Family difficult situation

[anneramones]

I’m in a very difficult family situation right now and I don’t feel like talking with friends about this and asking them advice because I would not be comfortable so I’m posting it here. I’m going straight to the point: my father while married with my mother has an affair going on with a work colleague.The affair has been going on for six years or more I believe.I was the first one to find out about it…I was just 13 years old at the time and reported it to my mom. I will not going into detail but they’ve been terrible years. My parents used to fight a lot in front of me,my father never openly admitted his affair and acted in such a cowardly way and still is. I’ve been exposed to so much negativity and stress and inappropriate things for a little girl.Fast forward some years, the affair is still going on, parents pretend nothing is wrong, live in the same house but are lowkey estranged. This whole thing is ruining my life. I try not to think about this, I know it is not my fault but sometimes I just want to run away and never come back. Btw I still live with my parents because I’m too young to live on my own, don’t have the possibility to do so and I’m still a student…but I’m just sick of this situation. Its horrible to grow up realizing your parents do not love eachother anymore,their marriage failed and there is also an affair going on. During these years I’ve developed a strong loyalty to my mom and an equally strong dislike for my father. It just makes me so angry to think about all the pain and suffering his affair caused us and still is causing. It really crushed me and affected my relationship with the other sex. Im so afraid that if someday I’m going to get married my marriage is not going to work, that my husband will not love me or that I may not be able to really trust and love someone for fear of being cheated on. I do not know what to do right now, I’m just tired. I know I have written a lot but I just needed to vent otherwise I would have exploded. Thanks to everyone who will read this and help me.

 

[Reuben_J]

May God comfort you to give you strength and peace in such a difficult situation in your home. Only God can calm us where human cannot and when we are too weak to rise above it.

One of the things you do, is to pray for that intention - asking God to help and strengthen you and to restore your parents relationship.

Another practical way is for you to come into term that your parents’ relationship with each other is beyond your control. In other word, it is their business, no matter how bad you are affected because of it.

You are right. Your experience will most likely shape your view of marriage as you witness your parent infidelity and treachery. You must know that it is not the ideal marriage and every marriage situation is different from one married couple to another. You must have faith that marriage is for the happiness of the couple concerned and their children and family, if done rightly.

Try to forgive your father because he does not mean to hurt you even though his action by being unfaithful to your mother does. His love for you as a father is not measured by his relationship with your mother. You will always be his daughter.

At least you still have both parents, a home and being supported in your schooling and in your life.

May God bless you.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Remember, marriage is a vocation, not simply a step on the ladder of life. Have you discerned that your vocation is to marriage? If my math is correct you are a young adult, so, this is the time to spend in discernment about your vocation.

Pray for your parents, speak with your priest about some counseling for yourself.

 

[BoyGenius]

Are you an adult?

 

[anneramones]

Thank you so much for your reply. There is another thing I’m not sure what to do about… a couple days ago I was in the car with my dad, he was answering a text on his phone and told me he was replying to a text from Mr. Jones(fantasy name), I did not even ask anything, he just told me but he was clearly not aware that I could actually read the message he was writing from the position I was. Not gonna lie, I read it intentionally and he was texting the other woman. I didn’t say anything to anyone, but I don’t know if I should tell my mother, I honestly do not want to, it would just cause her pain. Do you think I can keep it to myself ? Thank you again

 

[anneramones]

Thank you for your reply. Yes I believe my vocation is marriage, I am still very very young so not planning to marry anytime soon but hope to one day, God willing

 

[Legend]

I don’t think that you have to tell your mother about the phone call, she knows about the affair, already. But, I think think things will go much better if you make no promises to either parent. On the other hand, things will go much better for you, if you try and stay out of the situation, as much as possible. They have chosen this path, at least for now. Try and concentrate on your education and your future!

 

[Reuben_J]

Hi. I can only say from what you told me. In that situation, it is the same, which is no. It does not help your mother for you to tell her. Besides, it will only get you involved if found out, breaking the trust of your father. It will only complicate your relationship with them.

I am really sorry for your family. If there is any possibility that your parents can join a marriage seminar in the church, that would be good to bring them closer into a faithful relationship that God wants in their marriage.

Gid bless.