Failed RCIA

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melodyleeper

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Where do you go when the preist decided you cannot go forward because my current husband is not catholic and will not convert.He supports my religon and spiitual needs.My first marraige was annuled due to abuse.:mad:We have been married 16 years.I went to RCIA for two years in limbo.Am,I supposed to throw my husband out the door.I was so hurt,I changed churches.No one knows me there.I miss my church,but,I am to embarrassed to go there.😦 I am 55 this is important to me! I should say they could not find my baptismal records either! you would be surprised at the terrible record keeping of churches.😊
 
I think that there may be some underlying issues that we don’t know from your post. I am hoping that this is just a really big misunderstaning and that you call your priest and have a meeting. If you feel that talking to your priest is not an option, you go to another church, ask for an appointment with a priest and tell him what you said here.
I have been involved in faith formation programs in 3 different parishes and never, ever, has someone been refused because a spouse would not convert, especially if the spouse was supportive in the first place. :(:confused:

I will keep you in my prayers! 🙂
 
I’m with Oneofthewomen in thinking that there’s some kind of misunderstanding.

It’s not necessary for your husband to become Catholic in order for you to become one.

You mention that you received a declaration of nullity for your previous marriage. Does your husband perhaps also have a previous marriage that needs to be dealt with?

My suggestion is to make an appointment with your priest – don’t just grab him for a quick conversation after Mass – and ask him to explain until you fully understand what the problem is. Keep asking questions until it makes sense and you know what you need to do in order to move forward.
 
There is something missing from this story, I think. Obviously, one does not have to be married to a Catholic in order to become one. Is the issue that your current husband was married before? That makes a little more sense. If your priest is leaving you so confused about what the problem is, maybe you should speak to someone else. I don’t know what happens in the case where someone is already married to someone who was married before when they joined the church.
 
This doesn’t make sense, the idea of “failing” RCIA.
One doesn’t fail RCIA.
I’m guessing there is some obstacle going on that isn’t clear from your original post.
You mentioned how you received an annulment from your first husband, but is this also a second marriage for your husband as well?

If that is the case, yes that is an obstacle and would be a problem.
 
Sorry,to all I currently have a temperature of 102.4. The fact that I could not produce a baptismal certificate.Baptized at fort hood in texas. The team thought might be good.I could get baptized.Then the preist had issues with my marraige.Yes,This is his second marraige.I cannot make him convert or annaul his marraige.I am worried about my own salvation.I have always practiced catholicism. I just wanted it to be “legal”.It did not take away my love for the church or GOD.My children were raised catholic.Attended catholic schools. I n fact another whole issue is the lack of catholic high schools.My daughters had real issues with the transfer to public school.
 
Dear Melody,

I am sorry you are ill. What did the priest say you should do–leave your current husband? My heart goes out to you; I’m also in a messy situation also and I know how it feels to worry about the state of your soul and feel you are in an impossible situation. Remember God sees your heart and your love for Him. Keep seeking Him as you work through this. I will say a prayer for you.
 
Melody,
That is hard and I am sorry. Not finding your baptismal cert really isnt that big of a problem; if need be you could be baptized conditionally.

However, that fact that your husband has never had his first marriage annuled (even though you had yours), is a problem in the eyes of the Church.

And yes that would be a big obstacle for you. I dont know what to tell you, but I can well understand your feelings.
 
Does your husband understand that his prior marriage is causing a problem for you? Does he know that he can deal with his first marriage without becoming a Catholic himself? Would he be willing to sit down with a priest to find out more about the process and what he would have to do so that you can receive the sacraments?

Marriage issues are so discouraging. I hope he’ll be willing to pursue things for your benefit.
 
melodyleeper said:
Where do you go when the preist decided you cannot go forward because my current husband is not catholic and will not convert.
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there is no requirement that your husband convert in order for you to become Catholic. There is a requirement that if there is any reason why your current marriage must be convalidated that this must happen before you can receive the other sacraments, because you must be in a state of grace for communion and confirmation.

If you are in RCIA, I don’t know what you mean by the fact that they cannot find your baptismal record. Who is they? Perhaps you mean you are a baptized Catholic who is now seeking to be confirmed? The record should be at your baptismal parish, and usually you yourself have to ask for it, it may not be given to a third party, although they may give the information to another Catholic pastor who asks for it for a good reason like this.

Sounds like a formal conversation with your pastor is in order, because he may not have all the relevant facts about your individual situation, and he may not have given you a complete explanation of his own decisions and actions. Also sounds like there is a lot more to the story than you are able to share here.

Yes you can do this although it may not go as smoothely as you would like. See your priest again and work on ironing out the wrinkles.

so sorry you have been ill.

you did not fail anything. Your husband, despite telling you he supports you, is not really doing so if he refuses to do anything or take steps to help convalidate your marriage. It is most likely he does not understand the Church teaching on marriage, and it is really the priest’s job to explain the situation to both of you.

If you were baptized on a military base or while one of your parents was in the military, the record may be kept at the Archdiocese for Military in Washington DC, your parish secretary should be able to find the contact info on the usccb.org website and request a record of your baptism be sent to the pastor, just give her the relevant info, your birth date, parents full names including mother’s maiden name, which one was in service and where.
 
Please do not give up. RCIA is not something you can fail. It is meant to shake out the issues that need action or correction as well as to educate you on your chosen faith. Speak with your priest, or any priest to get all the facts.

I was a non Catholic who married a nonpracticing Catholic. When I decided to join the church and started RCIA, I had similar hurdles.

I was baptised on a military base as well. It took some searching, but I was finally able to find by baptismal record through www.nationalarchives.gov. Just when I was about to give up, and undergo a conditional baptism, the record showed up in the mail. God works in mysterious ways!

My next hurdle was to have our marriage convalidated, as we were married outside the church without any dispensation. This was done with family members for witnesses, in the church after Mass, by the deacon. It was not fancy. We did not have another wedding. But is was moving and put us both where we needed to be to move forward in a sacramental marriage blessed by the church.

Your husbands previous marriage may prove to be an issue, but find out all the facts before giving up.

I will have my third anniversary being accepted into the Catholic church this Easter. My husband has become active and involved. I am in awe of the Holy Eucharist and still “tickled” evry time I say “I’m Catholic!”

I wil pray for you.
 
Oneofthewomen said:
I think that there may be some underlying issues that we don’t know from your post. I am hoping that this is just a really big misunderstaning and that you call your priest and have a meeting. If you feel that talking to your priest is not an option, you go to another church, ask for an appointment with a priest and tell him what you said here.
I have been involved in faith formation programs in 3 different parishes and never, ever, has someone been refused because a spouse would not convert, especially if the spouse was supportive in the first place. :(:confused:

I will keep you in my prayers! 🙂
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Hello. Not being rude…but I agree with this post…I am close to our Churches RCIA advisor …Sister…nor or Priest…would stop an adult of sound mind on the basis of the spouses stance…it’s not done that way…this said…I shall not pry! With the prior poster …I pray for you…though if there other issues advice would be easier…no pressure…pax
 
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