Faith journey help: I'm not sure where I belong

[catholic1seeks]

Thank you all for the replies.
I will definitely pray more.

I guess I can be a bit more open.

For me, this is not just an abstract issue. It’s not just something I can so easily accept as part of the Church’s package of doctrine and then leave time for understanding it later (as a new convert may do with, say, the Marian doctrines).

I have known for sometime that in life, I deeply desire to be with another person. I want to share a life of love and closeness with another person. I want a family life. I do not want to be alone; I want to love and be loved. I am gay and cannot see myself following the Church’s teaching on this issue. I feel very deeply that the Church’s corpus of sexual morality does not adequately apply to all of humanity. There simply exist gay people; I am one of them, and I do not seem to fit under the umbrella of Catholic understanding of human anthropology and sexuality. We all have crosses indeed. But this struggle has caused me to really examine the ability of the Church to address sexual issues. My sexuality is not just about certain acts I may want to commit with another individual; it’s a whole means of relating to another person. I want to be able to love another just as anyone else does.

So I cannot see myself as simply existing in the Church accepting the teaching. I do not understand how it could ever apply to my life, and I do not perceive it as true. It does not make much sense to me.

 

[schaeffer]

This teaching affects you on such a profound level that I cannot and will not deem to address you on it specifically. Anything I say will either sound harsh or pandering, and neither is my intention.

So I will continue to address the issue of what to do when we come head to head, and heart to heart and soul to soul with a teaching in our faith.

It sounds as if the crux of the issue is do you believe the Church has the authority to make such statements…as coming not from humans, but from God himself.

Or do you believe that the teachings come not from God but from fallible humans.

Also, do you know any Catholics with SSA to speak to. I know Catholics with SSA who have grappled with this and come to various types of peace and or acceptance. Some have chosen to follow the teachings of the Church, others to remain Catholic and still pursue a lifelong relationship with a partner. When an issue is part of who we are soul and being I think it’s critical to speak to others who truly understand.

Leaving a faith is a traumatic experience. I can tell from your posts that you don’t take it lightly.

 

[benjohnson]

Thank you all for the replies.
I will definitely pray more.

You’re in my families prayer and for those that can’t rest easy with God’s Law.

For you, this situation isn’t one you can easily ignore, and you definably have my sympathy and compassion.

I’ll throw this out and it may not pertain to you at all:

I have a good friend who struggles with almost the same situation. But he determined that his was ‘mostly gay’ and that he could (and did) marry a woman that understood the his situation. They’re a good couple with two rather vigorous children now. He confides to me that he is still attracted to other men on a visual level, but he finds that his wife and family are more attractive in total.

EDIT: Let me add, that there are two gentlemen in our local church that struggle with this (and do fail to remain sin free) - we love them as fellow adopted children of Christ who are sinners just like the rest of us. The only difference is that their sin is evident, while mine is hidden. They do take care not to cause scandal for others. Their steadfast determination to keep trying to live lives of sinless faith is an example to us all - even if they fail, they get up and walk closer to the Cross and Him Crucified.

 

[InNomineDomini]

What is a Catholic supposed to do who disagrees with a point of doctrine?

Just to put it bluntly: have the humility to submit to the teaching in faith. This should involve reading up on the reasoning behind the teaching—because I’m not aware of any teaching of the Church that lacks an incredibly complex reasoning behind it—and praying to be given the faith to accept it.

While faith is never unreasonable, faith is not mere intellectual opinion. As Fr. Benedict Groeschel once put it, we can never merit faith, we can’t give it to ourselves, and we can’t argue our way into it. Sometimes, we need to get on our knees, close our mouths, and listen.

Faith is a supernatural gift, and we should ask God for it, rather than limiting Him to our own puny imagination.

 

[benhur]

I don’t know if words like “orientation” and “disordered” are necessarily an integral part of Catholic teaching. However, the teaching against homosexual activity has always been the consistent Judeo-Christian teaching and can never change. Whatever our personal temptations may be, we must accept it.

Kind of agree. The temptations are common to man, even homosexuality, though less prevalent. The good news is that He has or is willing to give us all the things for an abundant life, without compromise, with truth and purity. The just shall live by faith.

Blessings

 

[Reuben_J]

Thank you all for the replies.
I will definitely pray more.

I guess I can be a bit more open.

For me, this is not just an abstract issue. It’s not just something I can so easily accept as part of the Church’s package of doctrine and then leave time for understanding it later (as a new convert may do with, say, the Marian doctrines).

I have known for sometime that in life, I deeply desire to be with another person. I want to share a life of love and closeness with another person. I want a family life. I do not want to be alone; I want to love and be loved. I am gay and cannot see myself following the Church’s teaching on this issue. I feel very deeply that the Church’s corpus of sexual morality does not adequately apply to all of humanity. There simply exist gay people; I am one of them, and I do not seem to fit under the umbrella of Catholic understanding of human anthropology and sexuality. We all have crosses indeed. But this struggle has caused me to really examine the ability of the Church to address sexual issues. My sexuality is not just about certain acts I may want to commit with another individual; it’s a whole means of relating to another person. I want to be able to love another just as anyone else does.

So I cannot see myself as simply existing in the Church accepting the teaching. I do not understand how it could ever apply to my life, and I do not perceive it as true. It does not make much sense to me.

Just remember that God loves you with a love that we cannot even imagine. We humans can do lots of things due to love. God’s love for you is even much, much more. He said he is like a father but the most we can understand about a human father is that he loves us very much. Many of us do not experience our fathers’ love and many fathers fails in loving their children the way they should. Even with the frailty of the human fathers’ love, we do recognize this love one way or the other. So what more of God Fatherly love for us.

There are things that a father does not permit us to do. We hate it and cannot understand why he has to be so mean. Sometimes a father has to do that anyway and because he loves his child, his heart bleeds inside and yet he continue with the discipline.

Just remember, if the Church’s teaching is hard, it is not because she does not care about you, but like the Father God, it is out of her love for you.

Others have given very good advice and I think they are very helpful. Do connect to God by praying earnestly and search out the love of this Father. He cannot be so mean as to hurt His child.

May God bless you. :console:

Reuben

 

[Thorolfr]

Also, do you know any Catholics with SSA to speak to. I know Catholics with SSA who have grappled with this and come to various types of peace and or acceptance. Some have chosen to follow the teachings of the Church, others to remain Catholic and still pursue a lifelong relationship with a partner. When an issue is part of who we are soul and being I think it’s critical to speak to others who truly understand.

 

[Vico]

Hi all,

I chose this forum becasue I thought I would get a good representation of different responses. As long as your respsonse is honest and since, I will respect it.

I have been Catholic all my life, but I am unsure now where I really belong.
What is a Catholic supposed to do who disagrees with a point of doctrine? I do not like the idea of “Cafeteria Catholicism,” even though I know many Catholics (if not most) belong to that category. I sometimes feel like that is my only option, though.

My issue is that this teaching of the Church is something I’m pretty sure I cannot agree with. At least, I cannot see myself agreeing with and accepting this teaching anytime in the near future. It is not some abstract teaching but something that would affect how I spend my life. This post is not really about the specifics of the teaching, though.

I find myself agreeing with the vast majority of Catholic teaching, though. But this one issue is a big deal to me.

Do I

1. Remain Catholic but continuing to disagree with this teaching?
2. Join a church similar to Catholicism but is less dogmatic and perhaps more open?
3. Become non-denominational, or a church that does not have a creed, like Disciples of Christ, but continue to have Catholic leanings in various theological issues?
4. What else?

The correct action is to give assent to the authoritative teachings of the Catholic Church. It is not necessary to understand them intellectually, in fact for some this is not possible, but rather to accept by faith – and faith is a gift of the Holy Spirit.
Modern Catholic Dictionary – Act of Faith
The assent of the mind to what God has revealed. An act of supernatural faith requires divine grace, either actual or sanctifying or both. It is performed under the influence of the will, which requires its own assistance of grace to render a person ready to believe. And if the act of faith is made in the state of grace, it is meritorious before God. Explicit acts of faith are necessary, notably when the virtue of faith is being tested by temptation or one’s faith is challenged, or one’s belief would be weakened unless strengthened by acts of faith. A simple and widely used act of faith says" “My God, I believe in you and all that your Church teaches, because you have said it, and your word is true. Amen.”