Family Idolatry

[KnightIHSV]

We have just returned from Sunday Mass. The readings and homily were all about how wonderful family life is and how wonderful families are etc. I realise the Church promotes family and family life, and there is a solid Biblical basis for it, but at the same time many people’s reality is that their family was and is awful to them. In some cases their family ended up impacting them harmfully in their formative and adult years, and because of this it drove them from the Church. I certainly know that happened to me as a result of my terrible family experiences as a child/teenager and I just roll my eyes in the almost idolatry of family the Church engages in when in fact many people have had awful family experiences.

I just wanted to say this in case any priest reads this and can please edit or amend a homily to reflect the real lives of many Catholics, not just the idealised version.

 

[aicirt]

Yes, I too agree there are many facets to family life that can be talked about by priests from the pulpit: How abortion effects a family, marriage does not absolve anyone from the commandment to honor their parents, do not destroy your family and marriage by taking drugs this includes alcohol, when you took your vows they included forsaking all others which means the Church is aware you could be attracted to others, don’t be a friend to your kids, be a parent.

Very few, if any, are living the Hallmark card version of family.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I agree. Too often priest will talk about the ideal family life and totally disregard the reality many people live. Perhaps in a way it is their denial or their inability to see things as they really are.

Not to mention as a single 43 year old woman it easily makes me feel like I don’t have a place in the church.

The only thing to do is to pray that these priest do not say things to hurt the vulnerable

 

[Xantippe]

KnightIHSV said:

“The readings and homily were all about how wonderful family life is and how wonderful families are etc. I realise the Church promotes family and family life, and there is a solid Biblical basis for it, but at the same time many people’s reality is that their family was and is awful to them.”

It CAN be wonderful, but there are so many ways to go wrong.

On the one hand, there are a lot of instructions in books of the Bible like Proverbs on how to have a happy family (but note that if a happy family was guaranteed, that there wouldn’t be any need to give instructions). Note also that there is a fair amount of family dysfunction in the Bible. Cain and Abel did not have an amazing relationship and Jacob and Esau’s parents’ could have used some family counseling on the subject of favoritism. King David and some of his children also had their problems (at one point, he was on the run from one of his sons who had, if you know the story, a very good reason for turning against David). Also, there is the verse from Luke about “If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” Obviously, that is not an order to hate our families, but it also clearly suggests that family life and family love are not the end all be all of human existence.

 

[Cat]

We have just returned from Sunday Mass. The readings and homily were all about how wonderful family life is and how wonderful families are etc. I realise the Church promotes family and family life, and there is a solid Biblical basis for it, but at the same time many people’s reality is that their family was and is awful to them. In some cases their family ended up impacting them harmfully in their formative and adult years, and because of this it drove them from the Church. I certainly know that happened to me as a result of my terrible family experiences as a child/teenager and I just roll my eyes in the almost idolatry of family the Church engages in when in fact many people have had awful family experiences.

I just wanted to say this in case any priest reads this and can please edit or amend a homily to reflect the real lives of many Catholics, not just the idealised version.

It’s the Feast of the Holy Family.

The family–Mother, Father, Children–is the model given to us by God Himself. HE is a family. There are so many voices in the world today trying to get rid of the family as the basic unit of society. The Church needs to take a strong stand and hold up the family. This Feast Day is an appropriate day to do this.

Certainly there are many people who suffer in abusive and dysfunctional families, and I can understand why those who are in those situations want recognition, validation, and help for their suffering.

But on the Feast Day of the Holy Family, it makes a lot of sense to me to lift up the Holy Family, describe their virtues, and encourage all of us to try to emulate their example.

 

[coachdennis]

When priests are not “honest” and admit that family life can be very, very, difficult for both parents and children, they lose the credibility of their parishoners.

 

[TARRAT]

We have just returned from Sunday Mass. The readings and homily were all about how wonderful family life is and how wonderful families are etc. I realise the Church promotes family and family life, and there is a solid Biblical basis for it, but at the same time many people’s reality is that their family was and is awful to them. In some cases their family ended up impacting them harmfully in their formative and adult years, and because of this it drove them from the Church. I certainly know that happened to me as a result of my terrible family experiences as a child/teenager and I just roll my eyes in the almost idolatry of family the Church engages in when in fact many people have had awful family experiences.

I just wanted to say this in case any priest reads this and can please edit or amend a homily to reflect the real lives of many Catholics, not just the idealised version.

So did you pass that miserable family life on to your children other family. I think not that is why priest talk about the value of good family life.

There are plenty of places to go if you want to find terrible family life. Catholic church shouldn’t be one of them.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I would say the phrase “Family Idolatry” is a little harsh. But I think I get what the Op is saying and I somewhat agree. To some people, I know that family IS pretty much everything. They are extremely close with their family’s. Then, of course, those married with children have started their own family. Very, very important to them. My family was very well meaning but dysfunctional. I am not close with any of them either. Though I know we are not supposed to play favorites, My Grandfather was my favorite. But he died one year and 8 months ago. And he was not my biological grandfather. But he raised me, along with my biological grandmother, since the time I was either 1 or 2 years old. The reasons why my parents did not raise me is complicated.

I am 29 now. I have no wife or children. The concept of a very close, tight knit family is foreign to me. I know it is good, I know it is ideal, but it is not something I experienced in my life. And as a single man, I am trying to date and see if I am called to the married life. But I have no potential wife, or even girlfriend and I have not in a long time. So sometimes, to me, all the talk about how family’s are everything and sooo great, make me feel sad. Knowing that I am part of Gods family makes me feel a little better though.

 

[mommamaree]

Today is the Feast of the Holy Family. Of course the readings and homily are going to be centered on a holy family life. I came from a horribly tragic, dysfunctional family life in my childhood and my family was irreparably broken and the wounds ache to this day. I have had to exclude my parents from my life and they do not know my children. However, the readings and the homily that followed were like balm for my wounds. The Holy Family, through the sheer grace of God, now includes us, and the family of God (the Blessed Trinity and all the good angels and all the saints in Heaven, as well as the poor souls in Purgatory and the Church on earth) is our family by adoption. This is not idolatry, this is a gift to us. Jesus Himself gave us His own mother. He told His disciples that His family includes all disciples, that mean us!
My own young children love the stories I tell of visiting the Holy Family in Nazareth. It is a way that we use the power of the imaginations that God gave to us to “get to know” the Holy Family and its members. The stories always start with me saying “we are walking down a wide sandy path with arbor vitae lining it and you children skip ahead. Soon we come to a gap in the hedge of arbor vitae, and we all stop and peek through the gap and see a smaller sandy path leading up to a little white house made of stone and plaster. The house has a blue-painted wooden plank front door. The door is slightly ajar, so you children skip up the path and knock on the door. A person comes to the door. She is the most lovely and graceful young mother. It is the Blessed Virgin Mary! She says to us, “Come in, we are so happy to see you today!” …”
Then the story always includes something for everyone to do, to help, to pray with, to work with, to play with, and to enjoy a visit with the Holy Family. Jesus is usually a child in these stories, between the ages of four and ten. The kids love the stories. And it helps our own family life, because through these childish meditations, the children can see God’s plan for family life, and my husband and I get forcefully reminded of the heroic virtue necessary to be godly parents.
The Scripture devoted to holy family life, and the teachings and homilies centered on them are not idolatry. It is BECAUSE of the tragedy and the pain so many experience that the Church keeps offering to us the Holy Family and the sacraments, all of which enable us to be healed and overcome the wounds of our pasts.
God bless you!

 

[Cat]

Today is the Feast of the Holy Family. Of course the readings and homily are going to be centered on a holy family life. I came from a horribly tragic, dysfunctional family life in my childhood and my family was irreparably broken and the wounds ache to this day. I have had to exclude my parents from my life and they do not know my children. However, the readings and the homily that followed were like balm for my wounds. The Holy Family, through the sheer grace of God, now includes us, and the family of God (the Blessed Trinity and all the good angels and all the saints in Heaven, as well as the poor souls in Purgatory and the Church on earth) is our family by adoption. This is not idolatry, this is a gift to us. Jesus Himself gave us His own mother. He told His disciples that His family includes all disciples, that mean us!
My own young children love the stories I tell of visiting the Holy Family in Nazareth. It is a way that we use the power of the imaginations that God gave to us to “get to know” the Holy Family and its members. The stories always start with me saying “we are walking down a wide sandy path with arbor vitae lining it and you children skip ahead. Soon we come to a gap in the hedge of arbor vitae, and we all stop and peek through the gap and see a smaller sandy path leading up to a little white house made of stone and plaster. The house has a blue-painted wooden plank front door. The door is slightly ajar, so you children skip up the path and knock on the door. A person comes to the door. She is the most lovely and graceful young mother. It is the Blessed Virgin Mary! She says to us, “Come in, we are so happy to see you today!” …”
Then the story always includes something for everyone to do, to help, to pray with, to work with, to play with, and to enjoy a visit with the Holy Family. Jesus is usually a child in these stories, between the ages of four and ten. The kids love the stories. And it helps our own family life, because through these childish meditations, the children can see God’s plan for family life, and my husband and I get forcefully reminded of the heroic virtue necessary to be godly parents.
The Scripture devoted to holy family life, and the teachings and homilies centered on them are not idolatry. It is BECAUSE of the tragedy and the pain so many experience that the Church keeps offering to us the Holy Family and the sacraments, all of which enable us to be healed and overcome the wounds of our pasts.
God bless you!

What a beautiful meditation! Thank you for posting this!

 

[EasterJoy]

When a wonderful person emerges from an awful family life, it gives an example of the adage, “The exception proves the rule.” The person forced to rise above a family background that could easily have sent them in the absolutely wrong direction is the first to be able to see how much a good and holy family could have made their lives different. Many wonderful parents got their dedication from a resolve that their children would not have to rise above the deficits above which the parents had to rise.

This is why the dedication of parents to their families is so important:
*At that time the disciples approached Jesus and said, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? He called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said, “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.

“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of things that cause sin! Such things must come, but woe to the one through whom they come!"* Matt. 18:1-7

If any of us has had parents who failed us, we ought to pray for them, because they have missed an avenue meant in the economy of grace to give a road to sanctity to both them and their children. Many people can attest that it is a road that, if well-traveled, also gives many rewards in this life. The parents who fail in that has failed in both themselves and their children, and needs reparation for the duty they missed out on. Likewise, the parents who have been faithful only to see their children stray from a life in truth must devote themselves to prayer, imitating the Father in the story of the Prodigal Son, for God thirsts for every soul and knows what it is to have to wait on the beloved one who strays.

Pope John Paul II was fond of calling his family of origin his “first seminary”. That is what family life is meant to be: A domestic church that sends saints out into the world to do God’s work, not an insulated and self-absorbed pod of souls that care for no one outside of their circle. The Holy Family shows that true love is love that reaches out, that is willing to sacrifice in order to give.

 

[Xantippe]

I just got back from a Mass where the priest did, right off the back, talk about how many families are not ideal.

Family isn’t everything (or Jesus would not have left his or taken his disciples away from theirs) and it shouldn’t be everything, but it can be a lot.