Family Dilema

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gregorytib

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I need some advice. I’m going to explain the whole situation:

I am 17 years old. I moved 900 miles away from home with my cousin to go to mortuary school in July. My cousin and I rented an apartment together while we were attending school. 3 months ago I had to come home because of a death in the family. After being home for a week I headed back to school. When I got back to my apartment I found some very illegal, and very immoral pornographic material just sitting out in the open in our living room. aterial that involved many underage people, including family members and good friends, who were not aware that they were being photographed. I immediately called my mom, and then a friend who is a priest. After much discussion we made the very tough decision that we needed to turn it in to the proper authorities. The legal process is now underway.

The issue I am having is that many of our family is angry with us, they wanted to handle the situation on their own. Nobody but my mother and I, and of course my cousin, actually know the extent of it. He and his parents are filling them with lies about what he did, and things we said and did. Even some of the parents of some of the girls who were victims are mad at us. I love these people so much and used to be very close with most of them. It is so frustrating. I need advice on how to deal with this, for not only my, but my parents sake as well.Does anybody have any good advice, or good scripture verses to remember as we go through this? Thanks in advance, and God bless you all.

I hope this is the appropriate thread to post in. And I hope it wasn’t inappropriate of me to post this in the first place.
 
Gregory,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s a problem you didn’t cause, and it’s been dumped in your lap to deal with.
But it sounds as if you did exactly the right things. Some crimes – it sounds like there is criminal activity involved – cannot be swept under the rug. They need to come out and be dealt with by the proper authorities. This will be best for everyone involved, including your cousin.
Imagine if you had just turned a blind eye to this – he would have thought you approved, or at least consented, and gone on doing what he was doing. He needs to be stopped, and to be made aware of the dignity of the people he offended. Especially if they are minors.
A good scripture verse: Jer 29:11 “1 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Stick close to the people who respect you for your forthrightness, and pray for the ones who don’t understand.
God bless.
 
Doing the right thing is not always easy especially when your family is involved. You absolutely did the right thing and now I will pray for you to be able to move forward no matter what you face. What you discovered was illegal and immoral and the only way to stop it is to do what you did, if you made people angry that is a shame but it should never stop people from doing the right thing. I will be praying for you.
 
First of all, I don’t know if this will be any consulation, but you did the right thing.

People who are into pornographic type things can sometimes victimize hundreds of people. It’s a very strong addiction, and I’ve heard that there are cases where someone who is into that can go to jail, when released, is already back into it!

So, I think you stopped numerous others from this suffering! Be content for all the young people you have helped save from untold suffering! Sadly, you are suffering with the blame and such.

I know people will find this all humiliating, wish there were some other way to get this stopped. I honestly doubt there was! Once, I was given the opportunity to stop someone from doing something…very bad, and I chickened out! So, I admire your courage!

You did very very well!

Although you are so young to be going through something as intense as this. They say the Lord won’t put us beyond our strength. You are obviously VERY strong! I’m amazed at you!

As to scriptural quotes, the one about being strong in weakness is what’s coming to mind.

Three times* I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me,
but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses,* in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me

Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ;e for when I am weak, then I am strong.*

2 Corinthians, 12:8-10.

Also, have you ever read the Book of Job? It’s short, only a handful of pages the entire story. When life is throwing me against the rocks, I like to try to remember to periodically revisit it.

Lastly, remember how Christ, himself, wanted to have his crucifixion taken away, asking 3 times, but he was given that suffering.

I will tell you something my mother told me. When I was 10 years old, my mother gave me a piece of advice and told me to offer my sufferings up to God. What she meant was that I needed to offer my sufferings up to God for…in atonement for my own sins, the sins of others, the conversion of sins and the release of the holy souls in purgatory.

Some saints have suggested that through this process and prayer we could probably save more sinners than through evangelization, as wonderful as that is.

So, saints have told us that we can join in Christ’s suffering, as the Church, unite ourselves to it, share in it, that we are never closer to Christ than we are when we are suffering.

If you offer this all up to God, you could surely atone for much sin.

Anyway, the saints are always good examples, besides the Bible. In adversity, you can also do a Google…and write…Bible quotes…suffering, say…or saints quotes…suffering, and you can get a lot of information like that.

You did well! May God bless you!

I’ll close with a prayer.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :angel1:
 
Oh, can you also go to your local public library and pick up a copy of stories about the lives of the saints? Also, there are videos on their lives. A good one is Rita of Cascia and others.

ALL the saints suffered.
 
You did what needed to be done, no doubt.

We may someday get in to a situation we don’t want to be part of, but there is no way out. You did not betray your family in any way what so ever, but no matter what I write, and what others write you will feel bad about this for a long time, and do not expect life to be the same anymore because it won’t, but you are real hero, what you did was more then many of us would have strength to do, and someday someone will be grateful for what you did.
 
gregorytib said:
I need some advice. I’m going to explain the whole situation:

I am 17 years old. I moved 900 miles away from home with my cousin to go to mortuary school in July. My cousin and I rented an apartment together while we were attending school. 3 months ago I had to come home because of a death in the family. After being home for a week I headed back to school. When I got back to my apartment I found some very illegal, and very immoral pornographic material just sitting out in the open in our living room. aterial that involved many underage people, including family members and good friends, who were not aware that they were being photographed. I immediately called my mom, and then a friend who is a priest. After much discussion we made the very tough decision that we needed to turn it in to the proper authorities. The legal process is now underway.

The issue I am having is that many of our family is angry with us, they wanted to handle the situation on their own. Nobody but my mother and I, and of course my cousin, actually know the extent of it. He and his parents are filling them with lies about what he did, and things we said and did. Even some of the parents of some of the girls who were victims are mad at us. I love these people so much and used to be very close with most of them. It is so frustrating. I need advice on how to deal with this, for not only my, but my parents sake as well.Does anybody have any good advice, or good scripture verses to remember as we go through this? Thanks in advance, and God bless you all.

I hope this is the appropriate thread to post in. And I hope it wasn’t inappropriate of me to post this in the first place.
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You could say:
Child pornography is a very serious offense which carries consequences that last a lifetime. Irrespective of how I personally feel about a relative, it was brought into my home, making me legally responsible and possiblly in possession of this illegal material. Therefore, in addition to it being the right thing to do, it was necessary for me to turn the matter over to the police, in order for it to be clear that I had no legal responsibility for the possession of the materials. I could not risk my life this way, and it isn’t fair for anyone to risk another’s life this way by bringing such material into their home.
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Then they can either agree and the discussion can move on to another topic, or they can disagree in which case you say “I’m sorry you feel that way - but I don’t feel the need to discuss this further.” If they continue to do so, leave their presence.
 
Thank you for doing what was right. It seems that your family is reacting like many other families do when it comes to child sex abuse. That is part of what makes this crime so horrendous. Read the Sermon on the Mount and the Beatitudes, and reflect especially on this one:

“Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.”

You did what was right and just. God bless you for being there for those children when no one else was. Your family will be in my prayers
 
You totally did the right thing and I highly suggest that you or your mom have a good talk with the parents of the underage girls who were being abused so that they hopefully come to an understanding of what is going on and protect their kids!
 
Allegra said:
You totally did the right thing and I highly suggest that you or your mom have a good talk with the parents of the underage girls who were being abused so that they hopefully come to an understanding of what is going on and protect their kids!
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Yes. Your primary concern ought to be that the parents of the violated children not put this relative in a position of trust again. Let them know that if they want to ostracize you, you’ll have to live with that, but that you could not live with yourself if you were part of covering for this cousin so that he might continue to offend in secret.
 
I pray that I will be as courageous if I were to be in such a situation. All I can say is God bless you for doing the right thing! Far too often people hesitate to speak up out of fear of upsetting family or shame, but that’s harmful for everyone. I agree with Allegra that this may be a good chance to talk to the parents to help them protect their children in the future. It may be possible that they will continue to angry with you, but know what you did was right and truly good for everyone involved. I hope that the victims will receive some counseling, or someone should help them understand that this is not their fault.

I won’t go into detail, but seriously, by posting this, you have given me great hope and consolation in regards to my own situation. 😊

“If the world hates you, realize that it hated me first." (John 15:18)

“Children, do not let anyone lead you astray. Whoever acts uprightly is upright, just as he is upright.” (1 John 3:7)

"Children, our love must be not just words or mere talk, but something active and genuine. This will be the proof that we belong to the truth, and it will convince us in his presence, even if our own feelings condemn us, that God is greater than our feelings and knows all things. " (1 John 3:18-20)

“Make your views heard, on behalf of the dumb, on behalf of all the unwanted; make your views heard, pronounce an upright verdict, defend the cause of the poor and the wretched.” (Proverbs 31:8-9)

"Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart, but reprove him openly, lest thou incur sin through him” (Leviticus 19:17)

“Medicinal rebuke must be applied to all who sin, lest they should either themselves perish, or be the ruin of others… Let no one, therefore, say that a man must not be rebuked when he deviates from the right way, or that his return and perseverance must only be asked from the Lord for him.” -St. Augustine
 
I was compelled to do much the same thing. A close family friend went to jail as a result. Many people in the community were angry with us for our actions. Mostly they couldn’t believe he was guilty, even after he changed from a plea of “not guilty” to one of “guilty.”
As the others have said, you have nothing to apologize for. This is criminal law, not civil.

Reb Levi
 
gregorytib said:

“The issue I am having is that many of our family is angry with us, they wanted to handle the situation on their own. Nobody but my mother and I, and of course my cousin, actually know the extent of it. He and his parents are filling them with lies about what he did, and things we said and did. Even some of the parents of some of the girls who were victims are mad at us. I love these people so much and used to be very close with most of them. It is so frustrating. I need advice on how to deal with this, for not only my, but my parents sake as well.Does anybody have any good advice, or good scripture verses to remember as we go through this? Thanks in advance, and God bless you all.”

You did the right thing. I’m sure you appreciate how ridiculous the idea is that your family could have dealt with this internally. How? That makes no sense. It’s not like you guys have a family jail you could keep him in or you could assign him a 24/7 family security detail. This sort of situation is why we have a judicial system.

You and your mom may wish to do counseling in order to figure out how to deal with these people and salvage whichever of your family relationships are worth salvaging.

I’m so sorry you had to deal with this.
 
Perhaps you should ask them -

If he committed a murder, should we handle it in the family?

If he had a DUI should we handle it in the family?

Where is the line they expect you to draw where if a family member violates criminal law, that they would no longer put their family above the laws that society has implemented?
 
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