R
RebeccaJ
Guest
Our School of Community (Communion and Liberation) has me thinking on the experience of faith.
It solidifies more for me, the lack of experience I have. It is in the realm of coulda shoulda woulda. But in reality, looking it square in the face as it were, atheism was for me, inevitable.
The really great contrast to not having the experience of faith for most of my life, is the experience now. There are times I feel like the kid in the candy shop. Other times beyond overwhelmed, maybe even neurotic. In between the two extremes is peace.
Experiencing faith is experiencing God. I sat for a while trying to remember any experiences I had of God when I was a kid. I really have no idea. That may sound odd, I suppose, but the experiences then were much different. I cannot say if they were lacking in true knowledge of God, or not. I mean, what does a child know? How I experienced things then is far different than now.
Ironically, I became atheist by experience. I am by nature an observer. A tester. I tested what I had been taught.
Three years ago my experience of God was zero. Just the way I intended. Just the way I preferred. Experiences of God was a thing to protect myself from, not a thing to be sought.
Oh, how God changes things. He changes me. My experience with faith began with a test. An experiment based on one question, “Can I believe?” This is how I experienced the Truth, that the Holy Spirit searches the hearts of all. I think God saw the door crack open, atheist in origin as it was, and commenced to a loud knocking. It was hard to not notice, practically impossible to not respond.
So it is today. Faith is an experience. For me, that experience is noticing that God never stops knocking. He is rather insistent, really. There are times I am not sure how to respond. Hello there God, I hear you, what do you want? I can’t really say God would like 1,2 and 3 and when I am done how about rustlin’ up 4, 5 and 6. I can only say, God is knocking, I have but one prayer in response, “lead me to You”.
It solidifies more for me, the lack of experience I have. It is in the realm of coulda shoulda woulda. But in reality, looking it square in the face as it were, atheism was for me, inevitable.
The really great contrast to not having the experience of faith for most of my life, is the experience now. There are times I feel like the kid in the candy shop. Other times beyond overwhelmed, maybe even neurotic. In between the two extremes is peace.
Experiencing faith is experiencing God. I sat for a while trying to remember any experiences I had of God when I was a kid. I really have no idea. That may sound odd, I suppose, but the experiences then were much different. I cannot say if they were lacking in true knowledge of God, or not. I mean, what does a child know? How I experienced things then is far different than now.
Ironically, I became atheist by experience. I am by nature an observer. A tester. I tested what I had been taught.
Three years ago my experience of God was zero. Just the way I intended. Just the way I preferred. Experiences of God was a thing to protect myself from, not a thing to be sought.
Oh, how God changes things. He changes me. My experience with faith began with a test. An experiment based on one question, “Can I believe?” This is how I experienced the Truth, that the Holy Spirit searches the hearts of all. I think God saw the door crack open, atheist in origin as it was, and commenced to a loud knocking. It was hard to not notice, practically impossible to not respond.
So it is today. Faith is an experience. For me, that experience is noticing that God never stops knocking. He is rather insistent, really. There are times I am not sure how to respond. Hello there God, I hear you, what do you want? I can’t really say God would like 1,2 and 3 and when I am done how about rustlin’ up 4, 5 and 6. I can only say, God is knocking, I have but one prayer in response, “lead me to You”.