive and enriching experience for me. There is something very freeing about being able to step back and “offer it up”, putting my faith in God and knowing that He has a plan for me. It isn’t always an easy experience, but as yet, He has not failed to help me through the hard times and to show me that they are worth it.

I hope this helps you!

God bless!

 

[carefullytread]

carefullytread, you asked for our personal experience of deciding to be Catholic. Mine was published through The Coming Home Network. Here is my story, if you wish to read it: chnetwork.org/story/truth-will-set-free-reconciled-catholic-church-conversion-story-kathleen-m-gavlas/.

Thank you for sharing! As someone who struggles with Catholicism, I sometimes hear Protestant criticism of Catholicism and think, “Yeah, that makes some sense”, but I have never once understood the objections to the Holy Mother. She is such a beautiful presence that I cannot help but feel sorry for those whose beliefs keep them from her. It’s great to hear how she helped you.

 

[carefullytread]

I’m happy to share my story with you.

I was raised in a wholly secular home - I may have been told, on an intellectual level, who God was, but He had no place in our daily life. I began flirting with Christianity as a young teen, testing out the various evangelical faiths near my home (I grew up in a quite Baptist area), but kept falling away because I didn’t feel any connection to those churches and those faiths.

When I entered university, I was introduced to Catholicism, ironically enough, as an academic subject - my senior thesis was on the history of the Catholic Church in our local region. I started attending Mass as a way to try to better understand my subject, and found myself drawn in. It was an enriching experience, without knowing anything else.

For the next ten years (yes, ten!) I struggled with how to reconcile my difficulties with the church’s teachings - which seemed to run counter to what I had been raised to believe in a very secular world - with the fact that when times got hard, I found a sense of peace and solace and belonging in the four walls of a Catholic church. I finally started to look more closely into the “why” behind the teachings, and quickly came to understand that I didn’t actually disagree with the teachings - I may not always like them because they are difficult to follow, but at the heart of those teachings is God’s love for us which I cannot disagree with and which I was desperately seeking. Having grown up in a world where love always came with strings attached, it was much easier to accept the teachings of a Father who loved me unconditionally, no matter what. It also became clear to me that at no time was God asking for my blind obedience - there were lots of answers to be found if I just asked and looked.

I came into the Church (was baptized, actually) last Easter, and it has been a wholly positive and enriching experience for me. There is something very freeing about being able to step back and “offer it up”, putting my faith in God and knowing that He has a plan for me. It isn’t always an easy experience, but as yet, He has not failed to help me through the hard times and to show me that they are worth it.

I hope this helps you!

God bless!

Thanks casslean. That’s quite a journey!

The ten years of struggle, was that constant engagement or just a thought at the back of your mind that came up every few years?

You say that now you feel free being able to offer up yourself to God. The freedom that secular people talk about sounds very different from the freedom religious people talk about. One is about the freedom to get what you want, the other is something like freedom from the oppression of the world or sin. Do you ever feel like you’re missing the first one or has that melted away with your conversion?

 

[Fauken]

Can you explain what the joy was? Where you felt it? Was it a joy that you feel in the Mass or a joy that you felt by talking with other Catholics, doing study? Did it come from discovering prayer to the Virgin?

I go to Mass almost every day and I feel nourished by the Mass (although I abstain from Communion). So, there is joy there. But that joy doesn’t get carried over as I studying the Faith more carefully.

I’m sorry my response has taken so long! Coincidentally, I am a current student at A&M and am attending St. Mary’s for RCIA.

My joy was simply that I was in the Catholic Church. When I felt the first major tug towards it, I was so happy that I was going to Catholic Mass that I could hardly sleep. Suddenly everything made sense, suddenly the Catholic Church was the church of Christ and truth that I had been searching for. I wanted (still do) to be Catholic so very badly then. I read what I could, and felt joy. When I didn’t understand something, I felt joy, because that was another treasure of the Church to discover. I knew that even if I didn’t know everything, someone else had already asked my questions and the answer was out there; I no longer sat on my hands and thought “I’ll get it eventually.”

Does it help? Should I explain more?

 

[Usige]

The freedom that secular people talk about sounds very different from the freedom religious people talk about. One is about the freedom to get what you want, the other is something like freedom from the oppression of the world or sin. Do you ever feel like you’re missing the first one or has that melted away with your conversion?

I know this wasn’t pointed at me, but you do point to a key thing with regard to freedom. I think many people see freedom as doing what I want, where are freedom for many religious people is freedom from fear to do what God wants us to do. For me I don’t miss secular freedom. The freedom to do anything also means the freedom to turn my back on God and embrace the lies of the dark one. Too often I think we justify those lies and follow the seductive whisper in the name of our own wants. Personally I found that for the most part, many of the wants from my secular life really aren’t there anymore. I’ve tasted the bitter fruit that Satan offers and I don’t want to spend eternity eating that bitter and rotten fruit.

 

[casslean]

Thanks casslean. That’s quite a journey!

The ten years of struggle, was that constant engagement or just a thought at the back of your mind that came up every few years?

More like a thought that came up every few years. In fact, what would usually happen is that something would happen that left me feeling lost, and invariably I’d find my way back to the Church. I’d draw strength and solace from the Mass and from knowing that God was there, and then when thigns got better, I’d drift away again. It took some age and insight - and the grace of God - to finally see what was happening.

You say that now you feel free being able to offer up yourself to God. The freedom that secular people talk about sounds very different from the freedom religious people talk about. One is about the freedom to get what you want, the other is something like freedom from the oppression of the world or sin. Do you ever feel like you’re missing the first one or has that melted away with your conversion?

The first one never was a freedom for me. It was constant pressure and anxiety trying to understand and conform to what the world wanted, to strive for the things I was “supposed” to strive for, to want what I was “supposed” to want, and then to explain myself when I really didn’t. The second has been real freedom. Letting go - knowing that I don’t have control, so I can stop holding tight to the illusion that I should, and stop putting on an act so the world couldn’t tell I didn’t - that was real freedom.

The first was only ever an act, a constant performance where I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t, and I don’t miss it at all. I know who I am in God’s eyes.

 

[Charliesj]

There is nothing on earth like the Mass. It’s where heaven and earth meet and we are present at the re-presentation of Christ’s sacrifice on calvery