Face fo Face Confession - Motives?

[Lux_et_veritas]

I did a face to face confession for the first time in my life about two weeks ago. It was the best ever and I did a full purge, telling Father that God wanted me to take the skeleton out of my closet and lay it on his desk and look him in the eyes as I did it.

This spawned from a sense I had a week earlier that God was asking me to come out from behind the screen. All my life I hopped around from priest to priest trying desparately to stay anonymous and then I felt God wanting to teach me a lesson in humility.

Not only did I confess my sins, but I dug deep and placed before Father all of the attitudes that led to those sins, perpetuated them, and then how that led to bad confession habits, and ultimately to the sacrilege of receiving communion when I had no business presenting myself.

I’m hoping to join the T.O. Carmelites and had been reading St. John of the Cross many years ago. I have a desire to work on self-mastery and purging myself of those things that prevent me from leading a more holy life.

It came to my mind that by finding one confessor who understood St. John of the Cross, making myself known, and returning to him weekly or twice monthly, I would have a better shot at making the changes I would like. My thoughts were that such a situation allows the confessor to see progress or lack thereof and enables him to provide better insight and more appropriate penance.

Is it considered prideful to want to confess in this manner for this reason? It took me nearly three full days to get over what I felt God was calling me to do in coming out from behind the screen. It’s like he was telling me that my non-sense had to stop and it help me if I followed what he was telling me in my heart. Those words in my heart were clear, “There is no anonymity before Me, nor shall you have any before He who represents Me. Look into his eyes, and into mine, and tell Me what ails you”

After dumping that skeleton on his desk, trust me, I’ve got lots of shameful things to confess regularly, but nothing could be as bad as that, so I don’t believe I would hold anything back.

Comments, please? Is it an act of pride to come out for the reason I did or is it an act in humility?

 

[for_eternity]

I believe that what you did is exactly the right thing to do. I admire you for doing it. I think sticking to one priest (when possible) is an excellent way to keep you on the right track and in line with God. You and him can develop a sort of relationship where he knows your backround and your struggles and will be able to offer you more helpful advice that way.

I felt a strong prompting to go over an examination of conscience recently, and ‘get all of my skeletons out of the closet’ also. I wasnt’ as brave as I would have liked to have been. I went first to a priest that wouldn’t know me. But know that I have all of the past stuff taken care of I’m going regularly to a priest in my parish. I look forward to this now, and it seems to be really helpful to me to go to confession regularly, because it keeps me from commiting some of the same sins so frequently since I know this man has already heard them I don’t want to have to confess them again. Sometimes it works, somtimes it doesn’t to think that way.

I personally dont’ see anything prideful about doing what your doing. I think it’s a great idea.

God bless you.

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

Lux_et_veritas:

Is it considered prideful to want to confess in this manner for this reason?

I don’t think this was prideful at all – it just sounds to me as if you’re trying to make the best confession possible, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

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**Crazy Internet Junkie Society
**Carrier of the Angelic Sparkles Sprinkle Bag

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

for eternity:

I look forward to this now, and it seems to be really helpful to me to go to confession regularly, because it keeps me from commiting some of the same sins so frequently since I know this man has already heard them I don’t want to have to confess them again.

Thanks for the comments from both of you. In particular I wanted to address the comment above because this is what I felt God was telling me. To end the cycle meant eliminating the priest shopping I was doing each time I went. It was like God grabbed me and said, “Enough! Here’s what you’re going to do!” My only response was, “Yes, Lord”, as I sulked for two days coming to grips with it.

Lemme tell you that was not a one day examination of conscience. It was ongoing over a 3 week period by that time. I began to feel that the Lord was telling me it wasn’t adequate to confess just the sins, he said in order for the cycle to stop, you have to dig deeper and understand what enabled the behavior in the first place and what kept it going.

I developed a list, literally, of notions I was following. I even told him of all the evasive confession habits I had to try to avoid a priest finding out I had a long standing problem. Not one ever asked me how often or how many times I was involved with it and I never offered. I told him that God made it clear to me that I had disrespected the Sacrament of Penance out of pride and for that reason, I had a lesson in humility coming. But in the end, I see He did it for more than the lesson in humility. He did it out of love, knowing it would finally bring the living hell to an end and allow me to move forward spiritually.

I then described all of the justifications that ran through my head in presenting myself for Holy Communion when I had no right to do so. Those I felt were just as important as the offense itself.

It was a real cleansing alright - one that hopefully only needs to happen once in a lifetime.

Thanks for putting me at ease.

 

[Steve_Green]

Going to confession face to face is really great for me. Especially when I have something serious to confess. I find it very, very, beneficial.

 

[weddy]

Steve Green:

Going to confession face to face is really great for me. Especially when I have something serious to confess. I find it very, very, beneficial.

likewise &

ed

 

[otm]

Sometimes, it would seem that being a very simple (i.e. not ver bright) person would be a spiritual blessing.

Your question about whether or not going face to face for the reason you did could be an act of pride sounds in the order of scrupulosity - second guessing whether a perfectly good act could somehow be a sinfual act.

Do you really believe in Satan? If so, then read your question again, and realize that there appears to be a whiff of sulfur in the air. Getting right with God is the antithesis of Satan’s desires; and how easy it is for him to slip that nagging little question in there. And once that camel has its nose under the tent…

"Nuf said?

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

otm:

Sometimes, it would seem that being a very simple (i.e. not ver bright) person would be a spiritual blessing.

Your question about whether or not going face to face for the reason you did could be an act of pride sounds in the order of scrupulosity - second guessing whether a perfectly good act could somehow be a sinfual act.

Do you really believe in Satan? If so, then read your question again, and realize that there appears to be a whiff of sulfur in the air. Getting right with God is the antithesis of Satan’s desires; and how easy it is for him to slip that nagging little question in there. And once that camel has its nose under the tent…

"Nuf said?

It wasn’t me who raised the question it was someone else who suggested my actions were prideful. Then a second person, in an indirect way made me more suspicous that maybe I was missng some kind of prideful action.

I’m glad to say that I went right to a good source with my question - reverend mother in a cloistered Carmelite Monastery. She shared with me much words of wisdom and put me at further ease telling me that the sisters there prefer the face-to-face contact, yet she knows of one who finds it to be a distraction.

At first I resisted asking myself the question as to whether it could be prideful. Then I felt this would not be prudent to explore as often times it is difficult for us to see our own pride.

Thanks all!

 

[MaggieOH]

I began going to face to face confession at least 7years ago. It has been a real help to be able to talk openly with the priest. I see the confessional as not only somewhere to confess one’s sins, but also as a place to get a bit of guidance when needed. This has been very beneficial since I have had many struggles to deal with in the recent past.

Also I prefer sticking to one priest rather than shopping around because it is far easier to get good guidance. I do know several priests and there is only one that I will not use for confession. I do like him as a person, but he is not the right person for me to seek guidance.

 

[marty1818]

My initial reasoning for doing face to face confession was because I was going to become a sacristan at my campus parish. By being a sacristan I would have to talk to the priests from day to day and by doing this my voice would probably become identifiable. I decided that I might as well start confessing face to face. Once I began I continued the practice. I started to realize that by doing so the priest could identify me and remember my struggles and give me some good advice to get over my repetative sins. I also grew to love the humility aspect of face to face confession. Confessing sins can be embarrassing sometimes and I felt face to face confession helped me to be humble. It may have helped me in preventing me from committing sins because of the fear of confessing those sins face to face. I think face to face confession is very helpful for myself but maybe not for everyone.

matt

 

[Sarah_Jane]

Steve Green:

Going to confession face to face is really great for me. Especially when I have something serious to confess. I find it very, very, beneficial.

Ditto.

 

[Giannawannabe]

I think you all made me reconsider going to face to face. For a long time, I have not gotten that wonderful peaceful feeling that people say they get following confession. If someone tells me that a priest is a good confessor, then I go to that priest. I then have the same sort of unsettled feeling, an anxiety of sorts, that I just did not make a good confession. I confess all of the sins that I can remember, but I still do not feel “peaceful”. Does anyone else have these feelings? Does this even make sense?

Sorry Diane. I kind of went on a rant. I don’t think you were prideful at all. I actually think pride is eliminated if you go face to face.

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

marty1818:

My initial reasoning for doing face to face confession was because I was going to become a sacristan at my campus parish. By being a sacristan I would have to talk to the priests from day to day and by doing this my voice would probably become identifiable. I decided that I might as well start confessing face to face. Once I began I continued the practice. I started to realize that by doing so the priest could identify me and remember my struggles and give me some good advice to get over my repetative sins. I also grew to love the humility aspect of face to face confession. Confessing sins can be embarrassing sometimes and I felt face to face confession helped me to be humble. It may have helped me in preventing me from committing sins because of the fear of confessing those sins face to face. I think face to face confession is very helpful for myself but maybe not for everyone.

matt

Your feelings are similar to mine.

A) I’m longing for a confessor to know my quest and to help me get there. We don’t always know what is best for ourselves and when we give a confessor the benefit of knowing us, we get good things in return.

B) Definitely an incentive to not repeat. I know one thing. If I have to go back and tell Father that I fell into the rut again, I don’t want to have to tell him I didn’t fight hard enough. It’s hard to say you tried hard looking the man in the eyes.

Also, prayer seems to always be something the priests encourage in order to help us. I think by enabling the priest to know us, he can make sure our prayer life isn’t falling into the usual pitfalls of avoidance when it feels dry.

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

Giannawannabe:

I think you all made me reconsider going to face to face. For a long time, I have not gotten that wonderful peaceful feeling that people say they get following confession. If someone tells me that a priest is a good confessor, then I go to that priest. I then have the same sort of unsettled feeling, an anxiety of sorts, that I just did not make a good confession. I confess all of the sins that I can remember, but I still do not feel “peaceful”. Does anyone else have these feelings? Does this even make sense?

Sorry Diane. I kind of went on a rant. I don’t think you were prideful at all. I actually think pride is eliminated if you go face to face.

Reconsider which way - go behind the screen or come out from behind?

I got way more out of my confession and feel the screen is actually a distraction, not the priest sitting in front of me face-to-face.

 

[marty1818]

Giannawannabe:

I think you all made me reconsider going to face to face. For a long time, I have not gotten that wonderful peaceful feeling that people say they get following confession. If someone tells me that a priest is a good confessor, then I go to that priest. I then have the same sort of unsettled feeling, an anxiety of sorts, that I just did not make a good confession. I confess all of the sins that I can remember, but I still do not feel “peaceful”. Does anyone else have these feelings? Does this even make sense?

I too have anxiety sometimes after confession. I have thoughts about whether I properly confessed my sins or whether I should have been better prepared to remember sins, etc. Sometimes you will feel great when you come out of confession but more times than not you won’t feel that way. If you make your best effort to confess all the sins you can remember, try and have peace when you leave. You may feel unsettled but be at peace because God only asks us to do our best.

matt