Fallen off,not sorry,very confused and scared

[UnsolvedFanatic]

Well,I’m stuck,and in need of some guidance.
Backstory; Raised in a devout traditional Catholic home,active as a child in daily rosaries,novenas,stations of the cross,weekly mass (of course),as well as daily mass a lot,confession every 3 weeks and in between if I had committed a mortal sin (which as a child was usually masturbation,otherwise I was a good child).A good child,and was fervent in my faith. Fast forward 20 or so years,I’ll spare all the **** that was vile and wrong that I did over those years,and lost me faith. Married,had a child,divorced,not active in my faith,remarried.
I was always aware of my faith,went to church only on holidays though,prayed intermittently,and continued to sin.
Then about a year ago,I had made the decision it was time. Admittedly prompted by my knowledge of the serious things to come,in my opinion during my lifetime,the warning,the 3 days of darkness,etc. I knew/know it’s coming,and knew I had to be right with the Lord. My mother is the ever-present source of faith in my life. It’s just my sister and myself,and she is/was always pushing us to “come back” to the church.About last November,I went to confession and really,really pushed myself to be genuine,to make the most of it,and really,really wanted to get my faith back.
A year later,obviously I’ve had my stumbles. However,for the most part I’ve been trying (never hard enough though). And I’d go through spats where I was really working at it,doing the rosary as often as I could. Well,not as often as could,I could have done it daily,but usually only about 3-4 times a week was what I was doing. My mother and myself taking for hours on the phone ,talking about our faith etc. Then I’d go through a short time where I was falling behind. But usually,tried to get back to where I was. And I was really starting to feel different for a while. I no longer felt going to church was an annoying chore (which is what I I’ve always felt it to be since I was a teen). I looked forward to mass. I did not want to sin. It was good. I was getting to a point where I was doing my rosaries almost daily,I was doing novenas,being active in the church.
But then,Satan rears his ugly head. The past couple months I’ve been basically worthless. It started with the elections,I have such a deep hate for not only Oblahblah,but for dems in general,and I’ve become downright cruel. I’m also very bigoted,racist really. I was certainly not raised that way. The most awful things would run through my mind,and out my mouth about what I wanted to see happen to this so-called president,his family,etc.
Then I started falling into my extremely foul mouth again,worse than any human being you’ve ever met,words that most sailors wouldn’t say. Sadly,it’s my trademark. Then came some lying,cheating,(not as in adultery),even stealing (not as in stealing from stores or people,but like buying things I didn’t have money for,then just screwing the companies/people,leaving them with the bill). The election came,and we all know how that went. So a weeks worth of tirades,foul language thrown at anyone who voted for him,including people who are supposed to be my friends,but I didn’t care. I feel like voting for “him” automatically makes you stupid.
I’ve basically stopped doing everything except going to weekly mass.
I hear the gospels and listen intently to the homilies each week. And the worst part is knowing darn well what I need to do to fix it,but just not doing it. Like a slap in the face to our Lord. I in now way disrespect my faith,I don’t doubt it in any way,I do not doubt God,I do not in any way turn away from being Catholic,and I have not a single doubt about every word I’ve taught about my faith. Yet,I almost wish that were the case,because at least then I’d have an “excuse”. But no. I’m basically here,knowing what I should be doing,knowing what God is asking of me,and simply saying…no. It’s awful.
And going to confession to "wipe the slate clean’ isn’t working either because to be quite frank,there are quite a few things that I’m just plum not sorry for. Not in the least! I should be,I know I should be,but I’m not. I hate “him” and his legion of demons,and as long as he’s “running” our country,I will always hate him,and wish death upon him and his whole family,each and everyday. I’m tired of the middle-class being screwed,and so I don’t give one whit if I leave people high and dry when it comes to paying my bills. I should care and be sorry,but I’m not. I’m the laziest I’ve ever been (sloth has always been my biggest vice,sin. I’m mean to certain people,and just don’t care. My son is my world,yet he’s 9 years old,and has not even been to Sunday school to learn his catechism,no first penance,nothing since his baptism. Problem is,he’s only with me about 40% of the time,most of the time he’s with my ex-husband,who is not religious in any way. So basically I’m screwing him over,and not doing my job as a mother and as a servant of the lord.
I’m at a crossroads here. What can I do if I’m just not sorry for some of my sins? I know praying for the grace to have contrition is important,and I do,but nothing. Perhaps I’m not praying hard enough. I’m one of those people who until something life-altering or shattering happens,I never really change. I know I’m not “a loser” so to speak,and I know God loves me always. But when it comes right down to it,I’m probably the worst “Catholic” of all time,and because of how much I’ve been given in my life as far as my sound and deep religious teaching and faith,I’m also one of the worst people.Hellbound for sure,without a doubt…if something doesn’t change. If I died tomorrow,I know for a fact I’d go straight to hell.
So why the HELL can’t I snap out of it?! Why the HELL can’t I just do what God has put forth in front of me to do. I’m scared. Yet somehow not enough to take action. And that’s really,really bad for me and my soul.

 

[Tietjen]

As far as the elections, I agree with you. That is where it stops however; I certainly don’t wish death to him or his family. Have you considered seeing a counselor for help with your anger issues? IMHO if you can gain control over those, it will go a long way in helping you put your spiritual life back in order. I’ll say a prayer for you. God bless.

 

[mountee]

I admire your honesty with this public confession but I am at a loss for words. If I stick with the very basics of our faith I would urge you to copy what you have written, go to confession an read it to your priest. You will have my prayers for a complete spiritual and emotional healing. God bless you.

 

[Elisabethelisa]

I admire your honesty with this public confession but I am at a loss for words. If I stick with the very basics of our faith I would urge you to copy what you have written, go to confession an read it to your priest. You will have my prayers for a complete spiritual and emotional healing. God bless you.

+1
@ UnsolvedFanatic I’m all you hate but I’ll pray for you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I agree with the previous poster who suggested counseling. It sounds as though you have some anger problems. However frustrated you may have been with the election or politics in general, to take it into the realm of hatred and racism should be an alarm bell to you. Call Catholic Charities in your area - they offer good counselors on a sliding income scale. They can probably help you get a handle on this anger and it doesn’t have to be a long-term thing.

Also, go to confession, and ask the priest for a recommendation on a spiritual advisor. You’ve been away for a long time, and your spirituality probably got stuck about at the point where you stopped growing, so you may be acting out the motions and not truly believing. In fact, coming back to church because you are afraid of the end times speaks to an immaturity in your faith. That’s not an insult, it happens to many of us who leave and then return. But you can’t stay stuck there or you will have a child’s faith the rest of your life.

And go to Adoration as often as possible. Just sit there in the presence of Jesus. Don’t talk to Him - let Him talk to you and soothe your heart.

You will be in my prayers. Let go of the hatred. Here’s my suggestion and you won’t like it. Pray for the President. Pray that he has a conversion and becomes the true Christian he needs to be in order to lead this nation. Even better, pray that he converts to the Catholic Church!!

 

[Qwestions]

Hi, Unsolved. Welcome to CAF. We’re all sinners here, and we’ve all had our own personal crosses. You have defined yours, but that doesn’t make you worse than the rest of us in all respects. However, you do know that you need to come to grips with your anger, seek the Sacrament of Penance, and restore that precious oneness with Jesus through the Holy Eucharist.

Fear and anger go hand in hand with feeling helpless–unable to change circumstances, the child in us lashes out in a big-time temper tantrum because we don’t get our way. That’s not true, though, that you can’t change circumstances. Take positive action to change the world around you and to mitigate your anger. Educate yourself well, so that you can discuss with anyone the issues that are so vital to you. Learn the differing points of view on each issue so that you can better understand how people voted the way that they did. Align yourself with others who think similarly and plan how you can help the electorate to see what you see. Work with others logically and calmly, remembering that you’re wanting to influence people favorably. You have two years until the next general election, and four years until the next presidential election, so get crackin’!

A simple prayer uttered the last thing at night and the first thing in the morning will help you to change–in your own words, something like this: “Dear Jesus, please hear the prayers that I said earlier tonight, please keep my loved ones–and me–safe, and please teach me to serve Our Father in my every thought, word, and deed. Thank You. Amen.” The next morning–no matter if it’s the dreariest of dreary days–say something like this: “Thank You, Dear God, for another beautiful day, and thank You for keeping me safe through the night. Please help me to serve you in all that I think, or say, or do, today, and help me to accept Your Will. Dear Jesus, please help me to trust in you completely, and to offer to you my disappointments, hurts, and frustrations today. Please help me to cleanse my soul and live within a state of grace. Amen.” Post big notes to help you remember to say similar prayers.

Call your priest and ask him for your parish protocol in securing holy water to take home; tell him what you’ve told us, and ask him to bless your home to help rid it of Satan’s influence. Re-read your post. You’d been steadily making definite progress toward becoming a devout practicing Catholic, so now you’re a specific target of the Devil, himself, as you noted. He didn’t have to work to divert you to his side in years past because you went to him willingly. But, recently, you’ve made every effort to move to serve God. Of course, he’s going to put up a fight! You have too much going for you to let him win! Get him out of your house! Use that holy water to bless yourself, your child, and your rooms, every single day, and bless your vehicles, too. Do NOT permit Satan to take your child. Enroll him in classes to be able to receive the Sacraments of Reconciliation and the Holy Eucharist.

Some part of you is screaming for the Sacrament of Reconciliation, or you wouldn’t have made this post–even though, on the surface, you think that you have no shred of contrition, and, so, are unworthy of forgiveness. That is the spiritual child within you crying out for your Father to accept you. You’re His child, so, of course, He accepts you, but He requires that you acknowledge your sins, ask forgiveness, do penance, and amend your soul through your actions. Talk to your priest. Read different versions of the long form of Examination of Conscience (search on CAF and on the Internet). Search your soul. Search your heart. Visit the Blessed Sacrament in adoration for an infusion of love and faith and trust–our Catholic version of a Vitamin B-12 shot. I think your anger will melt away if you do these things, but counseling for anger control, as suggested by Tietjen can only further help you.

You’re too smart and you’ve come too far to let Satan win you back. Tromp on him! I shall keep you in my prayers. Persevere, Unsolved! Persevere, and keep your faith!

 

[Rose71]

Just wanted to say how much I admire you for not giving up. Your faith is an example to others (even if you don’t see it that way at the moment)

Look at St. Paul and St. Augustine: God is always ready to forgive. You say you aren’t sorry, but why let your hatred of one man and his family eat away at you like this? Racism is an ugly and horrible thing. Just remember, it’s the politics you detest and the ideology: not the colour of the person promoting them.

Lead by example: be a good parent and live a life that inspires others to make sound ethical choices. Be objective about your own flaws and failings and work hard to address them… see! you are on the right track after all: you just need a bit of help and encouragement

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Good morning-

I don’t often read the lengthy posts…but I did read yours. Very interesting. You’ll likely get a lot of responses suggesting professional help, but my opinion is that you are completely normal and struggling as we all do. Your unabashed honesty in relating your story is a great sign! Its refreshing to read someone so honest and not so ‘la-de-da’.

My sons are with their mother most of the time. No good reason… Really ticks me off! I wish her brakes would fail sometimes…

I’m at a loss to explain my disgust at this country and election. I don’t really wish him harm, but if it happened…oh well…tough luck…bye-bye.

Same with the ‘catholics’ that voted for him. Actually not the same. Worse for them.

So, I’m wih you! I think more people actually are if they admit it. We all have the dark side my dear. I’m not in need of counseling or professional help and (yeah yeah…my opinion) neither are you. You should be angry when you get shafted and kicked and scorned and beat and left and abandoned and mocked and vilified. Sometimes you can’t tell if you are filled with rocks or not filled with anything at all. Some great saint said something like: “If you do not get angry when you have cause to be, you sin greatly.” I think it was St. John Chrysostom.

What to do with the anger is what shows your character.

I do give mine right back to the Lord… He can purify it. I can’t.
I’m sorry that my sins offend God. Sometimes that is all I’m sorry for, but that counts for now.

So you go ahead and be honest! God knows it anyway, just as he really knows what is in the heart of all the polly-anna types who you may encounter.

 

[Robertanthony]

Hi UNsolved Fanatic,
welcome to CAF, hope you find here what you're looking for. What really strikes me in your post is the amount of anger. It's more of a rhetorical question, but have you ever done some soul-searching/introspection to p(name removed by moderator)oint what is it that makes you so angry? You say you were raised in a traditional Catholic family, would you say you were raised in a *loving* Catholic family? I come from a family with a father who is dogmatically sound, but 2 of my siblings are atheists, one other likes religion to be *à la carte* (picks and chooses), I'M the nearest to what you can call a Catholic (not bragging, simply stating facts). The way my father acted, though, he was an extremely poor witness to God. Mental illness also runs in my family (my being still alive is a small miracle in itself). The reason I mention your upbringing is not to put blames/point fingers on/at anyone, it can help to refocus your prayers if your childhood has heavily contributed to your anger. When all looks bleak and lost, when you feel like a ship about to run aground, the Chaplet of Divine Mercy is a life-line. [youtube.com/watch?v=j1fAgh1XAjs&feature=related](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1fAgh1XAjs&feature=related) Also, someone mentionned praying before the Blessed Sacrament/The Real Presence, there are online sites with the Real Presence in real time (I read your other post, you seem to be running a small zoo, so time might be an issue!:)). God bless.

 

[awsiukiewicz]

Well,I’m stuck,and in need of some guidance.
Backstory; Raised in a devout traditional Catholic home,active as a child in daily rosaries,novenas,stations of the cross,weekly mass (of course),as well as daily mass a lot,confession every 3 weeks and in between if I had committed a mortal sin (which as a child was usually masturbation,otherwise I was a good child).A good child,and was fervent in my faith. Fast forward 20 or so years,I’ll spare all the **** that was vile and wrong that I did over those years,and lost me faith. Married,had a child,divorced,not active in my faith,remarried.
I was always aware of my faith,went to church only on holidays though,prayed intermittently,and continued to sin.
Then about a year ago,I had made the decision it was time. Admittedly prompted by my knowledge of the serious things to come,in my opinion during my lifetime,the warning,the 3 days of darkness,etc. I knew/know it’s coming,and knew I had to be right with the Lord. My mother is the ever-present source of faith in my life. It’s just my sister and myself,and she is/was always pushing us to “come back” to the church.About last November,I went to confession and really,really pushed myself to be genuine,to make the most of it,and really,really wanted to get my faith back.
A year later,obviously I’ve had my stumbles. However,for the most part I’ve been trying (never hard enough though). And I’d go through spats where I was really working at it,doing the rosary as often as I could. Well,not as often as could,I could have done it daily,but usually only about 3-4 times a week was what I was doing. My mother and myself taking for hours on the phone ,talking about our faith etc. Then I’d go through a short time where I was falling behind. But usually,tried to get back to where I was. And I was really starting to feel different for a while. I no longer felt going to church was an annoying chore (which is what I I’ve always felt it to be since I was a teen). I looked forward to mass. I did not want to sin. It was good. I was getting to a point where I was doing my rosaries almost daily,I was doing novenas,being active in the church.
But then,Satan rears his ugly head. The past couple months I’ve been basically worthless. It started with the elections,I have such a deep hate for not only Oblahblah,but for dems in general,and I’ve become downright cruel. I’m also very bigoted,racist really. I was certainly not raised that way. The most awful things would run through my mind,and out my mouth about what I wanted to see happen to this so-called president,his family,etc.
Then I started falling into my extremely foul mouth again,worse than any human being you’ve ever met,words that most sailors wouldn’t say. Sadly,it’s my trademark. Then came some lying,cheating,(not as in adultery),even stealing (not as in stealing from stores or people,but like buying things I didn’t have money for,then just screwing the companies/people,leaving them with the bill). The election came,and we all know how that went. So a weeks worth of tirades,foul language thrown at anyone who voted for him,including people who are supposed to be my friends,but I didn’t care. I feel like voting for “him” automatically makes you stupid.
I’ve basically stopped doing everything except going to weekly mass.
I hear the gospels and listen intently to the homilies each week. And the worst part is knowing darn well what I need to do to fix it,but just not doing it. Like a slap in the face to our Lord. I in now way disrespect my faith,I don’t doubt it in any way,I do not doubt God,I do not in any way turn away from being Catholic,and I have not a single doubt about every word I’ve taught about my faith. Yet,I almost wish that were the case,because at least then I’d have an “excuse”. But no. I’m basically here,knowing what I should be doing,knowing what God is asking of me,and simply saying…no. It’s awful.
And going to confession to "wipe the slate clean’ isn’t working either because to be quite frank,there are quite a few things that I’m just plum not sorry for. Not in the least! I should be,I know I should be,but I’m not. I hate “him” and his legion of demons,and as long as he’s “running” our country,I will always hate him,and wish death upon him and his whole family,each and everyday. I’m tired of the middle-class being screwed,and so I don’t give one whit if I leave people high and dry when it comes to paying my bills. I should care and be sorry,but I’m not. I’m the laziest I’ve ever been (sloth has always been my biggest vice,sin. I’m mean to certain people,and just don’t care. My son is my world,yet he’s 9 years old,and has not even been to Sunday school to learn his catechism,no first penance,nothing since his baptism. Problem is,he’s only with me about 40% of the time,most of the time he’s with my ex-husband,who is not religious in any way. So basically I’m screwing him over,and not doing my job as a mother and as a servant of the lord.
I’m at a crossroads here. What can I do if I’m just not sorry for some of my sins? I know praying for the grace to have contrition is important,and I do,but nothing. Perhaps I’m not praying hard enough. I’m one of those people who until something life-altering or shattering happens,I never really change. I know I’m not “a loser” so to speak,and I know God loves me always. But when it comes right down to it,I’m probably the worst “Catholic” of all time,and because of how much I’ve been given in my life as far as my sound and deep religious teaching and faith,I’m also one of the worst people.Hellbound for sure,without a doubt…if something doesn’t change. If I died tomorrow,I know for a fact I’d go straight to hell.
So why the HELL can’t I snap out of it?! Why the HELL can’t I just do what God has put forth in front of me to do. I’m scared. Yet somehow not enough to take action. And that’s really,really bad for me and my soul.

 

[ChibiViolet]

I highly doubt your’re the worst Catholic of all time, but you’ve clearly got mortal sin on your soul so go to Confession. Also, maybe you could change your wish about Obama to that you wish that a truth about him being revealed would would lead to him being impeached.

 

[awsiukiewicz]

Wow. a lot of stuff…first take a deep breath…in my very humble opinion, you sound very overwhelmed…but…the fact that you are very in tuned to yr life…is remarkable…the fact that you are aware of yr sins is remarkable…you know…the more we know, the more we are responsible for…I led a life of debachery sex, drugs rock in roll and survived the 70’s…Made a general confession and cried…and my life has gotten continually better…the usual peaks and valleys in my spiritual life but we do things one day at a time…I totally agree with your feelings about the election…what bothers me is…the fact that the so called Catholics that voted for this man…why anyone would vote for socialism…the world is a moral toilet…most/many people are only interested in pop culture…A very holy Priest suggested that I read St. Augustine’s Confessions…I suggest it…he raised a lot of Hell in his life…In addition to the daily Holy Rosary, Mass, some time in Adoration…find a good Catholic counselor who might help with anger issues…but don’t beat yourself up too much…the fact that you AWARE…is a plus…I have always had a deep Marian devotion and I will offer my next Rosary for you…It’ s never too late to pick things up with your 9 y/o…it’s one day…right now…right this minute…I’ll bet you are really a marvelous person and I just heard you drag yourself through the mud…I know the Devil has been dancing around me with his minions since I returned to the Sacraments…he’s no doubt enjoying yr pain right now…Read Connfessions…PAX

 

[Armor_of_Light]

I highly doubt your’re the worst Catholic of all time, but you’ve clearly got mortal sin on your soul so go to Confession. Also, maybe you could change your wish about Obama to that you wish that a truth about him being revealed would would lead to him being impeached.

Unfortuneately…We already know the truth and would re-elect him twice if we could. He won the Nobel peace prize, remember? We love him.

 

[AnneTeresa]

We don’t just “snap out” of our sins or our patterns of sin. It takes a lot of work and prayer and the sacraments and often, outside help too.

First thing, go to confession. Spill out there what you said here. Don’t worry about not feeling sorry. You care at some level or you wouldn’t be writing here. Start where you are. At least you are honest.

Next, make a commitment to go to weekly mass, daily prayer, and weekly confession. When we first return to the faith, Satan attacks us incredibly. We have to fight back. Satan has found your weak area and he is playing on it. Go to confession each week, even if you feel you are not making progress, even if you always say the same thing. You will be receiving grace. Confess your hatred and ask God for help.

On a practical note, do not FEED your anger. Stay away from politics. Take a fast from it. Do not talk about it, read about it, or think about it. Replace your hateful thoughts with love. Pray for those you hate.

When you feel tempted to spill your hate, pray instead. Ask God and Mary for help in the moment. It is a battle. Most of all, do not give up. So you are only afraid of hell at this point. Start there. If you persevere and seek God’s help, you will eventually give up your hatred and anger. I admire your honesty and will pray for you.

 

[AnonConfession]

I had a lot of anger in me when I was younger, and stayed away from Confession for 15 years because I couldn’t stop committing a certain embarrassing sin, and felt that I therefore couldn’t make a valid Confession. I feared that I would go to Hell for this, but that wasn’t enough to make me repent.

However, last year I experienced interior repentance, and felt crushed by guilt that my sins had crucified my loving saviour Jesus Christ, who is innocent and perfect.

Moving hymns played a large part in bringing me to contrition, and a heartfelt Prayer Before a Crucifix finally gave me the power to repent of the particular sin with which I was struggling, and to return to Confession last November. My attitude to God has been transformed, and my anger is much lower than before.

 

[SuperLuigi]

I think that it would be good to discuss this with a priest you trust. Mention that you are concerned that you are not sorry enough for your sins. Mention that you are at an impasse and need some guidance and maybe some trustworthy personal counseling will help.

I’m kind of wondering if you are maybe going through a depression or maybe have some kind of developmental disability that is a factor in all of this.

As far as being hateful and racist goes, if you target someones racial characteristics out of anger, that is hardly racism. I don’t think you have some inherit hatred towards people of a different race, but in your case stress is causing you to lash out in personal character attacks.

It happens in the political discussion world and we should try to minimize that, but my main concern is your well-being and I strongly suggest a face-to-face meeting with a good priest on this.

 

[Nan_S]

But when it comes right down to it,I’m probably the worst “Catholic” of all time,and because of how much I’ve been given in my life as far as my sound and deep religious teaching and faith,I’m also one of the worst people.Hellbound for sure,without a doubt…if something doesn’t change. If I died tomorrow,I know for a fact I’d go straight to hell.
So why the HELL can’t I snap out of it?! Why the HELL can’t I just do what God has put forth in front of me to do. I’m scared. Yet somehow not enough to take action. And that’s really,really bad for me and my soul.

OK, you’ve recognized you’re in a mess. That’s step #1.

The problem is that you’re now accustomed to wallowing around in your mess. It has gotten comfortable. It’s predictable. It’s easy. It doesn’t do much for you, but it doesn’t require much either.

Trust me, I know what you’re feeling. I’ve wasted too much time wallowing myself.

Step #2 is taking the first step out of the muck. Then the second step. Then the third. It’s not easy. But once you start moving you build momentum and you CAN get out.

Step #3 is making yourself accountable to someone who is less tolerant, less generous than God, who won’t forgive you very easily if you don’t keep going. Husband, child, employer, prayer group… You do what you have to do because they won’t understand when you let them down. You’ve heard that we Catholics worship as a community and not in isolation. This is because we help each other up AND because someone kicks us in the butt when we fail to do as we ought.

Have you ever clambered through thick mud and gotten your shoe stuck? I did. I was walking across what I thought was a dry lakebed in summer a year ago and the next thing I knew both feet went straight down. I was knee-deep in the gooiest muck I’d ever tried to pull myself out of, and my shoes got sucked right off my feet when I pulled my legs up. Even worse, the muck was full of sticks and rocks and the remains of dead freshwater shellfish, so my legs were immediately riddled with bacteria-laden scrapes.

There was only one way out of the muck, and it was hard. First I had to lie on my belly and dig down into the holes with my hands to pull my shoes out. Next I had to hurl my mud-caked shoes over to the drier part of the shore to keep from losing them again. Then I had to crawl - yes crawl on hands and knees - about 30 feet across some of the roughest ground I have ever traversed, scrapes and gouges multiplying with every movement.

It was miserable, but it was the only way out. I finally reached ground solid enough to push myself back up to a standing position, then walked across soil riddled with sharp rocks retrieve my shoes. Next I walked barefoot across hot asphalt to reach a hose, spent almost 15 minutes hosing thick mud off my clothes, shoes, and legs, then immediately had to take a hot soapy shower to clean the bacteria out of my numerous scrapes so that I didn’t wind up with a horrific infection.

Are you seeing the analogy here? You don’t just “snap” out of the mucky mess you’re wallowing in. You have exercise the discipline to pull yourself out, six inches at a time, and it’s painful. It would be so easy to stay motionless in the goop. But you know what surrounds you there - bacteria and rocks, sunburn and heatstroke. Like it or not, you know you have to start crawling out.

You know what you need to do. Stop resisting and do it. This is Newton’s First Law of Motion: A body at rest tends to stay at rest, and a body in motion tends to stay in motion. Once you get started it is a whole lot easier to keep going.

God has promised you the graces to do what needs to be done. But God doesn’t work very many miracles if you don’t give Him the material to work with. Do your part, so that God can do His.