Face value

  • Thread starter Thread starter LethalMouse
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I tend to take everything at face value. Then, if something starts to not make sense, I go over it, and in retrospect things stand out and come together and then finally make sense.

So basically I don’t analyze people unless they give me a reason. And then… Watch out! 😛
 
EasterJoy said:
His premise assumes there is no direct communication nor any legitimate ways of lodging complaints in a Christian marriage.

Answer: You marry someone with whom you can be honest, with whom you have a demonstrated ability to work out differences, a person who has treated you with integrity and who brings you out as your best version of yourself, not just someone who puts on a good face to make a good impression. Oh, and if you’re wrong, apologize, even if you are convinced you are not the “most wrong.” Avoid blaming; look for solutions, instead. Take the secret of a long marriage from the man married 60 years: Look in the mirror from time to time and say, “Yeah, well, you’re no great prize, yourself.” Those have been very productive strategies for us.

If you don’t know what productive complaining between spouses even looks like, read John Gottman’s books on communication in marriage before you go off to “discern” anything. I don’t know what else to tell him, and based on previous threads I expect him to argue with me, so I had thought I wouldn’t even throw two bits in, but there are the two bits.

He can take that advice or leave it. Free advice is worth about what you paid for it. We all find our own way and there are many ways to bake a cake. **I’ve been married over 25 years and I have zero intention of looking for a new husband if I’m left a widow. **I don’t want any advice on how to find a spouse or run a marriage, so I guess I’m done here. (That wasn’t so hard, I suppose.)

If I misread the first post and completely missed the point of the question, my apologies. I’m still done, though.
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Isn’t that funny?

A lot of women feel exactly the same way.
 
Xantippe said:
A lot of women I see talking online feel like one husband per lifetime is a big plenty.
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My mother’s motto was “one husband, one dog”.

When either (both) of them went, they were not replaced.

Some experiences are had and don’t need to be repeated.
 
Xantippe said:
Isn’t that funny?

A lot of women feel exactly the same way.
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Well, I married a prince. Who is going to want to compete with that, LOL?

I could be wrong. Some people who lose a spouse find themselves feeling like a three-legged dog: getting along, but missing a piece of themselves by not being married. I just can’t see anyone I have ever met taking my husband’s place. I certainly don’t want to go through the wringer of looking for somebody. Perhaps I will be fortunate and we’ll get old together and die close to the same time, and this won’t be anything that I’ll ever have to worry about.
 
LethalMouse said:
I would like to not pay attention but where my free time intersects this form of convo, if someone has commited a “conjob” or most importantly is being sold and taught how to… should we not care of the well being of others?

In some of these issues the teaching of some posters is to embrace and send others into the den of cons.

I consider it one of the most dangerous teachings available. 😦
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If someone tries to sell you their con job and you are their friend, you say, “Look back in your bag, there, Bro, because I smell a con job.” You don’t have to say, “You’re conning yourself”; just wave the red flag that says “You might want to look in the mirror again before you leave the house.”

Where is the line? Our Lord taught us to teach the good news and to shake the dust from our feet when we ran into those who don’t want to hear it. Do not toss pearls before swine. That’s the line: tell those who will hear. If they won’t, stop.
 
EasterJoy said:
Well, I married a prince. Who is going to want to compete with that, LOL?

I could be wrong. Some people who lose a spouse find themselves feeling like a three-legged dog: getting along, but missing a piece of themselves by not being married. I just can’t see anyone I have ever met taking **my husband’s **place. I certainly don’t want to go through the wringer of looking for somebody. Perhaps I will be fortunate and we’ll get old together and die close to the same time, and this won’t be anything that I’ll ever have to worry about.
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Okay… I apologized for calling you a her. And no correction and now apparently you are a her. LOL I guess your man reference was 3rd party earlier oops…LOL
EasterJoy said:
If someone tries to sell you their con job and you are their friend, you say, “Look back in your bag, there, Bro, because I smell a con job.” You don’t have to say, “You’re conning yourself”; just wave the red flag that says “You might want to look in the mirror again before you leave the house.”

Where is the line? Our Lord taught us to teach the good news and to shake the dust from our feet when we ran into those who don’t want to hear it. Do not toss pearls before swine. That’s the line: tell those who will hear. If they won’t, stop.
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I guess my issue is the swine who lead as shepherds and seeing people who are in-between swine and sheep as the victims of great disservice, even if it is sometimes well meaning.

Also, since credentials are so often used on this sub forum to negate entire points I take the above post by the psychotherapist as a general win for me 🙂 I doubt the (not you) but the two big time credential bashers can say much on that note.

Edit: Oh I did forget the typical ignore the post and any reference to it method :confused:

I could say “Your not looking at that post!”

and they would say “You’re*…so you are now totally discredited LM”

LOL ah denial makes me want to head bang into a wall 😦

Oh and then wait 30 posts later and deny I made any references to any posts and require I go back through and collect quotations of every single sentence pretending they just have NOOO idea what was said. Then IF I actually take the time to do some of that they would just ignore that post…rinse and repeat.

The crux is I don’t believe them to be of conscious ill intent, it is all a convenient form of denial/ con-job.

On the flip side if someone like “I love tacos” did it, I would think he was just being cheeky and hilariously intentional.
 
Oh and Easter, the grand irony is my first experience of this denial was when I directly posted a post of YOURS and said “this is what I meant”

The post quoting you was categorically ignored. When I referenced my posting it 2 or 3 more times also categorically ignored.

When I mentioned “[insert demographic applicable to YOU] as being not attacked by the other posters” it was met with “where” when I referenced YOU again it was ignored. The majority of the parties on here who do this again are not those I believe to do this because of concious malice but because acknowledging the more repected and eloquent opinion of Easter would have cast doubt upon their stance. If they doubt themselves or run the risk of seeing themselves as “wrong” then they would feel bad about themselves.

And the ultimate factor at the end of the day is they are afraid of feeling bad or being “wrong” so they can only ignore and find excuses like gramatical corrections or parable details to make themselves feel “right” and “good”.

The fact that they would “feel bad” and that they need to employ denial to not means that they are likely not entirely lost, nor evil. If I believed them entirely evil I could more easily say it is “us against them” but if they are not, I must care about them.
 
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