Facebook and social media disillusion

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aroosi

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For Lent I decided, among other things, to decrease a lot the amount of time spent browsing social media and to focus more on real life. Part of my plan was to contact people I interact regularly with in Facebook and live not too far; they are not strangers since I very rarely accept friend requests from people I never met in person. I invited them in real life for a coffee, lunch or just a brief chat and the results were pretty disheartening. Except for few lovely exceptions, most people that constanly clog my newsfeed with their pictures, rants, political views, opinions and that are ready to drop a heart or a like at every post, are actuallly too busy for real life or simply unavailable for a deeper relationship.This ‘experiment’ changed my view of social media a lot. I considered it a fun tool to keep in touch with friends but I realized that often is a surrogate for real friendship, a collection of informations hiding emptiness and sometimes just a plain load of ****.
 
aroosi said:
For Lent I decided, among other things, to decrease a lot the amount of time spent browsing social media and to focus more on real life. Part of my plan was to contact people I interact regularly with in Facebook and live not too far; they are not strangers since I very rarely accept friend requests from people I never met in person. I invited them in real life for a coffee, lunch or just a brief chat and the results were pretty disheartening. Except for few lovely exceptions, most people that constanly clog my newsfeed with their pictures, rants, political views, opinions and that are ready to drop a heart or a like at every post, are actuallly too busy for real life or simply unavailable for a deeper relationship.This ‘experiment’ changed my view of social media a lot. I considered it a fun tool to keep in touch with friends but I realized that often is a surrogate for real friendship, a collection of informations hiding emptiness and sometimes just a plain load of ****.
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I agree with you. I have avoided using “social” media for a long time and been much happier for it. 🙂
 
Amen!

To some extent, whenever interacting with people on social media, you are interacting with people you have made up in your head. 🙂

Yes, I realize that this is also true for CAF, but it’s not so hidden. I mean, it’s a lot harder to forget that you don’t really know people when it’s just postings, and not pictures, likes, and the whole shebang.

–Jen
 
I just recently joined Facebook, a “Christian” friend started
posting the need to respect biker gangs (the Hell’s Angels),
I suspect there is a problem here!!
 
Facebook is a plot from Hades.

When it catches a permanent virus, I imagine great things will come from the hordes freed from that mind-rot.

ICXC NIKA
 
I use Facebook as a sort of news and information aggregator from various Catholic sources.

The Franciscan Missionaries of the Eternal Word, for example, recently posted a picture of all of them out at Hamburger Heaven in Birmingham, Alabama. OK, my life isn’t complete now that I’ve seen that photo, but it was fun! Fr Mitch Pacwa always talks about that place.

I definitely agree, though, that there’s a lot of garbage on Facebook, and it can be a gossip-machine and outright propaganda device.

All things in moderation and, when it doubt, block.
 
I agree with the OP… I only joined FB in 2010 to keep track of my then middle school and high school children. In some ways it has been a great way to keep track of long lost friends and cousins and a much more convenient way to share photos, but I have increasingly been wanting to delete my account. Especially after this last election. I, like the OP, have been spending very little on FB, which is also a time waster. And honestly, I agree the face to face interaction is so much better.
Our church has a FB page that keeps us updated on things, especially last minute cancellation of services, ect, during weather, but I honestly wish social media would go away. I think our lives were much better before it.
I also only accept friend requests from people I have actually met.
 
There’s a saying that’s been going on for the last few years: “Facebook is for kids, Linkedin is for grown-ups.” Most people that I know use Facebook to show everyone how old we got and how we all have kids now. It’s pretty cool for family stuff like that and posting if you got recognized in the newspaper, joined some special club or received some sort of recognition. Or, if you found a really cool song you want to share that most people have never heard. Otherwise, it’s a bunch of “bot people” (fake), gossip, sports raving, memes making fun of people you will never connect to on linkedin (so why care), etc.

I’m glad you took some time off, I’d reorganize it and use it for the right reasons. I can’t exactly hate it because I was homeless and phone-less, got to a library and notified a family member who came down to help me get some stuff straight. You can’t get help like that from linkedin, so keep your friends down to a “if I was in serious trouble far away from home, who would be there for me.” It’s part of growing up and the results will be a real bummer.
 
There is nothing wrong with social media. It is not a load of anything, but a social media site. It is okay for some, not for others. No one forces anyone to use it. Of course it socialization, though, but just internet media.
 
aroosi said:
Except for few lovely exceptions, most people that constanly clog my newsfeed with their pictures, rants, political views, opinions and that are ready to drop a heart or a like at every post, are actuallly too busy for real life or simply unavailable for a deeper relationship.This ‘experiment’ changed my view of social media a lot. I considered it a fun tool to keep in touch with friends but I realized that often is a surrogate for real friendship, a collection of informations hiding emptiness and sometimes just a plain load of ****.
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Just to toss out the other side smile - I might very well be one of those who you’d have found to be “too busy for real life…”

I work a varying schedule, have four kids at home and help care for my elderly mom. I’m currently working on 3 different tax returns, fin aid forms for the college student, and cleaning up a paper mess left over from when I was in deep depression at the passing of my father a couple years ago. The kids have varying schedules themselves depending on what club, lesson or game they have each day. My husband also has an erratic schedule basically working right now only on an “on-call” basis. In addition, I’m dealing with rehabbing from a leg injury I suffered last fall which effects me physically, and a variety of friend/kid/spiritual/emotional problems that leave me feeling drained and exhausted. (Such as my son’s teacher being fired for an inappropriate relationship with a student, or my sister’s 60th bday coming up, or our older (out of the house) daughter’s unexpected pregnancy or …)

But 99% of ALL of that would never show up on my facebook page - you’d simply see how one kid got an academic award, we had a great day at the park, a funny story, a cute pic.

And in return, I’d probably be liking and commenting on the stuff you posted - a recipe to try, a book read, a location visited, a quick prayer for a request you posted or a long discussion on the merits (or lack thereof) regarding some situation or topic. Doing so is a great way for me to escape for a little bit (often a quick 5 min check-in) and feel connected to a world outside my crazy, stressful life.

It doesn’t mean I’m not sincere, but unless you have the patience of a saint at having plans cancelled at the last minute or the ability to meet me at odd times (10am, 2pm, etc) then it would probably take several weeks to schedule and plan a get together (assuming no emergencies came up and work allowed me to schedule that particular day off).

I’m sharing all this because I only have 2 “real life” friends I even see anymore and we are lucky to get together maybe once a month - if that. I’m simply at a busy stage of my life right now.

Maybe the people you tried to connect with really are not that interested in you or stepping outside the social media bubble. 🤷 But sometimes there’s just so much going on in one’s life that the only regular social contact can come from those brief online interactions - and it’s because there’s a lot more going on beneath the surface that a person just doesn’t want to share.

I really do wish there was the proverbial “back fence” or “local diner” that I could meet other people at on a regular basis for a chat - but modern society doesn’t seem to work that way (at least for me, at least for now).
 
Social media is trouble. It’s better to pick up the phone or write a nice, long, chatty, snail mail letter.
 
Thank you for all your answers, I really enjoyed reading about your various points of view. I hope I was not misunderstood; I am not saying Facebook is evil per se and I understand it can be used just as a tool for connecting with others. I am not a teen, I am a grownn up woman and a mom and I get that life can get hectic sometimes and it is hard to find time. My point is that this ‘experiment’ showed me the danger to let Facebook be a surrogate of friendship in real life. Being friends for real requires an effort deeper than a click. I think Facebook creates a false sense of connection and gives a fake and idealized image of people life. I will keep my Facebook account and surely browse the pages for fun or curiosity but I want to get more control of how much time goes in social media vs real social life. I also want to make an effort to cultivate the most meaningful relationships investing time and getting more face to face old fashioned contact so that when I need a hug or just a relaxing chat sipping coffee I don’t get a ‘like’ instead.
 
I’ve started to prefer WhatsApp. Being able to quickly communicate with people who don’t live near me is very important but I don’t feel the need to post stuff about my life so publicly.
 
aroosi said:
For Lent I decided, among other things, to decrease a lot the amount of time spent browsing social media and to focus more on real life. Part of my plan was to contact people I interact regularly with in Facebook and live not too far; they are not strangers since I very rarely accept friend requests from people I never met in person. I invited them in real life for a coffee, lunch or just a brief chat and the results were pretty disheartening. Except for few lovely exceptions, most people that constanly clog my newsfeed with their pictures, rants, political views, opinions and that are ready to drop a heart or a like at every post, are actuallly too busy for real life or simply unavailable for a deeper relationship.This ‘experiment’ changed my view of social media a lot. I considered it a fun tool to keep in touch with friends but I realized that often is a surrogate for real friendship, a collection of informations hiding emptiness and sometimes just a plain load of ****.
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Good for you! 👍
 
Social media is a tool. Facebook has both the advantage and disadvantage of being public. I find its use minimal, but at times it has worked for me. Likewise, a forum like this has its uses. I have found that my time here has helped me keep my interactions with people everywhere more focused and less prone to excess negative emotions.

The OP’s experiment reminds us all that social interaction on line is nothing like the real world. Occasionally, the two intersect, either by using social media to get information to family or friends, or making connections that lead to contact in person. But that is the exception. Living without social media may or may not diminish us, but living without personal human contact most certainly will.
 
I love facebook. I check it everyday before I leave for work in the morning and when I get home. I get lots of news from my family and friends and I love hearing about their lives. I also get the local news stories and a few groups. I have found one group for parents of children with the birthdefect my daughter has. I also frequently do a local shop and swap group which I find very useful, as well as two childcare networks.
 
pnewton said:
The OP’s experiment reminds us all that social interaction on line is nothing like the real world. Occasionally, the two intersect, either by using social media to get information to family or friends, or making connections that lead to contact in person. But that is the exception. Living without social media may or may not diminish us, but living without personal human contact most certainly will.
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Exactly this!!! 🙂
 
👍 Well done, OP - I’d count that a a successful learning experience!

FB can be a lifeline for some people, if used sensibly, but it does tend to encourage some of the worst aspects of human nature and can make adults feel they are back in the school playground!
 
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