I’ve
spent hours on the internet and
haven’t found anybody with a similar story… I think
God must be testing me … I’m
really sad because … I consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary … I’m
surprised that this happened so soon… I know that the Blessed Mother can obtain from God whatever she asks and I have asked her **thousands
of times to help me but it’s like she isn’t asking God **to help me. If she was,
wouldn’t I have received help already? …it’s very upsetting
I’m glad you are going to speak with your priest. Tell him how you feel about praying so much and not being healed. He can help you understand that our prayers are not something that “makes everything cured.”
God’s love for you and our Blessed Mother’s love for you - is not revealed or measured by when your troubles are lifted.
Don’t spend another minute searching to see if another young person was lifting weights one day and then had unexpected back pain. Searching the internet to find a similar story - seems to have left you with more negative feelings. Negative feelings increases pain - brings about discomfort - even if pain is not present.
We are totally connected - body and mind - they affect each other.
Your thoughts that God must want you to suffer and Mother Mary must not be asking her Son for His Healing - such dire, depressing thoughts makes for depressing negative feelings in your heart, mind, and body. My body droops just writing it. I feel my shoulders drop, my jaw droop, my heart sink - from writing it.
I don’t believe it is true that God wants you to suffer and Mother Mary is not asking Jesus to heal you. So why does it make me physically react to what I wrote - because it makes me sad knowing that’s how you feel.
It is very important that you speak with Father about how you believe this pain to be something you think God wants you to have and Mother Mary does not ask her Son to heal.
Speak with Father outside of the Confessional on this. Confession is to receive the Sacrament of Confession - confess our sins and receive absolution. Sometimes a confessor may give spiritual advice - but Confession time is not for discussion - unless you have made an appointment with the priest for the Sacrament and spiritual guidance or other questions.
God does not put us to “a test” by inflicting pain upon us.
You suffer from a bulging L5 S1 disc and the disc is also suffering from dehydration.
It is not a test from God.
If you have a bulging disc (herniated disc) - you have pain… not a test from God - not a measure of if you have offered enough prayers - not a measure of God wanting you to suffer - not a measure of Mother Mary not asking her Son to heal you. It is a natural fact - your spinal disc bone is not protecting your nerves - that equals pain.
Have you received the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick? I recommend you do so - this Sacrament is to Heal us - but not simply to take away our ailment. God heals our minds and souls also during this Sacrament. Our minds need to be healed when we suffer. The Sacrament - heals our minds - or begins to heal our mind in relation to how we experience the ailment.
Make an appointment for this Sacrament for the same time you meet with Father to discuss how you feel about “God testing you and Mother Mary not asking Jesus to heal you” and about how you feel when you offer so many prayers and still have a bulging disc.
Your prayers are being heard.
Recall people in pain today - hungry people around the world - those tortured in some way. The pain is because of an ailment. The hunger is because of no food. The torture may be from another person. Something causes the suffering.
Some people will find the right treatment for the pain - and find relief. Some people may make a donation to a “food bank” and another box of cereal arrives at the table of the hungry. People donate money that is added to build a water system in a poor village.
Some people will never be so fortunate for clean water to come to their village or food to arrive. None of that means God put them to the test. None of that means Mother Mary decided not to ask Jesus for help.
We all pray - God hears all of our prayers - most people do not receive miraculous healings or miraculous changes to their suffering. Most of the time our healings and relief from suffering take place through God - but through natural ways.
Natural ways = The therapy or medication that the ailment responds to is used. The ailment flows through its “natural course” and subsides. Someone intervenes - person who donates to provide food and clean water.
God is at work in all of these natural ways. God helped the medical community to learn how to treat the ailment. God called the donor to give food or money to help the poor.
God is helping you today.
A change in your thinking can help.
Look at your feelings and thoughts about the pain. “It’s a very frightening feeling (like getting turned to stone).”
Your pain is real. Your bulging disc is real and it is putting pressure on the nerves it is suppose to be protecting. Your thoughts and feelings are real. The bad part is that your thoughts and feeling actually increase your pain.
I beg you - Do NOT - let your thoughts control you. Say “I am not frightened. I am not turning to stone.” A therapist who helps those with chronic pain can help you see and feel and know - you do not need to be frightened. Your description of feeling like turning to stone - can actually cause other muscles to tighten “as to stone”. You must relax - you need someone to walk you through this different way of thinking.
Peace.
