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on_the_hill

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Not sure where this belongs.

About a week ago I accidentally sent a FB friend request to someone I don’t know. I tapped the ‘send request’ button inadvertently. As soon as I realized what happened, I frantically tapped “cancel.”

A day later there was a message from a woman, “how do we know each other?” and she accepted my request.

I replied with an apology, explained it was accidental, and wrote that we don’t know each other.

She replied with the name of the guy who is our connection. I replied that I had worked with him a couple years ago. And assumed that would be the end of it.

But no. She replied with another message. I let a couple days pass and replied in a brief message.

She replied with more information than I cared to know.

I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to continue the connection. Obviously the best thing is to not reply anymore, but I don’t want to seem like a heel.

As you can tell, I’m not a regular FB user. I’ve had the account for about two years and only post a few times per year. What’s the etiquette?
 
Hmmm haha that does get awkward, doesn’t it?!

So here are my thoughts… you should get a little savvy with your privacy settings. You can hide any content from her that you don’t want to share - customize who can see your posts and your pictures…
Then, maybe after a couple weeks, when she doesn’t notice (so things don’t get awkward), just drop her as a friend.

At least, that’s what I would do. 🤷

Good luck!
 
I’m not sure what to do now that you have been talking to her. :hmmm:

But when she accepted you as a friend, I would have sent her a message that it was a mistake and “unfriended” her then and there. I know, I know, hindsight. 😊

Maybe you could still do something like that. Send a message saying, Like I said, I sent the request accidentally, and “unfriend” her. What do you have to lose? 🤷
 
You do not need to stay friends with facebook friends any more than you would with face to face friends. You found out more than you want to know and don’t wish to remain friends. Just unfriend her, and make sure to control your privacy settings as someone suggested. No explanation is required in my opinion.
 
on_the_hill said:
Not sure where this belongs.

About a week ago I accidentally sent a FB friend request to someone I don’t know. I tapped the ‘send request’ button inadvertently. As soon as I realized what happened, I frantically tapped “cancel.”

A day later there was a message from a woman, “how do we know each other?” and she accepted my request.

I replied with an apology, explained it was accidental, and wrote that we don’t know each other.

She replied with the name of the guy who is our connection. I replied that I had worked with him a couple years ago. And assumed that would be the end of it.

But no. She replied with another message. I let a couple days pass and replied in a brief message.

She replied with more information than I cared to know.

I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to continue the connection. Obviously the best thing is to not reply anymore, but I don’t want to seem like a heel.

As you can tell, I’m not a regular FB user. I’ve had the account for about two years and only post a few times per year. What’s the etiquette?
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You can delete her and change your privacy settings that the person has to be your friend to message you. Or you can block her. That would be the 2 easiest ways. 🤷
 
Irishmom2 said:
You do not need to stay friends with facebook friends any more than you would with face to face friends. You found out more than you want to know and don’t wish to remain friends. Just unfriend her, and make sure to control your privacy settings as someone suggested. No explanation is required in my opinion.
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I agree. One must assert their right to privacy!
 
I’ve had the same thing happen to me. If you really want it to end immediately simply block the person. They won’t be able to see you nor contact you. The friend request you made was an accident; you have no obligation to be friends with the person nor communicate with her.
 
OR, this could have happened for a reason. Maybe this is a way you can help a soul. You can pray for this person, or perhaps this person came into your life because you can be a good example. If what she is revealing to you is negative or what you dont want to hear, you can explain you feel it is not appropriate and use the situation to help them be more conciensious. ?

Nothing happens by chance, I always think its in God’s tapestry, even the people in the checkout line where you shop is all part of His divine plan.

Just a different angle to look at this little window. 😉
 
That is my problem with facebook and calling everyone “friends.” They are not friends for the most part, they are acquaintances or “connected” by “degrees of separation.” This woman was never your friend. You owe her no explanation. Hit unfriend and don’t worry about it.
 
maryjk said:
I’m not sure what to do now that you have been talking to her. :hmmm:

But when she accepted you as a friend, I would have sent her a message that it was a mistake and “unfriended” her then and there. I know, I know, hindsight. 😊

Maybe you could still do something like that. Send a message saying, Like I said, I sent the request accidentally, and “unfriend” her. What do you have to lose? 🤷
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This is a good option; add your time is limited and then just unfriend her.
Mary.
 
Yeah, I could unfriend. But it’s my real name, etc., and I’m a little concerned about coming across as ‘unfriendly’ in the real world sense.
 
on_the_hill said:
Yeah, I could unfriend. But it’s my real name, etc., and I’m a little concerned about coming across as ‘unfriendly’ in the real world sense.
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In your OP you said that y’all have one friend in common? I don’t see the big deal. I just deleted a girl that I have known since elementary school. Her posts have been annoying. lol. 🤷
 
on_the_hill said:
Yeah, I could unfriend. But it’s my real name, etc., and I’m a little concerned about coming across as ‘unfriendly’ in the real world sense.
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Most people understand time constraints; it’s impossible to “talk to” everyone on FB.
It would take up hours of time better spent elsewhere. I believe most people know that
and time constraints normally is an honest reason why.

Good luck with this,
Mary.
 
Jenny35 said:
Delete and block her. It’s not a big deal. You owe her nothing.
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He owes her civility if nothing else. If he chooses to unfriend her, a polite explanation is owed first. If he just deletes and blocks her, he could be deeply offending someone who he asked to be his friend, even if by accident.

I see no harm in just leaving her as a friend and occasionally replying to any messages. It is very understandable that messages may not be responded to for some time, since some people are only very occasional facebook users, so the OP could leave the message and reply to it in a while in a polite but brief manner, in a way that does not continue the conversation.

I don’t think we should act in a way online that we would not in person (although I’m sure I’ve done so). If you started a conversation with someone in real life and it turned out they weren’t who you thought, you would either keep the conversation going or politely excuse yourself from it. You would not simply stop talking, turn your back and walk away, which seems to be what some people are suggesting in this situation.
 
underacloud said:
He owes her civility if nothing else. If he chooses to unfriend her, a polite explanation is owed first. If he just deletes and blocks her, he could be deeply offending someone who he asked to be his friend, even if by accident.

I see no harm in just leaving her as a friend and occasionally replying to any messages. It is very understandable that messages may not be responded to for some time, since some people are only very occasional facebook users, so the OP could leave the message and reply to it in a while in a polite but brief manner, in a way that does not continue the conversation.

I don’t think we should act in a way online that we would not in person (although I’m sure I’ve done so). If you started a conversation with someone in real life and it turned out they weren’t who you thought, you would either keep the conversation going or politely excuse yourself from it. You would not simply stop talking, turn your back and walk away, which seems to be what some people are suggesting in this situation.
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Actually I would walk away from a relationship in real life if the other person couldn’t take “no” for an answer. The OP said they have already tried to disengage from the relationship but this woman keeps coming back and has shared more than the initial conversation warranted. That would be a red flag to me that it might be time to just hit the unfriend button or change my privacy settings. I would agree with you if the woman in question had been appropriate in her responses. That doesn’t seem to be the case. It would also depend upon my gender and if I was married. Say if the OP was my husband and he had accidentally hit the friend button of a woman neither of us didn’t know, I’d be more than concerned about the situation and he better not second guess coming off looking rude to someone he may never meet in real life.
 
PatriceA said:
Actually I would walk away from a relationship in real life if the other person couldn’t take “no” for an answer. The OP said they have already tried to disengage from the relationship but this woman keeps coming back and has shared more than the initial conversation warranted. That would be a red flag to me that it might be time to just hit the unfriend button or change my privacy settings. I would agree with you if the woman in question had been appropriate in her responses. That doesn’t seem to be the case. It would also depend upon my gender and if I was married. Say if the OP was my husband and he had accidentally hit the friend button of a woman neither of us didn’t know, I’d be more than concerned about the situation and he better not second guess coming off looking rude to someone he may never meet in real life.
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From the OP there is no indication that she hasn’t taken “no” for an answer, merely that she’s persisting in a conversation he wants to get out of. He could have just de-friended her straight away with a note to say sorry, it was a simple mistake. Having engaged in conversation, I think a polite exit strategy is appropriate. Much like in real life, you shouldn’t just abruptly end it, but send a polite note before cutting someone off or make otherwise polite excuses to leave the conversation.
 
underacloud said:
From the OP there is no indication that she hasn’t taken “no” for an answer, merely that she’s persisting in a conversation he wants to get out of. He could have just de-friended her straight away with a note to say sorry, it was a simple mistake. Having engaged in conversation, I think a polite exit strategy is appropriate. Much like in real life, you shouldn’t just abruptly end it, but send a polite note before cutting someone off or make otherwise polite excuses to leave the conversation.
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She won’t be notified if he “unfriends” her. There is no notification. He can just simply hit the button and if she tries to contact him, then he could certainly give her an explanation.

I don’t know about you but when I’ve had an acquaintance that I may or may not want to continue the friendly exchange, I just don’t continue to go out of my way to continue the conversation nor do I offer an actual explanation that I will no longer have contact with them. I just let the conversation die out.

I just don’t think an apology or an explanation is really necessary in the OP’s situation. “Friending” someone on Facebook is NOT like building relationships in real life, unless the only people you are friending are people you know in real life. I’ve had friends of friends try to “friend” me on Facebook. I’m not going to pretend to want a friendship with them, nor do I think I owe them an explanation why we’re not going to be friends, even if I’ve seen them in real life or had one or two conversations. I make regular “friends” cuts on my Facebook page when I realize I have people on my friends list that I’m just not comfortable anymore sharing information with. I’m not going to offer an explanation to them everytime I hit the “defriend” button. I don’t expect anyone that “defriends” me to explain their decision to me as well. To be honest, I rarely notice that someone has cut me from their friends list.
 
PatriceA, you make some valid and very reasonable points.

I guess the expection I would still see here is that there is an ongoing conversation (albeit driven from one side), so a quick note might be nice. While it’s true that there’s no notification of de-friending, this person will still no doubt notice and so the potential is there for her to be offended or saddened by this happening. Not knowing this person, I think it’s better to try to avoid offense and avoid, as much as possible, upsetting someone who may already lack friends in their life. Some people take facebook interactions to heart.

Anyway, just my 2c worth.
 
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