Failed suffering intentions

[SD_Catholic]

Has anyone ever intended to offer up some sort of suffering in prayer and then not been able to go through the suffering? I am evidently more claustrophobic than I thought… I was scheduled for an MRI and had spent an hour before hand in church directing my soon to be suffering for some ill people… As I was slid into the MRI tunnel (death chamber in my mind) the walls squeezed on my shoulders (i’m 6’ 2", 235 lbs) and all the prayerful prep work disappeared and I was left in terror. I couldn’t do it and now feel horrible like I stood by and watched some one die and didn’t do anything to save them… Not sure how else to explain it, but that’s the type of guilt I’m feeling. So disappointed in myself

 

[Cadian]

Has anyone ever intended to offer up some sort of suffering in prayer and then not been able to go through the suffering? I am evidently more claustrophobic than I thought… I was scheduled for an MRI and had spent an hour before hand in church directing my soon to be suffering for some ill people… As I was slid into the MRI tunnel (death chamber in my mind) the walls squeezed on my shoulders (i’m 6’ 2", 235 lbs) and all the prayerful prep work disappeared and I was left in terror. I couldn’t do it and now feel horrible like I stood by and watched some one die and didn’t do anything to save them… Not sure how else to explain it, but that’s the type of guilt I’m feeling. So disappointed in myself

Don’t be scrupulous. You tried. That is all God asks of you. Maybe this was a “first step” in being able to do so in the future. Stop beating yourself up. This is the evil one trying to shake your faith. If you don’t have one, seek out a good holy priest as a spritual director and speak with him about this. The fact that you had a desire to offer up your fears was a grace from God. Nothing was lost in your attempt. Please be at peace.

 

[Della]

Don’t be scrupulous. You tried. That is all God asks of you. Maybe this was a “first step” in being able to do so in the future. Stop beating yourself up. This is the evil one trying to shake your faith. If you don’t have one, seek out a good holy priest as a spritual director and speak with him about this. The fact that you had a desire to offer up your fears was a grace from God. Nothing was lost in your attempt. Please be at peace.

Amen to this. There’s nothing wrong with attempting to do something to please God and then not being able to do it. Sometimes we set out goals too high for ourselves. Many people do this during Lent and then beat themselves up for not being able to “hold out” until Easter. Don’t do this to yourself. Do small acts of penance and little mortifications instead of setting yourself up for failure. When you’re able to do the small ones, maybe then you can move on to greater acts, if that’s what God wants you to do. :console:

 

[SD_Catholic]

Don’t be scrupulous. You tried. That is all God asks of you. Maybe this was a “first step” in being able to do so in the future. Stop beating yourself up. This is the evil one trying to shake your faith. If you don’t have one, seek out a good holy priest as a spritual director and speak with him about this. The fact that you had a desire to offer up your fears was a grace from God. Nothing was lost in your attempt. Please be at peace.

I appreciate the advice and had pondered talking to one of my close priest friends about it, and still probably will if the feelings persist. I understand not wanting to be scrupulous, so don’t get me wrong. I’m serious about my frustrations… I enjoy offering up things for the sake of others, and thought this a minor challenge… Apparently I was wrong. I’m sure I’ll get over it, but I just feel extremely defeated at the moment… Perhaps I can turn the tables again and offer up my feelings of defeatedness for those same prayer intentions.

I’m scheduled for a bit more open MRI next week, so perhaps by God’s grace I can still win the war.

 

[Della]

I appreciate the advice and had pondered talking to one of my close priest friends about it, and still probably will if the feelings persist. I understand not wanting to be scrupulous, so don’t get me wrong. I’m serious about my frustrations… I enjoy offering up things for the sake of others, and thought this a minor challenge… Apparently I was wrong. I’m sure I’ll get over it, but I just feel extremely defeated at the moment… Perhaps I can turn the tables again and offer up my feelings of defeatedness for those same prayer intentions.

I’m scheduled for a bit more open MRI next week, so perhaps by God’s grace I can still win the war.

MRI machines might look like they’re easy, but many people feel closed in and become overwhlemed. My dh always has a seditive when he needs to go in one of them. Between the closed in space and the noise it’s rather like being in a space capsule, something not everyone can do without getting the hee-bee-jee-bees.

 

[ellzeena]

You haven’t “failed”. You’re having a strong conditioned fight/flight response to a situation that evokes (for whatever reason) this biological response that affects consciousness. People with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (something I never understood until I was diagnosed with it and live with the symptoms! and it’s REAL) find themselves in a place, hear a sound, smell something, etc. that suddenly involves intrusive thoughts and adrenaline goes up: classic fight/flight response that sometimes results in actions that are not rational (like withdrawing suddenly from a friendship because the PTSD has set something off).

There is cognitive behavioral therapy for this. And, as one other poster suggested, taking a sedative (Xanax, Ativan, etc.) prior to the procedure can help. Also: while in the ghastly tube (I’ve had several MRIs lol), there is direct communication with the operator (should be if it’s done properly). So speaking to someone who hears you and responds can help. If they know you’re phobic, they will prepare for it.

Peace.

 

[VivienneJ]

Has anyone ever intended to offer up some sort of suffering in prayer and then not been able to go through the suffering? I am evidently more claustrophobic than I thought… I was scheduled for an MRI and had spent an hour before hand in church directing my soon to be suffering for some ill people… As I was slid into the MRI tunnel (death chamber in my mind) the walls squeezed on my shoulders (i’m 6’ 2", 235 lbs) and all the prayerful prep work disappeared and I was left in terror. I couldn’t do it and now feel horrible like I stood by and watched some one die and didn’t do anything to save them… Not sure how else to explain it, but that’s the type of guilt I’m feeling. So disappointed in myself

Looking at the above, you had every intention of praying through your personal ordeal for the suffering of others and had already been in prayer in preparation for this; looking at what you wrote below, I would say that even though you didn’t get to pray during your personal ordeal, your intention to offer your sufferings for those specific ill people would still have been effective, you suffered indeed and were unable to pray.

I appreciate the advice and had pondered talking to one of my close priest friends about it, and still probably will if the feelings persist. I understand not wanting to be scrupulous, so don’t get me wrong. I’m serious about my frustrations… I enjoy offering up things for the sake of others, and thought this a minor challenge… Apparently I was wrong. I’m sure I’ll get over it, but I just feel extremely defeated at the moment… Perhaps I can turn the tables again and offer up my feelings of defeatedness for those same prayer intentions.

I’m scheduled for a bit more open MRI next week, so perhaps by God’s grace I can still win the war.

Yes, in a way to offering your defeated feelings for those intentions, although I think your actual suffering counts for something as well. If you still want to offer your MRI (which I believe is no simple procedure) for others, that is up to you, consider having some prayers offered for yourself as you have a second go at this (and consider something medicinal to help you relax).

 

[cheezey]

You haven’t “failed”. You’re having a strong conditioned fight/flight response to a situation that evokes (for whatever reason) this biological response that affects consciousness. People with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (something I never understood until I was diagnosed with it and live with the symptoms! and it’s REAL) find themselves in a place, hear a sound, smell something, etc. that suddenly involves intrusive thoughts and adrenaline goes up: classic fight/flight response that sometimes results in actions that are not rational (like withdrawing suddenly from a friendship because the PTSD has set something off).

There is cognitive behavioral therapy for this. And, as one other poster suggested, taking a sedative (Xanax, Ativan, etc.) prior to the procedure can help. Also: while in the ghastly tube (I’ve had several MRIs lol), there is direct communication with the operator (should be if it’s done properly). So speaking to someone who hears you and responds can help. If they know you’re phobic, they will prepare for it.

Peace.

Good advice. I cannot do it either. Ativan, and persisent conversation via headphones with the technicians helped tremendously. I am PTSD also.

 

[Pax2u]

You’re definitely not alone on this one…I hate them, too! Our hospital has an “open” one for people who can’t handle being totally enclosed…it’s kinda like being in the center of a giant hamburger bun…something over the top, but you can see outside from the sides a bit. I use that one, hold on tight to the little “buzzer” they give me if I need to talk to them, and keep my eyes squeezed shut tight the whole time. I have the earphones on with oldies rock and roll (though the thing is so noisy you can’t really hear the music).

Please don’t feel bad about not being able to “complete” your sacrifice…God knows your heart, and He is smiling at you for your kind thoughts and efforts. Would you be upset with one of your children if they tried to do something for you then got scared and couldn’t? Of course not!

 

[cheezey]

You’re definitely not alone on this one…I hate them, too! Our hospital has an “open” one for people who can’t handle being totally enclosed…it’s kinda like being in the center of a giant hamburger bun…something over the top, but you can see outside from the sides a bit. I use that one, hold on tight to the little “buzzer” they give me if I need to talk to them, and keep my eyes squeezed shut tight the whole time. I have the earphones on with oldies rock and roll (though the thing is so noisy you can’t really hear the music).

Please don’t feel bad about not being able to “complete” your sacrifice…God knows your heart, and He is smiling at you for your kind thoughts and efforts. Would you be upset with one of your children if they tried to do something for you then got scared and couldn’t? Of course not!

 

[Cadian]

… Perhaps I can turn the tables again and offer up my feelings of defeatedness for those same prayer intentions.

This is a good idea. I want you to think about this in this way: Perhaps that was the Holy Spirit attempting to help you. Through your “apparent failure” ( you didn’t fail ), you are given another opportunity to offer up your feelings of defeatedness for all those that feel the same way from time to time ( myself included ).

Talk to your priest friend and keep praying!

Peace be with your for your next MRI.

 

[LilyM]

I’m generally not too bad with small spaces but I was about a hair’s breadth away from flipping out last time I had an MRI. They are just something else.

You gave it your honest best try, God expects nothing more of you.

 

[SD_Catholic]

Wow… Some great advice and thoughts… Not that I expected any less out of this forum

Thank you

 

[4loveofJesus]

Be at peace for Our Good God always accepts ALL sacrfices, prayers and offerings offered to Him no matter how great or small we think they may be, for united with the Passion & Death of Our Good Lord Jesus Christ everything becomes infinite in value in God’s eyes for it becomes Our Good Lord Jesus’ own sacrifice, prayers & offering.

Sometimes our desire to make the offering, our yes to God to surrender to His most holy will is enough, is all that He needed from us.

Like the beautiful story in the Old Testament when Our Good God asked Abraham to sacrifice his beloved son Isaac. As he was about to offer Issac, the angel of the Lord intervened & stoppped Abraham from sacrificing his son & God instead provided the lamb to be sacrificed. God tested the fidelity of Abraham in following His most holy will.

In the New Testament God provides His only begotten Son, Our Good Lord Jesus Christ, God Who became man as THE SACRIFICE for all, for no one, no angel, human being or creature from the start of creation until the end of time were capable to redeem humanity. Only God’s offering of Himself would suffice. What great mystery of Love & Mercy beyond human understanding!

What’s important is the purity of the intention, our constant love & fidelity, unlimited faith, confidence & trust in God & constant surrendering to His most Holy Will that surely pleases Our Good God.

Praying for you and for all always.

 

[SD_Catholic]

Be at peace for Our Good God always accepts ALL sacrfices, prayers and offerings offered to Him no matter how great or small we think they may be, for united with the Passion & Death of Our Good Lord Jesus Christ everything becomes infinite in value in God’s eyes for it becomes Our Good Lord Jesus’ own sacrifice, prayers & offering.

Sometimes our desire to make the offering, our yes to God to surrender to His most holy will is enough, is all that He needed from us.

Like the beautiful story in the Old Testament when Our Good God asked Abraham to sacrifice his beloved son Isaac. As he was about to offer Issac, the angel of the Lord intervened & stoppped Abraham from sacrificing his son & God instead provided the lamb to be sacrificed. God tested the fidelity of Abraham in following His most holy will.

In the New Testament God provides His only begotten Son, Our Good Lord Jesus Christ, God Who became man as THE SACRIFICE for all, for no one, no angel, human being or creature from the start of creation until the end of time were capable to redeem humanity. Only God’s offering of Himself would suffice. What great mystery of Love & Mercy beyond human understanding!

What’s important is the purity of the intention, our constant love & fidelity, unlimited faith, confidence & trust in God & constant surrendering to His most Holy Will that surely pleases Our Good God.

Praying for you and for all always.

Thank you