Extremely worried about sisters health

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ellam25

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HI guys,
So one of my sister’s is extremely overweight, in fact she is obese. I practically live with my mom because my husband works so much and I see the way she eats…every night it’s fast food and she has a stash of oreos by her bed. She hates exercise, (as do i) and after having my baby I wanted to get back into shape. She had broken up with her bf and said she wanted to lose weight. So we signed up for the gym together and started eating heal th ier. Well now she makes up an excuse every single night not to go. She will opt out to go out to eat with her friends!! My mom doesn’t help by buying junk CONSTANTLY. We have a history of obesity, diabetes and heart attacks jn our family. My grandpa died obese from a heart attack at 34. I don’t know what else to do, she can drive so I can’t stop her from going out and I feel like all I can do is try to encourage her. I know her doctors have told her she needs to start exercising and eating healthier but she doesn’t listen. Now she seems to be justifying her weight by posting meme she find’s on Facebook saying every girl should be happy with their weight and themselves. That is true, bUT not when it’s dangerous to your health! I guess I’m done trying to help because I was the only one that seems to care 🤷
FYI I have never ever pointed out her weight or insulted her.
 
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. It’s not a nice situation though, I have been through something similar with an obese friend and it’s hard because weight is such a sensitive issue and you can get accused of fat shaming no matter how you try to handle it.

Maybe keep asking her if she wants to go to the gym with you and obviously pray for her.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. It’s not a nice situation though, I have been through something similar with an obese friend and it’s hard because weight is such a sensitive issue and you can get accused of fat shaming no matter how you try to handle it.

Maybe keep asking her if she wants to go to the gym with you and obviously pray for her.
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You are right that fat shaming is a sensitive issue, and no-one should belittle someone because of their addiction to food (which is what causes obesity, in the absence of other mitigating health factors).

However, that doesn’t mean we should accept being obese as the norm. It isn’t and it shouldn’t be. As someone who used to be very fat, I can vouch that whatever I said at the time, I wasn’t happy. Being obese through choice is basically giving yourself a disability - and it never looks good, however pretty the face or flattering the clothes. In fact, it looks horrible.

As for the OP’s sister, it’s difficult. She’s an adult, she can buy whatever food she wants. Until she realises herself that this isn’t a good way to live, you won’t see any change, unfortunately. The OP says she’s never pointed out her sister’s weight - it might be time to say “I love you, but you are very fat and it’s doing you a lot of harm, and I’m very worried about your future”.
 
You might try to find recipes that are high in fiber, bulk, protein-low in fats and cholesterol. There are plenty available and they are good. Then you might try to have her join you in a “cook in.” For desserts bake or cook with sugar substitutes.

I have lost weight by eating lots of eggs in various ways along with salads and good soups.

Once you have sugar in your system it is hard to get rid of the cravings. It takes a couple of weeks to get the cravings out, but they never fully go away.

Try be sneaky-yes, I said sneaky, and introduce changes without letting on as to what you are up to.
Bulk, fiber-moisture, flavored water, are filling and help reduce the appetite. So do good distractions that keep the mind busy.

If you do a lot of the cooking you can pull this off-even with Oreos hiding under the bed. “Oh no, was that a mouse under your bed?” LOL!!
 
Have you considered joining a dance class instead?
For some people,the gym can be boring and feel like work but with Dancing you can just be in the moment enjoying it instead of it being in your mind that there is a goal to lose weight and it will just come off naturally without any thought.
 
Dancing is good exercise, but as Whitney Thore has found, you need to diet as well!
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Prayer for a Miracle

God of all creation, you who spoke a simple command and brought forth light from
the darkness, I ask you now to send forth your miracle-working power to heal (ellam25 Sister). You cleansed the lepers, opened the eyes of the blind and by
speaking a simple command, you empowered the crippled to rise up and walk.
You sent forth your life-giving power to all those in need, including those you raised from
the dead. I ask you to send forth your healing power into ellam25 Sister)'s body and give him the strength to fight his illness. I ask this through my Lord, Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen

†
 
Does she have any interest in cooking? Maybe cook some healthy (and tasty!!) recipes together? It might inspire her to take out less. Also, as the other posters suggested, why not try finding a fun way to exercise? Go on long walks together, hiking, bike riding, dancing, swimming, etc… Another way you can help is really go at it from your Mom’s side of the situation. Try to influence her to not buy junk. When I was concerned that my siblings were not eating healthily, talking with my Mom and making healthy delicious food were the most effective. Good luck, and God bless you!
 
As a formerly obese person, my experiences may not match your sister’s, but they might. It is incredibly discouraging to have people try to change you, even with the best of intentions. It just reinforces the belief that we are pathetic and are failures. I knew the nutrition information, I knew how to exercise, but I was also really depressed and all the knowledge in the world wasn’t going to change that. I’d learned to use food to self-soothe and that was the habit that needed changing more than anything. It is really scary to “put yourself out there” and exercise in front of a lot of fit people. If you’ve had someone make fun of you or stare at you for doing that, it makes you want to give up.

I found that the weight basically began melting off as soon as I felt I was a worthy person who had value - when I enjoyed living, when I had friends and family I could reach out to who would support me (and not just bombard me with diet and exercise advice as if that was the only thing worth knowing or mentioning about me). It’s good to invite your sister for a walk. Maybe you could also do other family outings that are outside. Invite her to be part of your lifestyle, but don’t treat her like a baby or like she’s too dumb to know how living the way she does ends up. In all likelihood, she probably does (and that’s so depressing that it’s immobilizing.)

People who live like this are often in deep pain. The weight and overeating are symptoms of that pain, not the underlying cause. Fat people know they’re fat. It’s a problem that stares right at us all of the time. And people resent being treated as problems to fix.

Just my two cents, having been in a similar situation. Prayers for you and your sister.
 
Yes, go for a walk. She might like it much better. Going to a gym is very difficult physically and emotionally for heavy people.
 
Another formerly obese person here. Believe me, there is nothing you can do except pray for her. I’d be willing to bet she’s depressed & there doesn’t seem to be a magic bullet for that, either.

What got me convinced I could change - & I had thought I was forever trapped in obesity, depression & illness - was a series of events: someone suggested OA & I finally went after a horrible, shameful, eating binge; another person suggested I read Dr. Bernstein’s Diabetes Solution: The Complete Guide to Achieving Normal Blood Sugars; I met a fellow diabetic who had lost both legs above his knees due to uncontrolled diabetes; and I found several helpful low carb & diabetes information websites.

Change didn’t happen overnight, but I eventually got my diabetes under control so I felt better - both physically & mentally - & that helped me lose weight. I’m still fat, but finding out I was no longer obese was cheering. 🙂

When you pray for her, ask for other people to come into her life with helpful suggestions. I would not have been so open to OA or reading about diabetes had a relative suggested these things.
 
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