Facebook - Blast from the Past!

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Gordon_Sims said:
I think Facebook is great, particulalry for how it’s allowed me to get in contact with friends I’ve not seen or spoken to in 15-20 years. That being said, I think it’s all in how you use it. While I don’t have any ex’s or old flames as friends, I do have a few friends on there whom I had crushes on in the past, but in each of those situations we later ended up as friends. I’m happily married and completely devoted to my wife, so I personally don’t see any problem with it. I did make sure that, when I signed up, I insisted that my wife get an account of her own and that we add each other as friends (the same rule applies to our son…our daughters aren’t old enough for accounts). While my experiences have been almost entirely positive, my wife has been contacted by a couple old friends on there who have made it very clear that their intentions were anything but honorable, and/or that they had a bit more than friendship in mind. While I’m not particularly bothered by her getting those initial messages (it disgusts me that they would send the messages when they her profile makes it clear she’s married, but I know she would never act on them), I wouldn’t appreciate her keeping in contact with them. I will admit that I insisted upon her “un-friending” one of the guys, but that’s after he continued to send lewd and suggestive messages after my wife firmly insisted that he quit. Bottom line, though, is that it’s a fun way to keep in touch with friends, family and acquaintances.
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Dude, that’s kind of creepy. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that there are people out there who would do that, but still…
 
I am rather late in the facebook game and just started yesterday. When I set up my picture, I deliberately chose one with my wife an I. I did not want there to be any chance of a wrong signal. I also found a CAF group there.
 
Joe_5859 said:
Dude, that’s kind of creepy. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that there are people out there who would do that, but still…
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One of the things that really bothered me about it, aside from the fact that it was my wife, was the fact that he’s married. I checked out his profile and he belonged to all sorts of groups that, even if I were single, I wouldn’t think of joining (declaring himself a fan of big boobs, hot teenage girls, etc.), especially on a site where friends, family (including his children, who are friends of his) and coworkers can see it. To her credit, based on her comments, his wife seems to get all sorts of amusement from his behavior, although I don’t know how aware she is of some of the private messages and gifts he sends to other women.

As bad as that is, she has another FB friend who carried on a week and a half long fight with her husband on FB, airing all sorts of dirty laundry and giving out the most inappropriate, intimate details. Like the other guy, this lady is friends with her two teenage daughters. I’ll admit it was fascinating in a train-wreck sort of way, but I can’t imagine how painful it must have been for her kids to log on each day and read about what an awful person their father was.

As much as I enjoy FB, I’m sure not painting it in a very postive light here. To end on a better note, it allows me to keep in touch with family I’d grown apart from, it’s reunited me with close friends from my past, and it’s allowed me to organize reunions and get-togethers with dear old friends.
 
corrgc said:
This is the OP! Thank you all for your responses. It appears the consensus thought is that re-igniting old friendships through Facebook is harmless as long as intentions are pure.

Let me twist this a bit, as we have been talking about “old flames” What if you enjoyed an intimate, even sexual relationship with them in the past? Even an engagement. Would it still be appropriate to “add them as a friend”? What if the break-up was not cordial, yet no bad feelings are harbored?

Thanks again for your opinions!

Sincerely in Christ,
Corrgc
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It is not appropriate to contact them even…at all …
 
I am so confused by facebook…people I have no idea who they are, are asking to become friends…I am really mystified by it. 😛 I have noticed old boyfriends from highschool on there…by looking up old female friends from highschool, and seeing the old bf’s listed. I don’t have a desire to find out how those old ‘flames’ are doing…they are married, I saw their pages…I’m married…and very happy. I personally just don’t feel the need to contact them. It’s cool to see people you dated 20 something years ago on facebook…but, I guess I’m not that curious beyond that, as to what their lives are about. 🤷
 
whatevergirl said:
I am so confused by facebook…people I have no idea who they are, are asking to become friends…I am really mystified by it. 😛 I have noticed old boyfriends from highschool on there…by looking up old female friends from highschool, and seeing the old bf’s listed. I don’t have a desire to find out how those old ‘flames’ are doing…they are married, I saw their pages…I’m married…and very happy. I personally just don’t feel the need to contact them. It’s cool to see people you dated 20 something years ago on facebook…but, I guess I’m not that curious beyond that, as to what their lives are about. 🤷
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It’s not just about connecting with old bfs or gfs. Don’t you care to know how some of your old classmates from HS are doing or where they’re at? Perhaps they have a nice Catholic going just like you and yall could really become good friends again.
 
pnewton said:
I am rather late in the facebook game and just started yesterday. When I set up my picture, I deliberately chose one with my wife an I. I did not want there to be any chance of a wrong signal. I also found a CAF group there.
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Oh yeah, I see you there. That’s a nice group. I didn’t start it, but it only had like 2 other members in it, so I just picked it.
 
stringbeanduck said:
It’s not just about connecting with old bfs or gfs. Don’t you care to know how some of your old classmates from HS are doing or where they’re at? Perhaps they have a nice Catholic going just like you and yall could really become good friends again.
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*I didn’t say it’s only about touching base with old bf’s. :confused: I have touched base with old female friends…but, I personally don’t feel the desire to chat with someone I dated a while back. I have touched base with people who were old friends of mine back in highschool…but, I don’t care to start dialogue with old flames. I might not have been clear on my initial post. *
 
corrgc said:
… digging up old friends could include old flames. And that brings a new set of issues.

I once heard someone say - “there is a reason why God left people in your memory, and that is where they should stay”

Do you agree?
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Hi “corrgc”. Sadly, I do agree that “old flames” should be left in the past. :sad_yes: It was just such a situation, as you described above (although it wasn’t Facebook; but Classmates.com) that broke up the marriage of someone very close to me; and she deeply regrets it now.

Thank you for letting me add my :twocents:
 
It’s interesting to see the diversity of (name removed by moderator)ut on this thread. I think it indicates that the answer to the original question is that “it depends.” Mine and my wife’s “old flames” were all part of our larger circle of Catholic friends. The breakups, while not always initially amicable, eventually became so, and none of those relationships had the “baggage” that they could have had. If they did, I’m sure my response would be different.

I think it is interesting to see which people who went to my Catholic high school still identify themselves as “Catholic”. I’ve been surprised by a few and (sadly) not suprised by others.
 
It is not “Facebook” or “MySpace” that poses the problem. The porblem lays in the temptations each of us deal with daily. Before “Facebook” or “MySpace” were even on the internet there was the chance of running into an “ex”. Small communities pose even a higher risk of this. But the question remains… “Do you bite from the apple?”

Do not succome to your temptations, reflect in prayer.
 
As I am “friends” with my husband on FB, using an e-mail address that he knows the password to, there is no way I could “hide” any sort of FB relationship from my husband. Still, I have chosen not to look up old flames. None so far have asked me to be FB friends with them, but if they will, I’ll decline with a personal note that simply wishes them well.
 
Something positive came from opening up facebook–in addition to chatting with folks I’ve met online here and elsewhere–my old college roomie that I totally lost touch with, contacted me last night! I’m excited…we were best buddies forever, I was the maid of honor in her first wedding…I didn’t realize she moved, and it probably happened around the same time we moved to Florida. I think it’s neat to be able to connect with old friends, in this way. 🙂
 
whatevergirl said:
Something positive came from opening up facebook–in addition to chatting with folks I’ve met online here and elsewhere–my old college roomie that I totally lost touch with, contacted me last night! I’m excited…we were best buddies forever, I was the maid of honor in her first wedding…I didn’t realize she moved, and it probably happened around the same time we moved to Florida. I think it’s neat to be able to connect with old friends, in this way. 🙂
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Be careful with your feelings. There is probably a reason why you lost touch. There is a good chance you are two totally different people now. Good luck.👍
 
igator99 said:
Be careful with your feelings. There is probably a reason why you lost touch. There is a good chance you are two totally different people now. Good luck.👍
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*It’s funny you say that…because when we lost touch, it was around the time she was marrying another man, and she invited me. I couldn’t attend, I was ironically attending another wedding in Florida, and couldn’t make both trips. (we were living in PA back then) So…I thought, maybe she was angry with me all these years! lol I came to find out through her note to me, that she has been trying to find me, my numbers are unlisted, so is my sister’s, etc…so it was probably hard for her to find me. I likewise tried to find her, to no avail. So facebook brought us together. haha For that, it’s a good thing.

I imagine we are different…we’ll see! :)*
 
facebook is fun! i have re-established contact with several old friends!
 
Like anything else, it is all in how it is used. I find it to be a lot of fun, several of my grandchildren have ‘friended’ me, that’s a hoot!! Generally, I do not go to their profiles and read what their friends are posting, but when the grandchild posts something I can read what is going on with them on my wall. Facebook has allowed me to get to know a cousin I have never met that lives in Australia, we have been having a blast trading ‘food fights’ and little tidbits. It has allowed me to ‘friend’ my step-grandson who I don’t know very well, he initiated the friend request and we have been having fun getting to know each other. It is just another way to keeping in touch with friends and family, reconnecting with old friends and catching up. If you are looking for trouble, certainly you will find it. An old boyfriend from 40 years ago (we were 15 & 16 at the time) found me on Classmates.com. I had looked for him several times and he had not registered until recently. We have had a lot of fun catching up with each other. He was also a friend of my brothers and had tried to find both of us several times over the years with no luck. I had to tell him of the untimely death of my brother almost 8 years ago, he would never have known otherwise. I think it is quite natural to wonder ‘what ever happened to so and so’ and be interested in finding out.

I wondered too if it was wise to renew the friendship and then I realized I don’t have a clue who he is now, I just remember the 16 year old boy I had a huge crush on. I am very happily married and treasure my life. So for me it is laughing about the silly things we did so long ago and getting to know a ‘new’ friend. I have no time, nor inclination, in my busy life to pursue a relationship beyond that. We drop an occasional email just to keep in touch. We have other mutual friends that I am still in regular contact with that he would like to reconnect with, so possibly in the future the lot of us will get together with our respective husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends etc and have a mini-reunion. I am happy and content, he knows that; he is happy and content, I know that. If I got an inkling of something more from him, that would be the end of the communication.

So the long and the short of it, I repeat, it is all in how you use it and your intent.
 
This is the OP again. I’m sitting ina Wendy’s checking out Catholic Answers. Technology is amazing

– Praise GOD! Thank you for all the awesome feedback. The best answer I saw to the posts was “it depends”. Because the memories of certain old flames can invoke sensual thoughts, Its best to leave them in my memory bank. But that leaves FB to be used for finding ol friends for good ol times sake a Virtual “family reunion”. Thanks again and God Bless.
 
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