Explaining death to the mentally disabled

[krissy343]

I didn’t know exactly where to put this and since the person is just like family to me I figured this spot would probably work. I care for a mentally disabled gentleman who is in his 30’s but has the mentality of a 4-6 year old. I just got a phone call today that his Mother passed away. He was VERY close to her, called her daily, visited her every Sunday. The sister said she would prefer that us caregivers break the news to him since he his closer to us than to her. Sounds like a cop out to me but oh well… We are going to tell him this evening when he gets home from his day program but I am struggling with how to go about doing it. He is not very good with change at all due to what we believe is undiagnosed Autism. I am thinking we should explain it like we would to a small child by telling him that mom is with God now, that she will always be watching over him etc. I guess I was just hoping that someone out there would have some advice for me… I’ve never had to do this and all the training I’ve had, never addressed situations like this. I’m thinking my approach would probably be the best but I sure would like some (name removed by moderator)ut from some of you. Thanks so much in advance!!!

 

[FCEGM]

I didn’t know exactly where to put this and since the person is just like family to me I figured this spot would probably work. I care for a mentally disabled gentleman who is in his 30’s but has the mentality of a 4-6 year old. I just got a phone call today that his Mother passed away. He was VERY close to her, called her daily, visited her every Sunday. The sister said she would prefer that us caregivers break the news to him since he his closer to us than to her. Sounds like a cop out to me but oh well… We are going to tell him this evening when he gets home from his day program but I am struggling with how to go about doing it. He is not very good with change at all due to what we believe is undiagnosed Autism. I am thinking we should explain it like we would to a small child by telling him that mom is with God now, that she will always be watching over him etc. I guess I was just hoping that someone out there would have some advice for me… I’ve never had to do this and all the training I’ve had, never addressed situations like this. I’m thinking my approach would probably be the best but I sure would like some (name removed by moderator)ut from some of you. Thanks so much in advance!!!

krissy, your instincts are correct; just approach him as you would a young child. That is how we dealt with our youngest daughter - who has Down Syndrome (she’s 35) - as her grandparents died over the years. She was especially sad when my mother, who lived with us, died a few years ago, but she knows that her grandma is with Jesus now. God bless you for your care for this man!

 

[kage_ar]

Your local public library might have some children’s books that would help?

 

[Brenda_V]

Your local public library might have some children’s books that would help?

Yes - a good resource possibly.

I do want to somewhat defend the sister though, she is right in that you as the caregivers of this gentleman are closer to him and will be able to break this news to him better. It will be you who will have to deal with all the turmoil that may or may not happen in his every day life due to this so you need to know what was said and how it was said meaning if you do it you know .

May this young man’s mom’s soul rest in peace!

Brenda V.

 

[krissy343]

Thanks so much for all the advice!!! I just explained to him that mom was in heaven with Jesus, Grandma and Grandpa. I stressed that she would be watching over him all the time and that he could talk to her anytime he wants and she will always be listening. There was more said but I still don’t think he can grasp it yet because a few minutes later he asked if he could call her I then repeated everything and it seemed to sink in a little more. I think once he attends the wake and the funeral it will begin to sink in. It’s sooo hard! I guess he’s lucky though, here we are worrying about it and mourning her and he was laughing and joking a few minutes later. God bless him!!! One of God’s angels sent down to earth! Thanks again for all the help!

 

[ems3]

krissy, it sounds like you did a good job. He probably will not understand the reality of it for a while. It is sad that he has lost his mom but he is so blessed to have you as a kind and loving caregiver. I have a severely disabled child and I know how hard it is to find people to help care for my dd that truly care for her and see her as a unique and special person. Thank you for being there for this man and seeing him the way you do, through God’s eyes. Bless you!