Facebook aunt/niece argument

[Gordon_Sims]

I agree that in your situation the mother keeping close tabs not only isn’t likely to happen, but probably wouldn’t do much good. If my nieces or nephews posted something inappropriate, I’d let their parents know. Again, that probably wouldn’t do much in your case, but that’s the first step I’d take.

As far as people posting inappropriate stuff, I use the delete button. If it’s posted directly on my wall, I use the delete button and ask the person who posted it not to do so again and remind them that my family, coworkers, etc. can see my wall, as well as my kids if they happen to be around when I’m logged in (I’m not quite as bothered when it comes to private messages). If they don’t take that into consideration after that, I set them to ignore or unfriend them. It doesn’t happen often, but I’ve run into a couple people who take the attitude that if my kids see what they post it’s my fault and they’re not going to refrain from posting vulgarities and adult material. Those people didn’t get a second chance.

Getting back to your niece, since her mother isn’t concerned, why not approach her father? He’s clearly a bit more concerned with her moral upbringing if the mother feels she has to hide this stuff from him.

 

[Catholic90]

Ok, while you would never post anything inappropriate, what if they did? My wife actually did add her as a friend and has already gotten comments about how hot so and so is put on her wall.

Also, how would her mom keeping close tabs on her online activity prevent a problem??? For most normal parents, perhaps. But I don’t know that I’d feel the same way with her mom…

So DELETE the comments from the wall!

 

[StJoan_ismygal]

AHapka, I couldn’t care less about the Facebook debate. My question for you is this:

When are you going to live up to your moral obligation to inform this child’s father that she is being sexually corrupted by her mother? He has a right to know what is going on so he can fight it. I seriously doubt any halfway decent father wants his daughter being instructed in the way it seems this mother is doing, and as he is her father, he has a right to know what you witnessed first hand. Or are you willing to sacrifice this girl to the destructive life that her mother’s immoral teaching will lead her into, in the name of preserving family peace?

 

[Mrs_Sally]

So DELETE the comments from the wall!

Why should he have to police his account from this child’s comments? Easier by far to just not add her at all then to constantly go through the drama when her comments are deleted.

As for the question of why the OP hasn’t told the father–that’s an excellent question. Especially since OP is a man and that sort of comment would come across better man-to-man.

 

[AHapka]

When are you going to live up to your moral obligation to inform this child’s father that she is being sexually corrupted by her mother?

Because I’ve never thought of it this way. I will and I’ll let everyone know what comes of it.

 

[Catholic90]

Why should he have to police his account from this child’s comments? Easier by far to just not add her at all then to constantly go through the drama when her comments are deleted.

As for the question of why the OP hasn’t told the father–that’s an excellent question. Especially since OP is a man and that sort of comment would come across better man-to-man.

I was referring to the poster whose wife added a friend and had inappropriate comments.

It’s not really “policing” the wall … it is keeping current. Most people I know who have Facebook accounts check them daily (or even several times daily). It’s as regular as checking as email (which most people should do several times daily, by the way, - I am speaking as someone whose job depends a whole lot on email communication!)

There is a “family” section on Facebook, you know…

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Referring to the deleting of comments, I don’t care who they come from, it’s just responsible behavior to delete comments that you don’t find appropriate from your wall. Whether it’s a kid acting silly or an adult being vulgar, if there’s something I don’t want posted to my account I’ll get rid of it. If it’s serious enough, I’ll deal with it in the manner I stated above.

 

[cephas161619]

I have just over 200 friends on FB (for the person who questioned how someone could have 100 friends, it’s actually quite easy–I nearly hit that just adding family), including coworkers, a couple priests, several of mine & my kids’ current and past teachers, etc.

I have a lot more than that, but I don’t consider the vast majority really ‘friends’. They’re more like acquaintances. So, I really don’t share much personal on there. I know anything I put up can go anywhere anyway, so if I want to share something more personal, I find other ways to do it.

Of course, that doesn’t address the fact that kids have more trouble establishing those boundaries a lot of times. They’re still learning, and I would definitely not let my daughter on FB at that age.

 

[maryjk]

Referring to the deleting of comments, I don’t care who they come from, it’s just responsible behavior to delete comments that you don’t find appropriate from your wall. Whether it’s a kid acting silly or an adult being vulgar, if there’s something I don’t want posted to my account I’ll get rid of it. If it’s serious enough, I’ll deal with it in the manner I stated above.

But a conversation between adults isn’t necessarily vulgar, just adult. My husband and I talk about things that my friends could hear, but our son shouldn’t. By inviting a child into your circle of friends, you have to then only talk about things that a child can hear/read. And you need to let everyone else know that you have a child in your circle of friends.

Example: My husband and I recently had a talk about early menopause. Not a big deal and nothing that I won’t talk to my friends about. But, really, is that something I want my 14 year old son to read about? Is that something that he would really want to read about?

Adult conversations are just that, adult.

 

[yellowbird]

Well, to each his own. If you don’t want her as a “friend” you are certainly under no obligation.

My neices and nephews have all requested me as their “friend” and I’ve said yes to each of them. Despite not living near any of them, I’m actually very close to all of them. I have taken the time to get to know them. I want to have an impact on their lives - espeically the ones who’s parents aren’t raising them up in the Church as well as they should. When they are having an especially bad day, they post about it, and it gives me an opportunity to tell them I’ll pray for them, or I’ll post a short verse that I think applies. And we have lots of fun conversations that have nothing to do with God. But they know I am their fun, cool Aunt who loves Jesus and His Church. They actually sometimes message me ASKING for prayers. How awesome is that?

She isn’t going to be 11 forever. If you don’t have a close relationship with her now, don’t expect one when she’s an adult. That’s your choice. I’m just saying.

 

[dashso40]

The mother is an idiot for letting her daughter have a FB account…

 

[yellowbird]

The mother is an idiot for letting her daughter have a FB account…

Says you.

Everyone in my family has a facebook account. Aunts, Uncles, Nieces, Grandma, and a couple of Priests who are long time friends. It’s how our entire extended family keeps in touch. Which is great, considering we live all over the country.

Facebook can be wonderful. And it can also be abused. Like anything.

 

[maryjk]

Do the Facebook terms of service allow those under the age of 13 to legitimately have an account?

My neices and nephews have all requested me as their “friend” and I’ve said yes to each of them.

So are your nieces and nephews over 13?

If they aren’t, aren’t you facilitating them lying to whoever runs Facebook? There are other family sites that don’t have age requirements, maybe those sites would be a better way to keep in touch with the younger crowd.

 

[philialeaf]

You definitely made the right choice! I will be praying for you and your relationships with these members of the family. The girl’s mother is obviously way out of line, especially given the other information about her being the “sexy one” and all that. They need our prayers for sure. (St Maria Goretti pray for us!)

 

[dashso40]

Says you.

Everyone in my family has a facebook account. Aunts, Uncles, Nieces, Grandma, and a couple of Priests who are long time friends. It’s how our entire extended family keeps in touch. Which is great, considering we live all over the country.

Facebook can be wonderful. And it can also be abused. Like anything.

I’m talking about letting a child on FB where one can chat with other people…it is not appropriate for children to be in chat rooms…so what if a priest is on FB…he’s an adult…Is it normal for a mother to call her 11 year old daughter…“my sexy daughter”? 11 year olds have no business being on FB…

 

[yellowbird]

I’m talking about letting a child on FB where one can chat with other people…it is not appropriate for children to be in chat rooms…so what if a priest is on FB…he’s an adult…Is it normal for a mother to call her 11 year old daughter…“my sexy daughter”? 11 year olds have no business being on FB…

Facebook isn’t a “chat room.” Strangers can’t talk to you unless you approve them as a friend. The mother is a “friend” of her daughter so she can monitor her daughter’s postings. The only issue I would have is the daughter needed to lie to get an account. I think that is wrong.

The mother calling her daughter “sexy” is certainly disturbing… but it has nothing to do with facebook.

The bottom line is this: The girl HAS a facebook - her mother allowed it. The OP asked if he should be the girls’ “friend.” If he doesn’t want to, fine. I just think it’s unfortunate the he has chosen not to use the opportunity to foster a better relationship with his niece.

 

[yellowbird]

So are your nieces and nephews over 13?

If they aren’t, aren’t you facilitating them lying to whoever runs Facebook? There are other family sites that don’t have age requirements, maybe those sites would be a better way to keep in touch with the younger crowd.

Yes, all of my nieces/nephews who have facebook are over 13. My own daughter can’t wait to turn 13 so she can join in.

I suppose the OP could wait until the girl turns 13 so he isn’t facilitating the lie. I seriously doubt he will accept her as a friend at that point though, since she still wouldn’t be an “adult” which seems to be a criteria for him.

I wish I could be the girls’ facebook friend. It sounds like she needs some positive Catholic role models in her life.

 

[maryjk]

So are your nieces and nephews over 13?

If they aren’t, aren’t you facilitating them lying to whoever runs Facebook? There are other family sites that don’t have age requirements, maybe those sites would be a better way to keep in touch with the younger crowd.

The only issue I would have is the daughter needed to lie to get an account. I think that is wrong.

Which already answered my question. Thanks

Yes, all of my nieces/nephews who have facebook are over 13. My own daughter can’t wait to turn 13 so she can join in.

I agree, you wouldn’t want to have to lie to allow your child or any other child to join.

I don’t know much about Facebook, other than that my sister thinks I should join so school friends can find me. Problem is, if they wanted to find me, all they have to do is google my name with my high school and you can get my address. If they really wanted to find me, they could.

 

[dashso40]

Facebook isn’t a “chat room.” Strangers can’t talk to you unless you approve them as a friend. The mother is a “friend” of her daughter so she can monitor her daughter’s postings. The only issue I would have is the daughter needed to lie to get an account. I think that is wrong.

The mother calling her daughter “sexy” is certainly disturbing… but it has nothing to do with facebook.

The bottom line is this: The girl HAS a facebook - her mother allowed it. The OP asked if he should be the girls’ “friend.” If he doesn’t want to, fine. I just think it’s unfortunate the he has chosen not to use the opportunity to foster a better relationship with his niece.

You can "chat " on FB and someone could befriend her who is a psycho…her mother can’t monitor everyone on her page if she has “100’s” of friends like many of the teens I know do…

 

[Sir_Knight]

I don’t even know what this “facebook” is, but I do know that Bishops have spoken out against it saying that it leads young people into ‘Transient relationships’ where “quantity becomes more important than quality” and is “a key factor in suicide among young people”. Sounds like something that I wouldn’t want my children getting involved with.