Family as godparents

[jlcasey]

I want to start off by saying that despite a struggle with infertility, I am pregnant much to my DH’s and my delight. We have had tough times over this so we are very much aware of the gift that God has given us.

I’m looking to get all your thoughts on the topic of Godparents. I am a convert - none of my family is Catholic, although very strong Christians. I have some good Catholic friends back in New Zealand where I am from but DH barely knows them and doesn’t feel 100% comfortable because of this fact.

DH’s family are Catholic but not practicing. There are some issues in his family. They did not come to our wedding, his graduation, commissioning in the AF etc. There is alot of deception and favouritism in DH’s family too unfortunately. But they have decided to come to the baptism of our baby (they haven’t flown in 20 years!). His mother has already asked who will be the Godparent.

Problem is that we, in good conscience, can’t ask any of his family because they are far away from the Church. It is more of a social thing that we choose them which obviously is not the right reason. DH already feels rejected enough by his family. However, he feels quite strongly (he is a saint in my opinion!) that he should reach out to one of his brothers (out of a genuine love for his soul - I feel the same way) to talk to him about what the responsibility is of a godparent and to say that we are considering asking him. To not choose family when they all come to the baptism could be disastrous. My DH is contemplating the fact that there would be major consequences if he doesn’t choose a godparent from his family.

Well I am anxious about this because I read that from a Catholic perspective, a godparent has a spiritual tie with their godchild (document I read on the EWTN website) and so it is very important that you choose carefully because this cannot be broken. Well DH’s brother has anger and jealousy issues. Also, a godparent is responsible for so much and I don’t want to let our child down just because of family. I’m aware that Christ said that following Him means that he could causes such divisions in family.

Does anyone here relate to our situation? Have you ever seen a family member respond to the call well and change their behaviour to become active in their church?

I’m praying about the situation an awful lot but would love to get your perspectives.

Lucy

 

[Phillieagle]

Congratulations on the pregnancy
Interestingly enough my wife and I also had pregnancy problems. 5 Miscarriages and we had basically given up on ever having a child vivaciously we had a Son just prior to us reaching 40. Anyway when we (Both being Cradle Catholics) were deciding on Godparents we looked at our families (my 5 Brothers) and her (2 Sisters and 1 Brother) none of who attend church. We had long private discussions and discussions with both sets of Grandparents. AS we discerned Godparents the only choices we had were some of our best friends that are very devout and have the same beliefs that we have. Being Godparents does not mean if my wife and I were to die that they would take care of our child. It is ours and Christ’s belief that they are the best couple we know that will assist us or his guardians in raising our child in the one true faith.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I want to start off by saying that despite a struggle with infertility, I am pregnant much to my DH’s and my delight. We have had tough times over this so we are very much aware of the gift that God has given us.

I’m looking to get all your thoughts on the topic of Godparents. I am a convert - none of my family is Catholic, although very strong Christians. I have some good Catholic friends back in New Zealand where I am from but DH barely knows them and doesn’t feel 100% comfortable because of this fact.

DH’s family are Catholic but not practicing. There are some issues in his family. They did not come to our wedding, his graduation, commissioning in the AF etc. There is alot of deception and favouritism in DH’s family too unfortunately. But they have decided to come to the baptism of our baby (they haven’t flown in 20 years!). His mother has already asked who will be the Godparent.

Problem is that we, in good conscience, can’t ask any of his family because they are far away from the Church. It is more of a social thing that we choose them which obviously is not the right reason. DH already feels rejected enough by his family. However, he feels quite strongly (he is a saint in my opinion!) that he should reach out to one of his brothers (out of a genuine love for his soul - I feel the same way) to talk to him about what the responsibility is of a godparent and to say that we are considering asking him. To not choose family when they all come to the baptism could be disastrous. My DH is contemplating the fact that there would be major consequences if he doesn’t choose a godparent from his family.

Well I am anxious about this because I read that from a Catholic perspective, a godparent has a spiritual tie with their godchild (document I read on the EWTN website) and so it is very important that you choose carefully because this cannot be broken. Well DH’s brother has anger and jealousy issues. Also, a godparent is responsible for so much and I don’t want to let our child down just because of family. I’m aware that Christ said that following Him means that he could causes such divisions in family.

Does anyone here relate to our situation? Have you ever seen a family member respond to the call well and change their behaviour to become active in their church?

I’m praying about the situation an awful lot but would love to get your perspectives.

Lucy

If none of your family are Catholic and none of his are in good standing with the Catholic Church, then I guess that you are forced to look outside of the family. Since Canon Law won’t allow any of the family members to be a Godparent as you have described them. The only way would be if he asks his brother about his relationship to the Church and his practice of the Faith. Then his brother returns to full union with the Church and can produce a letter from his pastor that he is qualified to be a Godparent.

 

[Verbum]

Hi Lucy,

Here is canon law regarding sponsors

Can. 872 In so far as possible, a person being baptized is to be assigned a sponsor. In the case of an adult baptism, the sponsor’s role is to assist the person in Christian initiation. In the case of an infant baptism, the role is together with the parents to present the child for baptism, and to help it to live a Christian life befitting the baptized and faithfully to fulfill the duties inherent in baptism.

Can. 873 One sponsor, male or female, is sufficient; but there may be two, one of each sex.

Can. 874 ß1 To be admitted to undertake the office of sponsor, a person must:

1ƒ be appointed by the candidate for baptism, or by the parents or whoever stands in their place, or failing these, by the parish priest or the minister; to be appointed the person must be suitable for this role and have the intention of fulfilling it;

2ƒ be not less than sixteen years of age, unless a different age has been stipulated by the diocesan Bishop, or unless the parish priest or the minister considers that there is a just reason for an exception to be made;

**3ƒ be a catholic who has been confirmed and has received the blessed Eucharist, and who lives a life of faith which befits the role to be undertaken; **

4ƒ not labor under a canonical penalty, whether imposed or declared;

5ƒ not be either the father or the mother of the person to be baptized.

**ß2 A baptized person who belongs to a non-Catholic ecclesial community may be admitted only in company with a catholic sponsor, and then simply as a witness to the baptism. **

For your purposes the part in bold type is what is important. You are not asked to appoint someone who is a better Catholic than you are. It is enough to have a moral certainty that he will give your child a reasonably good example.

You will notice that it is not necessary to have two sponsors, so that you could, for example, have one of your husband’s relative as sponsor and one of yours as witness.

Verbum