fake marriage??

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anonymousgirl

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Hello,

So to make a long story super short. I went to another country for medical missionary work. We used translators and I ended up having a crush on one. We kept in touch and he liked me too. To be honest since we lived in different countries I didn’t see anything happening between us. He spoke of moving to the US when I first met him and he did, less than 3 months after I met him, he wants to go to school here. We were talking on the phone today and he told me he had been keeping something from me and felt it was time to share it. His story seemed a little off about how he was in the country since he wasn’t working or in school yet so I wasn’t sure what kind of visa he had. He told me today that he met some older women a while back, like old enough to be his mom, that wanted to help him get to the US. He met her when he was at school in his home country a few years ago. He told me that they got married only by papers so he could come to this country. I mean that obviously isn’t a valid marriage but I just don’t know what to think about this whole situation. Would he need an annulment? Still really surprised about the situation. Thanks for the advice
 
It is a valid marriage and you need to walk away. Besides being a married man, this guy is a cheater. He doesn’t seem to have a problem bending rules to suit him and I can’t imagine that it would change for anyone. There are people who would love to have these glaring warning signals flashing in their face so they didn’t make mistakes. Don’t think that there is anything good about the situation. Walk away.
 
i’m not quite sure its a valid marriage. because the intent from the beginning is only to receive documentation to be able to enter the country. there was never any intention to marry and both parties are conscious of that

this method of legitimizing your status in a foreign country is quite popular albeit illegal, and the citizen who offers the marriage gets paid quite a lot of money for this.
 
HI, Truly you don’t know what this person’s agenda is. You could be involving yourself with a man who has perpetrated a crime to be a U.S. citizen. This would not be a good way to start a relationship and you may become entangled in a web of deceit that could bring you sadness, suffering or possibly imprisonment. You were wise to write CAF for advice before becoming more invovled.

Someone who would lie to do this will lie to you about other things even though he finally came clean after getting you where he wants you. Once he felt he had you in deep enough he decided to tell you this. I would not trust someone who was not honest from the beginning. And, you don’t seem to really know his authentic personal history.

I hope you walk away as another poster suggested. There are a lot of good, attractive men of good moral character out there that would be happy to know you I am sure.🙂
 
i wouldn’t be so fast to judge people who go through this process to gain legitimacy in a country. yes, its illegal and its a crime. but i’ve known good people who resorted to this just to find greener pastures. people in poorer nations are frustrated at their situation that they work hard and do everything they can to try and improve their lives, but somehow they can’t climb out of the financial hole they’re in. as frustration gives way to desperation, some people resort to this just for the opportunity to better their lives

i’m not justifying the criminal act they did, just don’t quickly say they’re bad people because they did this.
 
choy said:
i wouldn’t be so fast to judge people who go through this process to gain legitimacy in a country. yes, its illegal and its a crime…

i’m not justifying the criminal act they did, just don’t quickly say they’re bad people because they did this.
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OK…so they’re good criminals.

By the way…assuming this is taking place in the United States, the U.S. citizen who assisted this good criminal in their fraud is also committing a crime.
 
anonymousgirl said:
He told me that they got married only by papers so he could come to this country. I mean that obviously isn’t a valid marriage
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Well, you don’t know that to be the case. There are many details left out here. Is the woman Catholic, is he? Have either been married and divorced before? etc. These are rhetorical questions.

If they are not Catholics, and otherwise free to marry, then they are validly married until proven otherwise by the Tribunal investigation.
anonymousgirl said:
but I just don’t know what to think about this whole situation.
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Uh, cease all contact with a person who perpetrated FRAUD, is in this country illegally, and who has now demonstrated he is a liar as well. You felt something was “off” and you were right. Now, walk away.
anonymousgirl said:
Would he need an annulment?
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Yes. He would.

He could make a case regarding the fraudulent nature of the vows, but he would still have to make that case before the Tribunal.
 
Good advise overall. Drop this Dude and get on with your life. Illegal is Illegal. What don’t you understand about it. There is a correct and honorable way to come into the USA, Anyone that won’t use it needs to be deported.
 
rick43235 said:
OK…so they’re good criminals.

By the way…assuming this is taking place in the United States, the U.S. citizen who assisted this good criminal in their fraud is also committing a crime.
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jaywalking is illegal. are all jaywalkers evil persons?
 
At the very least you’ll be causing scandal by dating someone who even you profess is/was validly married.
 
Thanks for the feedback. The entire story isn’t know for everyone to begin to judge him and his character. I was just curious of what the validity of the marriage is? I mean what is it in God’s eyes? I’m going to confession this Friday and will speak to a priest about it. I basically told him that I was saddened bc he kept this from me and that we should just be friends. I wouldn’t ever date someone who was married, so that wasn’t the question.

In the end I want to do what God wants but I feel that I’m getting mixed signals from God.

Thanks for the feedback but like choy was saying don’t be so quick to judge. He comes from one of the poorest countries in the Western Hemisphere and I guess he felt this was the only way to make a better life for himself. It does not excuse it, it is wrong, I’m not saying it isn’t.
 
its funny how people are swift to judgment even though its not the point of the question

i don’t have the official answer, but like i said its not a valid marriage because there was never an intent to marry. granting that the marriage is civil. of course there’s the other sin of deceit and breaking local laws, which good Christians are expected to respect and follow.
 
Let us not judge this man. Okay. If he is willing to be chaste with you and you are willing to be chaste while the process of annulment takes place, you will have time to evaluate the character of this man. If he is willing to go to confession and sit with you at Mass every Sunday but not sleep with you in bed for the year or so it will take to complete the annulment - well then - maybe he is a good man who found himself in a bad situation.

But … if he is not willing to do this … well then … you will know whether or not you are just fooling yourself and no advise from friends or family will do you very little good because you have made up your mind from the git-go.
 
anonymousgirl said:
Hello,

So to make a long story super short. I went to another country for medical missionary work. We used translators and I ended up having a crush on one. We kept in touch and he liked me too. To be honest since we lived in different countries I didn’t see anything happening between us. He spoke of moving to the US when I first met him and he did, less than 3 months after I met him, he wants to go to school here. We were talking on the phone today and he told me he had been keeping something from me and felt it was time to share it. His story seemed a little off about how he was in the country since he wasn’t working or in school yet so I wasn’t sure what kind of visa he had. He told me today that he met some older women a while back, like old enough to be his mom, that wanted to help him get to the US. He met her when he was at school in his home country a few years ago. He told me that they got married only by papers so he could come to this country. I mean that obviously isn’t a valid marriage but I just don’t know what to think about this whole situation. Would he need an annulment? Still really surprised about the situation. Thanks for the advice
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Your time-line is a bit confusing. Are you saying that he was married to another woman while he was flirting with you? Have you both discussed your plans with his lawfully wedded wife? Has she given her blessing?

His story sounds a little off because it is a little off. His situational ethics should make you uncomfortable. Visa? He will continue to use her Visa until he limits it out - or until she finds out about you - whichever comes first. Unless they’re business partners.

If you were my sister or personal friend, I would advise you to protect yourself. Trust and verify. Before getting involved in any legal commitment, you may wish to retain an attorney or investigator to gather enough intel to allow an informed decision.

Beyond that, do NOT adopt him.
 
anonymousgirl said:
Hello,

He told me today that he met some older women a while back, like old enough to be his mom, that wanted to help him get to the US. He met her when he was at school in his home country a few years ago. He told me that they got married only by papers so he could come to this country. I mean that obviously isn’t a valid marriage but I just don’t know what to think about this whole situation. Would he need an annulment? Still really surprised about the situation. Thanks for the advice
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number one, a crush is not a relationship
number two, you are asking advice about becoming involved with a man who has lied to at least two governments to get into this country. You have no idea of his actual marital status, his story has holes you could drive a truck through. You actually think he won’t lie to you someday? On paper or off he is a married man and off limits.
 
Two quick notes – yes – that marriage would be declared null because of intent.

Second – and BIG reason to beat feet away from him … he WILL get in big trouble with USCIS (immigration). This is a big time criminal offense.

My wife is an immigrant and we know the process well. You don’t screw around with it!

God bless

Tony
 
He could certainly have applied for a student visa if he wanted to come to this country the legal way; why in the heck would he go to the trouble and hassle of paying for a phony marriage to get here if he wasn’t trying to cheat someone, somewhere, somehow? :confused:

Don’t feel sorry for this guy; run from him. He’s trouble, in the flesh.
 
Whether or not this marriage would be valid, I am not in the position to say. I do know however, that lying on a visa petition is fraud. Those involved in such actions could be prosecuted and the would be immigrant could be made permanently ineligible to get visa to even visit the United States. DON’T DO IT !!! Consular officers are trained to look for fraud, and a young man wanting to marry a woman old enough to be his mother raises a red flag. If you don’t like the visa laws, write your congressman.
 
First of all… the guy doesn’t have a job or is going to school which means he is super poor and is being supported by his wife. When he gets his divorce and annulment then you will marry him and he will ask you for money so he can finish college and then he will look for another gal who has more money than you and divorce you. You will most likely have kids with him and end up a single parent. That is your future if that is what you want.

GOD LETS US MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES… GOOD OR BAD… IT IS UP TO YOU TO MAKE YOUR CHOICE. Do you choose to marry a man who will be using you so he can go to school because if he was a good man he would be working washing dishes, digging ditches, fixing roofs, etc. He would have a job. He can’t even be friends with you unless you pay for the coffee or dinner.
God will let you be used by this man if you want to be used by him. God lets us make our own mistakes in life.

Hey Choy, YES, there are many good men who have entered our country illegally but they are good men who are working at whatever job they can get. They don’t depend on a woman to support him. Many people pay the illegals sp money for HONEST WORK. This man isn’t even working. 'DUH"… Lots of working people get paid under the table. It is not legal but it is done all the time.

Hey GIRL! You have asked God to give you a sign. We are your messengers who have life experience. Listen to us and learn.
YOU said you were only asking us if he qualifies for an annulment and that is all you wanted to know. That makes it very clear to me that you intend to pursue this married man who may even have children that you don’t know about YET… The drama continues… You really don’t know this man…but go ahead and learn your lesson and financially support that man.

Go ahead with the fantasy that you have created for yourself of this man.

May God give you the wisdom to know better. May your angels protect you from this man.
I am praying for you. Prayer sends evil away from you. But remember you can still choose this man if you really want him. It is not God making the choice… YOU ARE.
 
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