Experiencing Dark Night?

[Philomena15]

Is it possible for a married person to experience the spiritual “Dark Night” of the soul? I have felt the call to married life, yet I have experienced terrible bouts of depression and sadness, even while being supported by family and my fiancé. I have not had any doubts as to the existence of God, but lately I have not felt as if I am doing His will. I am having a difficult time discerning what He wants me to do for Him. Can anyone provide insight, please?

 

[Robert_Sock]

Increased humility and LOVE are a good place to start.

LOVE!

 

[Joannm]

Depression and sadness is not the Dark Night. Perhaps you might want to speak to a spiritual director to help you with discernment.

 

[vallancec]

I agree you may want to talk to someone about your feeling.

God bless you.

 

[Philomena15]

I’m sorry, I see that my question was not properly phrased. I really just wanted to know whether or not a person can experience this in married life or if it’s merely something found in those who are called to religious or single life. For the sake of adhering to forum rules, I did not want to post any “personal revelations” and so associated my feelings with those of dark depression, rather than explain my emotions at length. Please consider my true question and thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

 

[afnaar]

Is it possible for a married person to experience the spiritual “Dark Night” of the soul? I have felt the call to married life, yet I have experienced terrible bouts of depression and sadness, even while being supported by family and my fiancé. I have not had any doubts as to the existence of God, but lately I have not felt as if I am doing His will. I am having a difficult time discerning what He wants me to do for Him. Can anyone provide insight, please?

There are many positions within the Church where you would find fulfillment. Perhaps being a deacon would satisfy that calling, while also satisfying the need for a close relationship with your future wife. I really believe God does not want us to be miserable down here! We all go through down times and it is good to have doubts; sometimes it reminds us how strong our faith really is! You will find the right answer, just have faith that you will.* Psalm 143:10 Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your kind spirit guide me on ground that is level.*

 

[JM3]

I really just wanted to know whether or not a person can experience this in married life

Yes, but it is not something that you should be discerning for yourself. As suggested, talk to your spiritual adviser. If you don’t have one, find one.

 

[DBT]

I really just wanted to know whether or not a person can experience this in married life or if it’s merely something found in those who are called to religious or single life.

One’s state in life does not determine if things like the Dark Night might happen. The depth of one’s love of God determines such things. So yes married people can and do go through Dark Night experiences. In fact there are more people on these forums who have experienced at least some aspects of the Night than you might think.

All are called to holiness … and contemplation is a possibility open to all. And at the end of the day that’s what the Dark Night is all about: transformation from sinner to saint by means of contemplation.

As others have said, though, the Dark Night is not to be confused with depression.

Hope this helps,

Dave

 

[josie_L]

One’s state in life does not determine if things like the Dark Night might happen. The depth of one’s love of God determines such things. So yes married people can and do go through Dark Night experiences. In fact there are more people on these forums who have experienced at least some aspects of the Night than you might think.

All are called to holiness … and contemplation is a possibility open to all. And at the end of the day that’s what the Dark Night is all about: transformation from sinner to saint by means of contemplation.

As others have said, though, the Dark Night is not to be confused with depression.

Hope this helps,

Dave

No, the dark night should not be confused with depression, however, it can make you depressed/sad, i.e., I have experienced a dark night of the soul and when you’re in it, it is all encompassing, thus, frightening at times.

 

[DBT]

No, the dark night should not be confused with depression, however, it can make you depressed/sad, i.e., I have experienced a dark night of the soul and when you’re in it, it is all encompassing, thus, frightening at times.

And further, depression can sometimes happen simultaneously with the Dark Night … further complicating discernment as to what’s what. For those interested in this aspect, Chapter 9 of Fr. Dubay’s “Fire Within” is a great resource.

Dave

 

[Cricket2]

Is it possible for a married person to experience the spiritual “Dark Night” of the soul? I have felt the call to married life, yet I have experienced terrible bouts of depression and sadness, even while being supported by family and my fiancé. I have not had any doubts as to the existence of God, but lately I have not felt as if I am doing His will. I am having a difficult time discerning what He wants me to do for Him. Can anyone provide insight, please?

As another poster suggested, depression and sadness are not the “Dark Night” of the soul. You may have a medical condition that could cause this or a clinical depression. In any event you would benefit from discussing this with your physician. As for the spiritual aspects of this event seek out advise from your Pastor.

The Dark Night is a much more profound and deeper spiritual experience/event than I think most people may understand. Honestly, unless a spiritual director indicates that this is what you are experiencing (without you directly asking about it), I would question if this is what is happening. I say this from my own experience and advice from an encounter with a priest who knew nothing about me.

The matter came up in confession, and suddenly he was telling me that I was going through the Dark Night of the Soul. Two weeks later another Priest told me the same thing under very different and unexpected circumstances. I have never seen either of these men since that time.

 

[marylauravicuna]

As another poster suggested, depression and sadness are not the “Dark Night” of the soul. You may have a medical condition that could cause this or a clinical depression. In any event you would benefit from discussing this with your physician. As for the spiritual aspects of this event seek out advise from your Pastor.

The Dark Night is a much more profound and deeper spiritual experience/event than I think most people may understand. Honestly, unless a spiritual director indicates that this is what you are experiencing (without you directly asking about it), I would question if this is what is happening. I say this from my own experience and advice from an encounter with a priest who knew nothing about me.

The matter came up in confession, and suddenly he was telling me that I was going through the Dark Night of the Soul. Two weeks later another Priest told me the same thing under very different and unexpected circumstances. I have never seen either of these men since that time.

Depression and sadness are not necessarily the “dark night of the soul.” They are more similar to the sufferings that St. Faustina experienced when God allowed her to suffer some of other people’s anguish. They can be treated by therapy and friendships.

I can say that for many years I have been trying to understand the “Dark Night of the Soul” as well as contemplation. I started reading St. John of the Cross’s works twice and could not understand or get through it. I looked at commentary’s and lacked interest. Recently, I have suddenly gained depth of interest in both the commentary and the work, i.e. reading the work “of some perfections that people have”, I feel guilty.

Here are excerpts from the summary of St. Edith Stein’s book: The Science of the Cross

To help celebrate the fourth centenary of the birth of St. John of the Cross in 1542, Edith Stein received the task of preparing a study of his writings. She uses her skill as a philosopher to enter into an illuminating reflection on the difference between the two symbols of cross and night. Pointing out how entering the night is synonymous with carrying the cross, she provides a condensed presentation of John’s thought on the active and passive nights, as discussed in The Ascent of Mount Carmel and The Dark Night. All of this leads Edith to speak of the glory of resurrection that the soul shares, through a unitive contemplation described chiefly in The Living Flame of Love. In the summer of 1942, the Nazis without warrant took Edith away. The nuns found the manuscript of this profound study lying open in her room…
Using her training in phenomenology, she helps the reader apprehend the difference in the symbolic character of cross and night and why the night-symbol prevails in John. She clarifies that detachment is designated by him as a night through which the soul must pass to reach union with God and points out how entering the night is equivalent to carrying the cross.
Finally, in a fascinating way Edith speaks of how the heart or fountainhead of personal life, an inmost region, is present in both God and the soul and that in the spiritual marriage this inmost region is surrendered by each to the other. She observes that in the soul seized by God in contemplation all that is mortal is consumed in the fire of eternal love. The spirit as spirit is destined for immortal being, to move through fire along a path from the cross of Christ to the glory of his resurrection.

 

[Joannm]

To understand John’s Dark Night of the Soul you really should read the Ascent of Mt. Carmel first.

 

[fred_conty]

From what I have understand on this topic, there are two dark nights: one of the body and one of the spirit.

Both of these serve the purpose of detachment so that the person may be allowed to become fully attached to God’s divine will without interference. So that it allows God to take control and to become the central love and thought of our life, to be one with us.

Both of these have a time period, and element of suffering. The first is to detach us from the pleasures of our senses which we seek. Sight, taste, touch, sound, and smell plays this part in the first night. Then our own will is the second night, that is, to give it up to do God’s will and what he wishes. The second is harder to do than the first.

In addition, various kinds of temptations are allowed to challange us in our pursuit of God to help us detach ourselves and to make God our only desire. Some temptations are good and are really a gift from God. For it is in these that we show our detachment and our attachment to God, winning further graces.

It is also possible to switch from one night to the other from time to time because we are talking about perfection in seeking God. We see some things in our life with God that we never saw before as grace makes itself known. So it might be a bit of a surprise to find out new things about ourselves as progress is made. Thus the saying, “saints think of themselves as sinners, and sinners think of themselves as saints.”

The first night is that of the senses. As that takes place, other spiritual graces and steps are made before the next night of the spirit. But then again, sometimes for some people it will be a seesaw pattern.

The words to remember for the dark nights is detachment from things, and from our will, and attchment to God’s will in all that we do and are.

However this isn’t the “be end of all” but only the means necessary for our union with God.
But is a necessary.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.