R
Rachel126
Guest
How are we to handle family members and others who are cohabitating, etc., when we have children?
My mother, who is a widow and is not Catholic has been living with her boyfriend for a number of years, since before my kids were born. Despite what you may think about cohabitators, she is a wonderful, loving person and a spectacular mom and grandma. I love her with all my heart and we are very close. She got very burned on a bad marriage, and doesn’t want to do it again. My husband and I agreed on how to handle the situation: When our children were old enough to understand the situation, we would explain to them that “as Catholics, we believe that couples shouldn’t live together without being married, and we believe that what Grandma is doing is wrong, but we still love her and we pray for her. It’s a sad fact of life that the people we love don’t always behave the way we want them to.” This is what we have done. They seem to understand it fine. My kids are now almost 9 and 6, and they are very close to Grandma and we have continued to reinforce our beliefs about cohabitation on appropriate occasions, and plan to continue to do so.
Until I came to CAF, I believed we were doing the right thing.
However, I have read a some threads about family members cohabitating, and it seems that a lot of advice has been given that kids shouldn’t be exposed to this at all, under any circumstances. Obviously, with my kids it’s too late for that, they have been exposed and they know how we feel. But have we done something terribly wrong in handling it this way?
Should my kids not be allowed to spend time at their grandma’s house? That would hurt everyone involved terribly. Also, it isn’t just my mom–there are other people in my children’s lives who are cohabitating, divorced/remarried, or have kids out of wedlock. Many don’t go to church. Maybe y’all have families where everyone is doing everything right in this regard, but we do not. These people are around at family events, and my kids are old enough that hiding this stuff isn’t really possible. My kids also have friends at school where the dad is living with a girlfriend, or mom recently had a baby without being married, or whatnot. I have continued to reinforce our beliefs about these things to our kids, while explaining the concept of “hate the sin but love the sinner.” But I have never felt it necessary to forbid my kids from seeing these family members or being friends with kids who are in these situations. I really don’t see how it could be possible unless you lock your kids in the basement, never let them read a book, watch a movie, play with friends, see most of their extended family members, play a sport, or go to school. Our families and community are a mix of practicing Catholics, non-practicing Catholics, protestants of various kinds, and non-religious people.
How do you handle these situations? Am I sinning terribly if I continue to let my kids spend time with their grandma, and/or otherwise be exposed to people who are doing things we as Catholics don’t approve of? I am very concerned that cutting all of these people out of my kids’ lives (if that were even really possible) would be a recipe for rebellion against the Church when they get older.
it’s also possible I am reading too much into the threads that I read–most of them involved children younger than mine, and a question like whether to go with those young children to a dinner at a cohabiting cousin’s house. Perhaps what I am asking is different?
My mother, who is a widow and is not Catholic has been living with her boyfriend for a number of years, since before my kids were born. Despite what you may think about cohabitators, she is a wonderful, loving person and a spectacular mom and grandma. I love her with all my heart and we are very close. She got very burned on a bad marriage, and doesn’t want to do it again. My husband and I agreed on how to handle the situation: When our children were old enough to understand the situation, we would explain to them that “as Catholics, we believe that couples shouldn’t live together without being married, and we believe that what Grandma is doing is wrong, but we still love her and we pray for her. It’s a sad fact of life that the people we love don’t always behave the way we want them to.” This is what we have done. They seem to understand it fine. My kids are now almost 9 and 6, and they are very close to Grandma and we have continued to reinforce our beliefs about cohabitation on appropriate occasions, and plan to continue to do so.
Until I came to CAF, I believed we were doing the right thing.
However, I have read a some threads about family members cohabitating, and it seems that a lot of advice has been given that kids shouldn’t be exposed to this at all, under any circumstances. Obviously, with my kids it’s too late for that, they have been exposed and they know how we feel. But have we done something terribly wrong in handling it this way?
Should my kids not be allowed to spend time at their grandma’s house? That would hurt everyone involved terribly. Also, it isn’t just my mom–there are other people in my children’s lives who are cohabitating, divorced/remarried, or have kids out of wedlock. Many don’t go to church. Maybe y’all have families where everyone is doing everything right in this regard, but we do not. These people are around at family events, and my kids are old enough that hiding this stuff isn’t really possible. My kids also have friends at school where the dad is living with a girlfriend, or mom recently had a baby without being married, or whatnot. I have continued to reinforce our beliefs about these things to our kids, while explaining the concept of “hate the sin but love the sinner.” But I have never felt it necessary to forbid my kids from seeing these family members or being friends with kids who are in these situations. I really don’t see how it could be possible unless you lock your kids in the basement, never let them read a book, watch a movie, play with friends, see most of their extended family members, play a sport, or go to school. Our families and community are a mix of practicing Catholics, non-practicing Catholics, protestants of various kinds, and non-religious people.How do you handle these situations? Am I sinning terribly if I continue to let my kids spend time with their grandma, and/or otherwise be exposed to people who are doing things we as Catholics don’t approve of? I am very concerned that cutting all of these people out of my kids’ lives (if that were even really possible) would be a recipe for rebellion against the Church when they get older.
it’s also possible I am reading too much into the threads that I read–most of them involved children younger than mine, and a question like whether to go with those young children to a dinner at a cohabiting cousin’s house. Perhaps what I am asking is different?
