Extreme Anger Towards God

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nsper7

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Since my coming to faith (first as an Evangelical Protestant) several years ago, it has been one nervous breakdown and problem after the other. Scrupulosity, fears of Hell, worries, wracking my brain, etc.

If I ever became truly convinced that Hell was nonexistent, I can probably honestly say I would not care about Him. Why should I care about someone who, from the very beginning, has threatened Hell against me? Now, don’t get me wrong, I do believe in Hell and, thus, I would die a martyr’s death if I had to, but I might preface it to my captors that if the fear of Hell were not hanging over my head, I’d join them in a second. No ill will towards them since they are not the ones bounding me with the threat of Hell. I feel my anger would be reserved not towards my captors, but towards God for putting me in this untenable situation. I could envision the televised statement I might make if given the opportunity, “Well, the reason I don’t renounce my faith is because Hell is a lot scarier than the guns aimed at me. That is the only reason I maintain my faith at this moment and, if I truly believed Hell did not exist, I’d shake hands with my captors and do what they wanted.”

I have yet to really experience God’s love, only that fear of Hell which brought me to faith and sustains it. If I was ever convinced that Hell was nonexistent, give me one reason why I or anyone would have any reason to care anymore.
 
I’m not sure if, looking back, I really believe all the stuff I just said. I guess, if I truly believed Hell was nonexistent, then I feel like I could truly love God better because I would feel like there isn’t this metaphysical gun to my head.

I see people that I know (whether Catholic or not) who truly seem to love God and are devoted to Him beyond just a fear of Hell, but I have trouble understanding because my entire faith, from my ‘conversion’ to Evangelical Christianity all the way up to now, has been underpinned by a fear of Hell I think.

How does one get past that fear? I have been to counselors, spiritual directors, pastors, etc. and I still seem unable, maybe even unwilling, to internalize because it feels like, regardless of what one may think on a day-to-day basis, Hell remains.
 
Fear of hell is in and of itself not a bad thing. But it must be tempered with understand of what hell really is about.

Hell isn’t a place where God will send you on a whim. Hell is a place that is chosen by people over being with God. An example is the man in hell that asks for water, or to warn others, rather than to get out himself. (in scripture…can’t rememeber where).

I think you really need to just forget about hell for the time being, and spend time getting to know God. He isn’t threatning you with hell, people send themselves here. Take time in prayer, listen to good christian music, and just get to know him and fall in love with him. It’s hard, but it will really help put things in perspective IMHO.
 
God is Love. Sin is choosing that which is unloving. Hence it is separation from Love. Hell is the complete absence of Love, and hence is unimaginably horrible because in the absence of all that is good there is only the completeness of all that is evil. People choose sin, and when they choose mortal sin, they choose Hell. God’s will is always love, that people should choose what is loving and in so doing reject Hell and choose life everlasting, for Love and Life are everlasting and ever desiring our unity with themselves, for that is the character of true love.
 
People choose hell; God does not choose it for them. If you choose God, then you really don’t have to worry about hell at all. Right now you have “imperfect contrition” that means you are sorry for your sins because you fear hell more than you regret offending God. This is an acceptable start, but there is much room for improvement. Lent is coming up, a meditation on the Stations of the Cross might be just what you need to focus on what Jesus went through for you, how much He loves you and why it makes more sense to love God back than fear the possibility of hell.
 
Catholic1954 said:
Lent is coming up, a meditation on the Stations of the Cross might be just what you need to focus on what Jesus went through for you, how much He loves you and why it makes more sense to love God back than fear the possibility of hell.
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That is a great idea.

** nsper7**, infinitely better than dwelling on the possibility of Hell’s suffering would be to dwell on the reality of the Lord’s suffering. For dwelling on that will teach you love, which is what you seek, and which is also the pure and deep meaning of the Passion.
 
‘When a scrupulous person has once made up his mind that he has not consented to a temptation, he must not reason the matter over again to see whether he has really consented or not, for the same temptations often return by making this sort of reflections.’

‘If those who are molested by scruples wish to know whether they have consented to a suggestion or not, especially in thoughts, they should see whether, during the temptation, they have always had a lively love to the virtue opposed to the vice in respect of which they were tempted, and hatred to that same vice, and this is mostly a good proof that they have not consented.’

‘Scruples are an infirmity which will make a truce with a man, but very rarely peace; humility alone comes off conqueror over them.’

St. Philip Neri

‘Keep interior peace at every cost; pay no attention to fears or scruples. Experience will teach you that those vain fears of sin, etc., which I call veritable follies, ought to disappear in the fire of love.’

‘Make of your fears and other silly scruples a bundle, and throw it into the fire of divine charity, which will at once consume it; then keep yourself in interior solitude, and rest on the bosom of your heavenly Father.’

‘Humble yourself before God; lose yourself in the very depths of that sacred desert of which I have, spoken to you; be absorbed by the Sovereign Good, consumed by the sacred fire of love. Believe me, this divine fire will dissipate all the dust and mist of scruples, and your soul will become purer and more beautiful in the eyes of your heavenly Spouse.’

‘When you are annoyed by scruples, say: "Yes, my Jesus, yes, I firmly trust that Thou hast pardoned me. My confessions have been well made, since my spiritual father has told me so. I believe Thy minister, and not the devil, who seeks to ruin me and to deprive me of peace of heart. So, my soul, courage! God has pardoned thee; trust in Him.’

‘O my God, my Father! I hope in Thee, I love Thee. Infernal spirit, begone from me! No more scruples, no more doubts, no more fears! May the love of my Jesus live in me! May the love of Jesus reign forever!"’

St. Paul of the Cross

FWIF

Occassionally, when bothered by thoughts that are wrong, and easily ascribed to the devil, or the flesh, I say, “Be silent donkey, be silent dog,” to what comes of the flesh and the devil respectively.

Once you’ve made a sound realization of what the difference between useful reflection is and what is not, one can proceed properly this way.

It’s good to be able to grow in discernment as to what is from you, and what is not, because then you feel more free of any false guilt from troublesome thoughts.

If it’s a rehash of what you’ve already reached a conclusion on – you set it aside, when you see it is pointlessly repetitive.

And that’s the real clear sign it’s a distraction to your meditation and peace – pointless repetition without significant new information to digest. The problem has been thought about, you’ve gone as far as you reasonably can, and so thrown yourself into the Lord’s trust in all you know and don’t, and you proceed – what is not germane to what is going on right now, it must be set aside firmly.

Anger is often a response to a perceived threat, just like fear. It speaks of vulnerability, resistance against some sort of loss. When there is no use to it, we must be sound people – it is useless, put it aside. Rest in the Lord. Forgive, give up, abandon oneself in trust – because the Lord is trustworthy, He is good of all goods. It is no better choice than to abandon oneself completely to His decisions for yourself. Indeed, if He wished (which He does not) for you to go to Hell, it would be your pleasure to do so – that is the extremity however, of the abandonment. You trust Him… So you know all will be well with you. That is the Faith with love that moves mountains, inside and out. 🙂

Whatever losses you fear, fear no more, whatever the Lord wills, if you accept it, you will be with Him in peace however pain is also there.

The reason why to love, is love itself… it is good. 🙂 God is good. So we choose the good. We abandon ourselves in tears of repentance and love.
 
nsper7 said:
Since my coming to faith (first as an Evangelical Protestant) several years ago, it has been one nervous breakdown and problem after the other. Scrupulosity, fears of Hell, worries, wracking my brain, etc.

If I ever became truly convinced that Hell was nonexistent, I can probably honestly say I would not care about Him. Why should I care about someone who, from the very beginning, has threatened Hell against me? Now, don’t get me wrong, I do believe in Hell and, thus, I would die a martyr’s death if I had to, but I might preface it to my captors that if the fear of Hell were not hanging over my head, I’d join them in a second. No ill will towards them since they are not the ones bounding me with the threat of Hell. I feel my anger would be reserved not towards my captors, but towards God for putting me in this untenable situation. I could envision the televised statement I might make if given the opportunity, “Well, the reason I don’t renounce my faith is because Hell is a lot scarier than the guns aimed at me. That is the only reason I maintain my faith at this moment and, if I truly believed Hell did not exist, I’d shake hands with my captors and do what they wanted.”

I have yet to really experience God’s love, only that fear of Hell which brought me to faith and sustains it. If I was ever convinced that Hell was nonexistent, give me one reason why I or anyone would have any reason to care anymore.
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Hi, to be honest it seems that you’re struggling with trust in God and in His goodness. It is satan who is threatening you with hell, not God! yes hell is real but all that anxiety etc is not from Him. God did not put you in this situation… He died for you to take you out of it!

:hug1:
 
I know I need to go to Confession (for this and other issues: I have not been in a long time, like 2-3 months or so). How do I confess this sin?
 
You could tell the priest exactly as you have written it here, that you are extremely angry with God because He’s manipulating you by threatening you with going to hell if you don’t meet His demands (and you’re sorry for this anger because you’re afraid you’ll go to hell because of it?).

Personally, I’m not sure your anger is even a sin. I’d be angry at God too if He were the way you feel He is. I bet that whoever first preached the gospel to you LIED!!! about what God is really like. Did that person tell you that Jesus loves you so much that He died to break sin’s hold on you, so that you could have His own life in you, so that you could be free of the fear of hell?

Look at how Jesus acts in the gospels. He gets angry at the religious leaders who put burdens on the people, he calls them ‘broods of vipers’. But he only shows compassion to poor sinners; He never turns away from them. He forgives the woman who was caught in in the very act of adultery. He casts evil spirits out of people. He touches the lepers who everybody shuns. There isn’t even one example of Jesus refusing to forgive sins or refusing to heal. He asks the Father to forgive the very men who kill Him.

God doesn’t want to send you to hell; He wants to show you His mercy. He would have forgiven even Judas if he had asked for forgiveness! He is the good shepherd who goes to look for and rescue the stupid, willful lamb who wanders away from Him.

Could you ask your pastor to help you find a holy spiritual director who can help you to experience God’s healing power in your life? You probably need the healing of your emotions and spirit so that you can feel God’s love. Because of being scrupulous, you can’t think clearly about sin. Rely on your confessor or spiritual director and don’t despair of God’s mercy and His desire to get you through these difficulties.
 
nsper7 said:
Since my coming to faith (first as an Evangelical Protestant) several years ago, it has been one nervous breakdown and problem after the other. Scrupulosity, fears of Hell, worries, wracking my brain, etc.

If I ever became truly convinced that Hell was nonexistent, I can probably honestly say I would not care about Him. Why should I care about someone who, from the very beginning, has threatened Hell against me? Now, don’t get me wrong, I do believe in Hell and, thus, I would die a martyr’s death if I had to, but I might preface it to my captors that if the fear of Hell were not hanging over my head, I’d join them in a second. No ill will towards them since they are not the ones bounding me with the threat of Hell. I feel my anger would be reserved not towards my captors, but towards God for putting me in this untenable situation. I could envision the televised statement I might make if given the opportunity, “Well, the reason I don’t renounce my faith is because Hell is a lot scarier than the guns aimed at me. That is the only reason I maintain my faith at this moment and, if I truly believed Hell did not exist, I’d shake hands with my captors and do what they wanted.”

I have yet to really experience God’s love, only that fear of Hell which brought me to faith and sustains it. If I was ever convinced that Hell was nonexistent, give me one reason why I or anyone would have any reason to care anymore.
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Is there anything in life that makes you happy, that you enjoy? Perhaps family, a dear friend?

Take it to prayer, ‘Lord, I feel this anger toward you…’ in front of the Blessed Sacrament if possible.

Read the book of Job.
 
I think the biggest problem is that you don’t have a true image of the loving God of Christanity.

Jesus Christ suffered and died on the cross so that none of us would have to go to hell unless we choose it. Imagine God, who made the whole universe, who is infinatley powerful, would suffer like that because he loves us. Then if that wasn’t enough He came down in the form of bread and wine. I believe God did everything within his power to save souls.

Because of God’s goodness there are many in heaven who should be in hell, St Paul and St Augustine are two excellent examples.

In the Garden of Edan when Adam and Eve sinned they hid from God. God came looking for them but they ran away from God. This is what hell is it is our turning from God. When St Peter recognises Jesus as the messiah he says, depart from me for I am a sinful man. Again Jesus wants to know Peter, but Peter wants to turn away.
 
I wondered how you were going. I’m sorry you’re struggling, but you have a good heart.

I hope and pray that you can soon get past the worry of hell by concentrating on the words of Jesus, who said" 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:37-40

When Jesus describes the Last Judgement of souls in Matthew 25 verses 31-46, He only spoke of the practical acts of kindness…which can be a kind word or smile, or numerous bigger acts of practical kindness. This is what makes you holy in God’s sight. Your practical charity. This willingness to give practical acts of kindness, according to Jesus who is the Judge of souls, is the way in which souls choose heaven.

“Since the Father loved us so much that He sent You to be the sacrifice that takes our sins away, we too should love one another.” [John 4:10-11] **“By such love, everyone will know that we are Your disciples.” “Anyone who says ‘I love God’, and hates his brother is a liar, since a person who does not love the brother that he can see, cannot love God whom he has never seen.” **[1 letter of John 4:20-21]

“Cease to do evil. Learn to do good, search for justice, help the oppressed, be just to the orphan, and plead for the widow.[And then] Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” [Isaiah 1:17-18]

I do hope our brother that you can make the leap to love, with is God and heaven,
rather than to concentrate on not-love, absense-of-love, which is hell.

God grant you peace. 🙂
 
Michael1985 said:
I think the biggest problem is that you don’t have a true image of the loving God of Christanity.

Jesus Christ suffered and died on the cross so that none of us would have to go to hell unless we choose it. Imagine God, who made the whole universe, who is infinatley powerful, would suffer like that because he loves us. Then if that wasn’t enough He came down in the form of bread and wine. I believe God did everything within his power to save souls.

Because of God’s goodness there are many in heaven who should be in hell, St Paul and St Augustine are two excellent examples.

In the Garden of Edan when Adam and Eve sinned they hid from God. God came looking for them but they ran away from God. This is what hell is it is our turning from God. When St Peter recognises Jesus as the messiah he says, depart from me for I am a sinful man. Again Jesus wants to know Peter, but Peter wants to turn away.
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👍
 
nsper7 said:
I’m not sure if, looking back, I really believe all the stuff I just said. I guess, if I truly believed Hell was nonexistent, then I feel like I could truly love God better because I would feel like there isn’t this metaphysical gun to my head.

I see people that I know (whether Catholic or not) who truly seem to love God and are devoted to Him beyond just a fear of Hell, but I have trouble understanding because my entire faith, from my ‘conversion’ to Evangelical Christianity all the way up to now, has been underpinned by a fear of Hell I think.

How does one get past that fear? I have been to counselors, spiritual directors, pastors, etc. and I still seem unable, maybe even unwilling, to internalize because it feels like, regardless of what one may think on a day-to-day basis, Hell remains.
Click to expand...
You can get past your fear of hell by eliminating the beliefs causing that fear. You can eliminate those beliefs with a correct technique or it will be extremely difficult to get rid of them. The Lefkoe Institute can help you find those beliefs and permanently eliminate them, because they have a proven technique to help eliminate beliefs that has been developed over 25 years. lefkoeinstitute.com/
 
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