Facebook Flirting Woes

[joshvanrad]

There are trust issues from both sides.

Snooping is a horrible way of resolving things.

Ite in pace,
Joshua

 

[lily20]

My marriage has hit some rocky terrain, and I would like some advice. A couple months ago I caught my husband flirting on Facebook with an old college friend (they never had a relationship, however they were always kind of flirty around each other, and I remember that she always had a big crush on him).

My husband was out of town for the weekend for business (a visit to his boss’s house… so he was not alone), he and I were chatting on Facebook and, as I later found out, he was also chatting with this other woman. The conversation had been deleted so that I wouldn’t see, but he missed a piece. After my husband had signed off, she messaged his that she too “had to go, it was nice catching up, good to hear that your family is well, I miss you”. He responded, “I miss you too, come visit tonight!”.

I was crushed when I read this. I was trembling but went right upstairs and confronted him about the conversation. Now my husband is very loyal, and I would never think that he would actually have an affair. But I warned him that affairs can and do happen if you are not careful to guard your heart. He apologized excessively, and said that he deleted it because he knew that I would be upset if I had seen him talking to her. He acknowledged that he was just being a “knucklehead” and that he wasn’t seriously asking her to come over… just flirting (she lives far away anyway). He doesn’t regularly use Facebook, and has since said that he has not messaged anyone, and I believe him.

So here I am two months later, it hasn’t come up much (only a few times during arguments), and I think he feels that I have moved on. However, it still haunts me from time to time. I feel like I have forgiven him; I am not angry, but I still feel sad and suspicious when I think about it. I find that sometimes I dwell on the words, and when I do I feel a compulsion to snoop… I guess I am a bit paranoid. I don’t expect to find anything, because I feel that A) he has actually stopped the behavior or B) he would now be doing a better job of covering his tracks. Something brought it to my mind yesterday, and I was pretty down the whole day. Last night I had a dream/nightmare that I had caught him flirting on Facebook and when I confronted him, he told me that he had been sleeping with other women… I woke up crying. Today I feel like my head is in a fog, I am not as productive as usual.

Meanwhile, my husband has had the nerve to pass judgment on me for noticing another man… we have had many blowout arguments about this:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=707118

Anyway, am I over-reacting? Has anyone ever been here? Any advice? Does my paranoia suggest that I have not fully forgiven him?

We have been married for 5 years and have 4 small children. I feel like the honeymoon period is officially over. My husband has said that he feels like I don’t love him passionately…. More of a mechanical/committed love (isn’t that what true love is?). I feel like we are a bit detached. We have both been making an effort over the past 6 months to make each other feel more loved. But at the end of the day, he is preoccupied with work (high stress) and I am busy with the kids, money is extremely tight, and life goes on. I have heard of the “5-year itch” in marriage. Do you think these issues are beyond normal? Or is this just a glimpse of ‘real’ married life.

PS – I have always felt that Facebook is the devil! Beware!

Thank God he said he was a knucklehead and apologized and took some responsibility. My husband would have lied and then told me I was being jealous.

So please be thankful for that.

Forgive him and spend some time with your faith, praying/fasting. Say the chaplet of divine mercy.

If he repeats the behavior then that’s not cool. I hope he respects you. Facebook is lame.

Lily