M
millerklj
Guest
(I apologize for the length of this post; I tried to keep it as short as possible while still illustrating how I got to where I am spiritually.)
I was once Catholic.
I was raised in the Catholic faith. I was Baptized and Confirmed, attended Catholic school from kindergarten through 11th grade, attended Mass and received the Eucharist regularly, and went to Confession, albeit not as regularly. Although I was far from being an expert, I was very familiar with the Faith.
Moreover, I believed. I was Catholic.
As is not uncommon, though, early in high school, I started to…withdraw…from the Faith. At first I would miss Mass on occasion to go out with friends. Later I would skip several Sundays in a row, and disregard Holy Days. Over time, I really didn’t think about God or religion very often at all.
During my senior year of high school, I got involved in the occult, starting with ouija boards, then moving on to “witchcraft.” While researching “magic,” I encountered many differing religious views. I became interested in religion again, and read up on several of them before choosing a hybrid version of polytheism I referred to as “paleopaganism.” During this time, I became very anti-Christian, and held a particular disdain for Catholicism.
Now, as I near 40, my belief in paganism has since waned, then ceased, along with my anti-Christian sentiment. My disdain for Catholicism has been replaced by a pang of nostalgia along with the sense that something is missing from my life, and I no longer discount the possibility that the Truth might be found within Christianity. Maybe even within Catholicism.
I’ve given the matter considerable thought over the last two or three years. I’ve reread the New Testament in Its entirety (and brushed up on some of the Old Testament), attended Mass and the Sunday services of several Christian denominations, and listened to well over a hundred apologetics and evangelical TV and radio programs and podcasts, from both Catholic and Protestant viewpoints. But I’m still not sure what I believe. Or rather, I’m not sure how much I believe, because my deliberation has not been without benefit, as I have resolved some of my uncertainty.
I believe that God exists, and that He is our Creator. I believe in the afterlife, either in the presence of God or not, dependent upon His judgment of our lives. I believe that God is forgiving, so long as we are truly repentant, and I believe in the theory of purgatory, as it just seems…just.
As for the legitimacy of the Bible, and of Jesus’ being the Son of God and the means of salvation, though, I’m not yet sold. I’ll admit that, sometimes, the notion just “feels right,” but I’m not sure that this is not due to a sense of familiarity and nostalgia for my youth. I no longer specifically disbelieve in Christianity, but neither do I believe. Sometimes I wish that I did believe, as I long for the comfort that I once knew when I thought I was strong in my faith.
But as it is, I don’t believe, and I’m not sure where to go from here. While actually engaged in reading the Bible or listening to an apologetics podcast, I come so close to believing, and I want so badly to believe, but I can’t banish my doubts just by wanting it all to be true, no matter how much simpler life would be. Not necessarily easier, but surely simpler.
Since there is no way to really disprove the Bible, I fear I’m left with two possibilities: either find someone or something that finally convinces me that Christianity is really the Truth, or spend the rest of my life wondering what is true.
So I’m open to suggestions. No, I’m begging for suggestions, for anything, historical or philosophical, that anyone can point me to that might convince me that the Bible is truly God’s Word. I want, I need to have a closer relationship with He Who has given me so much in this life. So please, persuade me, help me to see what I may be missing, what will show me that what feels so true really is true.
I was once Catholic.
I was raised in the Catholic faith. I was Baptized and Confirmed, attended Catholic school from kindergarten through 11th grade, attended Mass and received the Eucharist regularly, and went to Confession, albeit not as regularly. Although I was far from being an expert, I was very familiar with the Faith.
Moreover, I believed. I was Catholic.
As is not uncommon, though, early in high school, I started to…withdraw…from the Faith. At first I would miss Mass on occasion to go out with friends. Later I would skip several Sundays in a row, and disregard Holy Days. Over time, I really didn’t think about God or religion very often at all.
During my senior year of high school, I got involved in the occult, starting with ouija boards, then moving on to “witchcraft.” While researching “magic,” I encountered many differing religious views. I became interested in religion again, and read up on several of them before choosing a hybrid version of polytheism I referred to as “paleopaganism.” During this time, I became very anti-Christian, and held a particular disdain for Catholicism.
Now, as I near 40, my belief in paganism has since waned, then ceased, along with my anti-Christian sentiment. My disdain for Catholicism has been replaced by a pang of nostalgia along with the sense that something is missing from my life, and I no longer discount the possibility that the Truth might be found within Christianity. Maybe even within Catholicism.
I’ve given the matter considerable thought over the last two or three years. I’ve reread the New Testament in Its entirety (and brushed up on some of the Old Testament), attended Mass and the Sunday services of several Christian denominations, and listened to well over a hundred apologetics and evangelical TV and radio programs and podcasts, from both Catholic and Protestant viewpoints. But I’m still not sure what I believe. Or rather, I’m not sure how much I believe, because my deliberation has not been without benefit, as I have resolved some of my uncertainty.
I believe that God exists, and that He is our Creator. I believe in the afterlife, either in the presence of God or not, dependent upon His judgment of our lives. I believe that God is forgiving, so long as we are truly repentant, and I believe in the theory of purgatory, as it just seems…just.
As for the legitimacy of the Bible, and of Jesus’ being the Son of God and the means of salvation, though, I’m not yet sold. I’ll admit that, sometimes, the notion just “feels right,” but I’m not sure that this is not due to a sense of familiarity and nostalgia for my youth. I no longer specifically disbelieve in Christianity, but neither do I believe. Sometimes I wish that I did believe, as I long for the comfort that I once knew when I thought I was strong in my faith.
But as it is, I don’t believe, and I’m not sure where to go from here. While actually engaged in reading the Bible or listening to an apologetics podcast, I come so close to believing, and I want so badly to believe, but I can’t banish my doubts just by wanting it all to be true, no matter how much simpler life would be. Not necessarily easier, but surely simpler.
Since there is no way to really disprove the Bible, I fear I’m left with two possibilities: either find someone or something that finally convinces me that Christianity is really the Truth, or spend the rest of my life wondering what is true.
So I’m open to suggestions. No, I’m begging for suggestions, for anything, historical or philosophical, that anyone can point me to that might convince me that the Bible is truly God’s Word. I want, I need to have a closer relationship with He Who has given me so much in this life. So please, persuade me, help me to see what I may be missing, what will show me that what feels so true really is true.

