FAMILY BED: how to transition

  • Thread starter Thread starter GinaF
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
We did the family bed with all three of ours. My youngest had to stop nursing at 9 months because I had to go on some baby unfriendly meds. That was real hard.

Personally, I wouldn’t stop a baby’s night nursing at 9 months otherwise.

What we did, was to start a nighttime ritual that involved her and daddy. That helped wean her from needing me, and if I was there, wanting to nurse.

He would put her over his shoulder and walk with her behind our apt building, and she would fall asleep, and he put her down on her cot beside our bed. Then if she woke up, he would go to her.

With the boys, I continued to nurse at night for a longer time. One transitioned to his own room at the same time we moved to a new apt, and that made it easy. The other slept in a cot in our room till a birthday, and we used that as the event. One of his gifts was his new bed. We really had no trouble at all.

cheddar
 
With me having been born in the early '80s, my parents were innundated with the ‘cry it out’ concept.
At their doctor’s recommendation, they put me in another room. On night one, I woke up fussing. No one came, and my whining escalated into a tantrum like no other. After an hour or so, Mom just couldn’t take it anymore.
When she turned on the light, she found me red in the face and barely able to breathe from crying so hard, with the crib, the sheets, the walls, and my body covered head to toe with poo.
There was no night two.
Needless to say, I won’t make my children ‘cry it out’ either.
 
40.png
vluvski:
With me having been born in the early '80s, my parents were innundated with the ‘cry it out’ concept.
At their doctor’s recommendation, they put me in another room. On night one, I woke up fussing. No one came, and my whining escalated into a tantrum like no other. After an hour or so, Mom just couldn’t take it anymore.
When she turned on the light, she found me red in the face and barely able to breathe from crying so hard, with the crib, the sheets, the walls, and my body covered head to toe with poo.
There was no night two.
Needless to say, I won’t make my children ‘cry it out’ either.
Click to expand...
LOL! Your poor mom!
 
40.png
spacecadet:
i guess i’m surprised people suggested the ‘get over it’ advice since you asked not to have it (shrug)
we have a 17 month old that we will night wean soon. i had no desire to night wean because i was always well rested even with nursing 2-3 times a night and that kept my fertility away until recently.

i skipped the crib. we put a toddler bed in our room and he’s been napping there for a week or two. then i read the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly. She’ll be speaking around here in 2 weeks (perfect timing for me:) ). I will be using that after we have visitors come and go soon. My situation is a little different since he is older, but we have put in place a specific routine of things that happen before bed, i’m going to use my camera to take pictures of each of those events and make my own bedtime book, he loves books i will also use the pantly pull off method that she suggests. i don’t mind that it may take several weeks, it is important to me (and for the sake of my DH’s sleep) that he doesn’t cry.

so in short i’d read her book to get lots of different ideas
Click to expand...
Thanks for your support. I have read Pantley’s book, and probably will revisit. the pull-off method does work, it’s helped me be able to even put my baby down without laying down with her to get her to sleep! Also, I do have a routine we follow at bedtime…the issue is less getting her to sleep initially, it is more helping her staying sleeping.
I appreciate yours and everyone else’s 2 cents. You’ve all helped me feel confident and ready to tackle this sleep thing with more energy.
 
Hi Gina,

It’s really hard to know if you are making the right choices as a new mom. And I might add,our first baby is the ‘experiment.’ We have 4 kids. Our first daughter was not even “put to bed” until she was 18 months old! I was just letting her fall asleep in the living room, and then putting her in her crib. Talk about lack of training! With our second daughter, I used her crib for her first nap. And have not had any problems since. For our boy, he was “most secure” snuggled into his carseat for bedtime. He needed that snuggled feeling I think. Eventually he used the crib. And baby boy 4 had to share a room with brother… and he used a crib right away.
They are all soo different.
You may need to try the crib for nap times for a while, when hubby is at work. Or put baby to bed early in her crib, like around 730pm. Use the evening to help train her to sleep in a crib without you. And put her back in after you nurse her.
 
Island Oak:
Pick up baby. Put baby in crib. Baby will cry. Get over it. Crying will decrease daily and probably disappear within 1-2 weeks. Mom, Dad & baby finally get some much needed rest.

This scenario is one of the reasons I think the “family bed” is an approach best left to those still living in teepees and/or 1 room yurts. Babies/children sharing the same bed with adults is one of the reasons that most of us in modern society no longer chose to live in one-room teepees and yurts. You have created a habit which you now have to break. It is not easy on anyone for several days…but if you think you are doing “permanent psychological damage” I assure you all will get through this intact.
Click to expand...
This is ironic to read, because I just read your quote in another thread:

We mom’s need to find ways to support and encourage each other in this sometimes overwhelming calling of motherhood–not point fingers, judge nor condemn. The choices I make for my kids reflect their needs and my best efforts to meet them within my capability. I presume the same with respect to other moms absent some evidence to the contrary.

Does this not apply here as well? :confused: 😉
 
I also tried the cry out thing once. My daughter worked herself into an hysteria beat red, screaming - my mom instinct kicked in, I just knew no matter what any book or dr said this was not right for my baby. After about an hour of listening to her screaming I said enoguh and picked her up. It took me I think about 2 hours to get her stop crying once I picked her up.

I established a bed time routine. I would play a lullaby tape, walk back and forth with her in our living room, softly singing to her and she would slowly dose off. Then I put her in her crib. We rarely had trouble with her waking during the night once she had given up her night feeding. We didn’t have our daughter in our bed on a regular basis but her crib was in our room for the 1st year. (we lived in a 1 bedroom apt-wasn’t really any place else to put her.) But on those rough nights I had no problem allowing her in our bed.

I had a friend who swore up, down and sideways her husband would never allow any of their children in their bed. That was until child number three. During the day he never slept for more then 15 minutes at a time, it was the same at night unless he was held or in their bed with them.

They tried everything under the sun to get this child to sleep in his crib. They went night after night trying the crying it out thing. He would scream for hours until his little voice was horse. He frequently would vomit from getting so upset. He would pull his hair out and bang his head on the crib. Finally they both decided they would lose their minds if they didn’t get any sleep. He peacefully slept in their bed for his first 18 months. And they were finally able to get some much needed rest. They managed to get him in a toddler bed (in their bedroom) for naps after that and in his bed all night by the time he was 2. He is now 3 and finally able to move into his own room.

My other close friend kept their daughter in their bed until she was almost 3. Then they bought her a pretty new bedroom set when and she made the transition very smoothly. Now they have a son and are doing the same thing with him.

Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for allowing your child in your bed. At a young age they depend on their mommy and daddy for comfort and security. They’ll be independant little people soon enough.🙂
 
Well, I’m not a mom yet, but we plan on having our baby (due in 4 months) in a porta-crib next to our bed. We’d have him in the bed, but my husband is fearful he’ll roll on the baby, or hit or smother him with his arm. So this thread is interesting to me since I’ll be needing the same advice. I’m hoping to transition the baby into her crib around 4 months of age so she will learn to sleep on her own in her bed, but as they say, the best laid plans…

Anyway, since I’ve been doing so much reading, here is some of the advice I’ve picked up.
  • A routine is very important. Make the bedtime ritual the same each night to prepare the child to sleep
  • It is very important they learn how to put themselves to sleep, so many reccommend that babies be laid down to sleep when they show signs of tiredness rather than being held or allowed to fall asleep in the living room. I imagine you can teach her to fall asleep on her own while in your bed/room and then work fom there on her sleeping in the crib.
  • I’ve also read the same advice given earlier - that you can out the crib in your room and slowly move it toward the door, hall, baby’s room.
  • Dr. Sears is GREAT. I’ve also heard wonderful things about the no-cry sleep solution. Many advocates of the family bed say to wait until the child is ready to leave, however, which wouldn’t work for me and doesn’t sound like it will work for you.
BTW, are you transitioning to the crib because you want to stop night-breastfeeding or stopping night-breastfeeding because you want to transition to the crib? Just because her DR says she doesn’t need the 2am feeding doesn’t mean you have to stop if the two of you are OK with it. She could be in a crib and nighttime feed.

Here is a Dr. Sears article on “*31 WAYS TO GET YOUR BABY TO GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP EASIER” *askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp
 
40.png
MomTo2:
This is ironic to read, because I just read your quote in another thread:

We mom’s need to find ways to support and encourage each other in this sometimes overwhelming calling of motherhood–not point fingers, judge nor condemn. The choices I make for my kids reflect their needs and my best efforts to meet them within my capability. I presume the same with respect to other moms absent some evidence to the contrary.

Does this not apply here as well? :confused: 😉
Click to expand...
I find no irony here. The OP asked for advice, I gave my opinion. Babies & kids cry when parents do certain things they don’t like–give them baths, strap them into car seats, give them shots, prevent them from grabbing toys from other kids or running into the street after a ball, etc. None of us would consider not doing any of the above just because they cry–we “get over it.” Same with breaking a habit of co-sleeping. The child will object the only way it knows how. My point being that crying should not be the primary consideration in parental decision making.

What I did NOT do was elevate my opinon to the level of moral condemnation–an important distinction between this and my post you quoted from another thread in which that was exactly what was going on there. I made an observation about the reality of modern life: most of us choose to live in multi-room homes so we DON’T all have share one common space ALL the time. That observation is not unsupportive, it’s a fact of life. The OP was writing precisely because she wants to eliminate the disruption in her nightly sleep. That’s practical problem, not a moral dilema.
 
Babies & kids cry when parents do certain things they don’t like–give them baths, strap them into car seats, give them shots, prevent them from grabbing toys from other kids or running into the street after a ball, etc.
Click to expand...
ap isn’t about not ever letting your kids cry…CIO for sleep purposes is very different than the other scenarioes you listed above, because the baby doesn’t not realize you are coming back when you are gone and he is left there crying by himself. he is afraid at that age. i personally know that i wouldn’t have been afraid of the dark for YEARS if my parents had handled bedtime. like I am
 
Island Oak:
I find no irony here. The OP asked for advice, I gave my opinion. Babies & kids cry when parents do certain things they don’t like–give them baths, strap them into car seats, give them shots, prevent them from grabbing toys from other kids or running into the street after a ball, etc. None of us would consider not doing any of the above just because they cry–we “get over it.” Same with breaking a habit of co-sleeping. The child will object the only way it knows how. My point being that crying should not be the primary consideration in parental decision making.

What I did NOT do was elevate my opinon to the level of moral condemnation–an important distinction between this and my post you quoted from another thread in which that was exactly what was going on there. I made an observation about the reality of modern life: most of us choose to live in multi-room homes so we DON’T all have share one common space ALL the time. That observation is not unsupportive, it’s a fact of life. The OP was writing precisely because she wants to eliminate the disruption in her nightly sleep. That’s practical problem, not a moral dilema.
Click to expand...
Ladies ladies ladies! While it’s true I did not exactly like reading the advice about CIO (as I specifically said I do not like the idea and was looking for other, GENTLER suggestions), she had a right to post her opinion. Let’s move on from the CIO advice. It is like all advice, you take some and leave some. CIO happens to be advice I leave, for the most part. And for the record, I quite agree that there are times your baby cries and you get over it. I can get over it for all examples listed above, and can get over it when my darling cries for 10-20 minutes after all other things have failed, to get to sleep. What I can’t get over, as other mothers have shared, is a baby who cries to desperately that they either won’t go to sleep at all, poo all over, won’t be quieted even when held…etc. THOSE are why I won’t do CIO in the way most people suggest.
 
So I’ve been sitting here looking at CIO wondering, Chlorine Oxide? That’s not even a compound, is it? If they left off the 2 at the end, why in the world are they talking about chlorine dioxide (a harsh bleaching agent, among other things)? What else is C L O?
I’m so used to seeing Cl— for chlorine something it just didn’t click that was an upper case i, not a lower case L. :rolleyes:
 
40.png
vluvski:
So I’ve been sitting here looking at CIO wondering, Chlorine Oxide? That’s not even a compound, is it? If they left off the 2 at the end, why in the world are they talking about chlorine dioxide (a harsh bleaching agent, among other things)? What else is C L O?
I’m so used to seeing Cl— for chlorine something it just didn’t click that was an upper case i, not a lower case L. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
thank you. i think we all needed a good laugh:)
 
I have 3 children my youngest 8 months, and we are defintely a family bed people. It took a long time for my other kids to finally sleep in their beds and I was determined not to allow this baby stay in our bed as long as the others. I started out by putting my baby to sleep in her own crib for naps during the day and let her cry herself to sleep. She cried for 15 minutes ( heartwrenching) but I did it and she fell asleep. I did this about a week. Then at 9:00pm sharp I started putting her to bed with a nightlight and the door shut and my door shut and in 10 to 15 minutes she was asleep THE WHOLE NIGHT, if she woke up I didn’t pick her up she cried herself back to sleep. Now if she cried past 15 minutes i would go and pick her up and tried 30 to 45 minutes later .Again I put her in the crib and let her cry herself to sleep and she did. Within a week she was sleeping all night. I stopped nursing her and I was getting much needed sleep. My family didn’t like to hear her cry and wanted to pick her up but I stuck to my guns and let her cry. I know its hard, she still cries when I put her down but she sleeps all night. BE STRONG.
 
I have to admit I got CIO as cry it out pretty quick, but AP took me several minutes to get. I was trying to think of how co-sleeping could be refered to with an A and a P.

We had this same discussion a while ago in another thread which also got offtrack as I recall. True, when you ask for advice you get some answers you may not like, but you also don’t need a lecture on how you wouldn’t be in this situation if you hadn’t done X in the first place.

I personnaly think there is a big difference between CIO for a few minutes to an hour or more (some kids are just more stubborn than others) and many hours till the kid is hoarse or hurting themself. Common sense has to come into play somewhere.
 
I never did the family bed thing, but I have another suggestion. Maybe put the baby in a port a crib next to your bed so she can still see you and her you for a few nights. Then maybe put her in a room with her crib and you sleep on the floor next to the bed so she can see you? Air mattresses are great for this! I slept next to the crib when my babies were sick. It is hard for some to listen to crying and some babies do cry harder and longer than others. I feel for you, we all do what’s right for our families and we are all different. God bless!
 
I had to do this twice, so far, as I have only a queen size and was expecting new babies.

What I would suggest is much patience, and an expectation for this process to take several weeks or months.

I did not use a crib, but used a small bed on the floor in the same room. I began by letting baby sit or play on the bed during the daytime. Gradually baby began to take a nap on the bed. By gradually, I mean over the period of about two weeks.

By this time, baby was used to going to sleep in a new place in the house. I began nursing to sleep on the little bed at night. Baby still woke during the night, (I’ve had three poor sleepers), and I welcomed baby back to bed with me when s/he woke.

Gradually, and again, I mean over a period of a couple or more weeks, I began getting out of bed and nursing back to sleep on the little bed. This was tiring, but it got baby used to sleeping away from me, as a new one was expected.

Very gradually, I taught to get a drink of water from a cup instead of nursing during the night. One of my children slept with her mouth open and always got very dry at night, and always needed to nurse or get drinks.

Be patient, pray, it is a hard process, but necessary sometimes. By all means, don’t reject or get angry with your child for wanting to be close to you. It’s natural and normal. Perhaps in a few months, your baby can move to her own room if there’s another on the way.
 
No help on this baby, but on the next one you might try what I did with my three which was to put them in a crib from the very first (next to the bed for a few months, maybe a year, after that in their own room). This way, they were used to “going to bed” in their own bed from the start. If they woke during the night, that is when the family bed kicked in. At some point, each baby slept through the night in their own bed. One child took nearly 2 years, one about 6 weeks. The other, I forget…oh, well…the point is that you can have both rest and a family bed without a lot of hoo ha about “transitioning”.

Good luck! Oh, and by the way - not a one of my children comes to bed with us anymore. They are 24, 20, and 16. I think I miss them!😃
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top