Extracurricular Activities wrt larger, homeschooling families?

[mommamaree]

What are your thoughts on the necessity of extracurricular activities for children who are still young (younger than pre-teen) in a large, homeschooling family? Especially in situations where the family is still increasing in size due to new babies?

This question is NOT a homeschooling and socialization question!

Society seems very preoccupied by extracurricular activities nowadays, much more so than when I was young. I am curious how larger families, and specifically homeschooling families, view this trend and its benefits vs. consequences, and whether or not they participate in them.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

One thing that you need to consider, particularly if you live in a large community, is that these days, kids who don’t start early are usually too far behind in skill level to play sports or engage in theatre or musical ventures in high school. In larger communities, those spots are competitive and the kids who have been practicing and learning for years usually have a significant edge.

Another thing to consider is that most colleges want people who have participated in extra curricular activities, even if they were home-schooled. It demonstrates commitment, an ability to work with others, and makes for a more well-rounded person.

I’m not saying go crazy and throw your kids into everything. That’s not healthy at any age. But if one of them wants to play soccer, the other wants to try the community drill team, and the other wants to learn the violin, there is great value in letting them explore their interests, especially when those interests require teamwork.

 

[pensmama87]

I wouldn’t frame it as “extracurriculars” necessarily, but I think it’s important for children to develop an interest in something that requires practice even if the child has a natural talent for it. Some families seem to have different approaches - some might all do music, or dance, or a certain sport, or individual children may pick their own thing (probably limited to what parents could handle in terms of driving, etc.)

Some of those things may not require an outside “structure” - if a child likes gardening or sewing and wants to pursue that, they may not have to go so far as if they were playing rec league basketball. But having something that they do, besides school, is probably a good idea.

My sister did Pop Warner cheerleading when she was in elementary school, and there was one girl who did it with her who was one of ten children. My mom was really impressed with how the family managed it - Sundays were their “family day” no matter what, so if a competition or other event fell on a Sunday, the girl either stayed home or the whole family came to support this girl together. That’s how they did it for all of their kids.

Volunteering could be another great opportunity to get out more in the world but still spend time together as a family…not exactly what you asked but still in the scope, I think.

 

[smallcat]

I agree- this is hard, hard, HARD. We don’t homeschool but have a bunch (6) of kids and I struggle with this all the time. Even if we limit the kids to one extracurricular at a time, and one sport per year, with 6 kids that means we’re almost never all home for dinner at the same time and my husband and I are often shuttling kids in two different directions after school. We do keep Sunday free and will skip practices/meets if needed, but only one day a week to eat dinner as a family and have some free time? Doesn’t seem like enough.

If all the kids played the same sport, it would be a lot easier- but a couple want to play soccer, one is good at swimming, and two more really like baseball. Do I decide the one sport everyone plays in order to make family life less stressful? Doesn’t seem right either.

All of which is to say, I have no helpful advice but I struggle with the same questions and would love to hear others’ helpful advice. How many sports/activities do you allow your kids to participate in?

 

[EasterJoy]

If anything, my concern would be to give children sufficient unstructured time and to discourage them from becoming dilettantes.If a child is given only positive feedback and not taught that excellence requires commitment and an openness to correction, they sometimes do not get that. People who are new to this activity or that need positive reinforcement, but some get the idea from this that they can achieve excellence in more different areas than is possible. To be excellent at one thing requires commitment, and that commitment means renouncing something else.

What should that “something” be? Something the child loves to do, something the child will spontaneously be willing to sacrifice for. That doesn’t mean the child will always feel like practicing their instrument or going to sports practice. It means that they do look for ways to get better on their own steam and do take personal satisfaction from their successes, and do not have to be pushed every time. Even if a child has a great talent at something, then, I would let the child lead about when to make a commitment. Once the commitment is made, the parent holds them to it for the agreed-upon period of time. If the child wants to drop out, though, let them, excepting for those things that are truly obligatory.

 

[mommamaree]

My oldest is very much a “homebody”. We have had her try various extracurricular activities: dance, gymnastics, choir. She doesn’t really seem to care one way or another about any of them, and we didn’t re-enroll her in anything this year. She treasures opportunities for imaginative play with her siblings, and could play outside or with toys with them for HOURS. She reminds me much of myself when I was young. I didn’t really care about activities until I was in high school and discovered color guard. It was exercise and it was pretty.
She gets opportunities for play with siblings and friends, which is why I specifically asked about the scheduled, organized activities. My gut feeling at this moment is that if SHE becomes interested in something, she will let us know, and her enthusiasm will lead her to be motivated about practice, even at home practice. If she is NOT currently asking, then she is not being deprived. Does that sound like a prudent stance?
Both my older children have interests, it just doesn’t involve team sports or performing arts. I never developed an interest in doing either of those things. Neither did my husband. But we both were active and curious young people nonetheless. So, I don’t know how to feel about this. There is tremendous pressure to get your kids involved in at last one extracurricular activity each season, and I am not sure that makes sense as a universal principle for all American children.

 

[dshix]

Some of the homeschool families I know have more of a problem limiting extracurriculars than finding them… Some kinds are completely swamped with all the activities they have opted to do.

 

[maryjk]

My oldest is very much a “homebody”. We have had her try various extracurricular activities: dance, gymnastics, choir. She doesn’t really seem to care one way or another about any of them, and we didn’t re-enroll her in anything this year. She treasures opportunities for imaginative play with her siblings, and could play outside or with toys with them for HOURS. She reminds me much of myself when I was young. I didn’t really care about activities until I was in high school and discovered color guard. It was exercise and it was pretty.
She gets opportunities for play with siblings and friends, which is why I specifically asked about the scheduled, organized activities. My gut feeling at this moment is that if SHE becomes interested in something, she will let us know, and her enthusiasm will lead her to be motivated about practice, even at home practice. If she is NOT currently asking, then she is not being deprived. Does that sound like a prudent stance?
Both my older children have interests, it just doesn’t involve team sports or performing arts. I never developed an interest in doing either of those things. Neither did my husband. But we both were active and curious young people nonetheless. So, I don’t know how to feel about this. There is tremendous pressure to get your kids involved in at last one extracurricular activity each season, and I am not sure that makes sense as a universal principle for all American children.

I agree.

Yes, if your child is going to want to play football or run track as an adult, then he or she will have to start early. But think about it. How many football players get a full ride in college? And how many of those make it to the pros?

Better to have your children involved in things that will actually help them down the road.

For high schoolers, maybe that would be being part of a writers group. Or working on a BEST* project. For younger students, a library activity or science olympiad.

And of course for all ages, a musical instrument has been known to encourage better study and work habits.

*BEST - Boosting Engineering, Science and Technology Robotic program.

 

[Usige]

As a general rule we don’t participate in a ton of organized extracurricular activities for three primary reasons.

1. 
   *]Cost: at $50 - 100 per activity per month times 6 kids we would be looking at $1,000+ a month if they were in as many things as some of my friends kids are.
   *]Time: I watch friends with only one or two kids running ragged to get their kids to activities. I couldn’t imagine juggling 6 kids needing to be in 12 different places and times throughout the day.
   *]Interest: my kids generally could care less. They want to play a game of touch foot ball, there are two or 3 friends in the area that they could filed a couple 4 - 6 man teams.
   
   My kids do some activities. My oldest son was interested in mixed martial arts so we put him in classes. Our middle daughter is in Little Flowers and American Heritage Girls, but those are the exception to the rule.
   
   We have enough friends with large families that home school that many times the extracurricular activities are often within that group. We have done electronics clubs for some of the older boys while some of the girls are doing Little Flowers. Because we control the time and location in the families we don’t have the issues of getting 3 kids to 3 locations that are 20 miles apart, we try to schedule 2 or 3 activities in the same place at the same time.
   
   As for colleges that look for extracurricular activities? Well… guess I don’t really care. Given that there is little return on investment for college degrees now a days I think the era of colleges being picky is about to end. Many top tier schools are already having issues filling freshmen classes and I’ve seen second tiers schools offering discounts for students that had not enrolled elsewhere. The thought that you need to have straight A’s with 12 AP credits and 20 extracurricular activities seems to be going by the way side. When my oldest was looking at colleges, the fact that she was home schooled seemed to weigh more then any activities she might have done.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Yes, if your child is going to want to play football or run track as an adult, then he or she will have to start early. But think about it. How many football players get a full ride in college? And how many of those make it to the pros?

Better to have your children involved in things that will actually help them down the road.

While not everyone gets a full ride, students who participate in athletics often get partial scholarships, even if they aren’t going to play at the college level. And, although you may not get a big scholarship to play at a ‘Big 10’ school, many small, private colleges offer athletic scholarships and they are far less competitive to get.

I also believe that athletics can be an enormous help down the road. There is a very serious obsesity crisis in this country, and getting kids active, teaching them to love playing a sport, being committed to it, and showing them what they can accomplish if they take care of their bodies and health is really valuable. I wish that my mom had encouraged me to try a couple of sports when I was 11 or 12. It really might have kept my weight down and given me a self-esteem boost. (And there’s the element of teamwork, which is harder to cultivate in non-competitive things.)

 

[EasterJoy]

I agree.

Yes, if your child is going to want to play football or run track as an adult, then he or she will have to start early. But think about it. How many football players get a full ride in college? And how many of those make it to the pros?

Better to have your children involved in things that will actually help them down the road.

For high schoolers, maybe that would be being part of a writers group. Or working on a BEST* project. For younger students, a library activity or science olympiad.

And of course for all ages, a musical instrument has been known to encourage better study and work habits.

*BEST - Boosting Engineering, Science and Technology Robotic program.

That is actually not the current wisdom with regards to football and track. In fact, Drew Brees, quarterback for the New Orleans Saints, does not plan to allow his sons to choose to play football until they are teens. There certainly is no reason a child has to run track in grade school in order to achieve excellence as an adult.

Baseball and hockey…I’d give you those. Figure skating and musical instruments: absolutely. Some start to play after 5th or 6th grade, but it does make it harder to get into a skill sport when you wait that long, let alone to pick up a musical instrument. Yes, though, I’d agree that giving the child academic skills is more important. The colleges are getting more and more pressure to only give scholarships to student athletes who can succeed as scholars in spite of the time restraints of their training and competition schedules.

 

[mommamaree]

While not everyone gets a full ride, students who participate in athletics often get partial scholarships, even if they aren’t going to play at the college level. And, although you may not get a big scholarship to play at a ‘Big 10’ school, many small, private colleges offer athletic scholarships and they are far less competitive to get.

I also believe that athletics can be an enormous help down the road. There is a very serious obsesity crisis in this country, and getting kids active, teaching them to love playing a sport, being committed to it, and showing them what they can accomplish if they take care of their bodies and health is really valuable. I wish that my mom had encouraged me to try a couple of sports when I was 11 or 12. It really might have kept my weight down and given me a self-esteem boost. (And there’s the element of teamwork, which is harder to cultivate in non-competitive things.)

You are talking about preteen. I am asking specifically about children that are still years away from that.

 

[EasterJoy]

You are talking about preteen. I am asking specifically about children that are still years away from that.

Years away from that? Stay as far from T-ball as you possibly can, that is my advice. If they do not badger you into submission about it, keep them out of organized sports until they can hope to advance in the skill.

Give them a chance to try a musical instrument, and if they take to it in a big way, try to work lessons into their life. Other than that, get them lots of exercise and get them artistic outlets, but don’t worry too much about formal lessons or organized teams. In fact, I’d avoid them rather than aim kids towards them. They can take over your life, and without much payoff until the children are older.

Count the cost before you let them try on figure skates. It is all-consuming, if it becomes at all consuming. Those who love it really and truly love it, though, and many enjoy it until fear of hip fracture forces them to stop. Don’t get me wrong, it is a great sport; just be warned.

 

[10gr8kids]

What are your thoughts on the necessity of extracurricular activities for children who are still young (younger than pre-teen) in a large, homeschooling family? Especially in situations where the family is still increasing in size due to new babies?

This question is NOT a homeschooling and socialization question!

Society seems very preoccupied by extracurricular activities nowadays, much more so than when I was young. I am curious how larger families, and specifically homeschooling families, view this trend and its benefits vs. consequences, and whether or not they participate in them.

Not necessary. Way overrated. I have nieces and nephews that are in sports and it takes precedent over everything in their families lives. More than half the time the kids are grumbling and complaining about having to go. Kids need time to spend on their own to find out what they like. I don’t believe every minute of every day needs to be scheduled. Of course we are lucky to live where our children can go out and explore and spend productive time on their own.

I have nothing against sports in general, I loved to play basketball and run track when I was in school, but every year they expect more time to be put into it. Now they even expect the kids to practice on Sundays. It is becoming a god to many. IMO

 

[mommamaree]

This is all very helpful, thank you.
Most of my friends have put their kids in activities. Most of their days involve shuttling their kids around from school to activity to church. Much of the day, the littlest ones are strapped into car seats. Pregnancy and infancy are liabilities in the “minivan lifestyle”. My friends have at times expressed their dissatisfaction with these realities, but they see no other choice that would suit their family’s needs and goals. I feel like my choice is to opt out completely, because moderation seems impossible with what expectations are put on parents today. I tried to be a minivan mom last year and our family was miserable. I was literally in the car for at least two hours every day, and that was with a toddler and newborn. So this year, we have chosen to do nothing at all. But going forward, I confess I do not see the point of organized sports or performing arts until my kids are all YEARS older. The opinions expressed here seem to say that these things have a place for older kids, but may not add anything of value to the family with such young children. I wonder why the trend for so much organized activities for young children? Who does it serve?

 

[EasterJoy]

Not necessary. Way overrated. I have nieces and nephews that are in sports and it takes precedent over everything in their families lives. More than half the time the kids are grumbling and complaining about having to go. Kids need time to spend on their own to find out what they like. I don’t believe every minute of every day needs to be scheduled. Of course we are lucky to live where our children can go out and explore and spend productive time on their own.

I have nothing against sports in general, I loved to play basketball and run track when I was in school, but every year they expect more time to be put into it. Now they even expect the kids to practice on Sundays. It is becoming a god to many. IMO

Unstructured time is highly underrated. Our kids did not start baseball until they were in 5th grade. It took them awhile to catch up, but they loved the sport and so they did catch up. They have never complained about having to go to practice or games. They also know that they are only in for a one-season commitment. Their teammates deserve to have them stick it out and do their best, but they have the choice to quit every time the season ends.

Our other rule is “pick one thing at a time”. If they were very dedicated and organized, we might let them do a sport and an instrument but they would have to really work to convince us to load that much on. If it were essentially a year-around sport with any out-of-town travel: No way.

 

[Tablefor9]

… But going forward, I confess I do not see the point of organized sports or performing arts until my kids are all YEARS older. The opinions expressed here seem to say that these things have a place for older kids, but may not add anything of value to the family with such young children. I wonder why the trend for so much organized activities for young children? Who does it serve?

Evermore competitive parents, the owners of dance and gymnastics studios, private arts instructors…these are the people served. However…if your child’s heart is ballet, it is hard to catch up without a fair degree of talent and a lot of personal and parental commitment.

Oldest DD started dancing at 9. Most of her peers started at 3. She is catching up well enough that she was able to dance at the national level and win last year (2nd year ballet student). The late to start girls just have to fight harder, dance longer, work out more, go all in. I think that would be true of any sport.

We are a large family who is on the road a few hours a day 5 days a week for kids activities which involve music and dance. We feel it teaches the children that a family is that group of people who is willing to sacrifice and endure hardship to support each others’ talents, dreams, and goals. School and chores in the morning, activities in the afternoon, Saturday at home and Sunday for Church. It will be better when some are driving in a couple years, but for now, we press on.

 

[Kal2012]

I think it depends on the needs of the family. One family I know like OP’s seems to do all of their activities through either their church (American Girls(? is that the name)/Boy Scouts - church play, etc…) or their homeschooling clubs. They don’t do much in the way of sports. This family also has a couple of kids that they adopted through foster care, so there are therapy appointments that they have to juggle as well.

Another family I know like OP’s tends to do more sports activities. They are involved in their church, but they do things like karate and gymnastics and t-ball. They do a lot through their local YMCA.

I only have one kid, but the focus on the “extras” drives me nuts too. I don’t know what we are going to do this summer, but this fall/winter, my son is doing gymnastics. He enjoyed T-ball and gymnastics this summer. (Oh - and Sunday School counts as a fall/winter activity too!) He has some “special” challenges, so we also do therapy for those. I’m more worried that he won’t have time to just be a kid. (I’m still adjusting to full day Kindergarten and ‘homework’…seriously?)

From what I’ve seen, larger families need to be organized, but they don’t have to be constantly on the go to have fun and get their kids the things that they need.

 

[EasterJoy]

Evermore competitive parents, the owners of dance and gymnastics studios, private arts instructors…these are the people served. However…if your child’s heart is ballet, it is hard to catch up without a fair degree of talent and a lot of personal and parental commitment.

Oldest DD started dancing at 9. Most of her peers started at 3. She is catching up well enough that she was able to dance at the national level and win last year (2nd year ballet student). The late to start girls just have to fight harder, dance longer, work out more, go all in. I think that would be true of any sport.

We are a large family who is on the road a few hours a day 5 days a week for kids activities which involve music and dance. We feel it teaches the children that a family is that group of people who is willing to sacrifice and endure hardship to support each others’ talents, dreams, and goals. School and chores in the morning, activities in the afternoon, Saturday at home and Sunday for Church. It will be better when some are driving in a couple years, but for now, we press on.

Exactly. If you think about the capacities of a 3 year old or even a 5 year old, these children aren’t going to get some insurmountable head-start on physically-fit peers with the same aptitude. IOW, if your child is doing something, they can catch up if they find a sport or art that catches their imagination. The flip-side, of course, is that some kids with aptitude are going to dig their heels in and resist if they’re pushed faster or harder than they are inclined to go.

Now, if you have a small child who is just nuts to start with something like this, then of course it doesn’t hurt to let them. That child is the exception, though, the one whose imagination is really captured by ballet or music or whatever. Most children don’t get that kind of focus until they’re older.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m still adjusting to full day Kindergarten and ‘homework’…seriously?

How much is it? Our kids started with only 10 minutes or so. The entire goal was to (a) get the student used to the idea of daily homework and (b) to get the child to learn responsibility to get a book back and forth from school. It was strictly made known that THE CHILD was responsible for remembering to do the homework and to take the book each way, NOT the parents! If the parent helped their child with homework, that was fine, but the parent had to send a note to the teacher, letting the teacher know the nature of the student’s problems and what help was given. If the parent did not help at all, that was fine.

I will tell you about a deal I made with my kids when they were about that young: If you do your homework every day and I never have to remind you and the teachers don’t tell me you have forgotten, then you get to decide when to do it. If you want to play or watch TV or whatever when you get home and then do it later, that is fine, but only if you are responsible. As soon as you start forgetting, though, I get to decide when you do it. I do not have time to nag you, so that means you will have to sit down and do it when I have time to supervise you. They agreed. I did make myself available for requests to set timers or call them in from outside at a certain time, but that is all I had to do.

My kids are in high school, and I never have to check their homework. They rarely have to stay up late to get it done. I occasionally ask how they’re planning to fit their homework into a busy weekend, but in terms of actually “making them” do it, I don’t have to do a thing. They get straight A’s, and they never miss an assignment. Suffice it to say that I am in the vast minority. If you can make this pact with your child and have it work, by all means do it!