Failing the Total Consecration to Mary

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32 days ago, some of you may or may not remember, I began the total consecration to Mary, in accordance with the direction of St. Louis Marie de Montfort. Some of you have completed this consecration in years past, I know.

Now, 32 days since then, only a couple days before the actual consecration itself, when I reflect on the progress I’ve made, I find that I’ve failed tremendously and I hardly see any reason why I should complete the consecration, call myself a “slave of Jesus through Mary,” when I feel like anything but such a servant.

The directives call for the giving of oneself completely to Mary so that all actions are as if Mary herself were performing them for the love of God. It is, in short, like Thomas a Kempis’ Imitation of Mary. But more than performing acts like Mary, the consecrated gives everything to Mary, including all good works, income, etc. To begin with, I had no problem giving much of what I could to Mary, but in the past couple of weeks, weeks during which I was meant to contemplate knowledge of living in Jesus and Mary, I’ve felt a huge spiritual backslide - far from what I expected by this devotion. Now I feel like one of the reprobate, counted amongst the damned, and a million miles from Jesus and Mary both.

It’s my own fault, though I’m not quite sure what I did or am doing difference which has caused this numbness on the inside. I’ve kept the same spiritual exercises, I’ve tried reading Scripture as often as I can, I haven’t ceased praying, I attend Mass everyday, I go to confession on a regular basis, I perform my penance, and I always try to think of some penitential gesture for Fridays, and I’ve attended Adoration, etc. And yet, here I am, full of pride, full of sin, unable to perform any good actions lately, much less being able to give them to Mary, completely unable to give Mary disposal of my income, which I’d rather buy frivolous things like CDs with than give to charity, which I haven’t done in a few weeks now.

I’m, quite simply, amazed at the spiritual wreck I’ve become as a result of this devotion. I thought it would make me into a better person, but now my patience, my humility, my avarice, my lust, is far from what would be expected of a person having completed this consecration.

In truth, though, I haven’t completed this consecration, and that’s the point, really. I’m so busy at my job and in the evenings that I don’t have a lot time to reflect on the consecration experience, and the rat race has now affected my spiritual life. It would have been nice to consecrate myself to Mary on Mother’s Day, but how could I possibly justify consecrating myself to her when I’ve all but ignored the directives for this devotion?

I’m sorry for whining, but I just continue to disappoint myself.
 
One of the fruits of the Total Conscration to Mary is to realize and better see our own sins and failings.

You likely have always been the same sinner, you just know are aware a little more of it.

This is a good thing.
 
I agree, you’re probably just becoming more aware of yourself. You can’t fix anything that you don’t know needs fixing.

Did you know this year Mother’s day falls on the day of the first appearance of Our Lady of Fatima?
 
when one gets closer to Jesus, His Light will reveal those dark spots on your soul more clearly. 🙂

On the other hand, when one walks in total darkness, he can’t see those dark spots because they are all the same.
 
It’s important not to take feelings too seriously. You are doing fine.

It sounds like you’ve never run into any kind of serious spiritual “dryness” before. Well, welcome to a club which includes every saint who’s written about prayer. 🙂

Having good feelings and feeling the presence of God are good things, but often they come most at the beginning of a serious prayer regimen. (Because that’s when you need it. It’s often compared to feeding a baby on breastmilk.)

Every once in a while, God will allow you to feel “dry” and alone, as a sort of exercise for strengthening your faith. It is at such times that your prayers really are heard most, and that God is closest. But there’s no denying that it’s a hard row to hoe. The next time it happens, at least you’ll know what’s going on. The first time, it’s a bit scary unless you read up on what the saints say about it.

St. John of the Cross talks a lot about spiritual dryness/aridity in The Ascent of Mount Carmel and The Dark Night of the Soul. St. Teresa of Avila also has a lot to say about it. So does St. Therese of Lisieux.

Don’t be afraid. Know that you are not alone, that you are loved, and that God wants you to keep doing what you’re doing. We are all unworthy of God’s love and saving power, and yet He died and lives for us. And Mary, the “lily among thorns”, is perfectly familiar with what sinful people are like. She loves their service as much as her Son, the Word, appreciated a small kind word from the good thief.
 
Perhaps this is spiritual dryness that I’m experiencing. I had wondered if it possibly could be. I just didn’t expect for my relationship with even Mary, my intercessor, to feel like a total failure…
 
Satan would be very happy for you to see yourself as a total failure, spiritually. From what you describe, I would hardly say this is the case. You have been progressing in your spiritual life and are now seeing yourself more clearly than you have in the past, seeing all those things that you knew were there, but resolutely closed the door on and refused to admit, even to yourself. We all have a ‘junk room’ where we keep all the stuff we’d rather not look at but are ‘too attached to’ to throw away. Seems like you’ve opened the door and can see it all clearly now. Satan is redoubling his efforts to keep you from this path by focusing on your failures and planting in your mind the idea that your prayers are ineffective because you are so sinful, making you think that you can’t clean out that room.

This is something I struggle with, too.

You proper response now is to throw yourself on the Mercy of God, through the intercession of Mary, rather than to back off and only count your failures. Allow Him to clean out your ‘junk room’. Spend some time lifting each of the areas of sin that really bother you to Him for healing.

I recall a passage from “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran (the Christian Lebanese poet) that always gives me strength when I’m wallowing in my weaknesses.

"You have been told that, even like a chain, you are as weak as your weakest link.

This is but half the truth. You are also as strong as your strongest link.

To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of ocean by the frailty of its foam.

To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconsistency."

We will only be perfect in heaven. Now, we have to try our best, and even if we fail abysmally, to keep on trying.

Through the Hearts of Jesus and Mary, I pray for you to be strengthened and to be able to go through with this consecration when the time is right.
 
Epistemes said:
32 days ago, some of you may or may not remember, I began the total consecration to Mary, in accordance with the direction of St. Louis Marie de Montfort. Some of you have completed this consecration in years past, I know.

Now, 32 days since then, only a couple days before the actual consecration itself, when I reflect on the progress I’ve made, I find that I’ve failed tremendously and I hardly see any reason why I should complete the consecration, call myself a “slave of Jesus through Mary,” when I feel like anything but such a servant.

The directives call for the giving of oneself completely to Mary so that all actions are as if Mary herself were performing them for the love of God. It is, in short, like Thomas a Kempis’ Imitation of Mary. But more than performing acts like Mary, the consecrated gives everything to Mary, including all good works, income, etc. To begin with, I had no problem giving much of what I could to Mary, but in the past couple of weeks, weeks during which I was meant to contemplate knowledge of living in Jesus and Mary, I’ve felt a huge spiritual backslide - far from what I expected by this devotion. Now I feel like one of the reprobate, counted amongst the damned, and a million miles from Jesus and Mary both.

It’s my own fault, though I’m not quite sure what I did or am doing difference which has caused this numbness on the inside. I’ve kept the same spiritual exercises, I’ve tried reading Scripture as often as I can, I haven’t ceased praying, I attend Mass everyday, I go to confession on a regular basis, I perform my penance, and I always try to think of some penitential gesture for Fridays, and I’ve attended Adoration, etc. And yet, here I am, full of pride, full of sin, unable to perform any good actions lately, much less being able to give them to Mary, completely unable to give Mary disposal of my income, which I’d rather buy frivolous things like CDs with than give to charity, which I haven’t done in a few weeks now.

I’m, quite simply, amazed at the spiritual wreck I’ve become as a result of this devotion. I thought it would make me into a better person, but now my patience, my humility, my avarice, my lust, is far from what would be expected of a person having completed this consecration.

In truth, though, I haven’t completed this consecration, and that’s the point, really. I’m so busy at my job and in the evenings that I don’t have a lot time to reflect on the consecration experience, and the rat race has now affected my spiritual life. It would have been nice to consecrate myself to Mary on Mother’s Day, but how could I possibly justify consecrating myself to her when I’ve all but ignored the directives for this devotion?

I’m sorry for whining, but I just continue to disappoint myself.
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I don’t know what to say other than this experience is nearly identical to my own. I ended the consecration 2 or 3 days before completion. (This was a few years ago). The consecration process “wrecked me” as well. I felt nothing except contempt for myself because of the knowledge that I was a lukewarm liar. St Louis’s de Montfort’s writings still sit on my bookshelf and I refuse to take them up. I believe that we are meant to be totally HIS through her, but for some reason that I still don’t completely understand … I haven’t given myself completely. I have given the booklet and explained the consecration to other devout Catholic believers, and THEY have completed the process, as far as I know. But … here I am, still waiting to try again. After reading your post, I have to believe that something is deliberately keeping us from the consecration. I don’t know what. It could be that we aren’t ready and Jesus wants us to wait … or it could be something else is throwing obstacles in our path. I will pray for you. Please do the same for me.
 
SimpleFaith said:
I don’t know what to say other than this experience is nearly identical to my own. I ended the consecration 2 or 3 days before completion. (This was a few years ago). The consecration process “wrecked me” as well. I felt nothing except contempt for myself because of the knowledge that I was a lukewarm liar. St Louis’s de Montfort’s writings still sit on my bookshelf and I refuse to take them up. I believe that we are meant to be totally HIS through her, but for some reason that I still don’t completely understand … I haven’t given myself completely. I have given the booklet and explained the consecration to other devout Catholic believers, and THEY have completed the process, as far as I know. But … here I am, still waiting to try again. After reading your post, I have to believe that something is deliberately keeping us from the consecration. I don’t know what. It could be that we aren’t ready and Jesus wants us to wait … or it could be something else is throwing obstacles in our path. I will pray for you. Please do the same for me.
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Thanks for your response. It truly is a wonderful thing to hear how someone else struggled with something in common.

Your words really hit home when you described how you obtained the knowledge that you felt like a lukewarm liar. That’s precisely, more or less, the exact same words I have used to describe my own self. Approaching the day of the consecration, I concur completely with de Montfort that we need Mary, we need the fullness of grace, to approach Jesus, but when you feel like you’ve been cast into the darkness where there is literally wailing and gnashing of teeth, as Our Lord says, then even approaching the imitation of Mary is exceedingly difficult.

My inability at devoting myself to this consecration has caused me to question if I’m not, in fact, just among the reprobate. But last night, at Adoration, I prayed about this and asked the Lord if he didn’t want me to complete this consecration yet for some reason. Perhaps, I’ve wondered, he does not think I’m spiritually ready to handle what comes with the consecration. After questioning the Lord about whether or not I should complete this consecration, my mind was immediately directed to Proverb 26:24, which reads:

An enemy is known by his lips, when in his heart he entertaineth deceit.

This immediately, and naturally, made me think of Satan, for Our Lord says of Satan: “Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature; for he is a liar, and the father of lies.”

I then was asked, “Why would Jesus, who is the Truth, want to keep me from his Mother?” It seems only logical that some malevolent force which prides itself on deceit, for it is deceit itself, could entertain in a man’s heart the notion that Jesus would rather have us wait…

…but it’s an easy lie to give into.
 
Epistemes said:
I then was asked, “Why would Jesus, who is the Truth, want to keep me from his Mother?” It seems only logical that some malevolent force which prides itself on deceit, for it is deceit itself, could entertain in a man’s heart the notion that Jesus would rather have us wait…

…but it’s an easy lie to give into.
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In my heart of hearts, I believe you are right. Why WOULD He want us to wait, especially while (in my case), I’m urging others to persevere in the consecration?

Why should we not complete the consecration process, no matter our lukewarm or our distracted state? What could help us more, even in those failures, than a total consecration? Whatever is keeping me from TOTAL consecration, should also be entrusted, should it not?

I’m tired, and probably less than articulate. But thank you for making me revisit this.
 
This is a very interesting thread for me. For many months, I have considered doing this consecration, but something always holds me back. For a while this fall, whenever I would read about doing the consecration, or even when I would think about it, I would feel repelled at the thought of doing it, and there were times I actually felt ill whenever I thought about doing it. Either the Holy Spirit is telling me “not yet,” or it’s a spirtual attact becuase someone doesn’t want me to do it.
 
mommyof4 said:
This is a very interesting thread for me. For many months, I have considered doing this consecration, but something always holds me back. For a while this fall, whenever I would read about doing the consecration, or even when I would think about it, I would feel repelled at the thought of doing it, and there were times I actually felt ill whenever I thought about doing it. Either the Holy Spirit is telling me “not yet,” or it’s a spirtual attact becuase someone doesn’t want me to do it.
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I know right before beginning, I also felt reluctant to begin. I didn’t feel sick or in anyway physically repellant, but I kept asking myself, “Is this the best thing to do?”
 
Epistemes,

May I ask your state of life and if you are a man or woman? I learned about this consecration from an apologist at Catholic Answers (I live in San Diego) whom I trust implicitly. When this specific apologist broached the subject, he said, “This will take care of whatever particular sin that troubles you, or that of which you despair of ever overcoming.”

This is merely MY opinion: Could it not be that we are legitimately trying to get closer to Christ through Mary, but we are mocked by our failures by …something not of God – something that wants us never to overcome the ONE particular thing that keeps us from total consecration to Him?

Since I am a single woman who sometimes struggles with relating to Our Blessed Mother, I can only assume that is the method within which I am being attacked or being kept from complete consecration.

But there could be many reasons for our respective failures in total consecration … I only wonder…
 
SimpleFaith said:
May I ask your state of life and if you are a man or woman? I learned about this consecration from an apologist at Catholic Answers (I live in San Diego) whom I trust implicitly. When this specific apologist broached the subject, he said, “This will take care of whatever particular sin that troubles you, or that of which you despair of ever overcoming.”
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I’m a single guy. I actually learned about the total consecration here on the CAF forums. Occassionally there is somebody, like ourselves, who questions what it is and how it is done. Even then, I’ve noticed a recurring theme amongst those curious about the consecration: a feeling of uneasiness or just plain out illness. If you search this forum for those threads (some are quite dated) you’ll see some people who felt sick even while reading de Montfort’s books.

As for myself, I was quite excited reading de Montfort’s “Devotion to the Blessed Virgin.” The theology was quite clear cut to me, and I could feel a devotion to Mary swelling up in my soul with each paragraph I read! After finishing the book, though, as I’ve already stated above, I felt an extreme reluctance to begin the consecration process. I can’t explain much more about it than that: I felt inadequate, incompetent, and the process of self-realization was already becoming overwhelming.
This is merely MY opinion: Could it not be that we are legitimately trying to get closer to Christ through Mary, but we are mocked by our failures by …something not of God – something that wants us never to overcome the ONE particular thing that keeps us from total consecration to Him?
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I think this is the most logical answer. Though, as I’ve heard, the total consecration isn’t something which the average person should take lightly, either. It’s not like we consecrate ourselves to Christ through Mary for a tax deduction, to achieve some mystical visionary experience, or for some other fickle purpose. Based on that perspective, questioning whether or not we’re ready by the standards of the Holy Spirit become true concerns. I don’t think the Spirit would willingly keep us from Mary, I don’t think the Spirit places a barrier to Christ: such an action truly is the antithesis of the Spirit. But I’m quite sure that both Christ and Mary want us all to be sure that this consecration is how we want to live our lives. It doesn’t mean that Christ or Mary expect us to live completely without sin because it’s illogical to think anybody but them could live this life without sin - but it is a conscious, formal renouncing of Satan. If we want to live our lives renouncing Satan, then, according to de Montfort, the path is to Jesus through Mary.
Since I am a single woman who sometimes struggles with relating to Our Blessed Mother, I can only assume that is the method within which I am being attacked or being kept from complete consecration.
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If you accept the tradition that St. Joseph died sometime before Jesus’ ministry, then Mary’s public life, reflected in the Gospels and tradition, is when she is a single woman. The virtues of Mary which de Montfort talks about, such as her faith, her obedience, her lively hope and charity, are all reflected in this period of her life. Even the infancy narratives more or less take place when Mary is not yet living with St. Joseph and is relatively a single woman. I would think that a single woman could relate to these concepts better than a single man.

I must admit that my devotion to Mary is perhaps partly Freudian, without the sexual implications, of course. But I do have an affinity for my own mother, and when I look to Mary I can’t help but see a special gentleness and serenity - a special motherness - that I’m drawn to.
But there could be many reasons for our respective failures in total consecration … I only wonder…
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There could be. I think the biggest one is our sense of self, or pride. Having studied Eastern philosophy, which attempts to extinguish the self, de Montfort calls for something similar when he mentions how we should give ourselves completely to Mary, completely to grace. It’s frightening to think of ourselves living such perfect lives, especially when we know our faults so well!

I, personally, don’t know if anybody can completely do as de Montfort asks, I don’t if anybody can completely and always act with, in, by, and for Mary 24/7 - but the consecration helps to serve as a lighthouse in the storm. She’s not called the Star of the Sea for nothing.

Feel free to PM me, if you want. Otherwise, perhaps a discussion on this topic would be worthwhile to others who have similar fears as ours.
 
you have discovered opposition, satan doesnt want you to do it at all

you have discovered your weakness

this should tell you something. that something, is that you need to do the consecration all the more.
we are nothing without grace.

do not think you can become more worthy of the consecration.
it is Mary’s wish that Her children be consecrated to Her, but we are all unworthy of it. ultimately it is allowing Her to shape you into Christ.

start living your baptism right now.
you promised

we’re Christians. we don’t hide in fortresses and wait for a better time to move out. the time is NOW. you must press on for the sake of the Kingdom.

Consecration means “I’m getting serious now”
so we discover how weak we really are. thats part of the grace that comes from the consecratory preparation, you realize “wow i really DO need this”
if i told you some of the stories about how satan came at me days before the consecration…

NEVER have i been attacked so viciously.

and i rejoice in God my Savior

may God give you COURAGE to move forward.
get behind that massive shield of faith and push the enemy back.
mercy and truth are your weapons

welcome to war

Peace and God’s Blessings
Mordocai
 
Before I was baptised, I suffered attacks to try to keep me from going through with it. In particular, every time the Gospel was read at Mass and only when the Gospel was read, I would feel like throwing up to the point of clenching my teeth to keep it from happening or fainting or both. It was a peculiar feeling because my soul rejoiced in the Word, but my body felt quite ill. I was so visibly ill, pale,and sweating that the other catechumens expressed concern for me. The closer it got to Easter Vigil, the worse it got. I was beginning to wonder if I would be well enough physically to endure the 3 hours the Vigil Mass runs when one hour was a trial. Then after baptism, it stopped abruptly.

It is the touch of evil that makes us feel sick. When we are reluctant to make a full commitment it is usually because we are comfortable in our sins and not really aware of just how filthy we really are. When we start to move away from our ‘comfortable sins’, when we start to shine a light on the filth, we feel sick. It is not the light that makes us feel this way. It is the filth on our souls.

Like when you move the fridge out from the wall and see all the crud that has accumulated underneath and behind, your first reaction is revulsion. You were quite comfortable with all that crud under the fridge when you couldn’t see it. You ‘knew’ it was there but it didn’t bother you. Once seen, however, it has to go. There is no way you can roll it back and hide the crud again. It must be cleansed.

Total Consecration to Mary helps us to move that fridge out and see all the crud we have been hiding, that we have become accustomed to, that we are ‘comfortable with’. She doesn’t do this to tell us how awful we are and how we will never be able to reconcile. No, she hauls out the mops, and brooms and tells us to get cleaning. She wants nothing more than for us to be united with her Son even as she is.
 
How about if your failure is at the very end on the feast day where you are supposed to make the consecration? What if you don’t go to confession or communion? Is it best to fulfill these obligations on a separate day or begin the preparation on a different cycle ending on a different feast day?
 
Does anybody have a response to this. This is very important to me and I’m sure to others who don’t want to have failed.
 
Epistemes said:
32 days ago, some of you may or may not remember, I began the total consecration to Mary, in accordance with the direction of St. Louis Marie de Montfort. Some of you have completed this consecration in years past, I know.

Now, 32 days since then, only a couple days before the actual consecration itself, when I reflect on the progress I’ve made, I find that I’ve failed tremendously and I hardly see any reason why I should complete the consecration, call myself a “slave of Jesus through Mary,” when I feel like anything but such a servant.
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you cannot seriously tell me that you expected, going into this devotion, to become perfect in 32 days, I refuse to believe it. This, like any spiritual discipline or exercise, is just that, one means (among many traditional Catholic devotions) of confirming oneself to God’s will. It is the task of a life time, and this consecration (like many other similar and worthwhile devotions) is a beginning and conscious resolve to do so. It is not a miracle cure for what ails you spiritually, and it is not a substitute, as the materials make very clear, for regular prayer, the sacraments, and works of penance and charity.
 
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