Experiencing the marital embrace as it should be

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It’s pretty strange actually.

We waited until we were married to have sex and it was a bit of a tough adjustment at first. We do have a great sex life now and are extremely in tune with each other in every way. Despite all that, I still felt more of this “Heavenly ecstasy” through the process of actually falling in love back when our relationship was young, than I did through having sex years later.

I think it might partly be because I don’t really think about God while I’m having sex. 😊

The emotions that ran through me while I was falling in love back when we began dating… oh my gosh… I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything so intense in my life. I remember just being completely overwhelmed by the discovery that I was capable of loving someone so much. And I remember thinking of God so much during that whole time… because to me, the realization that this type of love existed was like concrete proof that God was real, and that He was behind it all. It truly felt like the presence of God within me, and it felt like what heaven must be like.

Now that we’ve been together for 61/2 years, those feelings of overwhelming intensity towards Brian have been replaced by feelings of security, comfort, and family. And while sex is a great thing, I have to admit God is not exactly on my mind… lol 😉

Can anyone else relate to any of this?
 
I would recommed the COUPLE-TO-COUPLE LEAGUE (Google) for good "do’s and don’t"s in a clear, concise way. NFP is permitted, but for “good” reason, If you look at Christopher’s West, “Theology of The Body”, you’ll find mindsets to have fun in marriage, even if he has to abstain. Humanae Vitae (Paul VI) is a short read and really the best on the subject. You may want to google “The Sin of Onan (Onanism)” for a biblical answer to another matter you mentioned… One more thing…please don’t see boundaries as limitations on the love you can express for your spouse. Secular, worldly marriage is a swamp with no limits to which nothing grows but deadly or poisonous creatures. The married, chaste bed is like a powerful rapids, with boundaries to be sure, but eminently more powerful and teeming with life! 👍😊:cool:
 
Thank you so much. I totally forgot about the sin of Er and Onan, I think it is in Genesis 38 or 39 if my memory is not to cloudy today. I don’t need to google it as it is in the bible,
If NFP is for serious reasons…what are those reasons? How about Ruth needs a new sports car! LOL
 
Debora123 said:
Now that we’ve been together for 61/2 years, those feelings of overwhelming intensity towards Brian have been replaced by feelings of security, comfort, and family. And while sex is a great thing, I have to admit God is not exactly on my mind… lol 😉

Can anyone else relate to any of this?
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The security aspect is extremely important. Knowing that the spouse will always be there is an essential element; everything follows from that.

As far as actively thinking about God, I don’t do that. It’s more of experiencing God, or God’s nature.

To give an example of this, I often meditate at night. I’ll got out back and sit in the dark in the middle of a paddock, which is surrounded by woods. I just clear my mind completely of the day’s distractions, and listen and experience. I become aware of all of the animals in the woods, where they are, what they are doing. I can hear the wind blowing through the trees, which direction it is going, and how far down to the ground it is. All I’m really doing is clearing my mind in order to experience God’s creations.

This experience applies to other things in life, including marital relations. All I do is clear my mind of distractions, live in the moment, and experience what God has given my wife and I. God is present, but His presence is felt, rather than though about.
 
TheWarriorMonk said:
All I do is clear my mind of distractions, live in the moment, and experience what God has given my wife and I. God is present, but His presence is felt, rather than though about.
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Well said and sounds right for me.
 
To Ruth, not a sports car, but serious reasons could be a medical one, a former fiancee had kidney disease making child-bearing potentially lethal. Another reason could be poverty, war, plague, etc… You get the idea. In fact a lot of times nature vouches for same in that female athletes (body interprets as famine, stress…i.e running from predators, etc…) or those experiencing some of the above, stop having menses…With regards to the “mystical” part of love-making, I think it’s similar to really connecting with someone. Ever had a conversation, or experience, with someone where you’re totally comfortable, you see thru their faces, nothing else matters, and you feel totally in-synch with that person. With intimacy, I think it begins when your mind comes away from responding to the specific act, away from the “plumbing”, and you almost see yourself and your spouse as becoming someone else (“The two shall become one”…a new creation and not the utilitarean view of intimacy at all). As necessary to you as your lungs it seems, but forming something greater, where the deepest and most desirable part of her are her eyes, because it’s the only part of her that glimpses her soul…Intimacy comes in different flavors, but only that kind warms from the inside out and not the outside in. 😊 I do alot of reading…😉 God Bless!!!
 
Thanks knightt
I was just being silly with the sports car scenario, as you probably guessed. You did give some great common sense examples…you never know what card you are dealt from day to day and year to year!
I do feel what you are saying with my FH, we can talk and laugh for hours. I catch my self staring at him when he is talking to other people, amazed by his mannerisms.
Might be a little PG-13 compared to you married folks, but I do understand to a point.
 
Debora123 said:
It’s pretty strange actually.

We waited until we were married to have sex and it was a bit of a tough adjustment at first. We do have a great sex life now and are extremely in tune with each other in every way. Despite all that, I still felt more of this “Heavenly ecstasy” through the process of actually falling in love back when our relationship was young, than I did through having sex years later.

I think it might partly be because I don’t really think about God while I’m having sex. 😊

The emotions that ran through me while I was falling in love back when we began dating… oh my gosh… I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything so intense in my life. I remember just being completely overwhelmed by the discovery that I was capable of loving someone so much. And I remember thinking of God so much during that whole time… because to me, the realization that this type of love existed was like concrete proof that God was real, and that He was behind it all. It truly felt like the presence of God within me, and it felt like what heaven must be like.

Now that we’ve been together for 61/2 years, those feelings of overwhelming intensity towards Brian have been replaced by feelings of security, comfort, and family. And while sex is a great thing, **I have to admit God is not exactly on my mind… lol **😉

Can anyone else relate to any of this?
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I think you touched on exactly what I was trying to get at in the sense that sex is a prayer. We communicate to each other and to God the great gift of Love He has given us. The act of the one flesh union is the deepest and most sublime act of love between two human beings. Having been polluted by secular culture it is so hard to see it as such sometimes. Shouldn’t we be feeling God’s presence and thinking of Him at the very moment? I feel we should but we struggle to feel it go beyond the physical and the emotional.

In fact, it was on very few occasions that we experienced such deeply, tender, heavenly love making, and it usually happens only when we take the time to meditate that at the very moment we are collaborating with God in a potential act of creation. The emotional and physical satisfaction is great, but it pales in comaprison to that experience where you recognize and feel something at play beyond the tangible, when you realize that your union is the instrument God is using to create your child. I’ve never been in extasy but when I try to imagine what that’s like I imagine those rare occasions.

I know God chooses when to give us these sublime spiritual pleasures (just as He does when we have moments tears of true contrition, burning zeal, unsurmountable courage etc) i just womder what we can do to experienxe that more often… Or perhaps it’s only given here and there so as to arouse our deep desire for Heaven and union with Him?

We’ve also been married for almost 7 years and I must say that those occasions of Holy Sex are beyond anything we’ve ever felt toward each other including the fireworks of the first months/years.
TheWarriorMonk said:
The security aspect is extremely important. Knowing that the spouse will always be there is an essential element; everything follows from that.

As far as actively thinking about God, I don’t do that. It’s more of experiencing God, or God’s nature.

To give an example of this, I often meditate at night. I’ll got out back and sit in the dark in the middle of a paddock, which is surrounded by woods. I just clear my mind completely of the day’s distractions, and listen and experience. I become aware of all of the animals in the woods, where they are, what they are doing. I can hear the wind blowing through the trees, which direction it is going, and how far down to the ground it is. All I’m really doing is clearing my mind in order to experience God’s creations.

This experience applies to other things in life, including marital relations. All I do is clear my mind of distractions, live in the moment, and experience what God has given my wife and I. God is present, but His presence is felt, rather than though about.
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Good point, though I don’t see why you cannot be / should be directly thinking about God at the moment. If what we are experiencing is that wonderful self-giving Love modelled by the Trinity, shouldn’t our minds connect it to the Source of this love?

Again, this is my question…how would we be experiencing love making if we weren’t scarred by lust and perversion (that we’re exposed to or directly involved in)?
thewanderer said:
Don’t worry, of course the Church doesn’t teach anything like that, that was Augustines personal opinion, which, honestly, I am convinced comes from the fact that he personally led a very unchaste life. His personal view of sexuality was twisted by his own problem with lust and so came to the conclusion that everyone’s sexuality was twisted by lust the exact same way. Its understandable why he would think that, but it isn’t anywhere close to being true. 🙂
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Oh man, poor St. Augustine, i got him in some hot water. I’m pretty sure I read that in his writings and while I know it’s not Church teaching I do understand, how in this day and age especially, it is hard to be naked, aroused and not lust. Maybe those of you with a pure past don’t struggle with this, but for the vast majority who were involved with porn, masturbation or contraceptive sex I think St. Augustine’s opinion holds true. But I do believe that nothing is greater than God’s redeeming grace and it can be overcome/ healed.
 
thewanderer said:
Don’t worry, of course the Church doesn’t teach anything like that, that was Augustines personal opinion, which, honestly, I am convinced comes from the fact that he personally led a very unchaste life. His personal view of sexuality was twisted by his own problem with lust and so came to the conclusion that everyone’s sexuality was twisted by lust the exact same way. Its understandable why he would think that, but it isn’t anywhere close to being true. 🙂
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Oh man, poor St. Augustine, i got him in some hot water. I’m pretty sure I read that in his writings and while I know it’s not Church teaching I do understand, how in this day and age especially, it is hard to be naked, aroused and not lust. Maybe those of you with a pure past don’t struggle with this, but for the vast majority who were involved with porn, masturbation or contraceptive sex I think St. Augustine’s opinion holds true. But I do believe that nothing is greater than God’s redeeming grace and it can be overcome/ healed.
 
What I would do to turn back time. The world has tried to claim sex as it’s own and many (including myself) have fallen into it’s deception. Sex feels good. The world drives sex based on a physical feeling typically devoid of emotion. Even the so called romance movies, which depict blissful scenes, are showing people who just suddenly became super attracted to each other and 'went for it".

This culture acts as a brainwashing tool. When do you see acurate depictions of true love followed by couples waiting for marriage? Rarely if at all. I highly respect those who cultivated their romantic lives in opposition to the world.

I know that outside of marriage one can attain pleasure for a season with sex and even a slight gaze at someone you desire could stir up lust. But in marriage, what I would find to be the true highlight of the marital embrace is simply the touching of your spouses hand with complete stimulation, the brushing back of hair, soft words of desire exchanged and a kiss that binds your inner selves. Intercourse, the last expression of love, at climax, should be the equivelant of that first hand touch times twenty. Basically, soul piercing.

Try finding that in what the world offers. Males and females in marriage are “programmed” to satisfy each other. If you have found true passion with your partner, you are most certainly blessed because you have also found God given sex, which many have sought, and have never found.
 
The_Bucket said:
A bit of a strange question if you ask me. Do I experience sex as some kind of mystical event where I can feel the presence of God? Well, no not really. It’s certainly a bonding experience with my wife and sometimes it’s super-romantic and loving and other times it’s… well… just fun. And sometimes exhausting-but-in-a-great-way fun.
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This pretty much sums up how I feel about it too. I recognize that sex is a spiritual, sacramental thing, but I don’t actively think about God when I’m being physical with my spouse. I know one person here once said she and her husband pray together right before having sex… and well, that’s nice but not really for me I guess. I prefer other forms of foreplay… 😉
 
1inICXC said:
I think you touched on exactly what I was trying to get at in the sense that sex is a prayer. We communicate to each other and to God the great gift of Love He has given us. The act of the one flesh union is the deepest and most sublime act of love between two human beings. Having been polluted by secular culture it is so hard to see it as such sometimes. Shouldn’t we be feeling God’s presence and thinking of Him at the very moment? I feel we should but we struggle to feel it go beyond the physical and the emotional.

In fact, it was on very few occasions that we experienced such deeply, tender, heavenly love making, and it usually happens only when we take the time to meditate that at the very moment we are collaborating with God in a potential act of creation. The emotional and physical satisfaction is great, but it pales in comaprison to that experience where you recognize and feel something at play beyond the tangible, when you realize that your union is the instrument God is using to create your child. I’ve never been in extasy but when I try to imagine what that’s like I imagine those rare occasions.

I know God chooses when to give us these sublime spiritual pleasures (just as He does when we have moments tears of true contrition, burning zeal, unsurmountable courage etc) i just womder what we can do to experienxe that more often… Or perhaps it’s only given here and there so as to arouse our deep desire for Heaven and union with Him?

We’ve also been married for almost 7 years and I must say that those occasions of Holy Sex are beyond anything we’ve ever felt toward each other including the fireworks of the first months/years.

Good point, though I don’t see why you cannot be / should be directly thinking about God at the moment. If what we are experiencing is that wonderful self-giving Love modelled by the Trinity, shouldn’t our minds connect it to the Source of this love?

Again, this is my question…how would we be experiencing love making if we weren’t scarred by lust and perversion (that we’re exposed to or directly involved in)?

Oh man, poor St. Augustine, i got him in some hot water. I’m pretty sure I read that in his writings and while I know it’s not Church teaching I do understand, how in this day and age especially, it is hard to be naked, aroused and not lust. Maybe those of you with a pure past don’t struggle with this, but for the vast majority who were involved with porn, masturbation or contraceptive sex I think St. Augustine’s opinion holds true. But I do believe that nothing is greater than God’s redeeming grace and it can be overcome/ healed.
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Quoting myself cuz it will probably get overlooked at the bottom of the previous page but also because I forgot to add:

I didnt exepct anyone (who is on board with Catholic teaching on sexuality) to have never experienced "Holy “Sex” , yet it’s the majority… I am confused…
 
1inICXC said:
I think you touched on exactly what I was trying to get at in the sense that sex is a prayer. We communicate to each other and to God the great gift of Love He has given us. The act of the one flesh union is the deepest and most sublime act of love between two human beings. Having been polluted by secular culture it is so hard to see it as such sometimes. Shouldn’t we be feeling God’s presence and thinking of Him at the very moment? I feel we should but we struggle to feel it go beyond the physical and the emotional.
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I probably disagree with the bolded statement, to be honest. Of course I agree that sex IS something that is far beyond the physical/emotional, but I don’t think we’re necessarily required to actively think about God while we’re doing it. Not that there’s anything wrong with doing so, I’m sure it’s great if it works for you and your husband, but I don’t think it’s something that we “must” do in order for the act to be licit. (not sure if that’s what you were trying to say or not)

And yes, our culture"s perception of sex is very twisted, and that’s a huge part of the reason why we have so many of the problems that we have now a days. It’s sad, really.
In fact, it was on very few occasions that we experienced such deeply, tender, heavenly love making, and it usually happens only when we take the time to meditate that at the very moment we are collaborating with God in a potential act of creation. The emotional and physical satisfaction is great, but it pales in comaprison to that experience where you recognize and feel something at play beyond the tangible, when you realize that your union is the instrument God is using to create your child. I’ve never been in extasy but when I try to imagine what that’s like I imagine those rare occasions.
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That’s awesome!
 
1inICXC said:
I didnt exepct anyone (who is on board with Catholic teaching on sexuality) to have never experienced "Holy “Sex” , yet it’s the majority… I am confused…
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I don’t think it’s necessarily a BAD thing that the majority here haven’t experience what you are referring to. I think most people here just don’t take the time to meditate about God before sex. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea I suppose.
 
1inICXC said:
Quoting myself cuz it will probably get overlooked at the bottom of the previous page but also because I forgot to add:

I didnt exepct anyone (who is on board with Catholic teaching on sexuality) to have never experienced "Holy “Sex” , yet it’s the majority… I am confused…
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I know I’m still interested in the definition. Is it just something that you know when it happens? The phrase means nothing to me and maybe that is the same for some of the poll voters as well.🤷
 
I remember hearing or reading about a vision Our Lady granted to a Mystic (I know it was a Saint. If you;re not a “Blessed” or a “Saint”, I pay no attention to alledged apparitions, locutions, etc…unless, of course it has Church approval from the Bishop in that diocese, but I can’t remember who…) where she said many marital beds were not chaste and displeased The Lord. She didn’t elucidate, but rending the marital act sterile, by completing it, in such a way, that it was not open to life, would be a grave, mortal sin. For those unaccustomed to this teaching, for the married couple, do what you like, but the male has only one finish line…I bring this up because putting God first, during intimacy, might be the only thing keeping you from falling into serious sin, even in matrimony. So you may not be thinking about God during intimacy, but He most certainly is thinking of you.! Also, I think for folks to experience “Holy Sex” their outlook has to be “this is how I’m going to make my spouse happy,” NOT what they do for me. This takes communication, imagination, perseverance, and very good red wine!!! ;):cool:
 
knighttt said:
Also, I think for folks to experience “Holy Sex” their outlook has to be “this is how I’m going to make my spouse happy,” NOT what they do for me. This takes communication, imagination, perseverance, and very good red wine!!! ;):cool:
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Ah…my very favourite form of foreplay. 👍
 
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