Explaining the importance of sin to a Catholic

[nickybr38]

That title probably isn’t exactly correct.

I need some advice.

I went to confession with my cousin (who was received into the Church with me. We attended RCIA together) this past week and she said some things that disturbed me a little.

After confession we talked a bit about sin. She likes to brag that she commits few sins. All she does is use the Lord’s name in vain. Every time we go to confession together she boasts about how she has no sins to confess… from the outside looking in I know she routinely commits the sin of detraction, routinely participates and instigates impure humor and is a horrible gossip but it’s not my place to point this out to her… so I haven’t.

Instead I explained to her that when I do the examination of conscience I ALWAYS find a long list of ways in which I’ve sinned. Of course not knowingly so they aren’t mortal sins but grave matter sins. My intent was to gently encourage her to look more closely at her examination of conscience…

She informed me that she doesn’t do an examination of conscience. The long list of sins just bothers her and if she tried to actually avoid doing those things she would be overwhelmed and just stop going to Church. So she refuses to do an examination of conscience before she goes to confession.

My response was to agree that it can be overwhelming but that I focus on improving one thing at a time. I choose one sin I’m struggling with the most and focus on trying to avoid it and then when I feel I’ve gotten it under control I move on to the next. In the meantime I always do a full examination of conscience. My hope is that some of these things will begin to internalize even if I’m not focusing on them.

I’m not sure if that was the right way to approach the situation but I just didn’t know what else to say.

In RCIA we were taught that if you don’t know it’s wrong, you aren’t sinning and she holds onto this and so thinks she’s doing just fine. Confession wasn’t explained to us at all, except to explain to us how to enter the confessional…

Should I continue trying to encourage her to take sin more seriously or just leave her in the Holy Spirit’s hands?

What do you think? I’m just not sure what to say or if I should say anything.

We are very close but she’s stubborn (like everyone in the family) and doesn’t like being corrected.

 

[PJM]

=nickybr38;9397137]That title probably isn’t exactly correct.

I need some advice.

I went to confession with my cousin (who was received into the Church with me. We attended RCIA together) this past week and she said some things that disturbed me a little.

After confession we talked a bit about sin. She likes to brag that she commits few sins. All she does is use the Lord’s name in vain. Every time we go to confession together she boasts about how she has no sins to confess… from the outside looking in I know she routinely commits the sin of detraction, routinely participates and instigates impure humor and is a horrible gossip but it’s not my place to point this out to her… so I haven’t.

Instead I explained to her that when I do the examination of conscience I ALWAYS find a long list of ways in which I’ve sinned. Of course not knowingly so they aren’t mortal sins but grave matter sins. My intent was to gently encourage her to look more closely at her examination of conscience…

She informed me that she doesn’t do an examination of conscience. The long list of sins just bothers her and if she tried to actually avoid doing those things she would be overwhelmed and just stop going to Church. So she refuses to do an examination of conscience before she goes to confession.

My response was to agree that it can be overwhelming but that I focus on improving one thing at a time. I choose one sin I’m struggling with the most and focus on trying to avoid it and then when I feel I’ve gotten it under control I move on to the next. In the meantime I always do a full examination of conscience. My hope is that some of these things will begin to internalize even if I’m not focusing on them.

I’m not sure if that was the right way to approach the situation but I just didn’t know what else to say.

In RCIA we were taught that if you don’t know it’s wrong, you aren’t sinning and she holds onto this and so thinks she’s doing just fine. Confession wasn’t explained to us at all, except to explain to us how to enter the confessional…

Should I continue trying to encourage her to take sin more seriously or just leave her in the Holy Spirit’s hands?

What do you think? I’m just not sure what to say or if I should say anything.

We are very close but she’s stubborn (like everyone in the family) and doesn’t like being corrected.

Hey Nicky!

There are a GREAT MANY wounderful GUIDES on self examation. Get a coupe and give them to your friend with the advice; I use to think the same way you do; but NOW i KNOW a bit more and a bit better:thumbsup:

Catholic Examination of Conscience Guide

Guide for Examination of Conscience for Confession of Sins
www.scborromeo.org/confess.htm

Confession Guide for Adults | National Catholic Register …
www.ncregister.com/info/confession_guide_for_adults/

A Guide for Confession - Prayers - Catholic Online
www.catholic.org/prayers/confession.php

God Bless,
pat /PJM

 

[nickybr38]

Hey Nicky!

There are a GREAT MANY wounderful GUIDES on self examation. Get a coupe and give them to your friend with the advice; I use to think the same way you do; but NOW i KNOW a bit more and a bit better:thumbsup:

Catholic Examination of Conscience Guide

Guide for Examination of Conscience for Confession of Sins
www.scborromeo.org/confess.htm

Confession Guide for Adults | National Catholic Register …
www.ncregister.com/info/confession_guide_for_adults/

A Guide for Confession - Prayers - Catholic Online
www.catholic.org/prayers/confession.php

God Bless,
pat /PJM

I’m not the one who has a problem with examining my conscience, it is my friend who rejects examinations prior to Confession. So how do I explain to her that it is important to examine her conscience? Or should I bother trying to talk to her about the importance of recognizing and avoiding sin?

 

[PJM]

=nickybr38;9400988] I’m not the one who has a problem with examining my conscience, it is my friend who rejects examinations prior to Confession. So how do I explain to her that it is important to examine her conscience? Or should I bother trying to talk to her about the importance of recognizing and avoiding sin?

As I THOUGHT I suggested

Get a couple of Guides and PASS THEM ON TO YOUR FRIEND.

God Bless,
pat

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hi there,

I think you have said everything you can to your cousin, and now you will just have to pray for her to grow spiritually. She is currently like a child in her approach to confession. I hope that she will grow, but that’s up to her and the Holy Spirit. Don’t nag her too much about it. Just do your own examination of conscience and don’t worry about her lack of one.

 

[nickybr38]

As I THOUGHT I suggested

Get a couple of Guides and PASS THEM ON TO YOUR FRIEND.

God Bless,
pat

Haha. Whoops. Sorry. Guess I should pay more attention.

 

[PJM]

=nickybr38;9401074]Haha. Whoops. Sorry. Guess I should pay more attention.

God Bless you BOTH!

 

[Lady_Love]

All you can do is be an example. You will be her mirror.

The Holy Spirit does amazing work. He is the one who convicts us of sin. Sometimes we have to let Him do His work in His time. I once was told by my confessor to “stop digging” for sins. I was obsessed with overturning every rock in my soul looking for some hidden sin. He told me to leave my soul to God and God would reveal to me what I need to know when I need to know it. I was even told to omit confession for a month unless my sins were mortal. Every soul is unique and God is the only one who really knows what is right for an individual.

 

[Pinoycat]

That title probably isn’t exactly correct.

I need some advice.

I went to confession with my cousin (who was received into the Church with me. We attended RCIA together) this past week and she said some things that disturbed me a little.

After confession we talked a bit about sin. She likes to brag that she commits few sins. All she does is use the Lord’s name in vain. Every time we go to confession together she boasts about how she has no sins to confess… from the outside looking in I know she routinely commits the sin of detraction, routinely participates and instigates impure humor and is a horrible gossip but it’s not my place to point this out to her… so I haven’t.

Instead I explained to her that when I do the examination of conscience I ALWAYS find a long list of ways in which I’ve sinned. Of course not knowingly so they aren’t mortal sins but grave matter sins. My intent was to gently encourage her to look more closely at her examination of conscience…

She informed me that she doesn’t do an examination of conscience. The long list of sins just bothers her and if she tried to actually avoid doing those things she would be overwhelmed and just stop going to Church. So she refuses to do an examination of conscience before she goes to confession.

My response was to agree that it can be overwhelming but that I focus on improving one thing at a time. I choose one sin I’m struggling with the most and focus on trying to avoid it and then when I feel I’ve gotten it under control I move on to the next. In the meantime I always do a full examination of conscience. My hope is that some of these things will begin to internalize even if I’m not focusing on them.

I’m not sure if that was the right way to approach the situation but I just didn’t know what else to say.

In RCIA we were taught that if you don’t know it’s wrong, you aren’t sinning and she holds onto this and so thinks she’s doing just fine. Confession wasn’t explained to us at all, except to explain to us how to enter the confessional…

Should I continue trying to encourage her to take sin more seriously or just leave her in the Holy Spirit’s hands?

What do you think? I’m just not sure what to say or if I should say anything.

We are very close but she’s stubborn (like everyone in the family) and doesn’t like being corrected.

As long as you know the ten commandments and church commandments you can use it for your examination of conscience.

Here are some:
Before going to Confession you should make a review of mortal and venial sins since your last sacramental confession, and should express sorrow for sins, hatred for sins and a firm resolution not to sin again.

A helpful pattern for examination of conscience is to review the Commandments of God and the Precepts of the Church:

 1. Have God and the pursuit of sanctity in Christ been the goal of my life? Have I denied my faith? Have I placed my trust in false teachings or substitutes for God? Did I despair of God's mercy?
2. Have I avoided the profane use of God's name in my speech? Have I broken a solemn vow or promise?
 3.  Have I honored every Sunday by avoiding unnecessary work, celebrating the Mass (also holydays)? Was I inattentive at, or unnecessarily late for Mass, or did I leave early? Have I neglected prayer for a long time?
and  Have I shown Christlike respect to parents, spouse, and family members, legitimate authorities? Have I been attentive to the religious education and formation of my children?

1. Have I cared for the bodily health and safety of myself and all others? Did I abuse drugs or alcohol? Have I supported in any way abortion, “mercy killing,” or suicide?
2. Was I impatient, angry, envious, proud, jealous, revengeful, lazy? Have I forgiven others?
3. Have I been just in my responsibilities to employer and employees? Have I discriminated against others because of race or other reasons?
4. Have I been chaste in thought and word? Have I used sex only within marriage and while open to procreating life? Have I given myself sexual gratification? Did I deliberately look at impure TV, pictures, reading?
   8.Have I stolen anything from another, from my employer, from government? If so, am I ready to repay it? Did I fulfill my contracts? Did I rashly gamble, depriving my family of necessities?
5. Have I spoken ill of any other person? Have I always told the truth? Have I kept secrets and confidences?
6. Have I permitted sexual thoughts about someone to whom I am not married?
7. Have I desired what belongs to other people? Have I wished ill on another?
8. Have I been faithful to sacramental living (Holy Communion and Penance)?
9. Have I helped make my parish community stronger and holier? Have I contributed to the support of the Church?
   14. Have I done penance by abstaining and fasting on obligatory days? Have I fasted before receiving communion?
10. Have I been mindful of the poor? Do I accept God’s will for me?

 

[InternetWoman]

Does your cousin understand the concepts of mortal sins and venial sins? Does she realize that if she goes to communion without receiving absolution for her mortal sins she is committing ANOTHER mortal sin and just making matters worse?

You could try the conversation as follows:

Her:

You: Wow! Me, I want to make super sure I don’t have any mortal sins before I go to communion. One thing I don’t want to have to explain to Jesus when I meet him is how I received him unworthily. The Bible says you eat judgement on yourself if you do that (1 Cor 11:27-28). It says you have to examine yourself before going. Better to be safe than sorry!

You could add the following (assuming it’s true): Besides it makes me feel GREAT when I go and get rid of all the accumulated “garbage” in my life. Spring cleaning for the soul!

 

[mangy_dog]

Haha. Whoops. Sorry. Guess I should pay more attention.

I understood you Nicky,

Drop a small coin to your cousin…just a little food for thought.

" Confession is the inexhaustible source of renewable grace".

Or

" I don’t think you’re getting the full benefit or understanding from Confession…"

With family members that don’t like to be corrected, it is best to say as little as possible but as open-ended as possible. They need to feel motivated (later on) to explore “that thing you said the other day”.

My wife’s family is the same way. I will drop a small coin and it seemingly goes unnoticed. But, several days or weeks from then, it comes up and they make changes in their thinking or in their lives because of it.

Hope this helps.

 

[nickybr38]

Does your cousin understand the concepts of mortal sins and venial sins? Does she realize that if she goes to communion without receiving absolution for her mortal sins she is committing ANOTHER mortal sin and just making matters worse?

You could try the conversation as follows:

Her:

You: Wow! Me, I want to make super sure I don’t have any mortal sins before I go to communion. One thing I don’t want to have to explain to Jesus when I meet him is how I received him unworthily. The Bible says you eat judgement on yourself if you do that (1 Cor 11:27-28). It says you have to examine yourself before going. Better to be safe than sorry!

You could add the following (assuming it’s true): Besides it makes me feel GREAT when I go and get rid of all the accumulated “garbage” in my life. Spring cleaning for the soul!

No. At RCIA they taught her if she isn’t aware something isn’t a sin then she hasn’t sinned. She’s clung to this and this is why she refuses to read the examination of consciences that are out there. She doesn’t want to be AWARE of sins that she may be doing, that way she isn’t sinning. sigh

I’m just not sure how to explain to her the fault in that thinking without pushing her too hard and sending her packing! Haha. She’s a stubborn one. Just wish they would have taught us properly from the get go but we had maybe a twenty minute session on sin and then they moved on…

 

[nickybr38]

I understood you Nicky,

Drop a small coin to your cousin…just a little food for thought.

" Confession is the inexhaustible source of renewable grace".

Or

" I don’t think you’re getting the full benefit or understanding from Confession…"

With family members that don’t like to be corrected, it is best to say as little as possible but as open-ended as possible. They need to feel motivated (later on) to explore “that thing you said the other day”.

My wife’s family is the same way. I will drop a small coin and it seemingly goes unnoticed. But, several days or weeks from then, it comes up and they make changes in their thinking or in their lives because of it.

Hope this helps.

Sounds like a good idea. Little hints here and there.

 

[animalis]

I’m not sure if that was the right way to approach the situation but I just didn’t know what else to say.

Pope Benedict XVI said in a homily (during his trip to Cuba this year), “The truth is the desire of the human person, the search for which **always **supposes the exercise of authentic freedom. Many, without a doubt, would prefer to take the easy way out, trying to avoid this task. Some, like Pontius Pilate, question the possiblity of even knowing what truth is…There are too many who, like the Roman governor, wash there hands and let the water of history drain away without taking a stand. On the other hand, there are those who wrong interpet this search for truth, leading them to irrationality and fanaticism; they close themselves up in “their truth”, and try to impose it on others…Chirstianity, in highlighting those values which sustain ethics, does not impose, but rather purposes Christ’s invitation to know the truth which sets us free.” (March 28, 2012)

The person at issue has her own ideals, perhaps she does not share much with the church, so try to make the distinction that this is what I believe and this is what you believe and judge kindly on her own ideals. Hold her to those. Chances are she doesn’t walk authenticly to her own truth. Pray that she sees the truth which sets us free. Express the sorrow in that division you have with her, and that divisions in the church cause pain and they should be expiated. Really there is no truth in our own truth, but she doesn’t believe that but you should never use coercion for her to see the trueness of truth.

In the Second Vatican Council the following was decreed, “It is one of the major tenets of Catholic doctrine that man’s response to God in faith must be free; no one therefore is to be forced to embrace the Christian faith against his own will. This doctrine is contained in the word of God and it was constantly proclaimed by the Fathers of the Church.” (Declaration on religious freedom [Dignitatis humanae], 10; from www.vatican.va)

A real good that you found in confession (the Trinity), that should be your hope, so few have this true hope even in our own Church; for the world is full of presumption (a sin against hope). Farewell

 

[EnglishTeacher]

I second the idea of getting her one of those little “Examination of Conscience” booklets. Those are very helpful in forming the conscience and helping a person to recognizes sins and problem areas in their lives that they may not have thought of before. Does she realize that refusing to examine her conscience for fear of finding sin, is a sin in itself? That’s called willful ignorance.

Also, it wouldn’t hurt to have her read Chapter 1 of I John, especially verses 8-10. Those are some powerfully convicting words:

"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him [God] a liar, and his word is not in us."

 

[EnglishTeacher]

In RCIA we were taught that if you don’t know it’s wrong, you aren’t sinning and she holds onto this and so thinks she’s doing just fine. .

That doesn’t apply to willful ignorance, which is what refusing to learn Church teachings and refusing to examine your conscience is. (This is somewhat redundant to my last post, but I think it would be a good point to emphasize with her that she can’t honestly say that she didn’t know something was wrong if she refuses to find out.)