Falling into mortal sin willfully and spitefully

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EIF5A

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The other day, I fell to temptation — a temptation I thought I could handle and perhaps became prideful of. I prayed to Jesus when I felt in danger and asked for His help. But sin happened.

It’s entirely my fault, but part of me is/was bitter that God allowed me to sin. If sin is terrible, and I asked for help, why weren’t the temptations removed? It felt as though I was abandoned. Then I gave in to other sins that I had let go a while ago but now took up gleefully. I felt as though I was saying, “God, you let me sin. Well, let me sin some more. This is what I am. A wicked sinner.”

And after falling, thoughts occurred that my previous attempts at praying were useless and laughable. I tried praying the Rosary daily, but now I feel as though I have no right to spiritual things anymore. And I do wonder if God or Mary even heard my prayers…or feeble attempts thereof. Any thoughts of virtue I may have had seem comical.

I can make the act of contrition, but the temptations will be back, and I will fall. Knowing this, I can’t promise to never sin anymore.

What does one do after committing so many sins willfully and deliberately? Should I live on radishes and water for a month before going back to church?
 
go to confession as soon as you can. you 0 1 Satan. It happens. Confession is the reset button of sorts and you try again.
 
EIF5A said:
I can’t…I won’t be officially Catholic until next April.
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then Pray. Sounds like you realize your error and guilt. Then use the sacrament when it’s available to you. All the best. Assuming you will be baptized into the Catholic church, baptism washes away sins.
 
If you believe you have committed a mortal sin, and you cannot now go to confession, then you should make an Act of Perfect Contrition to save your soul.

See this good explanation of the difference between perfect and imperfect contrition.

dailycatholic.org/issue/2002Apr/apr25cat.htm
 
Luke 18-9-14:

"He also spoke this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and despised others:

"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.
"The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, "God, I thank You that I am not like other men – extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess.

“And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner!”

“I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

I hope this gives you encouragement. God is the author of patience. Be patient with yourself. Jesus Christ is always merciful to a contrite heart, but we must work hard at being faithful to Him, and he will even be more faithful to us. Don’t lose hope and don’t shut yourself from the Lord. God Bless you.
 
EIF5A said:
What does one do after committing so many sins willfully and deliberately? Should I live on radishes and water for a month before going back to church?
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Radishes and water are a good start. Follow that up with the 79-day novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Overkill. Don’t forget to flagellate yourself with a whip of nine cords while you recite, “Bad kitty! Bad, bad kitty.” When the novena is complete, use a rusty spoon pluck out your right eye and then chew off your right hand. After this first stage of penance is complete, you will need to begin your pilgrimage to the Shrine of Oops, I Did It Again in Quebec, which only counts if you travel barefoot during the winter (you may use the optional cane, of course, since you will only have one foot, but if you do you will have to travel facing backwards to mitigate your weakness).

OOOOOOR

Ask your priest for help. You might not be Catholic yet, but he will listen and pray with you anyway. Don’t let your shame, frustration, and anger distort your spiritual connection to God.

I have fallen many times to temptations I have prayed would never trouble me again. I know what it is like to get caught in a spiral of sin, shame, bitterness, and hopelessness. But I have found peace in accepting that who I am is good enough for God, who wants nothing more from me than to get up and keep trying.

Praying for you and your intentions. Hang in there until next April. It’s worth the wait.
 
1newcatholic said:
Radishes and water are a good start. Follow that up with the 79-day novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Overkill. Don’t forget to flagellate yourself with a whip of nine cords while you recite, “Bad kitty! Bad, bad kitty.” When the novena is complete, use a rusty spoon pluck out your right eye and then chew off your right hand. After this first stage of penance is complete, you will need to begin your pilgrimage to the Shrine of Oops, I Did It Again in Quebec, which only counts if you travel barefoot during the winter (you may use the optional cane, of course, since you will only have one foot, but if you do you will have to travel facing backwards to mitigate your weakness).

OOOOOOR

Ask your priest for help. You might not be Catholic yet, but he will listen and pray with you anyway. Don’t let your shame, frustration, and anger distort your spiritual connection to God.

I have fallen many times to temptations I have prayed would never trouble me again. I know what it is like to get caught in a spiral of sin, shame, bitterness, and hopelessness. But I have found peace in accepting that who I am is good enough for God, who wants nothing more from me than to get up and keep trying.

Praying for you and your intentions. Hang in there until next April. It’s worth the wait.
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wearing sackcloth on the pilgrimage to Quebec helps too.
 
EIF5A said:
The other day, I fell to temptation — a temptation I thought I could handle and perhaps became prideful of. I prayed to Jesus when I felt in danger and asked for His help. But sin happened.

It’s entirely my fault, but part of me is/was bitter that God allowed me to sin. If sin is terrible, and I asked for help, why weren’t the temptations removed? It felt as though I was abandoned. Then I gave in to other sins that I had let go a while ago but now took up gleefully. I felt as though I was saying, “God, you let me sin. Well, let me sin some more. This is what I am. A wicked sinner.”

And after falling, thoughts occurred that my previous attempts at praying were useless and laughable. I tried praying the Rosary daily, but now I feel as though I have no right to spiritual things anymore. And I do wonder if God or Mary even heard my prayers…or feeble attempts thereof. Any thoughts of virtue I may have had seem comical.
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Believe it or not…What you are experiencing is not at all uncommon. It takes different forms with different people, but trust me we have all been through it…
I can make the act of contrition, but the temptations will be back, and I will fall. Knowing this, I can’t promise to never sin anymore.
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True - but you can promise to try really hard.
And just to clue you in…the temptations will likely continue even after you are received into the Church.
Remember that we ** Grow** in holiness. It takes time, effort and patience.
What does one do after committing so many sins willfully and deliberately? Should I live on radishes and water for a month before going back to church?
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Absolutely do NOT stop going to Church…If you already have, hurry back - tomorrow if at all possible.
Go - even if it feels weird and false…stay in the back if that is all you can manage…but go to mass. It will help in the long run.

As far as a penance is concerned…I agree with others who say it would be a good idea to share with your priest. He can be of great comfort to you.
God knows what you did…He also knows what you have learned by it…He knows that you have turned back to Him and this makes Him happy.
Remember the story of the one lost sheep…

Peace
James
 
EIF5A said:
The other day, I fell to temptation — a temptation I thought I could handle and perhaps became prideful of. I prayed to Jesus when I felt in danger and asked for His help. But sin happened.

It’s entirely my fault, but part of me is/was bitter that God allowed me to sin. If sin is terrible, and I asked for help, why weren’t the temptations removed? It felt as though I was abandoned. Then I gave in to other sins that I had let go a while ago but now took up gleefully. I felt as though I was saying, “God, you let me sin. Well, let me sin some more. This is what I am. A wicked sinner.”

And after falling, thoughts occurred that my previous attempts at praying were useless and laughable. I tried praying the Rosary daily, but now I feel as though I have no right to spiritual things anymore. And I do wonder if God or Mary even heard my prayers…or feeble attempts thereof. Any thoughts of virtue I may have had seem comical.

I can make the act of contrition, but the temptations will be back, and I will fall. Knowing this, I can’t promise to never sin anymore.

What does one do after committing so many sins willfully and deliberately? Should I live on radishes and water for a month before going back to church?
Click to expand...
Hi EIF5A I think that converts are tested by the evil one as they closing in on the thruth that is the Catholic faith.
He knows that the RCIA students are prohibited from confession and therefor he tries to capitalise on it by luring you to sin AND afterwards blame God.
It reminds me of the garden of Eden where Adam and Eve disobey God and shamelessly blamed God for their own sins. The whole thing smells of the evil snake.

Please don’t let him win, trust in the Lords mercy for you and pray for forgiveness and trust in his mercy when you fall in sin.
God knows that you’re prohibited from confession too and his righteousness is infinite so stay close to him, continue to search for him, continue to pray for forgiveness every time you fall and he will let you be in his grace until you’re able to go to sacramental confession.

You are in my prayers my dear friend.
Lord have mercy.
 
EIF5A said:
The other day, I fell to temptation — a temptation I thought I could handle and perhaps became prideful of. I prayed to Jesus when I felt in danger and asked for His help. But sin happened.

It’s entirely my fault, but part of me is/was bitter that God allowed me to sin. If sin is terrible, and I asked for help, why weren’t the temptations removed? It felt as though I was abandoned. Then I gave in to other sins that I had let go a while ago but now took up gleefully. I felt as though I was saying, “God, you let me sin. Well, let me sin some more. This is what I am. A wicked sinner.”

And after falling, thoughts occurred that my previous attempts at praying were useless and laughable. I tried praying the Rosary daily, but now I feel as though I have no right to spiritual things anymore. And I do wonder if God or Mary even heard my prayers…or feeble attempts thereof. Any thoughts of virtue I may have had seem comical.

I can make the act of contrition, but the temptations will be back, and I will fall. Knowing this, I can’t promise to never sin anymore.

What does one do after committing so many sins willfully and deliberately? Should I live on radishes and water for a month before going back to church?
Click to expand...
It is a simple fact that when Peter began to question the power of Jesus to hold him above the water, Peter began to sink.

We are just like Peter, forget that Jesus is our power, and we sink as well.

St. Catherine of Sena said that sometimes Jesus will let go of us so we know our dependence and need of him. We are always dependent on him and always get into trouble by thinking we have no need of him and have conquered the problem ourselves.

It is a hard lesson to learn, and sometimes it takes a while before we become convinced that we really can’t do anything without him.

But fortunately God can get good even out of evil, and this case is no different. You can be drawn even closer to him by this. And remember his mercy and love for you doesn’t change. Just look at the crucifix for a while saying and thinking nothing. Just let your gaze remain fixed on it and let Jesus do the talking to your heart.

May God our Father give you grace and peace.
 
EIF5A said:
I can make the act of contrition, but the temptations will be back, and I will fall. Knowing this, I can’t promise to never sin anymore.
Click to expand...
“I will be your strength; fear nothing.” (Jesus to St. Margaret Mary)
“Is not My strength superior to every weakness?” (Jesus to Mother Mary of the Divine Heart)

Reflect seriously on Our Lord’s words to St. Bridget of Sweden; they are entirely consistent with what the saints say about overcoming sin: “Let whosoever desires to conquer set to work courageously. If he falls, let him trust in My mercy, not in his own strength. For if any man mistrusts My goodness and says to himself: ‘If I begin to mortify my flesh and fast and watch, I shall never be able to keep it up, I shall never succeed in avoiding sin’ – that man has good reason to fall. Therefore, let everyone who wishes to maintain the spiritual fight trust in Me, and let him hope to succeed by the help of My grace. Also he must firmly resolve to do good, to avoid evil, and to rise again as often as he falls.”

Here is an encouraging little anedcote from Fr. Mueller: “Father Hunolt, S. J., relates that there was once a certain vicious young man who often sincerely wished to change his life, but who, on account of his deeply-rooted evil habits, believed his conversion utterly impossible. He thought that whatever he might do would be of no avail to excite true sorrow and contrition in his heart. One day, overwhelmed with melancholy, he left home in order to seek some relief in the society of his companions. On leaving the house he met at the door a poor beggar. As soon as he saw him he remembered the words of our Lord Jesus Christ: ‘What
soever yon have done to the least of my brethren, you have done to me.’ He then went and took a loaf of bread, and, throwing himself on his knees before the beggar, he gave it to him, thus praying in his heart: ‘My Lord Jesus Christ, I adore Thee in the person of this poor man! Most gladly would I give Thee my whole heart, but I cannot, because it is too hardened; for the present, at least, take, I beseech Thee, this loaf of bread, which I am still able to give. Do
with my heart whatever Thou wilt.’ The wonderful power of prayer! No sooner had he prayed thus than he felt a most bitter sorrow for all his sins, and shed a torrent of tears. He made a good confession, and ever afterwards received many extraordinary graces.”

God bless.
 
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