Face the world with a mask or face it naked

[lemondiesel]

Perhaps someone is subconsciously pre-occupied with other people partying, because they don’t party and are insecure about it. They feel like they are missing out, but at the same time would feel too guilty if they partied.

So they feel the need to constantly put down partying in their own mind, to justify their guilt and feel less bad about not partying.

Let’s say this individual ran into me. He knows I smoke and drink, and therefore puts me in the category of partying. But in reality they just projected their fears onto me in order to justify their guilt about partying. In reality this whole scenario has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with them. They just projected parts of themselves onto the situation, and their perceived identity of me has more to do with them than with me
But let’s say I have been sober for months, and at this party I suddenly have a stroke. This changes the whole actuality of “me” which is completely unknown to this someone.

I understand we are limited to our experiences, but how much of ourselves do we project onto others.

Any thoughts on this subject?

 

[George_Stegmeir]

Barring running down the street naked and screaming and other such nonsense, why do you care what other people think of you? Every time you are bothered by such thoughts, just think of when was the last time they put food on your table or did a kindness toward you. If you are living an honest good life, striving to stay in a state of grace, what does it matter what they think?
Just go about your business and thank God for each moment of your existance. In other words, sometimes you have to care only about yourself and your immortal soul. All else does not matter at all.

 

[starsmurf]

I’m a little confused by your example, but I get the impression that you are asking other people’s opinions on how much of what we see in another person (or to turn it round what someone else sees in us) is due to our own thoughts and feelings and not that person’s actual character.

Of course we are all affected in our judgement by our own personality, that is human nature, we could not make decisions or judgements without our experiences. I would not assume though, that if someone criticises your behaviour or finds it upsetting or offensive, that the problem is always with them. We can be blind to our own faults. As the Gospel says, we have to take the log out of our own eye before we can see to take the speck out of our brother’s eye. If someone criticises you for partying, it could be a genuine complaint and not a case of them projecting their “fears” onto you. You could be the one ascribing an imaginary fear or guilt about partying onto them, when in reality you are drinking far too much and spending money badly needed for other things on drinking and smoking. I am not saying that is the case, but if you are asking why other people see us the way they do, you also have to ask what the objective, scientific view of you would be.

We also need to be sensitive to each other’s wounds. I had a friend who had two children and had lost her husband. After a few years on her own, she met a great guy. One day when he was at her house with her and the kids, he opened a little bottle of beer he had brought with him while they were all sitting outside enjoying the sunshine. She became very angry with him, grabbed the bottle out of his hand and told him if he ever drank alcohol in front of her boys (aged 9 and 11) again, she would end the relationship. Later, when she had calmed down, she apologised and explained that her own father had been an alcoholic, and she had had a very unhappy childhood. The sight of this father figure to her own sons having a drink brought those feelings back and made her afraid that her sons would have that happen to them.

We have to accept that our view of other people is through the lens of our own experiences and personality and their view of us is the same. We do have to be wary of making it always someone else’s fault (or always our own fault) and to be compassionate to the wounds that may cause others to view things a certain way.

 

[Simpleton]

Let’s say this individual ran into me. He knows I smoke and drink, and therefore puts me in the category of partying.

But let’s say I have been sober for months, and at this party…

Wait so you’re at a party but you don’t party? Maybe the guy put you in the category of partying because you actually party…oh ho ho I think we might be on to something.

I like to party