Facebook friend and my wife

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on_the_hill

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I met my wife through one of my best friends in college. At the time, he and my wife were casually dating. My wife didn’t want him invited to the wedding, and we have not had any contact with him for 20+ years.

He sent me a friend request on FB this morning. I’m inclined to accept. My wife would probably tell me not to accept because generally she wants to keep the past in the past.

Should I tell my wife?

(and here you all thought this was about an old b.f. of my wife who was reconnecting with her. 😁)
 
I would talk to my wife before I added them. Take her feelings into consideration. Talk to her about why you wish to reconnect with him.
 
You should respect your wife’s wish (you assume) and not reconnect.
 
You should just cancel your Facebook account. It creates all sorts of problems like this.
 
Yes tell your wife. If you genuinely feel she would be that against reconnecting, then you owe it to your wife to discuss it with her.

This is a person you haven’t spoken to in 20 years. You don’t want something like that to cause problems with your wife.
 
Don’t walk away from face book.

Run as fast as you can and never look back. Your life will be greatly improved.
 
Yes, without a doubt, let your wife know. Respect any comment and wish she ma make.
 
To me, accepting this friendship request doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. He was once one of your best friends; he and your wife dated only casually; and he sent the request to you, not to your wife.

Sure, mention it to your wife and see what she thinks, but I don’t see a problem here.
 
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EnglishTeacher1m
To me, accepting this friendship request doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. He was once one of your best friends; he and your wife dated only casually; and he sent the request to you, not to your wife.

Sure, mention it to your wife and see what she thinks, but I don’t see a problem here.

I agree with English Teacher…this shouldn’t be a big deal.
 
EnglishTeacher said:
To me, accepting this friendship request doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. He was once one of your best friends; he and your wife dated only casually; and he sent the request to you, not to your wife.

Sure, mention it to your wife and see what she thinks, but I don’t see a problem here.
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Maybe, Maybe not. If you remember the situation 20 years later, it seems worth mentioning it to your spouse.
 
Unless you are 14 and put every single intimate thought and detail of your life on Facebook, accepting someone as a friend is like saying “hello!” and sitting down to catch up if you ran into them at a pub.

Facebook is a mere lighthearted social interaction for me.
 
Absolutely DO NOT friend someone your wife would not want to.

My facebook is family with a VERY limited number of close friends, and I trim regularly.
 
If you know it would upset your wife of 20 years, why would you even consider it? You have not been actual friends with him for 20 years, but you have been married to your wife for that long. 🤔
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
Absolutely DO NOT friend someone your wife would not want to.

My facebook is family with a VERY limited number of close friends, and I trim regularly.
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Exactly. FB is good when used carefully. And he may not even be who you think he is. Do you know why your wife refuses to have anything to do with him? There may be more to the story than you know.
 
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You said they dated, and she didn’t want him at the wedding.
Me? I would just delete the request and move on.
The fact that you are bringing this up on an internet forum says that you have a grey area. Grey areas are pointless in marriage.
 
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Jerusha said:
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Xanthippe_Voorhees:
Absolutely DO NOT friend someone your wife would not want to.

My facebook is family with a VERY limited number of close friends, and I trim regularly.
Click to expand...
Exactly. FB is good when used carefully. And he may not even be who you think he is. Do you know why your wife refuses to have anything to do with him? There may be more to the story than you know.
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I’m pretty sure I know more than I need to know.
 
Dina said:
How do you think HE feels? Did you guys end it kindly or ditch him as a friend when you started dating, and then he was lonely? I’ve had so many friends completely ditch me after they got married, and I never even dated anyone in the marriage. It’s so cruel and really isolating.
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Well, to be honest, he moved about 400 miles away before we got married, so inviting him may have been a moot point anyway.
 
The question then becomes, what if I want to friend him? Should I deny it if it makes my wife unhappy? Then maybe I’d be unhappy.

Anyway, I said to her this afternoon, “You’ll never guess who sent me a friend request on Facebook.”
Then I had to give her a hint. She knew. Neither of us mentioned his name.
She asked, “What does he want?”
I said, “I guess to say hello. I haven’t replied yet.”
So I never asked, technically, because she responded with, “Do whatever you want. I certainly don’t care.”
 
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