Faced with a difficult situation regarding homosexuality

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I went to a restaurant with my family the other day and upon being taken to our table was greeted by what was a very flamboyant, obviously homosexual male server. I treated him like I would any server and tipped him the appropriate 18%.

However, I thought about what he may do with the money I tipped him and wondered if perhaps I should have done something different.

What would YOU do in this scenario?
 
You paid him for the service he did. If you hadn’t paid him the tip I would almost consider it the same as if you bought something from a store that was owned by someone who was gay and decided not to pay for it.

Obviously we don’t want to ever facilitate evil, but I do not believe this would be anywhere near a direct enough case to call it that. If you were handing someone a condom that would be facilitating evil. Driving them to the store so they can buy a condom would be facilitating evil. You did the right thing in my opinion.
 
Treat him as you would any other server. If he did his job well, tip him as you would any other server.

The situation is not difficult at all. You can’t know what every server you tip will do with their money. Some may buy drugs, some may purchase porn, some may purchase contraceptives. What they do with their earning is not up to us and we are not responsible for it. What is of relevance to us is if they perform their service properly.
 
  1. Making assumptions about another’s sexuality is a great way to make a fool of yourself.
  2. If you were to ask for a straight server you probably would have been asked to leave.
  3. In our society we have an agreement with wait staff. They are polite, bring us our food and anything else we need, and we compensate them. To use their services and not pay them is just taking advantage.
  4. If I came on here and asked if I should tip a waiter who was obviously Catholic because I was concerned that they would give it to their church and it could go to funding a child abuser’s defense, what would you say to me? Exactly.
 
I would do what is just in the situation, regardless of sexual orientation.

If he did his job well, he deserves to be treated justly, like any other waiter.

Sexual orientation has zero to do with it.
 
BingoBoy said:
I went to a restaurant with my family the other day and upon being taken to our table was greeted by what was a very flamboyant, obviously homosexual male server. I treated him like I would any server and tipped him the appropriate 18%.

However, I thought about what he may do with the money I tipped him and wondered if perhaps I should have done something different.

What would YOU do in this scenario?
Click to expand...
Why do you assume he would do something sinful with his money? How do you know that he’s not celibate? Is it a sin if he uses the tip money to buy food or pay his rent? The Catholic Church teaches otherwise on the treatment of homosexuals generally.

Vatican Letter on the Pastoral Care of Homosexuals.

No, you did the right thing. And if he gave good service, he’s doing God’s will and God’s work which is to do his job properly.
 
A person in your situation would have no idea if he was gay.

Many gays look er, just like heterosexual men:eek:, and some men are effeminate without being gay.

And if gay you could have no idea whether or not he pursues a sinful lifestyle.
 
First question that comes to my mind…I mean, unless you saw this waiter, say, kissing another male, or wearing an “I’m gay and sexually active” t-shirt, or something…I don’t think I could feel confident just assuming that he was…

:confused:

In any case, I’m certainly not responsible for what someone does with the tips I give them. Should I interrogate everyone I ever tip, to make sure they’re not spending that money on anything that I might object to??

😛
 
BingoBoy said:
I went to a restaurant with my family the other day and upon being taken to our table was greeted by what was a very flamboyant, obviously homosexual male server. I treated him like I would any server and tipped him the appropriate 18%.

However, I thought about what he may do with the money I tipped him and wondered if perhaps I should have done something different.

What would YOU do in this scenario?
Click to expand...
Seriously?
 
I can’t believe that anyone would actually consider choosing the first two options. If so, they need a serious lesson in having a charitable, Christian attitude. I work in food service, if someone asked me for a “straight server” I would ask them if they were being serious or playing some kind of weird prank.

How do you think such a person/family would come off to the allegedly gay waiter? They find him so disgusting that they refuse to speak to him, interact with him, or even be served food by him? I guarantee you he won’t be rushing to join the nearest church anytime soon.
 
BingoBoy said:
I went to a restaurant with my family the other day and upon being taken to our table was greeted by what was a very flamboyant, obviously homosexual male server. I treated him like I would any server and tipped him the appropriate 18%.

However, I thought about what he may do with the money I tipped him and wondered if perhaps I should have done something different.

What would YOU do in this scenario?
Click to expand...
I would say you did the right thing. You treated him as someone doing his job in a professional manner. How do we know what ANYONE may do with the money we tip them? We don’t know and it is, frankly, none of our business.
 
Do you ask your server if he’s an alcoholic? Has a girlfriend that he’s sexually active with? Does drugs?

There is no sin in paying or tipping someone for a good job. They have earned it. If that money is used in sin, it’s their sin not yours.
 
BingoBoy said:
I went to a restaurant with my family the other day and upon being taken to our table was greeted by what was a very flamboyant, obviously homosexual male server. I treated him like I would any server and tipped him the appropriate 18%.

However, I thought about what he may do with the money I tipped him and wondered if perhaps I should have done something different.

What would YOU do in this scenario?
Click to expand...
Are you for real?
 
bmullins said:
Do you ask your server if he’s an alcoholic? Has a girlfriend that he’s sexually active with? Does drugs?

There is no sin in paying or tipping someone for a good job. They have earned it. If that money is used in sin, it’s their sin not yours.
Click to expand...
👍
 
BingoBoy said:
I went to a restaurant with my family the other day and upon being taken to our table was greeted by what was a very flamboyant, obviously homosexual male server. I treated him like I would any server and tipped him the appropriate 18%.

However, I thought about what he may do with the money I tipped him and wondered if perhaps I should have done something different.

What would YOU do in this scenario?
Click to expand...
Here’s the thing, you just don’t know.

I worked with a guy EVERYONE was sure was gay. He talked with the lisp, dressed so fancy, wore makeup, had beautiful hair always done with care, had those pointy shoes, and even did that little flick of the wrist which we always see as the sterotype.

Turned out he was straight, had a female fiancee, and was very active in his Church.

Maybe he is fighting SSA, maybe he is having a girlfriend and being Christian to try and fight those urges, but I don’t know that either.

So yeah, in my opinion, unless I see the person making out et al with someone of the same gender, I don’t tend to think “they’re gay cos they do… or say… or act like…”

And even if he was gay, he could be living a chaste life. Going to Mass. Doing his best to fight his urges. I know a guy just like that, who is obviously someone with SSA but is living his life with intent to please God, not society.
 
BingoBoy said:
I went to a restaurant with my family the other day and upon being taken to our table was greeted by what was a very flamboyant, obviously homosexual male server. I treated him like I would any server and tipped him the appropriate 18%.

However, I thought about what he may do with the money I tipped him and wondered if perhaps I should have done something different.

What would YOU do in this scenario?
Click to expand...
Listen to everyone else on this one, BingoBoy.
  1. You don’t strictly know that he’s a homosexual for starters, any more than you can be positive that someone is straight.
  2. By your description, he gave no indication that he would do anything sinful with the money you gave him. I mean, what did you expect/assume? Everyone needs to make money to support themselves, he’s more likely to use your money to buy groceries or pay the bills than to do… whatever it is you thought he might do. I doubt you would automatically think that a pretty girl would use the money to buy inappropriate clothing, or that an 18 year old would use it to buy drugs.
  3. He waited on you, and assuming he did a good job, you shouldn’t treat him differently. You aren’t obligated to tip, but if tipping 18% is what you typically do for waiters, you should do the same for him.
I don’t mean to be abrasive or to exaggerate, but preconceived notions like this about homosexuals is why so many people think Christians hate gays.
 
I have many friends who are gay. I don’t treat them differently from anyone else…they are aware of my religious view points and don’t treat me any differently either.

I went to visit my Fiance in Texas while he was away for military obligations and went to pick up something to eat. While waiting for my food I struck up a conversation with the bartenders, who both were quite flamboyant, and ended up staying for drinks and eating my food there.

While I automatically assumed they were both gay…one of them mentioned a daughter and a wife! I felt horrible for being so judgemental and couldn’t believe how wrong I was.

Never assume anything about anyone you don’t know. For all you know that waiter could be married with several children and be just as Catholic and devote as anyone you might know!
 
I actually discussed this case with my very conservative mother (she was a bit perplexed when I “stuck my head out of the closet” so to speak a few years ago, and she’s kind of downplayed that part of me, but I accept that as how she’s handling it). Her comeback was, it’s presumptuous to treat people in service this way, and even if the waiter was gay, it was at best rude to want to be served by a straight waiter.

My take is this: SSA people need to work to pay their bills and buy their groceries just as much as straight people do. Also, straight people are just as capable of using their money sinfully as their SSA brethren: I know straight people who use their money to buy liquor with the expressed purpose of getting drunk, and I know straight people who buy pornography.

I’m minded of a story that was recently on a LiveJournal community for service workers who need to vent about misbehaving customers: a girl who works as a cashier in a grocery store described an incident where an old man came up to her and asked her point-blank – and I quote – “Are you a lesbian?” The girl isn’t, but she found the question to be very rude and rather insulting.

There are straight men who are very particular about their appearance: they were called fops in the 18th century, dandys in the 19th century and metrosexuals today.
 
ok first of all i take offense to your judgeing a person because of how he acts. Scripture says judge and you will not be judged the same. What does it matter what he does with the money? You went into the establishment for a reason. How would you feel if people judge you by your outward appearance instead of knowing who you really are.
 
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