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Yogi89
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Has anyone fell out of love during a relationship? If so, how did it happen, and were you truly in love with them?
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EasterJoy
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Sure, and yes.
Think about it. No one loves you more or is more deserving of your love than God. Who is better at loving God than the saints? Yet what is more common for the saints to report but a period of dryness, when they are not receiving the consolations in prayer that they once did? If a saint can feel as if the love is not always consoling when it is between them and God, how can two human beings expect to always feel their love as an emotional consolation?
The feeling of being in love is not love itself, then, but a consolation that love often offers.
This is C.S. Lewis’ take, spoken by a senior tempting demon in “The Screwtape Letters”:
The error is easy to produce because “being in love” does very often, in Western Europe, precede marriages which are made in obedience to the Enemy’s designs, that is, with the intention of fidelity, fertility and good will; just as religious emotion very often, but not always, attends conversion. In other words, the humans are to be encouraged to regard as the basis for marriage a highly-coloured and distorted version of something the Enemy really promises as its result. Two advantages follow. In the first place, humans who have not the gift of continence can be deterred from seeking marriage as a solution because they do not find themselves “in love”, and, thanks to us, the idea of marrying with any other motive seems to them low and cynical. Yes, they think that. They regard the intention of loyalty to a partnership for mutual help, for the preservation of chastity, and for the transmission of life, as something lower than a storm of emotion. (Don’t neglect to make your man think the marriage-service very offensive.) In the second place any sexual infatuation whatever, so long as it intends marriage, will be regarded as “love”, and “love” will be held to excuse a man from all the guilt, and to protect him from all the consequences, if marrying a heathen, a fool, or a wanton.
Not only should you realize that the feeling of “being in love” rarely lasts for an entire marriage, but that the feeling can lead you to marry someone who is a very bad match for you. That kind of natural affection is a great thing, but do not mistake it for the mutual commitment to love that is the real foundation of a lifelong marriage.
Think about it. No one loves you more or is more deserving of your love than God. Who is better at loving God than the saints? Yet what is more common for the saints to report but a period of dryness, when they are not receiving the consolations in prayer that they once did? If a saint can feel as if the love is not always consoling when it is between them and God, how can two human beings expect to always feel their love as an emotional consolation?
The feeling of being in love is not love itself, then, but a consolation that love often offers.
This is C.S. Lewis’ take, spoken by a senior tempting demon in “The Screwtape Letters”:
The error is easy to produce because “being in love” does very often, in Western Europe, precede marriages which are made in obedience to the Enemy’s designs, that is, with the intention of fidelity, fertility and good will; just as religious emotion very often, but not always, attends conversion. In other words, the humans are to be encouraged to regard as the basis for marriage a highly-coloured and distorted version of something the Enemy really promises as its result. Two advantages follow. In the first place, humans who have not the gift of continence can be deterred from seeking marriage as a solution because they do not find themselves “in love”, and, thanks to us, the idea of marrying with any other motive seems to them low and cynical. Yes, they think that. They regard the intention of loyalty to a partnership for mutual help, for the preservation of chastity, and for the transmission of life, as something lower than a storm of emotion. (Don’t neglect to make your man think the marriage-service very offensive.) In the second place any sexual infatuation whatever, so long as it intends marriage, will be regarded as “love”, and “love” will be held to excuse a man from all the guilt, and to protect him from all the consequences, if marrying a heathen, a fool, or a wanton.
Not only should you realize that the feeling of “being in love” rarely lasts for an entire marriage, but that the feeling can lead you to marry someone who is a very bad match for you. That kind of natural affection is a great thing, but do not mistake it for the mutual commitment to love that is the real foundation of a lifelong marriage.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
The great poet and singer Alicia keys said it best. " I keep on falling in and out of love with you"Has anyone fell out of love during a relationship? If so, how did it happen, and were you truly in love with them?
I wouldn’t say my wife and I “fall out of love” ever. I always, always am “in” love with her. But emotions ebb and flow. Like the tide. Our love is powerful, cyclical, and unstopppable. Yup, like the tide.
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friardchips
Guest
Falling out of love probably happens more often to those who do not recognise God, and who do not recognise marriage as a Sacrament.Has anyone fell out of love during a relationship? If so, how did it happen, and were you truly in love with them?
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Crusaderbear
Guest
I’d say it was more outgrowing infatuations. Once I married, I can safely say there have been very few occasions when I didn’t like my wife, but I always have loved her.
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CountrySteve
Guest
If you are discussing courtship, I think its apart of the discernment process courtship demands. I don’t think its possible to “fall out of love” with someone if you are truly in love with them. What takes place instead is a maturing of your authentic feelings for the person. In that process, it is possible to realize you don’t possess a romantic love for that individual.
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egretps
Guest
I have heard it said, ‘Feelings are good servants but poor masters’.
Feelings can let you know if something is off. Also, they can point you in the wrong direction.
For instance, illness or grief can make you think you don’t care about people or beloved hobbies.
Also, compromising isn’t fun. Two people might need to compromise on activities or goals. They shouldn’t need to compromise on values or morals.
Seek out objective counsel, friends and family though often (not always) want the best for you they have their own objectives where you are concerned. If you need counseling, ask you priest for a good reccomendation for a professional in your area.
Feelings can let you know if something is off. Also, they can point you in the wrong direction.
For instance, illness or grief can make you think you don’t care about people or beloved hobbies.
Also, compromising isn’t fun. Two people might need to compromise on activities or goals. They shouldn’t need to compromise on values or morals.
Seek out objective counsel, friends and family though often (not always) want the best for you they have their own objectives where you are concerned. If you need counseling, ask you priest for a good reccomendation for a professional in your area.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Yes.I have heard it said, ‘Feelings are good servants but poor masters’.
Feelings can let you know if something is off. Also, they can point you in the wrong direction.
For instance, illness or grief can make you think you don’t care about people or beloved hobbies.
Also, compromising isn’t fun. Two people might need to compromise on activities or goals. They shouldn’t need to compromise on values or morals.
Seek out objective counsel, friends and family though often (not always) want the best for you they have their own objectives where you are concerned. If you need counseling, ask you priest for a good reccomendation for a professional in your area.
They say the right side of the brain gives your “sense” of things–the unlabeled “gut” response, not to mention the recognition of feelings in others. Many people will say it was their instinct that told them that not was all well in a relationship, that someone was not genuinely good but rather had merely been charming.
Fleeting feelings can be misleading, but our instincts are still well worth listening to. It is a bad idea to put too much weight on one piece of feedback from yourself to yourself. That is what discernment is for.
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