Falling into sexual sin

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GraceDK

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I have done “the bad one”.
It’s real ironic because I thought I could not fall into exactly that one. Having once, before I got saved, been involved in such immoral behaviour I felt how much it destroyed my life and really threw me into depression. After being “born again” into a life of loving Jesus and being full of joy and faith-ideals… feeling like a member of the only club its worth being member of (the lovers of Christ) I met a very sweet man and … being a passiinate romantic and emotional poet from a spoiled culture I was afraid… I prayed for help but satan won over me and I lost the last of my innocense. I am no longer involved in this relationship and am apart from this person, (though I bear him no grudge) but I feel like I literally am falling into depression. I still believe in Jesus and I trust in His forgiveness and that He is my friend (I went to confession) but I can’t bear to look at Him… I can’t bear to pray, I have lost all desire to pray and go to Mass… I can’t bear to live… I have lost all joy and weep every day… The emptiness and void in me mentally and physically seems paralysing. sometimes I come to myself and think> this is not normal… you are overreacting… Jesus wants you to walk on, restored. And I have read about Padre Pio that he said that much pride is involved in false contrition… But I cannot help my extreme sadness though. I think I have lost sight of God, the beauty of life and the beauty of the hope there still might be in store for me as a future wife and mother… However… What am I now… Impure? I cannot stand such labels either… Have I only any worth as a virgin and if I am not… am I then something worn out and … and who wants some dirty old shoes that are already worn? (I use these images that I have read on this forum and which pierce my heart)… surely no good virtuous Catholic man would wanna wear old dirty shoes, right? You see, my sorrow is so much the bigger because I fell so far into the pit after I knew Jesus… Or at least thought I knew Him. If I now am so depressed then who will ever love me again… who would love someone who clearly does not have the Spirit of God shining on an innocent face and no more peace… I know I would stay the heck away from me.
And I am ever so sad… because I feel I am alone in all the world with my falling and my grief on the verge of madness and depression…

I would like to leave the faith and the Church in order to relieve my self of this pain if that could help… but I have once and for all realised there is no joy outside of God… He is the only joy. But I cannot reach out to Him… its like all my old enthusiasm has left me. Any advice would be appreciated… I just dont need to hear “Jesus loves you” cos I already know that …intellectually…

Grace, in pieces… (25)
Ps… you’all think I should look around for a man without faith… or ?
 
Grace,

Here’s the deal, while YOU might look at yourself as a worn or used shoe, since you went to confession Christ sees you as a pure bride. God has fogiven you, if he’s forgiven you, then who are you to hold a grudge against yourself?

Remember the words of the priest:
“God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and **I absolve you from your sins **in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”
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The very reason Christ died was to forgive the sin you committed. If you asked God about this particular sin today he would say “What are you talking about?” It’s been ABSOLVED…it is no more…as far as the east is from the west, so far has God removed this sin from you. CHRIST DIED for the forgiveness of your sin, why continue to wallow in the guilt and sully that forgiveness?

Ease up on yourself, and seek the counsel of an experienced spiritual director. You might have an issue that you need to discuss with him/her RE: Scruples and Depression.

No, don’t leave the faith, no, don’t settle for a man who isn’t Christian.
 
All right Grace, stop it. Pick yourself up, dust off go to confession and cry and make a good act of contrition. Then I want you to go before the altar where the crucifix is go down on your knees and pray harder than you have ever prayed before give all of this depression and pain at the feet of the cross and He will take care of it. Then I want you to go to Mass and receive the Holy Eucharist and truly received Christ in the Eucharist into your heart and soul. Keep doing this stop the self pity:mad: God does not want you to dwell on this because he will not if you make a good and contrite confession. He loves you and does not want you to be in pain. Stop worrying he will forgive and forget remember He is God.

Yours in Christ Jesus through Our Mother Mary
John:crossrc:
 
Stop and breathe…take a deep breath…there.

Now let me get you address and mail you a button to be a part of our club…the sinners club, those that fail, those that feel that they could not be worthy of Christ’s love. Make it quick because I have to start production on more, you would not imagine how hard it is to keep these buttons in stock. 😃

Grace I am not going to sit here and tell you that Jesus loves you and that all sin has been washed away by his blood because you already know that. You already know of his mercy and his fogiveness.

The past in His eyes is gone. It makes me think of this talk right HERE What is it that you hold onto so tightly that you cannot let go to be with Jesus?

Dirty old shoes? What leads you to believe that? You have made a mistake, again, join the club! We all fall short of what Jesus wants for us. The majority of couples that get married (in these days) have fallen victim to sexual sins. If they do not marry those that have fallen a lot of couples would not get married. Mind you there are more virgins now (I think) than in the past 10-20 years. Maybe it is just that I hear about it moreso now than ever.

You have been forgiven if you have made a valid confession, “let dust go to the wind” and you can move forward, maybe focus on your secondary virginity. Stay pure for your future spouse, focus on that, focus on your future, not your failings. God knows the deepest desires of your heart. Do not turn away from Him, do not turn away from your faith, EMBRACE IT! Now more than ever, it is time to embrace your faith, embrace your love of Christ. Turn to Him for strength His strength is perfect when our strength is gone

You are not trash, you are not cast aside, you are not forgotten, you are not yesterday’s news. You are the future, you are a shining light that needs to continue to shine and to be bright. You have been forgiven, it is gone, it is in the past, you have so much to offer, focus on that.
 
Hello, I am new to the forum, been watching a few weeks, and felt called to register in response to your post.

Others here have made some excellent points, so I won’t elaborate with my version.

I’m neither a priest, nor a therapist, but something to consider. I am hearing concern you believe your sin has jeopardized your future in finding a man, as you reference yourself as the old shoe that no one would want. All sin, and fall short of the glory of God, so in that respect, we’re all old shoes. As Christians, we are called to see the good (and Jesus) in people, rather than dwell on the forgiven sin. Until you find someone who looks for love and the Lord in you, rather than dwell on your past failure, regardless of your virginal state, you’re not missing out on anyone that great.

A good Christian and Catholic man should be more than pure in body. He is, among other things, compassionate, understanding and above all, forgiving. A man without those traits, someone who would choose to pass you by because of a mistake in your past, does not sound like someone to join your life with in Christ. Accept what you have done, accept God’s will, and if you are called to marriage, you will be rewarded in time.
 
Mirror_Mirror said:
Mind you there are more virgins now (I think) than in the past 10-20 years. Maybe it is just that I hear about it moreso now than ever.
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I would find that extremely difficult to believe, although I don’t have any specific statistics to counter the statement. Grace, you are likely the norm, not the exception, in terms of a sexual past among “CATHOLIC,” or Protestant women. Where you are the exception, however, is that you are actually showing genuine contrition for your sin, as opposed to most women who wantonly brag about it. That, in itself, will make you attractive to the man who God has chosen to be your husband. You see, the main reason that men don’t like a woman to have a sexual past is that we don’t want to be judged or compared, sexually speaking. In your case, however, if that experience has so emotionally destroyed you, a true experience of love, in the marital bed, in obedience to God, is guaranteed to be far better than that lustful act with that selfish, sleazy man. Your future husband will realize that, and therefore have nothing to fear. Just be sure you never EEEEEVER speak to that sleazy guy again, or talk about any aspect of your relationship with him in positive terms. Speak about him, only when asked, and even then make sure you have NOTHING positive to say about him. That will show your future husband that he has nothing to worry about. Remember, as another poster said, “As far as the east is from the west…” well, David must have though the world was flat, but it is the spirit of the text not the letter. Well, I’m a single Catholic man who wants a wife, so I’m the very type of person who you fear would want nothing to do with you. Heed my advice, as I know what guys like me are like, how we think, and how a woman can prevent a sexual past from ruining her future. The key is to make sure he knows that you hated every moment of it, and that the guy who did it is COMPLETELY out of your life(no mutual friends, no future reunions, no email, no myspace, no forwarding address, no phone conversations, etc.)
Oh, one technical side note, you were “born again” when you were baptised, not later in life.
 
Hello GraceDK,

I happened across your concerns and couldn’t resist confirming your feelings because I have been there too. Even we guys have these same afflictions to depression, lack of self worth et al.

I am a lot older than you and have been in and out of this cycle many times. Wish I could tell you that once through always through…but the devil is persistent. The good news is, so is God. (the “hound of Heaven” )

Please read Sister Faustina’s diary. Read Mother Theresa’s life and remember that where you are right now is where God knew you would be before you were born and at the time of His agony in the garden. He has not deserted you, and you have not (can not) do anything to make Him desert you.

One of Faustina’s messages from Jesus is that the greater the sin (sinner) the greater right she/he has to drink from God’s cup of mercy. Jesus even gives us the story about the Owner who forgave the debts of his debtors? He asks, which of the those whose debts have been forgiven are the most grateful (meaning would give God the greatest glory)? Of course, the one who had the greatest debt forgiven, right?

She also passes on some other messages from Jesus that would help you (as they have really helped me)…i.e. “The cause of your falls is that you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me. But let this not sadden you so much. You are dealing with the God of mercy. Know that of yourself you can do nothing. Without special help from Me, you are not even capable of accepting My graces.” Jesus also tells her…“My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice virtue. Do not lose heart in coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you.” And my favorite message from Jesus…:I do not reward for good results but for the patience and hardship undergone for My sake" as Mother Teresa paraphrases, “God does not reward for what you have done, but for trying and being faithful”…which is where you are at right now. It is only through the grace of God that you even care. Praise God and how good He is.
Thank Him for loving us.

Do try going to Mass (as often as you can). At the very beginning of Mass, the priest (in persona Christa…the person of Christ)) forgives you all your venial sins. He/we go on to offering our gifts to God and finally we become one with Jesus in the Eucharist. That is what we were created for in the first place…to be one with Him. It is such a beautiful prayer and so full of graces, the graces you will need to pray again, and to continue to go to Confession every month if you can. (to forgive you your mortal sins and receive sanctifying grace to continue to fight the good fight.)

Please pray for me and I will pray for you (which we always do at every Mass) to find a man that you can pray with. (if he is a righteous man he has no need for prayer, for God came to call the sinner not the righteous. Hence I hope he will need to pray as all we sinners need to pray. The church we go to is full of sinners.) If you feel a calling to the married life, remember that your first duty is to bring him to heaven with you and your children. Everything else is secondary.

Grace, please forgive me if I sound like an old man scolding his daughter, but I have to say that you must stop sinning against the first commandment. Stop making up your own God and worshiping him. There is only one God and He is unconditionally loving and all merciful.
Satan’s first temptation that hooked our forefathers was that “you can decide what is right and wrong if you eat of the tree of knowledge”…“You can be GOD”…stop making up a god that defines what is used as apposed to growth, and what is pure as opposed to not being tested yet?

If you feel you can not reach out to God right now, than you are in the “dark night of the soul”. God is reaching out to you, be confident, be faithful, this too will pass. Love hurts.
Recall the single set of footprints in the sand? He is carrying you right now. Peace…enjoy the warmth of His arms.
 
GraceDK said:
I have done “the bad one”.
It’s real ironic because I thought I could not fall into exactly that one. Having once, before I got saved, been involved in such immoral behaviour I felt how much it destroyed my life and really threw me into depression. After being “born again” into a life of loving Jesus and being full of joy and faith-ideals… feeling like a member of the only club its worth being member of (the lovers of Christ) I met a very sweet man and … being a passiinate romantic and emotional poet from a spoiled culture I was afraid… I prayed for help but satan won over me and I lost the last of my innocense. I am no longer involved in this relationship and am apart from this person, (though I bear him no grudge) but I feel like I literally am falling into depression. I still believe in Jesus and I trust in His forgiveness and that He is my friend (I went to confession) but I can’t bear to look at Him… I can’t bear to pray, I have lost all desire to pray and go to Mass… I can’t bear to live… I have lost all joy and weep every day… The emptiness and void in me mentally and physically seems paralysing. sometimes I come to myself and think> this is not normal… you are overreacting… Jesus wants you to walk on, restored. And I have read about Padre Pio that he said that much pride is involved in false contrition… But I cannot help my extreme sadness though. I think I have lost sight of God, the beauty of life and the beauty of the hope there still might be in store for me as a future wife and mother… However… What am I now… Impure? I cannot stand such labels either… Have I only any worth as a virgin and if I am not… am I then something worn out and … and who wants some dirty old shoes that are already worn? (I use these images that I have read on this forum and which pierce my heart)… surely no good virtuous Catholic man would wanna wear old dirty shoes, right? You see, my sorrow is so much the bigger because I fell so far into the pit after I knew Jesus… Or at least thought I knew Him. If I now am so depressed then who will ever love me again… who would love someone who clearly does not have the Spirit of God shining on an innocent face and no more peace… I know I would stay the heck away from me.
And I am ever so sad… because I feel I am alone in all the world with my falling and my grief on the verge of madness and depression…

I would like to leave the faith and the Church in order to relieve my self of this pain if that could help… but I have once and for all realised there is no joy outside of God… He is the only joy. But I cannot reach out to Him… its like all my old enthusiasm has left me. Any advice would be appreciated… I just dont need to hear “Jesus loves you” cos I already know that …intellectually…

Grace, in pieces… (25)
Ps… you’all think I should look around for a man without faith… or ?
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It’s true you’ve committed a serious sin - but please don’t dishonour Jesus by failing to trust in his promises of forgiveness and mercy. He is faithful to his promises in a manner no human being could ever be. Rely on that.

Where would we be if Peter had spent the rest of his life feeling unforgiven for His betrayal of Christ, or Paul for his persecution of Him? We wouldn’t have these two great saints, the bedrocks of our church, to guide us. Their sins were no lesser than your own. The difference is they relied on and accepted Jesus’ offer of mercy.

St Faustina said it wounds our Lord when we fail to trust in Him in this manner. Make her prayer - “Jesus I trust in You” - your own . Repeat it constantly until you truly internalise it and believe it 100%
 
I’ll keep it brief. Go to www.catholicity.com and order the free book Pierced by a Sword. Read it. It will give you hope again and put everything in perspective.

Remember that it is Satan who has you feeling this way because he has lost his hold on you and wants you to despair so he can have another go at grabbing your immortal soul.

Above all, REJOICE that we have a merciful Father who loves us so much and forgives us when we repent and seek to be reconciled with Him. He has folded His arms around you just as a human father does to a small child who says Sorry for an offence.

❤️ :hug1: ❤️
 
Dear EileenT
and LilyM … I agree with you both but please understand that I cannot stop feeling like really bad… its surely satans victory … I cannot forget what I have done… I cannot forget the reality. I do believe in Jesus’ forgiveness and love… He just seems pretty far away… when I am silent myself the communication seems to be on hold… I don’t know if you ever had that feeling…
I have read Faustina and really found it inspiring too.

John and MirrorMirror , and Yerusalyim (good name): thank you. Your comfort and advise were good … most of all your down to earth love for a fellow sister.

Gil: Your short letter comforted me more than any other. I have had a terrible feeling that I was alone. meeting your open and humble embrace as a brother soothed me greatly and really made my day today quite good.
I know that men are the same as women. I know a young man who was sick for a whole week and could not work after he lost his virginity. He felt so broken. he was, like my self, a person who had Jesus as his role model at the time…
Often men’s guilt-trips are sacrificed on the alter of “freedom and masculinity” in our modern day society… that is… the sooner you loose your innocense the more unready are you to question your action or emotions. many girls and boys who have sex have not even fully developed their feeling of self so they are made numb in the process. I talked to a friend just today… having always engaged in sexual relationships she lost the sensitivity and the ideals for purity and everything else that comes with a reflecting individual long before she was an adult. She feels it is now too late and she is only idealistic on behalf of her children… I will mention you in my prayer… i just don’t pray much these days… telling me to and advising me to go to mass is all very right… I just dont get it done… I hardly even get my studies done now and I am isolating myself from my christian friends many of whom are not catholic but who always look up to me claiming I have true enthusiastic heroic faith … they find me to be very inspiring… at least the last time they saw me… now I have no desire to meet with them. I think you understand why…
 
**Frank…**I thank you much for your openess as a man and about the thoughts that you think define male thinking when it comes to dealing with the issue of a woman with a sexual sin in her past.
From what you write I assume that you are your self a virgin, and that is wonderful for you. But I think you are …too spontaneous in your words and I find some of your ideas quite pro-blematic.
First of all maybe because I dont fit the criteria. I both loved the man that I was doing stuff with and I found a certain amount of pleasure in the sinful act… I mean, come on… why would I get closer and closer to a man if he were a “sleazy guy”. I mean… on what criteria do you assume that he is a sleazy guy except from the fact that he has fallen into sin, which is preci-sely the criteria I myself fit.
So what you think would be a favour for you to think about: namely that the man in you wifes past was a “sleazy guy” would actually be a burden for her. Your wish is therefore, as I see it, quite selfish and out of touch with reality. You see; a woman who hates a man she has been together with suffer much more than if she had love in her heart that drove her to an intimacy she could not handle. So let us not devalue love. I still love the man I was with. He is a good man… and a prayerfull man… much more so than myself… also a humble man and a man who loves more than I. He wanted to marry me and still does, but because of certain circumstances I have not been able to accept that offer… you see… I am in that way more of the bad one he-re…
When it comes to “hating every moment of it”… Frank… I think you need to find a woman who is a virgin, because your ideals are pretty unrealistic. why would men and women be tempted to do something which they would “hate every moment of” ?.. its like eating a chokolate cake with things in it that are not good for you… It will give you a bitter aftertaste but while you eat it it does taste good… I am sorry if you are dissapointed, but being intimate with a person is actually very pleasant in many ways and it releases a lot of emotions. It is also in itself very beautiful and bonding… only it brings much grief if it is not done within marriage… and I think that that is the reason for God’s advice… He does not want us to hurt… and He therefore asks us to obey his wish… the disobedience is the sin as well as bringing harm to our selves, our friend, and the man/woman we will eventually marry…
So Frank I guess you dont wanna find a woman like me… You say that I should follow your advice if I wanna avoid ruining my own future… but I will suggest something else:
I know how a woman like me does not ruin her future: she does not let anyone tell her she is not worth loving, or that she has to be accepted by a mortal man. if virginity is a gift from a woman or man to their spose then it is just that… gifts cannot be claimed, only received with joy. I want a man who is not scandalised at me but reserves that feeling for his own flaws… a man that hurts because I have been hurting so much… not because he feels like an animal that is being compared to another one… I am sorry if I am being stern.
But I do agree with what you say until a certain point. You see, there is no difference… neither women nor men prefer a spose who has been with another… women dont like to be compared either to other women… but this is rather on a deeper level … she does not like the thought that her beloved has been so intimate soul-soul-body-body with another woman in the past. therein lies the grief that I would take very serious in my future man if I would marry a virgin. If he were not a virgin, I think we would agree that the past is the past. we do not dwell on that anymore…it is not part of us and we dont miss a person from the past or recall earlier sexual experiences when we are with our husband/wife… we seek to forget just like God has already forgotten everything… we dont remember it anymore.
Ps. “The ones who are not born again will not see the Kingdom of God…” says Jesus. I claim that the Kingdom is now … and HE, Jesus is the Kingdom. Life in Him. I did not know HIM untill a few years ago… my child baptism did not make me born again in all those years untill that point any more than my atheist friends who are also baptised but who do not know their Salvation by the Blood of Jesus to this day. calling an atheist “born again”, i am sure you would agree, would only cause confusion…
 
teme… thanks for your reply… The reason why I used the sad image of “used shoes” was more a parody of the language that people throw around in these forums and in life in generel… In other forums inhere I have heard people use such words when answering tempted virgins: “Dont do it… or don’t you think a man would prefer a pair of new shoes instead of some old wornout ones?!”… it made me very sad to read such “symbolic language” although I know it was not directed at me… One thing I must challenge you on is… forgiveness, it belongs to God alone right? I dont think it would be my place to forgive my future husband if he had fallen into sexual sin in his past, just like I would not feel it was my place to forgive him for other sins in his life-before-me. neither would I feel right if he said: Grace, okay I pardon you, I forgive you, I accept you". To endure a person is not to love a person. As it is written : Love hides the sins. I hope you understand what I mean… I think you agree.

Once more, I thank you all for your honesty and support. I was overwhelmed.
I want to excuse my language to you… there might be mistakes (I am a Catholic, living in Eu-rope. The man with whom I fell in love is an American and a good Christian, although not Catholic. We meet on a third continent which is why we are not in the same country now anymore. I had to leave which I grieve but also thank the Lord for.)
 
Grace,

Only the virgin mother was full of grace, but as your name implies; you can be filled with grace.Our failings can be a gift from God- if they lead us closer to Him. He calls us to be closer even through our imperfections. Saturate yourself in learning about chastity (we’re never too old to learn a little more). Practice it and be open to the graces that He has in store for you!
 
Suggest you associate yourself spiritually with Mary Magdalene. She is the patron for that cause and can be your dearest friend during times of weakness. St. Augustine would be another saint to summon for companionship…why not BOTH?

You’ll be in great company.
 
I’m praying for you, so that you will be able to resist temptations in the future, GraceDK.:crossrc:
 
Grace,

I think everyone has given you some great advice; but if you don’t mind, I’ll offer mine.

I think it’s quite common for people to feel “unworthy” of goodness because they acted shamefully. the nice thing abbout that fact is that it’s a human quality. Shame has it’s place, it tells us that what we’ve done is wrong, but you can’t allow it to make you feel as if you are unworthy of God’s love.

I can relate to you, because I’ve been down some sexual paths that are horrendous and it is so difficult to get off that path. Sex is a powerful force; which I can’t help to think is THE reason God wanted us to save it for marriage. It’s a temptation I still deal with as a married husband and father. Like I said, it’s powerful and because it’s powerful, I pray daily to God asking Him to relieve me of its temptation. Some days are easier than others. I tend to also think that Satan will fight harder for your soul, the more you try and follow God. It’s when you’re already involved in a sinful life that it seems like the temptations are not hard or stressful - Satan already has you, at that point, there is no use for fighting.

I also think that any “Catholic” man that doesn’t want “worn out shoes” is probably NOT the kind of man you should be with anyways. The decent man that you end up marrying will be the one that loves you, regardless of your past - at that point it’s about the FUTURE he wants to plan with you. I think it’s extremely important for you to find a catholic man, however, because it would be so much easier for you to have someone that is intent on adhering to a common faith then it would be to have a man that has no interest in your soul or salvation.

It sounds “cliche”, but be strong and pray to Christ! Sex is a powerful force and is impossible to resist without allowing God to hear what your needs are.

I’ll pray for you; please pray for me, as well!

SG
 
Gil: Your short letter comforted me more than any other. I have had a terrible feeling that I was alone. meeting your open and humble embrace as a brother soothed me greatly and really made my day today quite good.
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I am very glad The Holy Spirit touched you today. Veni sanctus spiritu…a very short prayer asking the Holy Spirit to be with you.
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I know that men are the same as women. I know a young man who was sick for a whole week and could not work after he lost his virginity. He felt so broken. he was, like my self, a person who had Jesus as his role model at the time…
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You are kind and understanding because you have “been there”. As St John Chrysostom said in referring to St. Peter’s sin …“He fell into sin so that, remembering his own fault and the Lord’s forgiveness, he also might forgive others out of love for them. This was God’s providential dispensation…Peter, the teacher of the world, was permitted to sin, so that having been forgiven himself he would be merciful to others.”
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Often men’s guilt-trips are sacrificed on the alter of “freedom and masculinity” in our modern day society… that is… the sooner you loose your innocense the more unready are you to question your action or emotions. many girls and boys who have sex have not even fully developed their feeling of self so they are made numb in the process. I talked to a friend just today… having always engaged in sexual relationships she lost the sensitivity and the ideals for purity and everything else that comes with a reflecting individual long before she was an adult. She feels it is now too late and she is only idealistic on behalf of her children…
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This is such a sad and all too common story. I am a product of the “me generation” and have seen and experienced the same results in my generation. (What a terrible name to be tagged with) Today we are reaping what we have sowed, but that is a whole other discussion revolving around the consequences of sin.
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I will mention you in my prayer… i just don’t pray much these days… telling me to and advising me to go to mass is all very right… I just dont get it done… I hardly even get my studies done now and I am isolating myself from my christian friends many of whom are not catholic but who always look up to me claiming I have true enthusiastic heroic faith … they find me to be very inspiring… at least the last time they saw me… now I have no desire to meet with them. I think you understand why.
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You are right to put your studies first. Recall our Lord’s advice to St. Faustina? Your vocation in life, currently, is being the best student you can be, hence go and do that first. BTW, that is a prayer in itself. You honor God by using the gifts He has given you to the best of your ability. I’m sure you already know that prayer is more than words, but is every action or breath that you take…recall the famous quote from St. Francis “Pray always, and when necessary, use words”?
I think your Christian friends experience that in you from what you have said. So I disagree with you that you are not praying. You are a very good person from where I sit, and your prayer is powerful. So please, continue to keep me in your intentions. I need friends in high places.
Yes, I do understand why.
I pray that you will soon come out of your spiritual dryness and that you will persevere if you don’t emerge soon. Do you know of Mother Angelica?
She says in Raymond Arroyo’s “Mother Angelica’s Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality” on pg. 88 … “Spiritual dryness is a gift from God, because it removes the soul from the emotional level and puts prayer on the level of the will, where I am a child of God who does the things of God because I decide to do so, not because I am depending on emotions outside of me.
I have had spiritual dryness for thirty-three years. But I praise God for it, because I have learned something”. She continues, “It’s responding to God when you don’t feel like it that will get you to heaven. The terrible feelings should not make you experience guilt; in fact they purify and perfect your offering of love.”

Maybe I better pray that you don’t emerge too soon…smile.
Hang in there Grace, know that God is not done with you yet and He is making you all He wants you to be.
I hate that dryness feeling and wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but love hurts, look at the cross.
Peace.
 
Grace,
Satan would love to know that you are still not forgiving yourself
after you went to confession. God’s Mercy is unlimited and He
is there for you. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you each day.
Jason Evert and his wife Crystalina mention in their talks on
Pure Love (the name of their program/website) a talk on Second
Virginity. Crystalina was sexually active quite young, but she
had a second virginity and throughout their courtship remained
chaste.
 
Dear SG.
I reckon that it still must be safe for you in your marriage. If you desire to be with your wife then I guess it is okay and thinking that it is not might get you only into a lot of tempting thoughts that haunt you exactly because you try to avoid them: i often remember that some saint said: satan can be a lion or a wolf, according to how we see it. I mean… I once was haunted by sexual images that seemed to pop up on my inner screen when I was praying. Why?.. because I was afraid of bringing such dirt infront of God. the fear made the problem all the bigger… when i forgot to fear it, the problem went away and never came back… does that make sense? Brother… I can only advice you to leave the places, people and situations that tempt you… also maybe you should try to cultivate the romantic life with your wife also when it comes to being intimate in creative ways… if you are seperated from her then … pray hard. And I found that asking all spirits and bad thoughts to leave you in the Name of Jesus often works… Often lately I have been sleepless… I did not want to weep and despair and often I ended up using the power we have been giving through the Holy Spirit… which is awailable to us since the Spirit lives in us. He is stronger than the adversary… satan will try to make you believe you are trapped and that you will never be free… thats a lie… he was a liar from the beginning… I have met so many people who were healed from so many things… we gotta believe more and expect more from our Father. He is real…

Gil M: thanks again for your concern and comfort. I appreaciate it. You touch on some deep spiritual things which are not always easy to recognize for us “down here”.
As a former protestant who still has a lot to do with other Church traditions and seeing how Christian brothers from different churches view suffering and such things as spiritual dryness I have often been surprised. I have for instanse listened to more pentecostal testimonies than I can count. Being a passionate person my self and believing that being so is a gift from God I do not always buy what seems to be a Catholic mantra these days: “faith is not emotion”. …
I have for instance been surprised at the fact that these people whom catholics often view as not “going-deep” have many of them experienced “dark nights” … serious times of dryness and purification. This is common experince shared by all… where I become a little bit sceptic is when we put that state on a pidestal and make it a norm rather than an exception in a persons life. If we say or even dare to think: “I am dry spiritually, maybe I am close to holiness… maybe I am another mother Teresa…”, I think we are taking the thing too far. heck maybe we really ARE dry… maybe, heaven forbid, Mother Angelica is really dry in an unholy way because she might have been trapped in a pattern of thought or prayer-practice that does not get her to realise her try possibilities in God. And we offer her no help by telling her: “you are dry because you are holy… keep up the good work”.
I am in no way trying to be provocative, but I think we sometimes tend to use mystical concepts in a careless way and thereby we also hinder the Holy Spirit from transforming us in His likeness… Does this make any sense? Like when you compare me to a friend in high places… Its kind and brotherly to do so… but I have been in serious sin caused exactly by what? - real dryness (often being told that I was surely not dry) that lead me away from prayer and made me fall like a card-house at the first wind… I have not been and am not okay… I am wounded seriously… I don’t need wish thinking. I need transformation through God…
I know its maybe not fitting to this message, this issue… anyway… would love to hear your thoughts…
 
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