Why all the hate? What has gone so wrong in your life that hate is all you feel? These are questions you need to deal with so you can regain spiritual stability. I think a priest should be the one to help you through this.
All of us have time in life when things go just wrong. Friends leave us, relationships breakdown, jobs are lost, our health goes haywire, relatives die. This is when we get to find out just how much faith we have. It is easy to have faith when all is well. It is entirely another matter when everything seems lost and God is apparently silent.
I have been where you are at. What drove me there included multiple family deaths, my own illness and confinement, loss of work due to illness and dirty politics, poverty and activities within the Church that I simply could not reconcile in my heart and mind. I let my heart grow hard and became defiant. Bad idea.
Eventually I came to my senses and realized that God was not the problem or at fault for the losses, grief and pain in my life. In the end all these things made me more patient and understanding, helped me see my frailty and need for God, and reminded me that I can do nothing good without Him. Trials are allowed to strengthen us and purify us. Easy to say,harder to endure.
