K
kt342206
Guest
I have a good friends who recently confided in me about some stress he is having in his marriage.
He and his wife have been married for just over twenty years. He was raised Protestant, but become Catholic before he got married - mostly to please his wife. His faith has never been very strong, and he has recently decided that he is somewhere between atheist and agnostic.
That being said, his wife is naturally concerned about him. She leaves books on miracles and saints out around the house, hoping he will pick them up and be converted. She prays four rosaries, says that divine office, and goes to mass everyday. She also goes to adoration several times a week, fasts on bread and water on Mondays and Fridays, and doesn’t eat any kind of junk food except on Sunday. He knows that she is doing much of this in prayer for his conversion.
He does not mind that she is so faithful and concerned about his conversion. The problem is that she has become so engrossed in everything faith related that she is neglecting to foster their relationship. She spends so much time praying and at church that she hardly has time to do the necessary duties around the house - he is has a very stressful job that he works very hard at to make money for the family and to support the children in university- and spend quality time with him. She also does not develop any interests of her own outside religion.
He often would like to go out on Fridays for supper or to share a sundae. But she refuses due to her fast. When they go on trips, she brings her prayers to say silently in the car, and when she is done, he tries to start a conversation, but all she says is “What is there to talk about it.” They have wanted to buy a cottage/land in the country side for a while, and she was gung ho to spend 25k on an old rectory that was right next door to a church, but would require him to fix up A LOT (asbestos etc). When that fell through, he wanted to buy some land in the woods for 4k to put a trailer so that they could go hiking, biking, fishing and camping there in the summer. She refuses to let him do so because she says it costs too much money and she would never want to go there (He suspects this is because she won’t be able to go to church everyday if they go there) Then she accuses him of being selfish.
That’s the thing she does a lot. She calls him selfish. This really bothers him because he has sacrificed so much to make her happy and to keep the family together. He makes lots of offers for them to do stuff together, but she always refuses to have any part in it…and she rarely suggests anything for them to do together. It seems all she does is pray.
He tries to get his frustration across, but she just ignores him or just cries and refuses to talk about it. He doesn’t want to loose their relationship and has tried so hard to please her, but he feels like he is at his wits end. He respects her for her faith, but it is like she is so devoted to it that she fails to cultivate their relationship.
She won’t really even entertain his viewpoints on many things. She is unable to read about views that conflict with her own. In my experience with her, she wills herself to ignorance in so many ways. She gets all bent out of shape about evolution even when presented with the Church’s position on the matter. Her apparent desire for ignorance is so strong that it is difficult to even have a conversation with her about anything except Catholicism.
I am worried that if things keep going like they are, he will be unable to handle it anymore and leave her. And you know, part of me thinks that she regards his conversion more important than their relationship.
Okay, I will have to admit that these people are my parents. It makes me sad.
Any thoughts?
He and his wife have been married for just over twenty years. He was raised Protestant, but become Catholic before he got married - mostly to please his wife. His faith has never been very strong, and he has recently decided that he is somewhere between atheist and agnostic.
That being said, his wife is naturally concerned about him. She leaves books on miracles and saints out around the house, hoping he will pick them up and be converted. She prays four rosaries, says that divine office, and goes to mass everyday. She also goes to adoration several times a week, fasts on bread and water on Mondays and Fridays, and doesn’t eat any kind of junk food except on Sunday. He knows that she is doing much of this in prayer for his conversion.
He does not mind that she is so faithful and concerned about his conversion. The problem is that she has become so engrossed in everything faith related that she is neglecting to foster their relationship. She spends so much time praying and at church that she hardly has time to do the necessary duties around the house - he is has a very stressful job that he works very hard at to make money for the family and to support the children in university- and spend quality time with him. She also does not develop any interests of her own outside religion.
He often would like to go out on Fridays for supper or to share a sundae. But she refuses due to her fast. When they go on trips, she brings her prayers to say silently in the car, and when she is done, he tries to start a conversation, but all she says is “What is there to talk about it.” They have wanted to buy a cottage/land in the country side for a while, and she was gung ho to spend 25k on an old rectory that was right next door to a church, but would require him to fix up A LOT (asbestos etc). When that fell through, he wanted to buy some land in the woods for 4k to put a trailer so that they could go hiking, biking, fishing and camping there in the summer. She refuses to let him do so because she says it costs too much money and she would never want to go there (He suspects this is because she won’t be able to go to church everyday if they go there) Then she accuses him of being selfish.
That’s the thing she does a lot. She calls him selfish. This really bothers him because he has sacrificed so much to make her happy and to keep the family together. He makes lots of offers for them to do stuff together, but she always refuses to have any part in it…and she rarely suggests anything for them to do together. It seems all she does is pray.
He tries to get his frustration across, but she just ignores him or just cries and refuses to talk about it. He doesn’t want to loose their relationship and has tried so hard to please her, but he feels like he is at his wits end. He respects her for her faith, but it is like she is so devoted to it that she fails to cultivate their relationship.
She won’t really even entertain his viewpoints on many things. She is unable to read about views that conflict with her own. In my experience with her, she wills herself to ignorance in so many ways. She gets all bent out of shape about evolution even when presented with the Church’s position on the matter. Her apparent desire for ignorance is so strong that it is difficult to even have a conversation with her about anything except Catholicism.
I am worried that if things keep going like they are, he will be unable to handle it anymore and leave her. And you know, part of me thinks that she regards his conversion more important than their relationship.
Okay, I will have to admit that these people are my parents. It makes me sad.
Any thoughts?