Failing marriage

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MomAfterIF said:
Serap, thank you. I did ask for advice and didnt give my life story. I appreciate everything everyone has said. 🙂 Im still new here, no one knows me yet. Theres still time for that.
Yes, I know I have a fear of being alone. My dad tried to kidnap me when I was about 4, and then tried to kill me when I was 13. I, for some reason, still want him in my life and though he has made some drastic changes for the better, he still doesnt know how to be a father. He doesnt call, nothing. He lives 8 hours away. Since losing my grandparents, I cant help but want to be close with everyone in my family, make sure that everyone understands how much I love them. I was far from ready to lose my grandparents…the only parents I knew. So close together. My grandma had a brain injury when I was 13, she had fallen and hit her head on June 5th, 2006 just after my birthday on May 29th. That day, she slipped into a stage 4 coma and was put on life support. The brain surgeon down south said “he could fix her like bread and butter.” So she was flown to Vancouver only for the surgeon to say it was too late. On June 6th (6/6/6…very bothersome to me) we left to go take my grandma off life support after having her last rights read to her. She was able to breathe on her own. She was flown back home the morning of June 10th, she passed away at 7:11pm that night. I sat with her while everyone left, I held her hand and I talked to her. I had all the faith in the world when she fell that she would pukk through, even while laying there in the Hospice, I thought shed snap out of it. When she did die, I was in denial and still thought she would just wake up. It was at her viewing that it clicked, and again, as everyone left, I stood there looking at her. My hubby wanted to leave and I started to cry and asked him how I was supposed to just walk away. I still dont have the answer to that and still havent been able to get on with life.

My grandpa had had a big heart attack in March 2006 and then was going through testing because he was having miniature strokes. He was in the hospital when my grandma fellm, she had actually just gotten home from seeing him that morning. Anyway, July 10th 2006, exactly a month after my grandma passed, my grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread covering 3/4 of his brain. They gave him 6 months without chemo and radiation, and a year with. Amazingly, he chose to fight, even after losing his wife of 45 years. November 18th he turned 65 years old and had a good meal…that was his last meal. He passed away at 11:54pm on November 24th. I stoof there looking at him at his viewing, thinking that I was selfish for wanting them back since they are both free of pain and together again. That love was meant to stay together. It just hurts so much to be living life without them. All the firsts without them were heart wrenching, the special days like the births of my children for example, I cried while in labor because I wanted my grandma. I know that sounds childish, but she was my biggest support and to have both of our dreams come true, it wouldve meant the world to her.

That could be part of my abandonment issues also. I already feel alone.

Grace is an amazing little girl. I am so amazingly blessed to have not only one but two precious miracles here with me. I had given up hope after 6 years, I thank God for them everyday. Grace is great at crawling and walking with furnature and what not. She should be walking by her birthday Id say. Hes definitely been better now that shes mobile, but he has a short temper with her and still pushes her aside to play with Adam…when he plays with Adam.

Tom is a great man now. He has made his mistakes like cheating and he hit me a couple times in the begining, but hes not that person now. People really can change if they want to. When hes with the kids, he is an amazing daddy. He will do the work to the house when needed, also to the car. I know he has been stressed with work. He works for a shipping and recieving company, they just moved locations, to a warehouse with another company who happens to be their compitition. Not only that, but with the economy the way it is, its hard to think you have a secure job, which is a hard thought with a stay at home mom/wife, 2 small children and a mortgage. He has voiced that to me, I do understand him, but he fails to see that it scares me too. My grandparents went without so I could eat. I know how it feels, bt also know that there are places to go to get help if we need it.

I will take a look at that book, thank you. I wonder if Books & Co. carry it.
Thank you. 🙂
God Bless.

ETA
Thank you for the link, I will definitely read over her story.
For what its worth, Tom and I do want to be remarried if we can work through this. Im not sure when, but we do want to if possible. Perhaps then we could do it in a church in front of God.
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I wrote a big response yesterday and don’t know what happened to it. This one will be much shorter.

You sound very sweet and you are not selfish for wanting the people you love around you.

Your father also sounds very cruel and you are better without him. You are not alone if you don’t have him in your life and you don’t need him to validate who you are. You will never be alone in this world b/c you have 2 beautiful children! Focus on them, not your father. The more loving a mother you are, the more these children will be attached to you as they grow up. You sound like a good mother and your children are blessed.

I have a question; has Tom ever hit Grace? Has Tom ever called Grace names? Has Tom ever physically pushed her away? I am a little concerned for you and Grace, but I hope Tom is ok with you both. Yes, people can change, but change is difficult to do and takes time especially when you have to change your internal programming.

Call your priest and have him come over. Tell him everything you’ve told us. You need people praying for your family and this priest will give you good advice and he’ll also pray for you. God loves you so so much and he has brought you to CAF. Allow God into your life through this priest also.

Do you have any close girlfriends that are like family to you also?

If you start going to church, you could make some great friends there also. I have been going to my church for 2 years and have made some wonderful friends. I’m also helping my church teach children during mass. You could get involved in that kind of stuff too. Your children would benefit from it.

When will you have your driver’s license? When will you be able to begin going to church?
 
No problem Serap, it happens. 🙂
Thank you. Yes, my father is anything but a father, thats why my grandpa was my dad. I think its the fact that so much has happened over the past few years that now more then ever, I really want a relationship with him before I lose him too. My uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 Lymphoma just a week after my wedding when he collapsed at work and nearly passed away. Hes in remission now, God is with him. My cousin Felicia was I believe 20 when she was diagnosed with brain cancer in her chest. Last year, they told her the chemo and radiation werent doing anything and that there were new tumers. They said they were stopping treatment and classify her as terminal. She just turned 23 in August. Early this year, her and her fiance were in a terrible car accident, Felicia almost passed away then, but she pulled through and had to learn to walk again. She married her fiance in August, she walked down the asile. We have a big prayer group for her on facebook. Oh, before her car accident, she got pregnant…regardless of the chemo, radiation and birth control pills. A true miracle, unfortunately she miscarried.

Anyway, Im rambling.
Thank you. I just want to have everyone closer now. Losing my grandparents has been pretty much the biggest losses of my life. Im a different person since losing them.

Oh no, Tom has never his Grace! Regardless of my love for him, if he were to hurt my children like that, I would call the cops and we would leave and never turn back. My dad abused us when we were little, when Id visit. My children will not be put through that. No, he doesnt call her names, he used to yell at her all the time. Still sometimes, but its getting better. He has never pushed her or anything like that. I would much rather him neglect her then to hurt her. I will admit though, when she was a tiny baby still in the bassinett part of the playpen, she had been crying for at least 4 hours straight. I was frustrated, he was trying to sleep. He works at 5am, it was about midnight then. I left the bedroom to take a breather and settle down so I could again try to get her to sleep and soothe her. I heard Tom yell at her for a minute and then she cried like something had happened. I ran in and she was up against the front side of the playpen, all of the stuff that I kept at the top, her Oval, Tylenol, her full 8oz bottle, her prayer teddy, all had flown down. Some at her feet, the heavy stuff, which included her bottle, had hit her in the head. This was in December I believe. That is when I nearly filed for divorce. He couldve killed her. She couldve flown right out of that playpen and it was cement floor at that time, we didnt get our new carpet until early February this year. I explained to him my reasons for wanting to leave and he broke down and told me he didnt mean to hurt her and he didnt think it wouldve. Also that he had no idea that it couldve killed her. I was worried about shaken baby syndrome and their bones are still soft then, I was worried about a bleed in the brain which is what happened to my grandma. Gracie was fine, not a mark or bump on her thank God, but thats not the point. He has a lot more patience with her now. I take care of the kids now though. Through out the day and through out the night. Gracie still wakes through the night. If he were to ever do anything to harm either of them though, I would take them and leave. There is no more chances.

At this point, I dont have anyone, a church, anything like that. I have emailed the Sacred Heart church with no reply, so I went ahead and emailed St. Mary’s church and am awaiting a reply from them. I sent the email directly to Father Richard.

I have one close friend, Alycia. We have been friends for 14 years. Other then that, I dont really have any friends in general. I do have Alycia though, she lives about a 10 minute drive away with her husband and her 3 boys.

Here in BC, you get an L License first. “Learners.” Only allowed to drive with someone over 25 with a full license. A year later, you can go do the road to to get your N. " Novice." Then Im allowed to drive alone and with one other passenger, though I believe I can drive with my two kids. I can go for that test come the end of April. I will have my N for 2 years before getting a full license. Assuming I pass the test in April, I will start going then. I was reading over St. Mary’s church website, they have Mass at 9am and at 11am. I think I could possibly attend on some Sundays. I would prefer to go every Sunday, but some is a start. I really dont know what to expect at Mass and I have completely forgotten how to make friends.

I dont have a Bible, so I was going to grab one from ebay. This way, I can do The Love Dare on Tom and also have a chance to read the Bible. The one Im looking at is the New Revised Standard Version. Ive been told its written in modern english, which would be a big help, but it has a blue cover where I was told to find a green cover.
Other wise, I have a Saint Joseph New Catholic Edition, Im not sure if thats in Modern english though. Any idea on either Bible?
 
Good morning.

Were you baptized in a Catholic Church as a baby or a child? If so, then know you are a Catholic - your Priest will help you complete your sacraments.

There are some wonderful prayers on line here:

ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayer_saint.htm

You can also watch EWTN TV online there, it will do great things for your faith.

You can study teachings here:

ewtn.com/faith/teachings/index.htm

The best way to begin with the Bible is to read the daily readings. EWTN offers the readings along with a reflection homily each day here:

ewtn.com/devotionals/inspiration.htm

Another good prayer resource is Pray As You Go:

pray-as-you-go.org/

The rosary is a wonderful way to pray every day, this website will send you one free and has .mp3s of a scriptural rosary:

rosaryarmy.com/
 
Oh wow, thank you so much for all the links! I do have a rosary that I was given when my grandpa passed away, it was his. Its very special to me. I have it hanging, Im afraid of something happening to it. I just might go to that website and request one.

I was never babtized. My grandparents were, their parents etc, my mom, uncle and aunt, but because my mom and dad werent married and my family are non practicing Catholics, my brother, sister and I were never babtized. I would love to get babtized though, my kids as well. It would mean a lot to me for that to happen. Ideally, I want to start going to Mass, do everything I need to do to be Catholic and live by it. Its hard right now though because my L, I have restrictions, no driving with anyone except a person with a full license and is over 25 until April when I can go for the road test. After that, I plan to attend Mass every Sunday and whenever else I need to be there.
 
I am praying for you all. Please call you local parish and ask if the priest can come to you because you can’t drive. Even if you are not a baptised Catholic, he can give you the advice you need. On how you can join the church, your children, and what to do to help your marriage. Because you and Tom are both not Catholic, the Church does recognize your marriage as valid. You do not need to be re-married or anything like that.

If you already have a Bible, just start reading it. Begin with the first 3 Gospels (the books of Matthew, Mark, and Luke). They are the story of Jesus when he was on earth and are pretty easy to read. The Christmas story that you are likely to be the most familiar with is from the Gospel of Luke. Then skip to the letters from Peter, the first pope. After that you can look online for a Catholic Bible study guide (there are tons of them) and follow that. Or just try following along with the readings of the day–you can get a schedule for that online also.
 
Thank you Mrs Sally. We want to be re-married because at this point, our marriage hasn’t been strong. We want to wait until it is strong and then jump in again.
I dont currently have a Bible. Which is why I was going to buy one on ebay. I dont have much for extra money, and there are some cheaper ones on ebay. I will start with the Gospels. Is the Bible in the order you stated?
 
MomAfterIF said:
Thank you Mrs Sally. We want to be re-married because at this point, our marriage hasn’t been strong. We want to wait until it is strong and then jump in again.
I dont currently have a Bible. Which is why I was going to buy one on ebay. I dont have much for extra money, and there are some cheaper ones on ebay. I will start with the Gospels. Is the Bible in the order you stated?
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Pick up the NIV bible. That’s a good one to start 👍 It has everything in it…you’ll find it all.

God Bless you and I’ll be praying for you.

I’m glad you’re so head strong. Don’t ever let Tom be cruel to you or Grace. God wouldn’t want you in a relationship like that.

If you can’t afford a bible, tell the priest. I’m sure he can loan or give you one.
 
Serap, thank you. 🙂 My children are more important then any man here on earth. They are my miracles after all! I have been thinking of calling Father Richard, but I dont really know what to say or where to start. It might be better for me just to go down there and speak with him in person.

Kage_ar, thanks. Actually the one on ebay Im looking at is the NRSV, Im just not sure if its Catholic.
Maybe you could take a look at it and let me know if you know? I did send him an email, but I havent heard anything back. I need something with modern english. Some of the older english completely throws me off.

cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=120462898229&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT
 
MomAfterIF said:
Kage_ar, thanks. Actually the one on ebay Im looking at is the NRSV, Im just not sure if its Catholic.
Maybe you could take a look at it and let me know if you know? I did send him an email, but I havent heard anything back. I need something with modern english. Some of the older english completely throws me off.

cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=120462898229&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT
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My ISP here at work will not let me into the Canadian site. Make sure that it has ALL the books (Tobit is one of the books not in Protestant Bibles).

Here is an example of the RSV-CE:

"
Psalm 23 [22]

A Psalm of David. 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want; 2* he makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters; * 3 he restores my soul. * He leads me in paths of righteousness* for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, * I fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies; thou anointest my head with oil, my cup overflows. 6 Surely* goodness and mercy* shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. * "
 
Kage_ar, thanks. Im not sure if it has everything. The other one Im watching, Saint Joseoh, it has everything, however the english is older and I may not understand it very well. Ive been searching the internet for a NRSV-CE but get many different looking Bibles. Is there a certain one I should be looking for or do you think any of them will do fine as long as it has everything in it? As I said, something with modern english would be best for me.

Wanted to say a big thanks to both you Kage_ar and to Serap for all the help.

God Bless you both!
 
 
flyingfish said:
Maybe it’s worth looking into whether the marriage is valid before considering anything.

Maybe talk to a priest about how likely it is that an annulment would be granted before doing anything.
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This would be inappropriate. Priests are forbidden to discuss annulments until a divorce has happened. The church says these things in wisdom of experience.
A priest often will violate this order and speak his mind anyway – but I would not trust a priest who does not judge as the church commands.
 
MomAfterIF said:
My name is Alicia, my husbands name is Tom. I couldnt handle how he strived to keep Adam happy yet pushed Grace away. I believe if you’re going to be a father, you need to be one, there is no picking and choosing. He has gotten better but still has a lot to work on in the parenting area. With him and I though, there is no communication, there is no feelings being shown and he doesnt seem to want to spend time with me or the family. Hes too busy doing things, working on the house, puttering with the car, etc. I dont feel he loves me and I havent for years.
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Alicia, you are online. If this does not cost you anything you can go to the USCCB
usccb.org/nab/bible/index.shtml

This bible is called the NAB – it is not my favorite, but it is free for you to browse and it is Catholic.
In the revised standard version – You will NOT want the NRSV if you are trying to understand catholic teaching fully; you would be much better off with the RSV-CE with the blue cover. The CE stands for catholic edition.

As far as attending church, I think you will likely find someone charitable enough at the church you mention to pick you up and drop you off afterward. At my parishes here in the states – it is common practice for the elderly, and other poor and disadvantaged to ask the priest if he would ask the congregation if anyone would be willing to help them get there and back.

I often can pick out a man’s motives from descriptions – but I must say, yours are a bit enigmatic, There is a pattern to abusive men; and women; and a few things you say concern me – relating to whether or not your husband might have a medical issue that is causing him serious problems during loud noises.

Do you recall him getting into fights at work, yelling, or storming out because someone has yelled at him?

You indicate that you have known him since a teenager year – was he prone to fights with school-mates?

Please don’t take the following as accusations or condemnations; but I sense that what advice and support I can give you as a catholic is impacted by them.

Memories when you remember him hitting you – early on – are not very reliable; because most likely you were extremely scared – or alternately angry.
They may seem very clear – but from what I have witnessed, and studied, I know they almost universally are not accurate in the details.

If you were angry, were you yelling at him for something he did to you – or reminding him perhaps of his infidelity in the past? or was there any reference to an inadequacy in his ability to support the family?

I am not too concerned about the bassinet incident; because I seriously doubt he was thinking clearly – and you indicate that he has since calmed on that front.

I have been through a bit of marital hell, and I understand the resistance toward counseling – which is not always good; it really does depend on the counsellor.

An earlier poster mentioned Retrouvaille, and I wouldn’t push your husband toward it at this time – BUT even though it did not fully help me and my wife, for our problems are rooted much deeper – I can vouch that MANY couples improved in the area of communication – and with respect to my wife, it gave her some insight into what she was doing to me and greatly reduced the tensions between us. There are people who have been through much worse than you who allow you to glimpse their struggle – and which will quickly show the value of the program. I struggle day to day; and I pray for you.

But look Retrovaille up, and perhaps talk with some of the volunteers there.
It is a group of people who nearly destroyed their own marriages who have come together to show the narrow but achievable path to a recovered marriage. It is not counselling in the sense of dictation of action, but rather a life-line of examples and “silly” exercises which turn out to be not silly at all once you try them.
It does not require you be catholic – and it humiliates no one; and no one can diagnose either of you with anything…

–Peace, and do not rush; Even if you find your priest not too helpful in learning the faith, there are many here who are willing to lend a hand. I am concerned, however, that you not pressure your husband too hard at this moment.
May the Lord bless you in your patience.
 
Huiou_Theou said:
Alicia, you are online. If this does not cost you anything you can go to the USCCB
usccb.org/nab/bible/index.shtml

This bible is called the NAB – it is not my favorite, but it is free for you to browse and it is Catholic.
In the revised standard version – You will NOT want the NRSV if you are trying to understand catholic teaching fully; you would be much better off with the RSV-CE with the blue cover. The CE stands for catholic edition.

As far as attending church, I think you will likely find someone charitable enough at the church you mention to pick you up and drop you off afterward. At my parishes here in the states – it is common practice for the elderly, and other poor and disadvantaged to ask the priest if he would ask the congregation if anyone would be willing to help them get there and back.

I often can pick out a man’s motives from descriptions – but I must say, yours are a bit enigmatic, There is a pattern to abusive men; and women; and a few things you say concern me – relating to whether or not your husband might have a medical issue that is causing him serious problems during loud noises.

Do you recall him getting into fights at work, yelling, or storming out because someone has yelled at him?

You indicate that you have known him since a teenager year – was he prone to fights with school-mates?

Please don’t take the following as accusations or condemnations; but I sense that what advice and support I can give you as a catholic is impacted by them.

Memories when you remember him hitting you – early on – are not very reliable; because most likely you were extremely scared – or alternately angry.
They may seem very clear – but from what I have witnessed, and studied, I know they almost universally are not accurate in the details.

If you were angry, were you yelling at him for something he did to you – or reminding him perhaps of his infidelity in the past? or was there any reference to an inadequacy in his ability to support the family?

I am not too concerned about the bassinet incident; because I seriously doubt he was thinking clearly – and you indicate that he has since calmed on that front.

I have been through a bit of marital hell, and I understand the resistance toward counseling – which is not always good; it really does depend on the counsellor.

An earlier poster mentioned Retrouvaille, and I wouldn’t push your husband toward it at this time – BUT even though it did not fully help me and my wife, for our problems are rooted much deeper – I can vouch that MANY couples improved in the area of communication – and with respect to my wife, it gave her some insight into what she was doing to me and greatly reduced the tensions between us. There are people who have been through much worse than you who allow you to glimpse their struggle – and which will quickly show the value of the program. I struggle day to day; and I pray for you.

But look Retrovaille up, and perhaps talk with some of the volunteers there.
It is a group of people who nearly destroyed their own marriages who have come together to show the narrow but achievable path to a recovered marriage. It is not counselling in the sense of dictation of action, but rather a life-line of examples and “silly” exercises which turn out to be not silly at all once you try them.
It does not require you be catholic – and it humiliates no one; and no one can diagnose either of you with anything…

–Peace, and do not rush; Even if you find your priest not too helpful in learning the faith, there are many here who are willing to lend a hand. I am concerned, however, that you not pressure your husband too hard at this moment.
May the Lord bless you in your patience.
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Nice to hear a man’s perspective. I agree with this man’s advice not to push your husband too much.
 
There’s a short story Raymond Carver wrote back in the 80s that describes love in America. I think it is a great thing for couples to read and talk about. It’s called “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love.” A review of it is here:

payingattentiontothesky.com/what-we-talk-about-when-we-talk-about-love/

So sorry for your problems but you are doing all the right things, a lot better than I ever did.

dj
 
When I was returning back to the church, a priest once told me to begin with the Gospel of Mark because it’s shorter than the other ones.

Maybe you could begin with the Gospel of Mark first?
 
Marriage is hard. I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

I would suggest doing some things to try to make your husband feel special and appreciated - cook him a special meal, give him a long back rub, plan a special evening. You have to keep things like that going if you want to make the marriage work.

It also sounds like you would benefit from a Catholic marriage retreat.
 
Kage_ar, thank you!

Huiou Theou, thank you. I will take a look around for an RSV-CE. Will I be able to read it though? I dont do well with the old english. The blue cover, does it only say Holy Bible on it? If so, I can get one of those.

I was wondering if they offered anything like that. I havent recieved an email back, I think I will try to get down there and talk with someone face to face. I actually have a cross that slides open, it was my great grandmas but its missing the prayer and Holy water thats supposed to in it. I assume they can help with that as well?

To be honest, I dont think he has an issue at all with loudness the way he blasts the music. Hes actually very calm at work, stressful sometimes for him yes, but never a temper. He has worked there for almost 9 years now. However when he gets home, he does complain about work, which is fine, but the way he does it places it all on me as if it were my fault and he’ll treat me that way. In school, he was in a fair share of fights. He did something horrible to this one boy while in grade 9 I believe. He took a chain, one of the big thick ones, wrapped it around his hand and beat the boy up. He was in the hospital for a while and has scarring on his face. He was very heavy into rap music and hanging out with the wrong crowd. However, I cant say I was an angel back when I was a young teen either. In the begining, we both had drug proplems. The one time he pushed me really hard, my back hit the corner of the computer desk and I bounced off and landed on the bed. He was high that time. It hurt none the less, more emotionally and mentally then physically because before Tom, I dated a guy who beat me daily. I wasnt allowed to make calls to my grandparents without him on the other phone, I wasnt allowed to leave and when hed leave, I was locked in a bedroom. Anyway, I actually do remember clearly Tom hitting me. He was falling asleep and I was talking to him, I got a little upset because he wasnt listening to me. He punched me in the leg and told me to leave him alone. It was never beating, and barely ever left even a bruise.
Besides that, after he stopped hitting me, he would grab things and break or through them when he was angry. Slam doors, punch holes in the walls, drive crazy, etc. He doesnt do that now. Though he still does take it out on me. I admit, a lot of the time, I feel like Im a nanny, watching the kids, cleaning up, cooking, and of course being his personal door mat. I have tried to talk to him about it, for years I have, but my words fall upon deaf ears.

There was never any talk of him cheating when we argued, and never brought his family into it. However, as I think about this more, I think just maybe I know where his anger is from. His mom moved 16 hours away when he was 7 years old. His grandpa and aunt are both alcoholics and he watched his grandparents argue daily. (He was also raised by his grandparents for 7 up) I remember him calling her when he was 17, asking her to move in with her, she told him no and he cried for hours. I personally could never imagine doing that to my children. She moved for her husband. Im sure though all of that can cause a lot of rage inside.

As for counseling, Im not sure it would go well. He will barely speak of his feelings to me, someone he loves. I cant see him saying much of anything at all to a stranger.

I have never heard of that, so I will definitely look it up.
I havent been pushing my husband lately. I was yes, but I have given up completely on trying to communicate or get him to do anything with us, help me with the house hold chores, etc. Grace still gets up through out the night and both are up by 7am. I have a problem falling asleep. Too many things run through my head. I get on average 3 - 4 hours of sleep a night. I take care of the kids through out the day…I do everything with no help from him. Its hard for me to stay thinking that it would be easier to be in my own house where Im still cleaning up, but I dont have to follow him around to clean up after him too. But, I can tell you one thing. I love him. When I was 14, a friend of mine called him and introduced us. We talked on the phone for 7 hours before going to meet. He had a curfew then for betting up that boy with the chain I believe it was. In those 7 hours, I knew I loved him and knew he was who I was meant to be with, that we were made to love each other. We have been through so much together, so much loss and heart ache. He was my crutch when my grandparents passed away. I thank God I had him then. That being said, I dont want to leave, I love him, always have and it has yet to change. I just cant handle to live like this. It hurts. I have always put others ahead of myself, now its time for me. I need to make some changes. Im not at all saying he is at fault for all of this. I know Im far from being perfect. But if we cant talk about things, we cant work on things. How can we keep going with no communication in a marriage?

djeter, thank you. I will take a look at it. 🙂 Im sure you did perfectly fine. There will always be something we wish we could change. But I believe we go through what we do to become the people we are meant to be. 🙂 Dont be so hard on yourself.

Serap, thank you. I can of course read that first, however I love reading, the length does not bother me.
 
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