Fallen Away, Attachment, and Trying

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This probably should’ve been posted in Moral Theology

I am a cradle Catholic, went to Catholic school all the way through uni and have intricately studied moral theology. However, I also have severe childhood trauma/PTSD, attachment, and mental health issues that are exacerbated by religion. As a result, I have “fallen away” from my Catholicism. I haven’t denounced anything or stop believing. Mostly just not “active.” Due to the nature of my trauma, the thought of practicing again, returning to Mass, or “God stuff” in general, makes me sick to my stomach. I pray that further along in my healing journey, I will be able to become active again. Until then, I am doing my best to stay true and avoid the pitfalls that usually happen to fallen away Catholics.

However, scrupulosity is one of my struggles (thanks, OCD) and I worry that I am doing something majorly wrong. That God is very angry with me for not practicing. (thanks, attachment issues) I don’t know how to love myself, AND God.

I am doing all kinds of intensive trauma therapies for PTSD, using my God-given discernment to steer clear of the dangerous ones. I do things such as visualization breathing, grounding for dissociation, yoga (stretching only!), body scanning (breathing into tense spots to ease chronic pain), inner child healing, telling my body/inner child I love her, affirmations like “my body can heal itself”…all things beneficial for complex trauma.

I do NOT do reiki, tarot, crystals or anything of that sort. I believe all healing comes from God. Shouldn’t have done it with my scruples issues, but I was reading how mindfulness shouldn’t be used by Catholic because it takes focus off God. My OCD got to me and I worry that focusing on myself in trauma therapy is wrong because it’s not focused on God. Surely God knows my struggles and that I’m doing my best this AND my mental health issues? It’s all about intention, right?

Kind of thinking out loud. Not really sure what I’m asking for exactly. I guess an intention for support in my journey.
 
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Praying for you to find the peace that surpasses all understanding. Jesus loves you and died for you. He wants to have a relationship with you. Yes, some of us have many sufferings in this life. But don’t push God away because of the suffering. Instead draw closer to him in it. For he is always with you in your suffering and you need his healing which can only come through him. I suggest going to pray before the blessed Sacrament.

Philippians 4:6-7 : Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
 
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Prayed that GOD, the all-knowing and merciful ONE, would lovingly give you the guidance that you need in your spiritual journey. I will remember you in my prayers. GOD bless.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†
Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility
and Mother of Hope,
look upon TOBaddict in this time
of weakness and unrest.

Teach her searching heart
to know that God’s Love
for her is unchanging and
unchangeable, and, that
true human love can only
begin and grow by touching
His Love.

Let your gentle Peace -
which this world cannot give
  • be always with her.
    And, help her to bring this
    same Peace into the lives
    of others.
Our Lady of Mental Peace,
  • Pray for us!
    Amen.
 
Hail Mary
Full of grace,
The Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus
Holy Mary
Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of death, Amen.
 
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world. x10

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
 
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